When you are released. (Full Version)

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Mystique567 -> When you are released. (3/1/2007 4:28:02 PM)

I was with a Dom for almost 2 years, we were poly, so sharing him with another was a non issue. He has decided that he has fallen for a vanilla woman and has released me. I wasn't expecting this so it had come as a big surprise. How do you get past the feelings that you were just not worthy? 



blushingflower -> RE: When you are released. (3/1/2007 4:40:46 PM)

I think it's like any break-up.  It was really not very nice of him to just dump you without warning like that. 
My philosophy is this.  Some relationships aren't meant to be, and some are.  Some are meant to last a lifetime, and some are only meant to last a little while.  Sometimes we meet someone, we have some fun, we learn about ourselves and life, and then it's time to move on.  It's painful, especially when the other person decides it's time to move on and you're just left standing there, wondering what happened.  And while sometimes we end a relationship because of something the other person did/failed to do, sometimes we end them because they need to end, and it doesn't mean the other person is in any way to blame.
It's understandable that if she's vanilla, he would have a hard time maintaining a kinky relationship with you, it just seems odd that he wouldn't have discussed his feelings with you when it became clear to him that things might turn out this way (though maybe it took him by surprise, our feelings sometimes do that).
My guess would be that you're feeling hurt, and a bit unwanted.  And that's ok for now, as long as you don't let it last too long. Take some time to grieve the end of the relationship, and try to figure out what you learned about who you are, what you want/need, etc.  Then, when you're ready, get back out there.  But it's certainly ok if you want to spend an evening or two curled up with a pint of ice cream and some chick-flicks before you can move on. Don't feel though, that it's because you're somehow unworthy.  These things just happen.



juliaoceania -> RE: When you are released. (3/1/2007 4:59:21 PM)

I wish I could say something that would keep you from feeling like you do, but there is nothing I can say that would stop those feelings. Many men feel as though they cannot have both a soul mate and a submissive in the same person. I have noticed talking to dominants that said they left the lifestyle to get married to a vanilla woman that they just thought the lifestyle was incompatible with love. The vanilla relationships did not work out, and they figured out that they needed this in their lives.

Instead of feeling the flaw is within you, remember that some people just do not know themselves or what they want or where they want to go. If that is the case with this gentleman, hopefully he will figure himself out, and be thankful he left so you can find someone that both of you have your mutual needs satisfied. I have been dumped a few times in my life, and it did hurt my ego, but in retrospect I would rather have my ego hurt than someone remain with me because of guilt or because they "settled". I have always known deep down that the person that felt that I was the one for them was out there. It just took time to find it.

I saw that you want to experiment with your dominant side, and now you are free to pursue this without any sort of obstacles to that growth in your way.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: When you are released. (3/1/2007 6:10:56 PM)

Time and perspective.



KatyLied -> RE: When you are released. (3/1/2007 6:25:38 PM)

Those "surprises" are a kick in the gut.  I wouldn't consider 2 years as "not being worthy".  I think it's his issue and probably one of not knowing what he wants.  Take the good parts from the relationship and don't dwell on the bad.  Do some things for yourself.  Is there anything you've neglected or postponed while you spent energy on the relationship?  Now is the time to focus on some of these things.



MasterFireMaam -> RE: When you are released. (3/1/2007 6:32:23 PM)

These things are never, ever easy. You'll hurt for a while...and we all hate that you will, 'cause we've all been there.

Just as if a marriage ended, really the only thing that will make it better is time. Take some time for yourself and don't go looking too soon. Tap into your support network of friends and family as well.

Master Fire



TemptingNviceSub -> RE: When you are released. (3/1/2007 7:02:41 PM)

You may find after time and healing that you will begin to enjoy the more "me" time..Take this time to have fun, be silly,do all those girly things without having to answer to anyone. Surprisingly enough, whilst in the midst of this, you may learn more about yourself in ways you never would of before....Tempting



MsParados -> RE: When you are released. (3/1/2007 7:16:55 PM)

I know this isn't what you were looking for and with out any information it's just a wild guess but why would you blame yourself? he didn't leave you for someone like yourself, that you could fight for instead he left for something you had no control over. I would come to see it as a favor in the long run even though I know right now sucks and doesn't seem positive at all. I admit I fall into the insanely optimistic catagory but I firmly believe everything is either to teach us something or to move us further down the path we were ment to be on. Being released or breaking up don't always have to be a time when we search for faults within ourselves, it can be a time for reflection on our wants and needs and a catalist for growth.



zindyslave -> RE: When you are released. (3/1/2007 8:35:14 PM)

I have never been released like that but in past relationships I have been broken up with I agree with many of the PP. You just need time to grieve and now you have the option of discovering more about yourself.



CrazyC -> RE: When you are released. (3/1/2007 10:06:03 PM)

You are WORTHY! Please realize i am saying this in knowing that i need to read this myself.

Sometimes life changes and we go through diffrent phases in our lives. I don't think we ever plan on things like leaving each other is ever planned. It happens though, and not because either people are doing anything wrong. The only thing we can do is be real with ourselves. Take what you have learned from this relationship, and realize what a better person it has made you. So you did nothing wrong. (((hugs)))



SoCalOTKhristine -> RE: When you are released. (3/2/2007 2:30:08 AM)

One thing I have learned with time is that my first reaction to a break up not done by me is "what did I do".  I grieve, then realize, "I don't want someone who doesn't want me"...period.  I have the desire to ask, "what did I do"...but I hate when people do that to me, when I know they just aren't meant for me.  There IS nothing wrong with them, they just aren't for me.  They are for someone else.  I NEVER want to be in a relationship with someone who is not there for me.  It is more miserable then being single and feeling lonely.  I have been single for 17 years and rarely do I feel lonely.  But I spent 2 months at the end of a relationship knowing he was no longer in it mentally, and I just let it ride.  It was miserable.
 
Take some time to grieve the loss, then jump right back in the game.  Nothing takes those blues away more than being interested in a new person and feeling giddy like a teenager when he looks your way!
 
OTKhristine



Mystique567 -> RE: When you are released. (3/2/2007 2:40:52 AM)

Thank you all for your kind words, I do know that it really wasn't anything I did, and kind man that he was he assured me of that.

I told him at one time that life is a journey and sometimes for a time people travel that road together, I guess it was our time to take different forks in the road.



VeryMercurial -> RE: When you are released. (3/2/2007 4:29:16 AM)

I agree with what most have said here.  Women tend to be more emotionally involved in
relationships than men.  I do not participate in casual nor poly relationships because the
risk of being hurt is too high for me.  I take a few months before I play and I think being
cautious in this lifestyle works in your favor. 
All relationships that last are built on the same principals that it takes to make relationships
last in the vanilla world.  Many men will not commit long term just based on kink.
Protect your life, your health and your heart.



LeatherBentOne -> RE: When you are released. (3/2/2007 4:57:09 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mystique567

I was with a Dom for almost 2 years, we were poly, so sharing him with another was a non issue. He has decided that he has fallen for a vanilla woman and has released me. I wasn't expecting this so it had come as a big surprise. How do you get past the feelings that you were just not worthy? 


I'm a lil confused.  He says he's met a vanilla woman, but if he is poly, why is he releasing you?  I'd think that he would be interested in both of you, if he intended to continue BDSM.  Maybe, it's not about you at all.  Rather, it could be he has given up BDSM.

Just something to think about, but either way, take this as a learning experience in knowing that even though you were not for him, there is someone better suited for you out there, so don't deny yourself from finding him/her.

Best Wishes,
LBO



ernurse48 -> RE: When you are released. (3/2/2007 10:55:42 AM)

I know exactly how you feel and how much you are hurting.  I had the same thing happen to me recently and quite unexpectedly also.  I was devastated, hurt, blamed myself, wondered what I had done, what I should have done differently.  I cried, I smoked, I went out a few times… even brought home a young stud one night and did him… I got angry, I was sad, I was spiteful and wanted to lash out… nothing made the pain go away but time.  It hasn’t been that long now… just since Christmas, but I am able to look back and see that I have grown from the relationship. 

I think both of our situations were handled badly and both men were in many ways very cowardice.  I think your Dom owed it to you to tell you what was going on if you were in a poly relationship.  The fact that he didn’t tell you upfront and wasn’t honest leads me to believe that you are much better off without him and in time you too will come to see this.  It’s taken me two months to be able to go out again and laugh again.  I am even seeing someone rather casually.  I am far from ready to put my heart out there again and risk having it stomped on. 

Someone sent this me a long time ago.  I have always loved it.  I think it’s so true.  Best of luck, you will find happiness again :)

Reason, Season and Lifetime

People always come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.
When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty, or to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or even spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend to you, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.

Sometimes they die.  Sometimes they just walk away.
Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON,
it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn.
They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.
And like Spring turns to Summer and Summer to Fall, the season eventually ends.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
Those things you must build upon in order to have solid emotional foundations.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people,
(anyway);
And put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas in your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
Thank you for being part of my life.



SirDraven -> RE: When you are released. (3/2/2007 1:30:33 PM)

The gift of submission can only be bestowed by the sub. By releasing you in this manner he is basically saying he is not worthy.

LA said it best. to paraphrase time heals all wounds.

In time you will find One worthy of your gift.



Floridasubwanted -> RE: When you are released. (3/12/2007 2:55:05 PM)

I am a 24/7 slave. My Master, who I met shortly before the person im quoting left him, and moved back east was deeply involved with her. She claimed she was deeply in love with him as well. Master and I both know the woman who originated this post which I quoted (ernurse48). Her sudden departure to move back east hurt him deeply more than she will ever know or admit too. Why she chose to leave him only to take up with other men in Chicago is beyond me. I do know that she had done the exact same thing to another man back east before moving to Arizona and meeting my Master. She had been involved in a poly relationship previously and my Master asked her to join us.

I would have expected far more loyality of her to Master on many levels, except of course, if the love was in fact never there to begin with. Maybe Master is better off having her gone.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ernurse48

I know exactly how you feel and how much you are hurting.  I had the same thing happen to me recently and quite unexpectedly also.  I was devastated, hurt, blamed myself, wondered what I had done, what I should have done differently.  I cried, I smoked, I went out a few times… even brought home a young stud one night and did him… I got angry, I was sad, I was spiteful and wanted to lash out… nothing made the pain go away but time.  It hasn’t been that long now… just since Christmas, but I am able to look back and see that I have grown from the relationship. 

I think both of our situations were handled badly and both men were in many ways very cowardice.  I think your Dom owed it to you to tell you what was going on if you were in a poly relationship.  The fact that he didn’t tell you upfront and wasn’t honest leads me to believe that you are much better off without him and in time you too will come to see this.  It’s taken me two months to be able to go out again and laugh again.  I am even seeing someone rather casually.  I am far from ready to put my heart out there again and risk having it stomped on. 

Someone sent this me a long time ago.  I have always loved it.  I think it’s so true.  Best of luck, you will find happiness again :)

Reason, Season and Lifetime

People always come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.
When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty, or to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or even spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend to you, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.

Sometimes they die.  Sometimes they just walk away.
Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON,
it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn.
They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.
And like Spring turns to Summer and Summer to Fall, the season eventually ends.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
Those things you must build upon in order to have solid emotional foundations.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people,
(anyway);
And put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas in your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
Thank you for being part of my life.




elusiveangel -> RE: When you are released. (3/12/2007 3:33:24 PM)

Wish I could tell you it's not going to eat at your soul for awhile, because we all know it will. This in time will heal.
But the feeling of " NOT BEING WORTHY " that is a feeling that needs to go by the waysde. YOU ARE WORTHY !!



AquaticSub -> RE: When you are released. (3/12/2007 3:34:50 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Floridasubwanted

I am a 24/7 slave. My Master, who I met shortly before the person im quoting left him, and moved back east was deeply involved with her. She claimed she was deeply in love with him as well. Master and I both know the woman who originated this post which I quoted (ernurse48). Her sudden departure to move back east hurt him deeply more than she will ever know or admit too. Why she chose to leave him only to take up with other men in Chicago is beyond me. I do know that she had done the exact same thing to another man back east before moving to Arizona and meeting my Master. She had been involved in a poly relationship previously and my Master asked her to join us.

I would have expected far more loyality of her to Master on many levels, except of course, if the love was in fact never there to begin with. Maybe Master is better off having her gone.



Sorry, what does this have to do with have to do with the OP? Is your master aware that you are airing dirty laundry where it's not needed to be aired?

Maybe I'm missing something...



hisannabelle -> RE: When you are released. (3/12/2007 3:36:06 PM)

floridasub, i don't understand why you are taking your personal problems with ernurse out on someone else's thread. personally, i think it's entirely inappropriate and in poor taste.

back to the op...i've never been left in this way either, but i think during any breakup there are feelings of inadequacy, or "what did i do wrong? why am i not good enough?"...the only way i've found to get past this is to build up my own self-confidence and try to stop feeling like it's still my responsibility to fit the perfect framework of whoever left me. just because you are not what he wants at this point in time does not mean you are not desirable, lovable, cherishable.



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