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RE: rules guidelines and such - 3/2/2007 8:24:10 PM

behindmirrors

Posts: 340
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I can't really think of any "rules" I have per se- but I also know there are certain things that would disappoint him or that are not really good to spring on him or that he does not appreciate- though I have never been told to absolutely not do those things- I am expected to think things through and make what I think is the best choice with the knowledge I have. We're both pretty laid back- when he needs to give me a guideline for something, he just says what it is, and when he wants something a certain way, he just tells me that and I do my best. I think a lot of that has to do with not wanting to micro-manage, with not feeling like he should be slaving away at creating and enforcing a bunch of rules all the time (I am the slave, not him, after all!), and also for wanting to emphasize that even under ownership, I am smart, able, and can exercise my own will.
For some, I'm sure a lot of rules work for them. For us, it seems to be best just to let each other know what is needed as we go along, and deal with what needs to be dealt with or what happens when we come to it.

behindmirrors.

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RE: rules guidelines and such - 3/2/2007 8:41:17 PM

petstorm

Posts: 49
Joined: 6/22/2006
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i guess if i really think about it, Master has alot of "rules" for me. But honestly, i don't see them as such. i know where my place is. i know what he expects of me. But i don't need him to sit down and write out 1) you'll do this, 2) you won't do that, 3) it's going to be this way... i am his. i serve, i obey and i please. It's not a matter of follow rules, but just another part of myself that wants to please him in every way i can. Rule or not, would you do something you know would make him unhappy or even angry because it had never been put in stone?

i guess it comes down to that open communication we have. But hey, that's what works for us.

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RE: rules guidelines and such - 3/3/2007 12:37:22 AM

Hime

Posts: 149
Joined: 10/31/2006
From: Vegas
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Spending a little time to share each others expectations may help to prevent spending a lot of time in misunderstandings.

~ xoxo

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RE: rules guidelines and such - 3/3/2007 4:42:34 AM

adaddysgirl

Posts: 1093
Joined: 3/2/2004
From: Syracuse, NY
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Hime

Spending a little time to share each others expectations may help to prevent spending a lot of time in misunderstandings.

~ xoxo

Well that's a catchy little one liner there....and how true. i have found that most misunderstandings in any of my relationships were a result of unclear expectations. Good point!

Daddysgirl

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RE: rules guidelines and such - 3/3/2007 4:54:10 AM

slaveish

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Joined: 2/19/2007
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My one truth (rule): I answer to Him. Everything else is subject to change. If I have a question about anything, I refer to Truth One. Truth One encompasses His whim as well as His rules du jour. ~grinning~

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You only lose what you cling to. ~~Gautama Sidharta

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~~Mother Teresa

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RE: rules guidelines and such - 3/3/2007 12:17:36 PM

swtrayn

Posts: 222
Joined: 2/21/2007
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I am the type of girl that prefers some sort of rules and boundries. I like to know what is expected, what is not tolerated. I do realize that rules do change and adjust as a relationship goes on. I am not the type that needs to be mirco-managed, but basic rules are nice.

One of my past relationships I had two rules.. To Please and to Obey.. (being a smartass, I did have fun with that at times when asked.. "What are you rules".. umm to please obey?? .. yeah yeah.. had a red bottom alot.. (but was all in fun and He didn't mind it if i was just teasing)

rayn

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RE: rules guidelines and such - 3/3/2007 12:28:22 PM

gypsygrl

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Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
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I've seen a variety of approaches to the issue of rules. I tend to work with the rules for a while to see how they work for me before committing myself.

One Master I talked to a long time ago was very formal, and had a lot of rules. This was distracting to me because I was always worried about whether or not I was on the right track though he seemed to get his jollies off on telling me what I was doing wrong.

A Dominant I was involved with had a couple behavioral rules-things I was supposed to do all the time--which was good at first because they were practicable and something to work towards, but after a year or so, they became so ingrained that they became habits, and ceased to function as living testaments to a D/s dynamic and that part of our relationship never really came together.

I was also involved with someone for a while where there was no discussion of rules, but I was taught his preferences and how to please him and this was pretty effective, but because there was no explicit statement of the implicit rules, there was no mechanism for me to question or discuss them, and they were only operable when we were together. It was a sex only relationship, so there really wasn't any need for anything more. My immediate compliance was enough.

The best set of rules I've seen have been very simple, captured the essense of a D/s dynamic and general enough to apply to every situation while specific enough to be meaningful when I'm not sure what to do. They are "Protect, Trust, Obey." There's some explanation that goes with them, but those are the basics.

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“To be happy is to be able to become aware of oneself without fright.” ~Walter Benjamin

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RE: rules guidelines and such - 3/3/2007 12:43:41 PM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SirDraven

I was having a discussion about rules and was told that a long list of rules is the norm. I have 2 basic rules that a sub would operate under...

Open and Honest communication.

Respect and caring for self and others.

Everything else I look at as a guideline and was wondering what subs thought about all the rules they operate under.

I wouldn't say I have a long list of rules, but here are mine (as best as Valyraen and I can remember at the moment, not having them in front of us).

1. I'm not allowed to die or do anything that would cause me harm. If this means disobeying an order, he finds this acceptable. Also, if his brain gets scrambled by aliens and he starts trying to kill me, I'm not allowed to let him.

2. I have to do all my schoolwork. If this means telling him I can not complete a different order (except for number 1), then I may do so as long as it is for school work.

3. I am to attend karate whenever possible.

4. I am to remember that he has a name other then Sir and use it as well.

5. I am to respect the English language and use proper grammar. If this means offending another because they didn't get pronouns capped in reference to them, so be it.

Really that's all I can remember right now... If I think of any others I'll add them in.

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

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RE: rules guidelines and such - 3/4/2007 9:00:09 PM

unsung

Posts: 183
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I think these rules and guidelines vary from person to person. I spoke with a dominant who in the first 24 hours sent me a list of about 50 items aka rules that included everything from kissing his ass, to sending him a greeting card every wednesday thanking him for the opportunity to kiss his ass. I have talked to others that the conversation just flows with the mood and hence as questions come up from the conversations we find guidelines that fit the styles of our lives. For the most part though it seems concensus being honest, respectul and proud of your presence are certainly carried amoungst the ones I have spoken with, or observed.

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RE: rules guidelines and such - 3/4/2007 10:47:32 PM

obis

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From: Austin, TX, USA
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A long list of rules? Shit, my memory isn't that good.

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Post #: 30