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when YOU were a green Master - 3/6/2007 11:37:20 AM   
mixielicous


Posts: 1283
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: Boston area, Massachusetts
Status: offline 		this Q stems off from a comment to my previous thread.

to summarize, a fellow slave finds it curious that i suggest ideas to my Master, as far as what we do/play/protocol anything you can think of. Since i am my Masters first slave, and i posess most of the free time for reading/education it is not unusual to share what i learn that day, be it wether i heard about a slave only being granted what her Master does not eat, or financial control.

When you were a new Master, were your relations open like this?

i have heard of mentors for Masters, and mine had found one, but things didnt work out. i find set standards most of the time dont work.

what type of methods did you use as a new Master? were slaves insights welcome?

i think this is a good method and considering our specific type of relationship [both new, both loving, both curious]

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RE: when YOU were a green Master - 3/6/2007 12:16:00 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		If it's working, don't worry about it.

Topping from the Bottom as some see it, is much ado about nothing.

Ron

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to mixielicous)
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RE: when YOU were a green Master - 3/6/2007 1:48:47 PM   
mixielicous


Posts: 1283
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: Boston area, Massachusetts
Status: offline 		way to state the obvious ;) lol

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RE: when YOU were a green Master - 3/6/2007 1:49:32 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		You want me to be captainconundrum about the thing?



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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


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RE: when YOU were a green Master - 3/6/2007 1:54:43 PM   
PlayfulOne


Posts: 1047
Status: offline 		Hell, my relationship is open like that now.  She is free to voice whatever thoughts or ideas she may have.  Why would I not be interested in what she thinks?

K

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RE: when YOU were a green Master - 3/6/2007 2:31:21 PM   
junecleaver


Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline 		My Dominant has a mentor of sorts who is part of this amazingly normal, healthy, and kink-filled relationship that we both respect.  I know he learns a lot of technique-ish type things from his mentor. I'm not just allowed to give insight but encouraged to be creative and share.  It is possible to present every thought in my head in a respectful manner that honors the dynamics of our relationship.  The other day I said something jokingly and he started laughing when I said, "Oh no I'm topping from the bottom!" I don't understand how people perceive sharing fantasies and ideas as 'unsubmissive'  I think honesty about what's floating around inside of our heads is always a good method.

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RE: when YOU were a green Master - 3/6/2007 2:57:35 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		All of my relationships are open like this. I'm not the only one with ideas. The nice thing about finding people who match us is that they often have the same desires we do...and their ideas work. This is especially true with my girl anne. she has 20 years more experience than I do and she's seen a lot of different styles.

However, remember that there's as art to making suggestions. ;-)

Master Fire


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RE: when YOU were a green Master - 3/6/2007 3:01:30 PM   
PONYSEEKER


Posts: 364
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		ORIGINAL: mixielicous

When you were a new Master, were your relations open like this?
 
Hell NO!
It is and allways has been a case where my sub knows usually days in advance when the scene is going to take place then the dungeon is set up about a day in advance so when she walks past the door she can think about what is going to happen to her which is allways a surprise for her.  I never ask her believe it or not wether or not she likes it but supposedly just the dungeon being set up drenches her for the day in anticipation... I also get a lot more forcefull with her the day of the scene.


i have heard of mentors for Masters, and mine had found one, but things didnt work out. i find set standards most of the time dont work.

    I dont really believe in Mentors per-sae ... I can see where a few lectures and question and answer thing might have to take place but one of the first criterias for being a master I think is knowing what it is you want from a sub and what it is that you want out of life and not care what others options are about it.  Kind of like the more knowledge you get from peanut gallery the worse you get. 

what type of methods did you use as a new Master? were slaves insights welcome?

I didnt really welcome them... I love to talk to submisive woman and I ask them for advice on occasion pertaining to certain issues and head space questions however I never ask my sub anything to do with the scene or lifestyle in general  it simply is...



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RE: when YOU were a green Master - 3/6/2007 3:02:54 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline 		As a still somewhat green dominant, I have a trusted friend I am happy to call a mentor. He is very well respected in the communities and is willing and eager to answer my questions when he has the time. Of course, we have drifted apart a bit as I am not in a relationship and am buried in my work at the moment.

Mentors are great to have, but they can only help you with so much. They cant come up with protocols for you or tell you what your going to like and dislike. They can, however, provide valuable advice from the school of hard knocks regarding the many problems that often come up in D/S relationships.

As far as what you are doing, I dont see it as topping from the bottom. The first girl I had contributed suggestions and ideas all the time which I liked. Just because your a submissive doesnt mean you dont get to have an opinion! Its not topping from the bottom if the decision is ultimately made by the dominant on what you both are going to do. However, when my girl started to cross over from helpful ideas and suggestions to trying to tell me how she wanted things done that we began to have serious problems.

So my advice would be to be aware of where the line is between suggestions and trying to tailor the relationshop your way.



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RE: when YOU were a green Master - 3/6/2007 3:44:19 PM   
happypervert


Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline 		I don't see any reason to limit that approach to the greenies. Suggestions and ideas are simply that, and I still get to decide whether or not I want to do them, and if so, what sort of warped spin I'll put on it.

As a matter of fact, I don't want to do all the thinking -- I like to delegate some out whether it is what's for dinner, what we'll watch on tv, etc . . . I just reserve the right to say no. I consider good ideas as something that makes a submissive pleasing and fun, and without them she is useless.


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RE: when YOU were a green Master - 3/6/2007 4:26:48 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		When I read the title of this thread, the first thing that popped into my head was Kermit the Frog....

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RE: when YOU were a green Master - 3/6/2007 4:42:06 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		EEEEEEEEEEEErrrrrrrrrrrrrrrmmmmmmmm---

Miss Piggy,
would you care to stop by the lilly pad and see my misquitoes?

Kermie


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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


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RE: when YOU were a green Master - 3/6/2007 5:34:49 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		IME unless a slave is to be used solely for labor, it would be a total waste not to use them for their mental/social abilities and help out in those areas as well.

Most doms CLAIM at least to want a smart and capable slave- to then not allow her to use those capabilities seems rather ridiculous to me.

Now, I can understand limiting in certain aspects- but across the board just seems to shortchange everyone's possibilities.

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RE: when YOU were a green Master - 3/6/2007 5:51:30 PM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline 		Certainly my first partners were all very open with me, and I with them.  To a large extent, that would still hold to be true, although I wouldn't say I need much assistance in the way of figuring them out.

One vital thing I learned, though, in my formative months, was that I needed to stay ahead of 'her' learning curve.  I needed to be able to go further than her if necessary.

I didn't want to find myself with more restrictive limits than a partner, and find that because I wasn't as open-minded as she might be, that she might become bored.  Fortunately, between experiences and reading and thinking between playing (which was fairly well every day in the beginning) I learned quite a bit very quickly.

Jeff

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RE: when YOU were a green Master - 3/6/2007 5:58:51 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous
When you were a new Master, were your relations open like this?

iwhat type of methods did you use as a new Master? were slaves insights welcome?

I am not a new Mistres, and my relationship is still that open. Angel knows he is permitted, and encouraged, to share ideas and make suggestions.  I dont have to take them, and he knows better than to contradict something I am doing. However with every person you are involved with, the learning process begins again and you need to relearn what works. When I was new, I often asked slaves and subs to show me things they were interested in. I was learning, and so I was willing to do so with whomever was willing to teach me.  Turning down a good experience  just becasue the teacher mught have beena submissive and not a fellow Domme... well, that never made sense.   
My opinion, of course
DV

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VampiresLair

(in reply to mixielicous)
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RE: when YOU were a green Master - 3/7/2007 1:57:16 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline 		As one of the older brigade, there was no Net around where one can freely explore and research the lifestyle in privacy when I first started exploring my "unique" need to control.  But I was still mature and experienced enough in general life and relationship skills to know what I wanted from a partner, and that egalitarian vanilla relationships weren't acceptable anymore.
 
Actual play techniques were still easy enough to explore without the resources of the Net or local community but the dynamics of control were something that came quite naturally to me.  Still, there's nothing like outside resources to stretch your own imagination and offer different ideas etc so yes, I'm quite open to any input from my girl.  Besides, the very best outside resource is the workings of a female and submissive mind - I'm just not wired for it and the Net can only offer so much.  The most experienced and "qualified" Dom can still only contribute 50% of any D/s dynamic.
 
Focus.

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RE: when YOU were a green Master - 3/7/2007 2:39:32 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		I wouldn't have a woman in my life who wasn't capable of bringing new thoughts and ideas to the table.

The dangers (although I think mixi is too bright for that, although she hasn't finished talking about rimming her owner!) is that people bring back ideas as "here is how it is done"

The problem with mentors is what the BDSM scene really needs are relationship counselors as that is what most people on either side of the coin need the most help with.

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: when YOU were a green Master - 3/7/2007 4:22:51 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		When I was new, I was as I am now. I believe each couple has to set up the boundaries of their relationship and it has to be done consenually. If there are things that you as a slave find objectionable do not agree to them! I would say the same to your Master/Mistress. We all have limits regardless of what people say and you should have, because you have to live with you for a long time and you do not want to do something that may screw your life up.
I have always listened to my subs and encouraged open communication with them. There is so much to be learned from one another, that I cannot imagine discouraging someone from learning to enhance our relationship. I think that Dom/mes who discourage learning and communication maybe a bit fearful that the sub may come to know more than they.

~Lashra


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“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






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RE: when YOU were a green Master - 3/7/2007 4:48:08 AM   
bayboundse


Posts: 288
Joined: 10/29/2005
From: Oak Ridge, TN
Status: offline 		Both me and my sub have been in the lifestyle a long time. We still share new ideas and talk about our lifestyle together. Of course I am the Master but I like to listen to her ideas and thoughts.

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Profile   Post #: 19
RE: when YOU were a green Master - 3/7/2007 6:48:14 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline
quote:

When you were a new Master, were your relations open like this?

Daddy isn't a new Dom however being a new submissive to Him, i was not used to being asked for my thoughts and ideas when we first met. i had a hard adjusting because with my formers, i basically had no say in anything except when i could meet them for sessions. Daddy likes that i ask Him questions about what i've read here or express my thoughts.


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