RE: Desire

RE: Desire (Full Version)

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VeryMercurial -> RE: Desire (3/19/2007 6:07:38 PM)
For me it is about finding someone with similar desires, as a Dominant I am not here to take orders from a submissive. When you find someone with compatible desires, things tend to fall into place.

VeryMercurial -> RE: Desire (3/19/2007 6:15:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: amayos quote: ORIGINAL: losttreasure Where did this strange idea come from that “I don’t want to be in control” means “I don’t want my desires fulfilled”? One could just as easily ask, "how has 'submission' been twisted into nothing more than a method of getting one's own way?" Fulfillment of the desire of submission is easy enough; it comes through submission itself. Being allowed to serve and obey one you adore should provide a very warm glow inside you. If one sees submission merely as a means to acquire any number of ends, he or she is bending for what is essentially nothing more than a series of 'gifts' that serve the giver. I agree and will go one step further. Some people are not hard wired to be a submissive, perhaps they are bottoms. There is nothing wrong with being a bottom, but there is a difference between being a submissive and being a bottom.

MasterGremlin -> RE: Desire (3/19/2007 6:24:04 PM)
1. I would never try to dictate to another couple or group of people how I believe a "true" D/s, M/s, whatever relationship should be handled. I truely believe that there is such wide variety of what people need to get out of an alternative style relationship that you must communicate and find the one(s) that are right for what you want out of the relationship. My observation from what I see online is that too many subs and Doms start a relationship without discussion the dynamic beforehand. They jump right into the easy part of cool leather toys and buying furniture with handy tie down spots instead of exploring the powerful portion of this lifestyle, the mental and emotional. 2. Here is how we have dealt with needs and desires in our dynamic. Recently we changed careers and moved to a new location, a "starting over if you will". As part of this I decided to really start planning our finances and recover from some hardships we had gone through. I had minxy write out here desires for immediate things (within 1 year), in the long term (within 5 years) and what if money didn't matter (lifetime goals). She was given a deadline of when these were to be done (cause we all know she has perfected procrastination). Once they were done I reviewed the list, removed those things that I felt were not important enough to be put on our combined lists (I also removed some of mine that I felt were frivilous after review), and then I prioritized the list. She had input into what her desires were, but she had not input into how I prioritized or allowed the goals for the final list. Once the game plan is finalized by me then we both work diligently to fulfill the plan. I, because I realize that she is counting on me to keep us going the right way. She, because she knows I am counting on her servitude and hard work. We both find pleasure in upholding to each others ideals (as best we can). We have very little power struggle in our dynamic because we are both complimenting each others desires. We have spent thousands of hours communicating about this dynamic over the many years we have been together and the time before we were together. I am by far not the strictest dominant in the crowd. I would rather have life hum along peacefully with naked subs serving me pina coladas and blow jobs with smiles on their face (provided the basics of our relationship [emotions, physical things, and finances] are taken care of) than to be a micro manager trying to keep a group of high tension women in line. But that is my personal preference. [;)] MG

SirDominic -> RE: Desire (3/20/2007 8:04:41 AM)
lost, I think this strange idea that “I don’t want to be in control” means “I don’t want my desires fulfilled” is, in many ways, a byproduct of the new BDSM world we live in. Where everyone has access who wants it, and so many of them have zero training in what the fetish lifestyle is all about. I'm not saying that there aren't knowledgeable Masters who truly don't care about the slave's desires. At least they have made a conscious decision by knowing how the scene works, and what they want out of it. A majority who think they want this are just the fakes and wannabes who have never taken the time to learn what the fetish world is all about. They are the ones who break it down into its lowest common denomenator. Me Tarzan, she slut. As several have already suggested, finding a partner whose desires are similar is very important. I'm a Master who cares deeply about my slave's wants, needs and desires, but I determine when they are fulfilled. A few Doms have already tried to make this point also. Even if a Dom wants to fulfill their subs desires, they feel they must be in control of that process, or lose control of the power exchange. The nitty gritty of this is how it is done. Because it can be accomplished with wonderful style or it can be the equivelent of a bull running though a china shop. Setting up arbitrary tests, fulfilling subs desires when it suits only them; these are the Doms who are sloppy (unless, of course, they have found a sub who wants this approach). For me, fulfilling my slave's desires is like an intricate dance of domination and submission. I never shout, I never pull arbitrary tests. I DO fuck with her mind unmercifully so she never knows what is coming next. That creates a level of anticipation and apprehension that keeps her guessing. But she also knows that I am aware of not only what her needs and desires are, but also which ones are the critical ones, which are not so. And she knows she will be taken care of. So even though there is anticipation and apprehension, there is never any fear that her needs/wants are going to be ignored. Namaste, Sir Dominic

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