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who wants to watch their woman with another man? - 3/8/2007 3:55:36 AM

DaddyDeSade

Posts: 22
Joined: 12/5/2004
Status: offline

Now my neanderthal tendencies are well explored territory, and I just cannot comprehend the appeal of watching your woman with another man. I see it in our world, in the vanilla world; there just seems to be a percentage of guys who get off on seeing their women with other guys. I am not a prude by any imagination. I am not insecure, the five to ten times I did watch my ex with other guys I had to actively try not to laugh out loud at what I considered to be their clumsy ineptness. (Which I never did, and would have considered horribly rude) But I have a very respectable opinion of my own sexual prowess.
I just can't imagine someone getting turned on by that.
Do you think it was because I tend to consider lovers my personal property and I just don't share well? Or perhaps it's the fact that I'm always horny so cannot get past the fact that someone is getting laid and I'm not.

Post #: 1

RE: who wants to watch their woman with another man? - 3/8/2007 4:27:35 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

Why didnt you just join in?

(in reply to DaddyDeSade)

Post #: 2

RE: who wants to watch their woman with another man? - 3/8/2007 4:44:47 AM

Fredpbear

Posts: 2
Joined: 1/4/2004
Status: offline

There have been lots of times over the years I have had a girl be with another guy...for many differnt reason. I can't say that it ever turned me on. But then again it did not bother me either. I think if one is ok with who he is and has like minded slaves it should not be a problem.

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 3

RE: who wants to watch their woman with another man? - 3/8/2007 4:46:27 AM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
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I vote for the horny thing...LOL!

(in reply to DaddyDeSade)

Post #: 4

RE: who wants to watch their woman with another man? - 3/8/2007 4:50:40 AM

canupleaseme

Posts: 775
Joined: 7/9/2006
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Although my partners male I thought I would give a reply too. In all my previous relationships I havent cared if they have had sex with others in front of me as long as it was arranged by us together first. And had no problem indugling in swinging in front of them.
But i cant now. He is mine all mine and im not up for sharing. And i feel the same about myself too im his mistress and dont want to be touched sexually by anyone other than him. In fact if he suggested it I would seriously have to give our relationship consideration. I dont share my best toys !!!

_____________________________

Proud mistress

(in reply to bandit25)

Post #: 5

RE: who wants to watch their woman with another man? - 3/8/2007 6:13:23 AM

onestandingstill

Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline

I too am not male but think I have something to say on this subject.
I was a single minded focused monogamous person person my whole life till I hit BDSM.
The book The Ethical Slut really broadened my view and helped me understand a lot about sharing.
What I've learned is often partners who can not, will not share their partners due to jealousy issues do this from an insecurity point of view mostly.
Some also can't share because the emotion of jealousy instead of being expressed and used in healthy relationship communications often overtakes you with fear. It's natural to feel jealous, but it does not have to control you if you learn to control it with a partner.

Jealousy most often is about the fear of them finding someone else they can love or connect with deeply being a threat in your mind to your own worth and connection with them.

It in their mind leaves the door open to other potential suitors.

If you choose to be monogamous I don't think that's necessarily a weakness or draw back in my mind. I also don't think people who are one way or another are more right or wrong.
Monogamy makes your connection more bonding in a lot of ways, but at the same time you miss parts of your identity exploration IMO.
Different spirits bring out different emotions and connections. The energy, feelings and emotions you bring to your partner can not be duplicated by any other living person.
I also think we as humans have the ability to love lots of people all at the same time. Much like you love your family and friends, but no matter how many you have there's room for one more and each one brings out different feelings and elements in your life.
In an open relationship where you have that bonded mated connection with only one it's very freeing to get beyond the jealousy and not be insecure about sharing IMO.
My heart is not permanently linked to my pussy. I could fu*k 10 guys in a week and still have great longing to connect to my partner. No one can give me what I get from my partner in mechanics alone.
To me having sex can be placed in a part of my mind that makes it matter about as much as dancing with someone, or it can be an all encompassing spiritual journey where my soul and someone's become inseparable.
In that IMO open relationships takes a lot of weight and responsibility of timing, health issues, and meeting your partners needs for attention off your shoulders which can be a good thing.
Poly sharing for me is also way cool if all are connected as family and live as such. Again your chores are shared and there's a lot less pressure to be able to perform when you're not feeling up to par or under other time constraints.

The first time I watched my lover screw another I was all full of trepidation.
I was sure jealousy was going to just strangle me silly.
What happened instead was I was blown away by the beauty of seeing his thrusting piston hips as he buried himself into her from this whole new perspective.
I also had a tremendous self awareness epiphany I was not expecting in judging her responses vs my responses to this phenomenal lover of mine.

You know so many people compliment you, say it's never been like this or that for me before and things.
When people compliment me I've often immediately followed that in my mind with "You say that to all the girls I bet.".
Watching their responses to each other verified some things, but also showed me some big differences to.
It woke me up to yes we all at some points give out patented compliments, but sometimes there are things that cause certain responses with that person that only happen with me.
I also saw some responses with the other ladies he did that never happen with me and a whole new part of his sexuality I would not have been able to view in my own relationship with him as I didn't hit him that way.
I think depending on people's understanding and position sharing can be life giving or life taking and we each have our own desires and limits that guide us.
One way or another way is not the right way.
The right way is what works for you and your partners.
Sorry so long winded, but I had a lot I wanted to share,
suzanne

(in reply to DaddyDeSade)

Post #: 6

RE: who wants to watch their woman with another man? - 3/8/2007 6:42:13 AM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

It's because this is how we are built. We (males) don't like to share...We like multiple partners, while we don't appreciate that trait in "our" women. It really just comes down to nature.

We consider ourselves to be so advanced but we are all just baboons that learned to drive and make nuclear weapons. We found that big bombs are much more destructive than flinging poo....Anywhooo, We are still trapped with the mindset that plagued our distant relatives....We like to fuck to spread our seed and I don't appreciate some other baboon messing with my monkey.

I have never seen his researched, but why do women all have their period at the same time when they spend a great deal of time together...work, live etc.. I would guess they are all going into "heat" hoping that Domiguy comes along and bangs the whole lot of them....If there are enough...I might share....Ooooh! only 62 in this herd...Sorry, not enough!...No sharing...back off you losers! (Domiguy is growling and showing his teeth in a sign of complete dominant behaviour and aggression)

_____________________________

(in reply to onestandingstill)

Post #: 7

RE: who wants to watch their woman with another man? - 3/8/2007 7:18:08 AM

Plethora22

Posts: 27
Joined: 5/16/2005
Status: offline

I just wanted to jump in and offer direct thanks to you, onestandingstill, as my own feelings very much echo your own. I am most likely going to share your post with my Mistress, not because I want her to engage with others, or that I want to do so myself, but primarily because I have fairly intense feelings myself about this topic. Specifically that traditional monogamous relationships often limit us from connecting with other people in any kind of deep and meaningful way, which is, I think, on of the single largest problems with our society in general.

We have discussed the topic many many times, to the point that our discussions seems stale, but its almost as if I have a need for her to at least understand my point of view, even if she doesn't agree, I just want her to understand, and I do not feel like she does.

But to avoid another long drawn out post, accept my thanks. :)

-Charlie

(in reply to onestandingstill)

Post #: 8

RE: who wants to watch their woman with another man? - 3/8/2007 7:20:13 AM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: canupleaseme

Although my partners male I thought I would give a reply too. In all my previous relationships I havent cared if they have had sex with others in front of me as long as it was arranged by us together first. And had no problem indugling in swinging in front of them.
But i cant now. He is mine all mine and im not up for sharing. And i feel the same about myself too im his mistress and dont want to be touched sexually by anyone other than him. In fact if he suggested it I would seriously have to give our relationship consideration. I dont share my best toys !!!

Not picking on you, canupleaseme, but this paragraph is one that speaks to the irony and frustration and...if you can find it...the humor of certain situations that come up in partner-searching.
Isn't it possible that one of the things that was of interest to him about you was the fact that you had engaged in being with more than one person at the same time? That you sometimes shared yours with others for your amusement/hunger/whatever? Even if it was only a small part of the overall interest he had in you? Yet now that you are with him, you no longer care to indulge in that behavior...neither for you yourself nor him.

It is your choice as the dominant and definitely your choice as a human being and I am not saying it is the wrong choice...that is for you to decide. Maybe I am the only one who sees the irony and the potential frustration that could be inherent in this.

(in reply to canupleaseme)

Post #: 9

RE: who wants to watch their woman with another man? - 3/8/2007 7:38:02 AM

daddysprop247

Posts: 1712
Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
Status: offline

well my Master is one of those seemingly uncommon types who enjoys having and watching his property serve and be used by other men. why? well he has many reasons: pride in showing off his property, including his training of said property. when i serve others well he is proud, and when others compliment him on his property he is proud. another major factor would be the perversion of it all...because well, this is not "swinging" we are talking about here. :) another aspect would be the power rush. after all, he alone controls who i serve and how, it matters not what i want or do not want. if he wants (and he has done this sort of thing on occasion) he can offer me for a brief period of time to a stranger we may pass on the street or in the mall. He knows that he could have me be used by absolutely anyone, in absolutely any manner, that he desires, and that all i can do is obey. Control freaks like him get a kick outta that kind of thing. ;)

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Post #: 10

RE: who wants to watch their woman with another man? - 3/8/2007 7:51:50 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

Daddy wouldn't.

sharing His daughter sexually with others while He's there - not His cup of tea.

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to daddysprop247)

Post #: 11

RE: who wants to watch their woman with another man? - 3/8/2007 8:05:48 AM

Wildfleurs

Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddyDeSade

Now my neanderthal tendencies are well explored territory, and I just cannot comprehend the appeal of watching your woman with another man. I see it in our world, in the vanilla world; there just seems to be a percentage of guys who get off on seeing their women with other guys. I am not a prude by any imagination. I am not insecure, the five to ten times I did watch my ex with other guys I had to actively try not to laugh out loud at what I considered to be their clumsy ineptness. (Which I never did, and would have considered horribly rude) But I have a very respectable opinion of my own sexual prowess.
I just can't imagine someone getting turned on by that.
Do you think it was because I tend to consider lovers my personal property and I just don't share well? Or perhaps it's the fact that I'm always horny so cannot get past the fact that someone is getting laid and I'm not.

Different strokes I suppose.

Although my owner doesn't have an interest in seeing me with another guy. I think its just a, "its my pussy and I have the perfect fit and its mine mine mine." But I don't think there is anything wrong with that at all.

He does however like watching me with another women so long as he's a part of it as well.

C~

_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

(in reply to DaddyDeSade)

Post #: 12

RE: who wants to watch their woman with another man? - 3/8/2007 8:07:57 AM

MasterLordguru

Posts: 73
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Syracuse, NY
Status: offline

We all went to kindergarden. (at least those of us who are in the US or civilized part of the world) And were we not taught one of the most important things in this world then? Sharing is a good thing.
I say this with no jest. The fact is that sharing is not a bad thing. When all parties are involved and have no issues with it.. its a wonderful spiritual thing as well.

I understand some men have this thing about their property. And I know woman who are the same. but the fact of the matter is that thats the reason it works. becuase if your property.. you are given no hcoice in the matter and the one who does it, has total control. I however, am not of the sort to abuse my power. I feel that if my pet/little one/property desires to experience something differnet, feel something new to enhance what we have, Who am I not to provide that for her? Is that not the role of a Master? Is that not the Role of the one in Charge? To take what is ours but also make sure that their needs are provided?

Weather we admit it or not..we are animals. It is the law of the jungle. We eat. We sleep, We Rut. Three of the most basic instincts in both men and woman. Men however, have no window for insecurity becuase it makes us weaker. I say fuck that. The simple fact is that if I share her, I know I am her Lord and Master and she knows who she belongs to. She is there to please at my discretion.

Daddy's may find it hard to share, but others dont. Some take pride in knowing their little girl is taking lessons and putting them to practice.

DaddysProp said it best. IT works with her Daddy beucase its exhilarting to see her perform at his will. She is malleable and shaped by his training and dedication. How can anyone judge what htey do as wrong? And if you do, does that make you a Better Master than He? Naysayers all I say. This of course is another topic that many will disagree upon. But like all things, no one will be right or wrong. Its just a matter of perspective and prefernece. I am not of the monogomous mentality. My pet in fact is. She desires only to be with me. And I have granted her that concession. her only wish is to be used by me and me only, which I grant her. she of course desires me to continue being who I am, and in fact hunts for me> (smiles) It is so cute. She is a rather bedazzling child. I am a proud Papa.

Master Lord Guru

_____________________________

IDIC: Infinate Diversity in Infinate Combinations

“Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power.” ~~Tao Te Ching

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)

Post #: 13

RE: who wants to watch their woman with another man? - 3/8/2007 8:15:55 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

I still find it amusing the very openly high public opinion the OP has of their own sexual prowess.

We should all be free to be who they are. The idea of limiting who my partner can be with or what they can do with others goes against who I am and what I consider "love" to be.

That doesn't mean I don't have preferences and turn-ons, simply that I don't turn my turn-ons into rules of expectation and limitation for them.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MasterLordguru)

Post #: 14

RE: who wants to watch their woman with another man? - 3/8/2007 8:30:23 AM

meatcleaver

Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline

Watching two people fuck is highly hillarious no matter how good their technique if it isn't your bag. I could watch a partner have sex with another man if I wasn't that much into my partner or at least we were just play partners but I just wouldn't find it a turn on, just funny. I just couldn't get into it in a way that would float my boat.

Hmm Maybe anything is possible with the right partner.

_____________________________

There are fascists who consider themselves humanitarians, like cannibals on a health kick, eating only vegetarians.

(in reply to DaddyDeSade)

Post #: 15

RE: who wants to watch their woman with another man? - 3/8/2007 8:38:08 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
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I am just amazed at the gall for taking the name of a well known dominant in the OPs area who runs a large public playspace at the Lair DeSade...

(in reply to meatcleaver)

Post #: 16

RE: who wants to watch their woman with another man? - 3/8/2007 8:46:56 AM

onestandingstill

Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Plethora22

I just wanted to jump in and offer direct thanks to you, onestandingstill, as my own feelings very much echo your own. I am most likely going to share your post with my Mistress, not because I want her to engage with others, or that I want to do so myself, but primarily because I have fairly intense feelings myself about this topic. Specifically that traditional monogamous relationships often limit us from connecting with other people in any kind of deep and meaningful way, which is, I think, on of the single largest problems with our society in general.

We have discussed the topic many many times, to the point that our discussions seems stale, but its almost as if I have a need for her to at least understand my point of view, even if she doesn't agree, I just want her to understand, and I do not feel like she does.

But to avoid another long drawn out post, accept my thanks. :)

-Charlie

You're most welcome Charlie,
All that advise actually came from the book The Ethicle Slut and I just gave my perspective on what I'd learned and how I used that knowledge.
If you really want to put something under your Mistresse's nose I'd recommend the book way more than my little post.
Good luck to you both,
suzanne

(in reply to Plethora22)

Post #: 17

RE: who wants to watch their woman with another man? - 3/8/2007 9:09:04 AM

moki1984

Posts: 274
Joined: 2/22/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: onestandingstill

I too am not male but think I have something to say on this subject.
I was a single minded focused monogamous person person my whole life till I hit BDSM.
The book The Ethical Slut really broadened my view and helped me understand a lot about sharing.
What I've learned is often partners who can not, will not share their partners due to jealousy issues do this from an insecurity point of view mostly.

I have to agree. It is completely natural to want sexual engagement with others and their is nothing wrong with, it is inemply bred into us. To give sexuality to another is completely different than giving your heart. My husband has my heart completely and no one would ever touch that...but I could handle him exploring sex with another female or me with another male as long as we were completelyopen about it and i nthe end...we come home to eachother's arms. The person you fuck is just that....but the person you cuddle with and whisper sweet nothings and fall asleep together, that is completely different. Of course I have no idea how toi approach my husband with this lol, I am afraid he will look at it as me just wanting to fuck random guys...it is not like that. If I were to give my body to another man it would be in a respectful way nor would I do that with many people, I have never been one to sleep around and I dont oplan on starting now. I think I somewhat got away from the original post question...I apologize for that but sometimes you just start typing ...

(in reply to onestandingstill)

Post #: 18

RE: who wants to watch their woman with another man? - 3/8/2007 9:25:49 AM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

Why are people turned on by other fetishes or even common things we consider normal and many people are not. Sharing your partner just goes into that category of not for most but for some an enjoyable thing.

My actual experiences with being owned and my owner enjoying see me with other men that there were many reasons for the individual times that it happen but the underlying part I found was that element of control. A woman’s choice who to be sexual with and taking that control away from me and my obedience and devotion to serve by doing this was very enjoyable to my owners. For the most part it was never ever about my sexual satisfaction in the situation so my experiences this has less to do with sexual follies and more to do with enjoying control both with me as a slave and others being affected.

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to onestandingstill)

Post #: 19

RE: who wants to watch their woman with another man? - 3/8/2007 9:43:47 AM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline

I chalk it up for the guy being to cheap to pay for a peep show :)

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to DaddyDeSade)

Post #: 20

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