Domme in training

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chastitybelt -> Domme in training (3/2/2007 12:49:38 PM)
Where can a domme in training find an online domme and sub mentor?I can't seem to find anyone willing to advise me online and i' m tired of people thinking if i ask a question on collarme.com that i'm a scammer . I've tried talking to women in my area and no luck so what 's the deal with the BDSM community. Is everybody scared around here?

MasterFireMaam -> RE: Domme in training (3/2/2007 1:18:55 PM)
Well...you're most likely problem is your profile. In a word, it sucks. I'd never respond to an email from you. But, there's hope! Write more about yourself, what you think you want (like a mentor), what you think you'd be interested in learning (I assume chastity), etc. etc. Put a lot more of YOU in the profile. If you have a picture, upload it or indicate that one is available once you start talking. These things might help a bit. Also, look into your local community. Go to google and seach BDSM and the name of your nearest large city or area. Nothing beats meeting face to face. (pun noticed, but not intended) Best of luck. Master Fire

chastitybelt -> RE: Domme in training (3/2/2007 1:29:08 PM)
Masterfiremaam, I am sooo tired of this yo yo sh*t . I reveal myself on this forum before 3 years ago and nobody help me .I have ask women in my area offline but everybody was "busy" so i gave up the scene 3 year ago. I can understand people being affaird to talk to me offline but online.NO. Thanks for your advice but i think i'm going to remove myself from the BDSM community AGAIN.I'm looking for support not nonsupport.

ShiftedJewel -> RE: Domme in training (3/2/2007 1:42:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: chastitybelt Masterfiremaam, I am sooo tired of this yo yo sht . I reveal myself on this forum before 3 years ago and nobody help me .I have ask women in my area offline but everybody was "busy" so i gave up the scene 3 year ago. I can understand people being affair to talk to me offline but online.NO. Thanks for your advice but i think i'm going to remove myself from the BDSM community AGAIN.I'm looking for support not nonsupport.* I don't see where Fire was being unsupportive at all. No one here gives a shit who you were three years ago, she was offering you advice for the here and now. Be more specific in what you are looking for in your profile as well as saying a little more about you. That's called "advice". If you want further advice I would also suggest that you ask more specific questions. Mentor you how??? Advise about What? Ask questions instead of insulting people and complaining. There happens to be a lot of very helpful people on these forums and most will answer your questions as openly and honestly as they can. Are they gonna come to your house and hold your hand? Not likely. But try being nicer, it may work better. *Jewel*

thetammyjo -> RE: Domme in training (3/2/2007 1:54:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel quote: ORIGINAL: chastitybelt Masterfiremaam, I am sooo tired of this yo yo sht . I reveal myself on this forum before 3 years ago and nobody help me .I have ask women in my area offline but everybody was "busy" so i gave up the scene 3 year ago. I can understand people being affair to talk to me offline but online.NO. Thanks for your advice but i think i'm going to remove myself from the BDSM community AGAIN.I'm looking for support not nonsupport.* I don't see where Fire was being unsupportive at all. No one here gives a shit who you were three years ago, she was offering you advice for the here and now. Be more specific in what you are looking for in your profile as well as saying a little more about you. That's called "advice". If you want further advice I would also suggest that you ask more specific questions. Mentor you how??? Advise about What? Ask questions instead of insulting people and complaining. There happens to be a lot of very helpful people on these forums and most will answer your questions as openly and honestly as they can. Are they gonna come to your house and hold your hand? Not likely. But try being nicer, it may work better. *Jewel* I agree. I've mentored a few tops and doms in my local community but they had to be someone I knew through things like munches and supportive groups/workshops. They had to show they were serious enough for my time -- everyone's time is valuable and mine is certainly no exception to this. I'd also recommen reading a lot of non-fiction if you can afford it or find a way to borrow some. Think about mentoring this way: I have never had someone walk up to me and say "I'd like to be your mentor" -- when I've wanted to learn things, I had to get involved and prove I was sincerely interested and willing to put in the effort. That's true for mundane things as well as BDSM things.

chastitybelt -> RE: Domme in training (3/2/2007 2:00:55 PM)
Jewel, I guess you're putting your own personal spin about what my post is about because my post is about asking for mentoring and sharing my BDSM frustration with fire.

chastitybelt -> RE: Domme in training (3/2/2007 2:03:53 PM)
Tammyjo, thanks for your reply but i've been observing the BDSM scene for 5 years and I haven't seen a supportive person yet.I keep hearing this thing about trust but i don't see it.

MsKatHouston -> RE: Domme in training (3/2/2007 2:06:58 PM)
Let me ask you...when you ask for help and support, how do you select a person to help you? When you have chosen someone, how do you approach them? Do you ask specific people or use forums? Do you ask specific questions or are you looking for a blanket mentor to teach you a variety of general things? Also, what is it you do on your own to further your education? Are you looking for online domination or r/t?

danreeves -> RE: Domme in training (3/2/2007 2:08:09 PM)
I have been am long standing fan of legallized Gambling in the Stae of Massachuettes-I have listen to many pros and cons--to the point is -are the voters of this state the pros or the cons? Everyone seems to say OMG gambling--no way--it will bring in drugs-prostitution-crime--hey guys look around you--OMG its here already??? ok it seems you can't cantrol this--then legalize it. Go out in the streest-grab the aids carrying girls-clean them up or put them away. the others Run the business on the state level-clean them up also--card them and TAX their ass more revenue of the state. I would like to hear more on this from members--any takers???

ShiftedJewel -> RE: Domme in training (3/2/2007 2:16:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: chastitybelt Jewel, I guess you're putting your own personal spin about what my post is about because my post is about asking for mentoring and sharing my BDSM frustration with fire. This is a public forum, you put it out there and someone is going to reply to it. If there is a chance that someone is going to say something you personally don't want to hear then a suggestion would be to NOT put it out there. Again, I would ask, what exactly is it you are looking for? What kind of mentoring? What kind of advice? By all means, tell us what you are looking to hear and maybe we can find someone that will say it. *Jewel*

BitaTruble -> RE: Domme in training (3/2/2007 2:34:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: chastitybelt Where can a domme in training find an online domme and sub mentor? Put a note on your profile that you are seeking a mentor. People can't help you if they aren't aware you are looking for help. Celeste

NWDomDommeCpl -> RE: Domme in training (3/2/2007 2:37:52 PM)
your post gives nothing away about what exactly it is you seek from an online training Domme. Yes We can help you,but help you in what way?.You havent said what if any experience you have.So how can We know what level you are at. Don't dish people who are actually doing what you have asked and that is to give you some sound advice. Everyone in this lifestyle starts somewhere and whoever it is usually shows the respect to those with more knowledge, that they deserve. If you want help then say what it is,and in what aspect and accept it in the manner its been offered. Mistress Trish

stef -> RE: Domme in training (3/2/2007 2:59:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: chastitybelt Where can a domme in training find an online domme and sub mentor?I can't seem to find anyone willing to advise me online and i' m tired of people thinking if i ask a question on collarme.com that i'm a scammer . I've tried talking to women in my area and no luck so what 's the deal with the BDSM community. Is everybody scared around here? Judging from your other active forum thread, I'm guessing it has more to do with you and your attitude and less to do with the "BDSM community." ~stef

chastitybelt -> RE: Domme in training (3/2/2007 3:10:34 PM)
(exhaling)I see another person lying about being supportive.Yeah it's all my fault that i ask nonsupportive,judgemental people on Collarme for help.Are you one Stef? I haven't seen you share your mentor skill.

chastitybelt -> RE: Domme in training (3/2/2007 3:16:24 PM)
People if you're not going to be supportive please move on to the next thread and don't waste our time.This crap about judging my rudeness is boring, either put up or shut up about supporting people .

stef -> RE: Domme in training (3/2/2007 4:00:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: chastitybelt (exhaling)I see another person lying about being supportive. I never claimed I was here to support you or anyone else, so how was anything I said a lie? quote: Yeah it's all my fault that i ask nonsupportive,judgemental people on Collarme for help.Are you one Stef? I haven't seen you share your mentor skill. You might have also noticed that I never claimed to be a mentor. Perhaps if you weren't operating under the mistaken assumption that the "BDSM community" is somehow obligated to provide you with a mentor, this whole bit of unpleasantness might have been avoided. ~stef

OnyxGoddess -> RE: Domme in training (3/2/2007 4:06:04 PM)
I'm always a day late and a dollar short but I have to agree with some of the things folk have said...you need to state what you're looking for. Lot of what I learned came from me reading books/watching movies/talking to people online on collarme and alt.com. There are also other sites available. Google a particular thing you are interested in learning (i'm trying to learn knots-lots of information on the net). When you're ready to explore try contacting submissives / slaves who claim to be new. Attend fetish events. Most cities/towns have an ALTERNATIVE type of paper like the ADVOCATE. *Eliminate fear and broaden the mind and don't lash out at folk. It will close the door on what could be a fabulous venue for your Domme exploration.*

thetammyjo -> RE: Domme in training (3/2/2007 4:11:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: chastitybelt People if you're not going to be supportive please move on to the next thread and don't waste our time.This crap about judging my rudeness is boring, either put up or shut up about supporting people . I think the fact that several of us are asking questions and sharing our experiences is our attempt to be supportive. In some small way it may also be communal mentoring. You might think we suck at this attempt but I, at least, wanted to share what I've done to find a mentor and to be a mentor. You personally have never contacted me personally to ask for a mentoring relationship. If you posted in this forum asking a question I would have answered it to the best of my ablity if I felt I had something worth sharing. Sometimes questions are asked about things that I have zero experience and no opinion of -- I try to just not answer in those cases. I'm going to suggest that maybe you answer a few questions that have been asked. I, for one, am not judging you nor will I judge you by your answers beyond what you say. You did reply directly to me in the thread and say: "Tammyjo, thanks for your reply but i've been observing the BDSM scene for 5 years and I haven't seen a supportive person yet.I keep hearing this thing about trust but i don't see it." Observing is a good first step. Where are you observing? What do you mean by "observing" exactly? I didn't mention trust in my first post but you brought it up above. Trust develops over time and as you get to know someone. If the places you've been observing are inhabited by untrusting or untrustworthy people then you must find other places to observe and other ways to learn. I can't help you think of better ways or places until I know what you have done more specifically. I can't read your mind especially over the computer so I have to ask these questions. If I were your mentor, hell, if any semi-decent person was your mentor, there would be a lot more questions constantly as well as answering them. So give me some specifics, some information, and some questions, and I will respond in kind from my 16+ years of experience. That is all that anyone can do.

Argentopal -> RE: Domme in training (3/2/2007 4:23:06 PM)
Well, chastitybelt, it's too bad you are not in Texas because we could certainly help you meet many different folks who could mentor you. We have had mentors in our past, but it was never 'official', we simply watched people we met. When we observed someone over time that we admired and felt really exemplified what we wanted to be, we watched closer, we began to make friends with them and slowly build up a close relationship. We asked questions in a respectful way, we listened, we observed them in action - whether it was some form of play or just how they treated people. Over time we in turn built good reputation in our community. It would be difficult to really mentor someone via the web, there are so many things that just need to be face to face. Argent and I have only been openly active in "the scene" for about 10 years now and there is much yet that we will learn (need to learn, want to learn). Fortunately we have a wonderful group of friends/mentors and we continue to grow. If you could take a nice vacation maybe you could come visit a place where you could observe real Ds people living wiitwd everyday - real, graceous, well mannered, polite folks who show respect to others and learn to listen when they ask a question so they can hear the answers. I know you could learn a lot. One big thing I learned , well not even in the Ds community but in life - you actually do reap what you sow. Sincerely, MsOpal

MsKatHouston -> RE: Domme in training (3/2/2007 4:31:01 PM)
Care to answer the questions I asked? I think people are getting frustrated at all the lack of substance in your posts. There are no specific questions just complaints. It is difficult to assist or advise someone when no questions are actually posed.

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