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when someone turns you down - 3/4/2007 7:24:34 PM   
simplewhispers


Posts: 232
Joined: 12/27/2006
Status: offline 		how do you respond? I have had some pretty defensive reply emails.... I must tell you when responding I am always polite, with a thanks but no thanks, so it I wonder what is it that makes him so defensive ? Why act so silly?

How is it you say thanks but no thanks and not recieve a flame in return ?

_____________________________

A silent woman is always more admired than a noisy one.
Season your admiration for a while With an attent ear. . .

simplewhispers
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: when someone turns you down - 3/4/2007 7:30:00 PM   
SilverShadows


Posts: 558
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline 		My standard turn down looks like...

quote:

No photo
No profile
No indication you read my profile
No indication of why you think we would be a good match

If you really are interested start over. I get between 2-3 letters like your’s a day. So you’re going to have to try much harder.

The Countess


After that I usually say, I don't do XXXX so no thank-you. If I get anymore more I don't respond and block them.

The Countess



_____________________________

The Countess

Το αίμα είναι η ζωή
Cruor est Vita
Sînge is art.hot. Viaţă
Vér van a Élet


Come Kiss the Guillotine
Come Taste the Gasoline

(in reply to simplewhispers)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: when someone turns you down - 3/4/2007 7:38:23 PM   
afeathr


Posts: 248
Joined: 6/1/2006
From: Southern California
Status: offline 		I am just polite, and that's it.  I rarely get a flame in return.  I usually say something like, "Thank you for the compliment, however I am currently owned and am not interested."  Usually, that works and I don't get much else in response.

Quite honestly, I hardly ever get an email except for the occasional (well, more than occasional, but not daily) "nice legs, nice hair, nice...." whatever.  You get the drift.  Therefore, I don't have to do too much to respond except to say, "thank you."

However, on Alt... I did get a guy harrassing me because Sir and I are looking for female friends to play with -- was a real ass about it (which got me riled and acting poorly) -- I eventually had to block him -- pity, I hate to have to do that. 

_____________________________

afeathr

-Going where the wind blows me...

(in reply to simplewhispers)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: when someone turns you down - 3/4/2007 7:42:39 PM   
chastiseme


Posts: 26
Joined: 9/21/2004
Status: offline 		if someone turns me down i'll still send them a thank you for getting back to me ...

if i need to turn someone else down for whatever reason, i do it politely and i'll tell them my situation and the reason with a thank you for considering me.

(in reply to SilverShadows)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: when someone turns you down - 3/4/2007 7:58:48 PM   
simplewhispers


Posts: 232
Joined: 12/27/2006
Status: offline 		yall know I think I get the flame because I openly admit to looking, so when I say no thanks, its like well BUT YOU SAID.........

_____________________________

A silent woman is always more admired than a noisy one.
Season your admiration for a while With an attent ear. . .

simplewhispers

(in reply to chastiseme)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: when someone turns you down - 3/4/2007 8:03:32 PM   
MistressDolly


Posts: 917
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: simplewhispers

so it I wonder what is it that makes him so defensive ? Why act so silly?


Cry babies.

Ya just gotta feel sorry for them.

And MOvE on.

Not your problem.

unless you want to engage and help.

(in reply to simplewhispers)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: when someone turns you down - 3/4/2007 8:07:58 PM   
bearincuffs


Posts: 1904
Joined: 12/16/2006
Status: offline 		Sofar with the few email offers I recieved, I very politely thank them for their interest but I already have a Master and have no desire to be released just to be someone else's sub. As of yet I haven't had anyone reply back flaming me.

_____________________________

property of Master Dave of the House of Gemini

An it harm none, do as thou wilt
Do what you will, so long as it harms none
An it harm none, do what thou will
That it harm none, do as thou wilt
Eight words the Wiccan Rede fulfill

(in reply to simplewhispers)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: when someone turns you down - 3/4/2007 8:19:17 PM   
WhiplashSmile


Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
Status: offline 		If they are polite about it, I am polite about it as well.
If they don't respond, I generally don't bother with them again.
If they give me a shitty rude reply, I return the favor...or simply move on..

NEXT!!

(in reply to simplewhispers)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: when someone turns you down - 3/4/2007 8:52:11 PM   
SilverShadows


Posts: 558
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline 		Maybe I don't notice if they flame me. I am openly looking. If someone annoys me I block them. Done deal.

_____________________________

The Countess

Το αίμα είναι η ζωή
Cruor est Vita
Sînge is art.hot. Viaţă
Vér van a Élet


Come Kiss the Guillotine
Come Taste the Gasoline

(in reply to simplewhispers)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: when someone turns you down - 3/4/2007 8:54:27 PM   
azzmaster


Posts: 864
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline 		some people are very clueless. thinking perhaps that is someone is looking for a relationship that it should imply that they take all comers, which is never in fact the case. so people will email you demanding to know what is wrong with them. of course, there should be a REASON you want to relate to someone. there seems to be some sort of myth amongst the socially clueless that being hard working and not wanted by the law makes them in fact excellent relationship candidates.as we all know, people are attracted by people that seem exciting to them for whatever subjective reasons. being obtuse and demanding excites no one

(in reply to WhiplashSmile)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: when someone turns you down - 3/4/2007 8:59:26 PM   
Evanesce


Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline 		Unfortunately, because I have a tendency to tell people WHY I'm turning them down, I get frequent flames in return.  I've learned to ignore them, in spite of the fact that many of the so-called flames are hilarious!

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich


(in reply to azzmaster)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: when someone turns you down - 3/4/2007 9:06:53 PM   
Helspar


Posts: 4
Joined: 5/23/2005
Status: offline 		Ive been here a while, and I always try to remember these words...

"We would not die in that man's company that fears his fellowship to die with us."

Why would anyone expend so much of their energy in pursuing those who are not willing to crawl to be with them?  All I know is John Wayne would not approve of such behaviour. If someones not interested, just move on.

It is better to be alone for the right reasons than with someone for the wrong.




< Message edited by Helspar -- 3/4/2007 9:07:18 PM >

(in reply to Evanesce)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: when someone turns you down - 3/4/2007 9:16:35 PM   
simplewhispers


Posts: 232
Joined: 12/27/2006
Status: offline 		you never even greet when you see me here
(3/4/2007 10:50:48 PM): i guess our conversations didnt mean much to you
(3/4/2007 10:51:05 PM): and i m not here just to pass my time looking here and there like you do
(3/4/2007 10:51:23 PM): wow you are angry
(3/4/2007 10:51:27 PM): thats nice
(3/4/2007 10:51:36 PM): i am
(3/4/2007 10:51:40 PM): well stop
(3/4/2007 10:51:47 PM): because i dont understand why you never talk to me
(3/4/2007 10:51:53 PM): I dont owe you
(3/4/2007 10:51:55 PM): if you didnt want to talk to me then why you added me??
(3/4/2007 10:52:03 PM): the only thing we owe each other is kindness
(3/4/2007 10:52:08 PM): display some please
(3/4/2007 10:52:59 PM): to be honest with you I deleted you as a contact
(3/4/2007 10:53:00 PM): you know what??? you are very imature and i display kindness to those that respect me but in order for you to respect me you need to have some self respect. a thing that you obviously dont have since you are just a butterfly looking god knows what
(3/4/2007 10:53:04 PM): you are to aggressive
l(3/4/2007 10:53:14 PM): i thought you were serious; i guess i was wrong. i m deleting you and i m wishing you all the luck
(3/4/2007 10:53:17 PM): you ll need plenty of it
(3/4/2007 10:53:18 PM): wow
(3/4/2007 10:53:22 PM): you are awful
(3/4/2007 10:53:28 PM): to someone you dont even know


I just wanted to show yall just part of an ugly encounter from this evening.... yes ended with me blocking him , but he is a memeber here , and we had spoken maybe three times.......... all this because I did not acknowledge he was online oh and by the way he claims to be a "DOM" leaves a bad tastes in my mouth ....

< Message edited by simplewhispers -- 3/4/2007 9:37:38 PM >

_____________________________

A silent woman is always more admired than a noisy one.
Season your admiration for a while With an attent ear. . .

simplewhispers

(in reply to Helspar)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: when someone turns you down - 3/4/2007 9:17:43 PM   
MysticFireTopaz


Posts: 50939
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: simplewhispers
how do you respond? I have had some pretty defensive reply emails.... I must tell you when responding I am always polite, with a thanks but no thanks, so it I wonder what is it that makes him so defensive ? Why act so silly?
How is it you say thanks but no thanks and not recieve a flame in return ?


Since the majority of the responses I receive are clearly outside the guidelines I have stated in my profile, I don't feel obligated to reply at all.  I feel I forewarned them already in my profile that they were not what I was seeking, so if they choose to reply without reading the profile or completely disregard what I said, I don't bother answering.  Now that there's the "Who's Viewed Me" feature, I have proof positive that most of them didn't even bother to read my full profile before responding.
 
Before I adopted this policy, I was very conscientious about getting back to everyone who replied, even if they clearly didn't meet the stated criteria in my profile.  It was a simple but polite, "thanks, but no thanks" kind of reply.  Some people were gracious about it, some I never heard back from, and some were absolutely hateful.  This led me to question why I even bothered replying, when they didn't even have the courtesy to read my profile, or else totally disregarded what it said.  That's when I decided not to reply at all in these cases. 
 
Generally, if the person does meet the requirements stated in my profile, I am very interested and will get back to them, as they are few and far between.  I consider them the precious gems.
 
Lady Topaz

(in reply to simplewhispers)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: when someone turns you down - 3/4/2007 9:18:35 PM   
WhiplashSmile


Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Helspar
"We would not die in that man's company that fears his fellowship to die with us."


This applies to so many areas of life, spoken with the wisdom of a true dom.

(in reply to Helspar)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: when someone turns you down - 3/4/2007 9:24:14 PM   
FukinTroll


Posts: 6277
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: Under a bridge
Status: offline 		You can turn people down here? Dang, I need to read the TOS

_____________________________

I'm the guy your girl is thinking about when she is fucking you!

TrollTopia
Greedy Groupie!

The Mods have me on speed Spank!! Gotta luv'em.

(in reply to Helspar)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: when someone turns you down - 3/4/2007 9:31:26 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		You can't control how people will respond.  As long as you are short and polite, you've done what you can/should and that's all there is to it.

A lot of people will try and shame the other person into changing their minds- some subs want to please so much that if they feel anger from ANYONE, they will try and appease the other person, even if they know they shouldn't.  And a lot of doms will try and say the person "isn't really a sub" to try and provoke them into "proving themselves."  It's a lot of drama that ends up wasting everyones time and lots of broken hearts.

If they get defensive, you simply have to ignore them and be glad that you found this out sooner rather than later.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to FukinTroll)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: when someone turns you down - 3/4/2007 9:54:46 PM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline 		I don't often get to be turned down.  I don't make that many initial contacts.

Having said that, I at least appreciate a 'turn down' rather than nothing, or not even reading my email.

The only poor-ish event was when I was into a second email round with someone wanting (needing) a live-in position, and I indicated that she would need at least some sort of job outside the home, however meager, and she was offended that I would even need that from her.  That being a slave should be sufficient.

I never said I 'couldn't' support her.  I just indicated that I didn't want to.  Alas.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to simplewhispers)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: when someone turns you down - 3/4/2007 10:38:05 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I have had some real weirdos get bent no matter how I turned them down.. some people cannot handle rejection.

If I have been interested in someone in the past and it was not returned, no big deal.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to simplewhispers)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: when someone turns you down - 3/5/2007 2:12:10 AM   
KennelDeSade2


Posts: 210
Joined: 9/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: simplewhispers

how do you respond? I have had some pretty defensive reply emails.... I must tell you when responding I am always polite, with a thanks but no thanks, so it I wonder what is it that makes him so defensive ? Why act so silly?

How is it you say thanks but no thanks and not recieve a flame in return ?


After you say "no thank you" you hit the block key.  No fuss, no muss.


_____________________________

Rules? Just one: I say, she does.
Everything else, is just details.

(in reply to simplewhispers)
Profile   Post #: 20
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