RE: Submissive males with anal as a hard limit

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RE: Submissive males with anal as a hard limit - 3/10/2007 11:08:35 AM

chastiseme

Posts: 26
Joined: 9/21/2004
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i have to agree with ross on this ... considering that this sub went through a traumatic event in his childhood trust will be the most important aspect of convincing them into trying anal play. Also as others have mentioned it's important (after trust is formed) to give it time and go slow.

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RE: Submissive males with anal as a hard limit - 3/10/2007 5:36:54 PM

submarriner

Posts: 62
Joined: 5/10/2006
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Getting past a trauma may require the services of professional counselors or mental health providers. If anal really means alot to you, discuss your feelings in a non-judgmental, non-confrontational situation. If he agrees to try without third party assistance you may not need any further help than gentle easing into anal play. If he just can't open to the idea, try a third party to explore why he can't consider this type of play. In the end if he won't play anal, you may have to make the decision to find a new playmate or live without anal (unless he agrees to playing with other partners).

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RE: Submissive males with anal as a hard limit - 3/10/2007 8:23:31 PM

FelinePersuasion

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You obviously have no concept of consenual, you do not just "do it" to someone who has it as a hard limit, and have been traumatized even one they want to explore.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDolly

just do it.

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RE: Submissive males with anal as a hard limit - 3/10/2007 8:43:30 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
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Angel has a hard limit against anal as well. He has had many medical procedures and it is something that just scares the hel out of him. There is nothing we will ever do to make this pleasant for him, so I have just abandoned the idea. It isnt important enough for me to concern myself with.

Dv

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RE: Submissive males with anal as a hard limit - 3/10/2007 10:20:26 PM

Vendaval

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He needs to see a kink friendly therapist and work through the trauma first. Where the two of you go from there depends on the outcome of the therapy. Be patient and do not push the limits.

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RE: Submissive males with anal as a hard limit - 3/11/2007 12:21:31 AM

MsCfromMelbourne

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Warmest thank you to everyone who posted their ideas and POV. It is all useful to our thought processes. A lot of you confirmed that I am going the right way (sloooowly).

And even naughty old Azzmaster made a sensible comment!! Thank you all :)

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RE: Submissive males with anal as a hard limit - 3/11/2007 12:36:13 PM

TexasMaam

Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
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I don't have a case of penile envy and don't want a cock sticking out of my pubic mound, so I have to honestly say I could care less about anal. On a deeply personal level, that's the Honest Unadulterated Truth!

I do, however, understand a subs craving for anal play when it's something he needs and wants, so I get pretty handy at administering anal stimulation at whatever level the sub requires (and occasionally at levels beyond their limits, too! ).

While thrusting a strappie up a man's ass can be quite titillating, (makes me tremble with passion once in a great while), it is just as easily an activity that I can live totally without. There are only so many thrills in life, and anal is a thrill I know well, been there, done that, rember it, I don't need it every day.

I've had subs who craved anal, those who tolerated it because they thought it was something I wanted to do, known subs for whom it was a hard limit, and have met men whose interests ran the gamut of every gradient in between.

Anal activity with a man simply does not define My role as his Domme. I define it, when and howsoever I wish to, or not.

The best way to overcome the prior abuse issue, if he truly wants to learn about anal, is to use a rather refined toy, very small in size, to stimulate the prostate, and then see how he processes the activity and then analyze how he responds to it several days afterwards.

If he is able to process the sensations he felt with the delicate toy separately from the memories of the abuse, and if he wants to progress, then increase the length of time the toy is used to stimulate and find other gentle anal toys to explore together.

Overcoming childhood abuse in adulthood takes in depth communication, a great deal of tenderness, love and encouragement, and slow baby steps, with plenty of discussion in the days that follow each related activity to sort through and help him process it. Same goes for any abuse, for that matter.

Once he can experience the anal stimulation without any knee jerk conditioned responses from his past clouding the issue, then it would be time to consider a few larger, more definitive toys, more intense in their effect, and gradually discover what is most enjoyable to him.

If it continues to trigger negative, painful, memories and raises old scars, drop it as an activity and concentrate instead on positive activities that don't injure the psyche.

All of which I'm certain you already know, MsC........ Which puzzles Me.

TexasMaam

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RE: Submissive males with anal as a hard limit - 3/11/2007 12:47:36 PM

TexasMaam

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P.S. I think the most repulsive assumptions regarding anal play center around the 'nasty' conditioning we all were indoctrinated with as children. The best way I've found to overcome that sense of 'making a mess' is taking the time to educate the sub on anal hygeine, before anything else.

Rules for anal sluts and wannabes:

Hair removal from around the anus is an absolute essential.
Refrain from ingesting ANY spicy food, garlic, gaseous cruciferous vegetables and legumes: no beans, no chili, no onions, no broccolli,
Just eat smart foods that won't cause gas or bloating 2 to 3 days before anal play.
A product like Metamucil (psyllium) in orange juice for three to four days about a week before the planned session will clean out rank deposits of bilirubin that smell and hold bacteria in the gut.
A mild laxative the night before to empty the colon,
and a final saline or partial glycerine enema on the day of the session, a couple of hours before
will put the final touch of empty cleanliness on a bum that make one a pleasure to toy with.

Once the ABC's of anal cleanliness are established, the reluctant sub is usually much more confident that his 'mess' won't make much of a 'mess' after all.

TM

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RE: Submissive males with anal as a hard limit - 3/11/2007 3:36:31 PM

paulthesub

Posts: 59
Joined: 2/9/2007
From: Calgary
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From a submissive point of view...first of all ask him if he TRUELY wants to expand his horizons by experiencing proper, loving anal sex. And if he says yes then in a session of Your choosing tell him that it's going to happen and to prepare himself psychologically for it. Tell him that it will please You if he does this for You. Make it sound like it's all about You and Your experience. Speaking as a submissive, it is much easier to do something that i dislike by imagining it as something my Domme wants as opposed to something that i don't want to do.

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RE: Submissive males with anal as a hard limit - 3/11/2007 8:20:51 PM

TexasMaam

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I have posted elsewhere on the board that prior discussions so that everyone is on the same page is an absolute given.

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RE: Submissive males with anal as a hard limit - 3/12/2007 1:38:02 PM

MistressDolly

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Joined: 8/24/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: FelinePersuasion

You obviously have no concept of consenual, you do not just "do it" to someone who has it as a hard limit, and have been traumatized even one they want to explore

I don't care whether you agree with a tough love approach or not. But thank you, nonetheless, for taking up your time to let me know what you thought of my suggestion to the OP. You might want to consider getting up off your bum and looking up the word "tough love". You may realize compassion and empathy breeds tough love. Further, you may want to open up your mind, if that's not too much work for you, and consider there can be more than one way of overcoming a limit, even if it's a way you don't agree with or can't comprehend. Imagine that!

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Post #: 31