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Dartantris -> RE: Just a comment (3/6/2007 5:25:09 AM)
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If a "Master" is abusive, they don't fit the commonly accepted definition of a Master. True Masters are not abusive. They don't treat slaves as objects. It goes both ways.
The question is what does it mean to be called a slave in a BDSM Master/slave relationship. If you want limits, then it would be appropriate to call yourself a submissive but not a slave. Why is the word slave so important? Is there an issue with being called a submissive? The commonly understood dynamic of a Master/slave relationship is that the slave has no rights. They hand over total control, by choice, to another. If they make poor or uninformed choices of a Master, does that mean that they can change the definition of what a slave is? I don't think so. If you were a slave in a previous relationship and it didn't work out because the person that you handed total control over to became abusive, is that relavent to the definition of a Master/slave relationship? A Master is supposed to make decision based on their slave's interest. Mistakes can be made but intent should be true to what's expected of a Master. If a Master is abusive, they are not adhereing to the commonly accepted definition of a Master/slave relationship so they should not be characterized as such. It's a perversion of the relationship and, in and of itself, is grounds for the person in the slave role to assert their freedom and nulify the relationship.
As far as standards go, of course a slave can have a list of qualities that they look for in a Master. A slave should not give control over to a Master until they have gotten to know the Master well enough to know what they are getting into. If the Master hides their true self, they are liars and dishonest and should be treated as the dishonorable person that they are. But a slave has the responsibility not to rush into things and get carried away with excitment and make rash decisions.
Of course a slave is a person and should be treated as such. A slave is more than a object that is used for some perverse self pleasure with no regard to the slave's needs. A slave hands over total control because that's what they need and desire in a relationship. However, as with any relationship, a foundation of trust is critical. If a Master's actions erodes a slave's trust, you have a problem in the relationship that needs to be addressed or the relationship should end. After all, a slave hands over control so that a person that they trust and respect can make better life choices than they believe they can make themselves. Ideally, the slave can gain a sense of relief from responsibility for making decisions that they are not comfortable making as well as satisfaction at being able to be their true self.
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