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SusanofO -> RE: Please help me - Re: Non-disclosure; understandable? Or manipulation? (3/9/2007 8:57:10 AM)
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Wow, some "objective posters" seem pretty thin-skinned themselves. I already have made it clear that I posted to vent. And because I thought mostly that my experience might help someone else. That this might strike some as strange simply isn't my problem.
I will attempt to make clear for the final time - read my lips:
0) Apparently, some people believe the only reason posters post any comments ever -is because they either have problems, or need someone to help them with problems. Sometimes, people do ask for advice or "feed-back" (advice) -I did in this case.
Many times people don't - they are simply venting. This could be a reason, though, that they have a problem, personally I'd opt in favor of finding out if they are actually seeking advice, before imparting a negative opinion that might have an unhelpful effect, if my (supposed) "goal" was to be helpful, in that case. But - IMO, if someone thinks this is the only reason anyone ever makes a post or begins a thread, then they lack imagination.
I post a lot of the time merely because I think some experience I've had will maybe help someone else. This might seem strange to some, but it equates with the idea I believe I am not the only person in the universe, and that the world doesn't have to revolve around me, my preferences, and-or what I agree or disagree with personally. I also post to have fun and to relate, etc. Having a personal problem is Not the Only reason anyone ever posts, or starts a thread.
1) I also sometimes post when I feel a need to vent. I may be seeking help or not. Some people gave good advice in this thread, some gave moral support, some gave helpful advice - even if it was critical. I appreciated all of it.
I Have Already Made This More Than Clear - And in Several Places, Too.
2) I am fully aware that all opinions are going to be posted on a message board. If I was not already prepared for this happening I would not post at all. I still don't care what anyone thinks of my opinion OR the subject matter of the thread, how long someone thinks another has to be in the bdsm world to "not have problems they might need help with", etc. If you do not like the topic, and it's here, and you don't appreciate it, then the option still does exist to follow your own advice, and don't read it.
3) This STILL does not equate to my thinking it is acceptable for someone to be out-right rude. If someone is an adult, and truly cannot tell the difference between making a searing comment that helps nobody, and possibly helping a poster and phrasing their statements so as to be considerable, then they have more personal issues than I want to address. *The idea I'd actually ever ask anyone like this, I mean someone truly vindictive, for "advice" to begin with is in itself, ludicrous, due to their self-control and anger issues.
If the shoe fits - then wear it. If it doesn't, then don't. If you cannot tell if it does, or not - then think it over. It was a general comment. Had I wanted to make it a personal attack, I am more than capable of doing it, believe me - it's just beneath my dignity. I lose respect for people ocassionally because they make comments that I'd previously have thought beneath their dignity. It doesn't come back easily, either. Maybe this isn't unusual, but - I almost always find it dis-heartening. But fortunately, I have a very full life outside these message boards, and don't spend a lot of time worrying about what a particular poster, or two, might think of my opinions.
And, if this last comment strikes anyone as "defensive" than well, OH WELL. In fact - If this statement strikes anyone as anything other than an objective comment - then they obviously cannnot take objective criticism themselves, and maybe should consider getting off the message board, IMP, and following their own well-intentioned advice.
I don't like rude, mean people. Yes, I know the difference between a helpful objective criticism and a rude comment. I will not spend the rest of my day (or any day) debating with anyone who honestly doesn't have enough judgment to tell the difference between to two things, or the heart to think one can ever make a difference over the other, as far as imparting their (usually) stated "goal" of actually helping someone else.
This was not a "defensive" comment - because I truly don't care much what anyone else thinks of my posts. Take them, leave them, wrap the garbage in them, or frame them - I just don't care.
Hopefully, this thread helped someone. Maybe, maybe not. I am not in control of the world's destiny. I post because I need to vent, and also sometimes, because I think my experience could help somebody.
Dealing with people who cannot really discern if their comments are likely to be helpful, isn't my problem, or my job really. IMO, that is what their Dominant, or possibly a therapist, really is for. Notice I did say helpful, not necessarily sweet-as-sugar. There can be a difference. Objective commentary can be very helpful. Rude, IMO, is most often unbalanced in its assertions, and clearly "over-the top" in its conclusions.
While I suppose this can be construed as a matter of opinion, I can always discern the difference, and find it pretty dis-heartening that another person might be unable to really do this, if they cared enough to think it over, anyway.
**And for the final time, in case anyone really is still wondering, this comment is not directed personally at anyone - it is a general comment, based on my observations of how angrily and futiley some people can sometimes relate their opinions on message boards. My opinion, bottom-line: It's not helpful. Thinking it is is delusional. Justifying as "helpful", if it's truly vindictive is reprehensible.
IMO, wanting to state an opinion is fine, even if someone wants to be a complete bastard about it (in which case, I almost always just tune them out, as they are here for attention, to troll for Doms or subs, and-or to salve their own ego with whatever does the trick, Not for the purpose of being helpful - to anyone).
Being really rude and inching away from taking responsibility for potentially really hurting someone (vs. being helpful) if that is your stated goal, just isn't okay, IMO, and there really isn't much that I can think of, that ever really justifies it. But that's just me.
Rudeness never is, IMO. Notice also I am not calling anyone in particular rude. This is a general comment - believe it, or don't, but as I've said that twice now in one post, I'd opt to take it at face value.
The idea that I'd ever allow anyone who has a deep need to be vindictive, for example , give me advice I'd ever fopllow anyway is laughable to me, personally. But there are people who can't, and seem to think beating someon over the head with a hammer is much more effective. Good lukc to them. I am not referring to myself here - I thought I made that clear.
This is a general observation about how people can relate on message boards generally, and it popped into my head reading this thread. I sometimes I do see them on the message baords. I think it's sad. If they want to argue, they can go do it with somebody else. I don't have the time, nor do I intend to make it. Other people, as usual, can do whatever they want.
- Susan
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