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What exactly IS BDSM etc? - 3/8/2007 3:07:34 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline 		Everyone has their definition of WIITWD.  It is this Tower of Babble that causes most of the riffs in our discussions
If I say I'm Domme.. then I might get an "oh.. how much do you charge?"Or "you're one of those man haters that feminize men".  I don't like being lumped in with those definitions.. but they are valid for those that express themselves with such. 
 
So the fight begins.. EXAMPLE: I say I am not THAT "type"..then"that type" gets upset and interprets what I said as detracting their ways when all it is is an attempts to differentiate.
 
So- is it possible to have a common denominator for it all?  What would it be?

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RE: What exactly IS BDSM etc? - 3/8/2007 3:13:11 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		We are into relationships based on the dynamic that one person has authority and the other doesn't.

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RE: What exactly IS BDSM etc? - 3/8/2007 3:38:37 PM   
redwall2001962


Posts: 28
Joined: 1/24/2007
Status: offline 		True but the same can be said for saying I'm asud it's like everyone thinks I'm a sissy boy or a wimp and thats a laygh so welcome to bd/sm I guess

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RE: What exactly IS BDSM etc? - 3/8/2007 3:40:16 PM   
redwall2001962


Posts: 28
Joined: 1/24/2007
Status: offline 		Sorry I can't type

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RE: What exactly IS BDSM etc? - 3/8/2007 3:46:35 PM   
MIstrezzTanya


Posts: 26
Joined: 7/11/2005
Status: offline 		As far as I'm concerned.. the beauty of BDSM.. is that its whatever you choose it to be..
 
I find it funny that every person I know thinks a Domme is a girl in thigh high boots carrying a strap on..lol
 
The most common denominator I can think of .. is that it is our lot to be MORE accepting of things that are not.... well.. vanilla normal
 
and
I absolutely agree with luckyalbatross
 
that covers it ALL... Me thinks...lol
 
 

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RE: What exactly IS BDSM etc? - 3/8/2007 3:52:23 PM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline 		WIITWD (to me, to me, to me, my opinion, to me, to me - is that enough disclaimer for you?) falls into three broad-ish categories:  Bondage or b&d (the 'd' being discipline, which a simple spanking is what was intended there); D/s (or M/s if that's your style of things), which is the relationship aspect of 'control'; and SM, which is generally the 'harder' 'play' aspects of what we do.

I 'grew up' embracing all three, although originally before I learned about everything, my entree into things was bondage.  I didn't know about 'power exchange' and all of that until I was ready to jump in with both feet (16 years ago).  So for me, what I (me, me, me, me) do is BDSM.  I'm comfortable in all areas.  Nearly all of my partners have embraced what I do, except for one who had unpleasant physical manifestations whenever we played, so we kept our relationship as an M/s one with restraints thrown in.

It really wasn't until too long ago that I've realized that many people 'here' (in the CM world) really are most comfortable in the D/s & M/s areas, that they don't 'play'.

So as I look at potential partners, I feel as if I'm going to have to be specific what areas she might be best suited for or interested in, and go from there.  I like having a broad spectrum of experiences, but apparently some people just aren't that open-minded.

Jeff

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RE: What exactly IS BDSM etc? - 3/8/2007 4:00:48 PM   
fiddlegirl


Posts: 43
Joined: 9/17/2005
Status: offline 		I'd say the common denominator is our ability to enjoy the giving or receiving of sensations normally thought of as undesirable: pain, humiliation, or loss of control. 

What LA said may be true of herself and her partners - maybe that's who she meant by "we" - but if she means all BDSM people, I'd have to disagree.  We're not all into relationships - some prefer casual encounters or professional sessions - and we're not all into authority: I, for example, am into S&M but not D/S.

Fiddlegirl

< Message edited by fiddlegirl -- 3/8/2007 4:02:50 PM >

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RE: What exactly IS BDSM etc? - 3/8/2007 4:32:53 PM   
FukinTroll


Posts: 6277
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: Under a bridge
Status: offline 		Bring Dem Sluts to Me


OMG!!! I'm such a dork... I forgot the L.

< Message edited by FukinTroll -- 3/8/2007 4:53:37 PM >

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RE: What exactly IS BDSM etc? - 3/8/2007 4:51:41 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline 		Unfortunately...things  like this are identified by their lowest common denominator.  Even though we say that we are not BKK or Charles Eng.. it's hard to discern at times until someone dies. With the"it's all good" attitude, does it validate it as nothing more than WIITWD as a session gone wrong?  God forbid we judge anyone. 
 
See what I mean?



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RE: What exactly IS BDSM etc? - 3/8/2007 5:57:21 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		There is no community there is no common denominator....Possibly the only thing we have in common is a higher sexual drive than what would be preceived to be the "norm."......Other than that I think we can all agree that most the subs as well as the dommes kinda have a hankering to bond with the Domiguy.

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RE: What exactly IS BDSM etc? - 3/8/2007 7:05:39 PM   
WhiplashSmile


Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

We are into relationships based on the dynamic that one person has authority and the other doesn't.


Umm... where's all the list of wonderul links.. what about Dom Domme couples as well? 

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RE: What exactly IS BDSM etc? - 3/8/2007 7:13:55 PM   
DominaSmartass


Posts: 961
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: This month? Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

We are into relationships based on the dynamic that one person has authority and the other doesn't.


Great definition, except that many of "us" aren't. Unless your "we" was just referring to you and your partner. I would dare say that many people on this site and these forums are only involved in temporary scenarios in which one partner has the position of directing and the other of following. To say that being into BDSM is equivalent to a power exchange relationship seems to be incongruent, coming from you especially LA. Did I misunderstand you?

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RE: What exactly IS BDSM etc? - 3/8/2007 7:48:00 PM   
hisannabelle


Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

We are into relationships based on the dynamic that one person has authority and the other doesn't.


this fits for d/s, but what about s/s and d/d couples, or sadomasochists who simply enjoy that part but not the power exchange, or people who just like to be tied up/tie people up? as much emphasis as there is on d/s, there's still a portion of those who only partake of the other bits.

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RE: What exactly IS BDSM etc? - 3/10/2007 7:58:47 PM   
marsman


Posts: 115
Joined: 2/16/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

Everyone has their definition of WIITWD. It is this Tower of Babble that causes most of the riffs in our discussions
If I say I'm Domme.. then I might get an "oh.. how much do you charge?"Or "you're one of those man haters that feminize men". I don't like being lumped in with those definitions.. but they are valid for those that express themselves with such.

So the fight begins.. EXAMPLE: I say I am not THAT "type"..then"that type" gets upset and interprets what I said as detracting their ways when all it is is an attempts to differentiate.

So- is it possible to have a common denominator for it all? What would it be?


I made up a psychological definition of BDSM recently.

BDSM is a psychodrama used for acting out deeply rooted psychological urges, which are not socially acceptable, in a playful, safe and controlled manner.

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Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.
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RE: What exactly IS BDSM etc? - 3/11/2007 6:03:15 AM   
ScooterTrash


Posts: 1407
Joined: 1/24/2005
From: Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

So- is it possible to have a common denominator for it all?  What would it be?

Sort of the problem actually, isn't it? BDSM is simply an acronym for Bondage, Discipline, Sadism and Masochism and is not an umbrella that really includes M/s and D/s, although they cross boundaries with regularity. No one wants to accept the term "lifestyle" is seems, but it really is a better term if we were looking for something encompassing all of WIITWD.

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RE: What exactly IS BDSM etc? - 3/11/2007 6:26:51 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ScooterTrash

quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

So- is it possible to have a common denominator for it all?  What would it be?

Sort of the problem actually, isn't it? BDSM is simply an acronym for Bondage, Discipline, Sadism and Masochism and is not an umbrella that really includes M/s and D/s, although they cross boundaries with regularity. No one wants to accept the term "lifestyle" is seems, but it really is a better term if we were looking for something encompassing all of WIITWD.


i agree with You in this but i think the reason why the term "lifestyle" isn't and probably shouldn't be used is that for a great many people it is not a style of living.  i won't judge people who have BDSM as a smallish part of their lives.  i believe there is a lid for every pot and i see nothing wrong with people who have online relationships, bedroom only relationships or full 24/7 lifestyles and long as they are honest and in agreement with their own dynamics.

i also see people who try to fit various fetishes into D/s or M/s or even BDSM even when such activities do not have anything to do with power exchanges.  A more accurate term might be sexual deviance but some people would find offense by stating that BDSM isn't sexual or take offense that the word "deviance" might have a negative connotation, although it simply means something that deviates from the conventional.


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RE: What exactly IS BDSM etc? - 3/11/2007 6:27:02 AM   
theGuideGoddess


Posts: 135
Joined: 11/8/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FukinTroll

Bring Dem Sluts to Me


OMG!!! I'm such a dork... I forgot the L.

OH!!  And here all this time I thought it meant Bring Dem Slaves to Me! 
 
As with all words, each is defined by the user and not always in a correct form.  Lots of communication is tangled in word definition.  Some even do it purposely.
 
The Guiding Goddess

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RE: What exactly IS BDSM etc? - 3/11/2007 6:41:51 AM   
SirDominic


Posts: 711
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline 		Well, I've grumbled about this before, and you'll see me grumbling about it again. BDSM is the only group that I know of where the participants insist that there are NO definitions. BDSM is whatever the people involved say it is. Sounds great in theory, right? Everyone gets to choose for themselves? Problem is it is just wrong, wrong, wrong.

Let's say I proclaim that I am monogamous. But MY definition of monogamous is that I have one wife and several play partners on the side. No-one (I hope) would agree that that is the definition of monogamy. Yet in BDSM, any definition is valid.

Now I'm not trying to say I, or anyone, should control what people think. But I DO believe that just because someone says they are something, it doesn't make it true. Their saying so is a delusion on their part. Again refer to my monogamy example. That individual can believe whatever they want, but it shouldn't be a given that what they believe has any realtionship to reality.

Do you ever wonder why the BDSM community has such a bad rep in the vanilla world? I think it is because we don't define ourselves, and into that void, others define what we are for us.

Namaste, Sir Dominic

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RE: What exactly IS BDSM etc? - 3/11/2007 6:53:28 AM   
daddysprop247


Posts: 1712
Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirDominic

Well, I've grumbled about this before, and you'll see me grumbling about it again. BDSM is the only group that I know of where the participants insist that there are NO definitions. BDSM is whatever the people involved say it is. Sounds great in theory, right? Everyone gets to choose for themselves? Problem is it is just wrong, wrong, wrong.

Let's say I proclaim that I am monogamous. But MY definition of monogamous is that I have one wife and several play partners on the side. No-one (I hope) would agree that that is the definition of monogamy. Yet in BDSM, any definition is valid.

Now I'm not trying to say I, or anyone, should control what people think. But I DO believe that just because someone says they are something, it doesn't make it true. Their saying so is a delusion on their part. Again refer to my monogamy example. That individual can believe whatever they want, but it shouldn't be a given that what they believe has any realtionship to reality.

Do you ever wonder why the BDSM community has such a bad rep in the vanilla world? I think it is because we don't define ourselves, and into that void, others define what we are for us.

Namaste, Sir Dominic


i agree with Sir Dominic's words above. saying and believing you are something does not make it so, yet that is what we are expected to accept. i for one find it unceasingly frustrating to have to figure out how each person defines each basic lifestyle term (Dom, sub, Master, slave, BDSM) before even the simplest discussion can take place with any real understanding. there is still an endless potential of possibilities, paths, belief systems we all can follow while still having a universal understanding that cat=feline mammal and not purple volkswagen, simply because one person says this is so.

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RE: What exactly IS BDSM etc? - 3/11/2007 6:58:31 AM   
LaMistressa


Posts: 460
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Status: offline 		What exactly IS BDSM etc?

It's a dessert topping - NO! It's a floor wax!

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