damia
Posts: 190
Joined: 10/26/2006
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m'Lord is very bad about being a 'backseat driver.' This last weekend when i was driving Him around to various places we needed to go, He yelled 'Watch out!!' at me, because i wasn't slowing down as fast as He thought i should for the situation at hand. Of course, i had the situation under control until that very moment when He yelled at me. i slammed on my brakes and swerved (sp?) even though i knew i didn't need to, because the sudden yelling panicked me. When i drive, i go into a 'concentrate on the road' mode, and people yelling at me all of a sudden while i drive or questioning me on where i'm going or making me watch for something that has nothing to do with driving distracts me horribly.
Minutes went by after that moment where we said nothing, and i was very flustered and upset. Then, He did it again when i was turning and some idiot decided to zoom in front of me. i was braking to make room for the idiot, but Master yelled at me to watch out, and i braked more than i intended, and the car behind us almost hit me.
i lost my temper. i glared at Him, finished the turn, then pulled off the road, parked the car, and got out to calm down. He asked why i stopped, and i snapped at Him that i can't take people yelling at me while i'm driving, and He needs to just be quiet and let me drive, or drive Himself, because while i have not had a single accident since i learned to drive almost 7 years ago, i was very close to having an accident twice when He was 'back-seat driving'. He didn't punish me for snapping at Him, because He could see that it was truly something that upset me, and that it was just something we'd have to work on (we, because He agreed He shouldn't have yelled at me when i had it under control, and because He has no reason to doubt my driving ability).
The other time was when we were at an SCA event. Granted, when we are at SCA events, i am His lady, and He is my lord, and we are not Master and slave, but there is always some part of it, and my actions would have been very intolerable if not for the circumstances.
There is an unwritten rule among scribes (people who provide award scrolls for the King and Queen to give to people) that if you are doing a scroll for someone and know that they are going to get a certain award, you don't tell them, and you only tell who you must (people helping you with the scroll, helping you get information on that person, etc). Well, m'Lord told a good friend of ours, i'll call her Cat (short for her SCA name), about an award He was working toward convincing Their Majesties to give her. He had hoped they would give it to her at that event. They didn't (but did at the next event), and He had made a scroll for her, which He gave to her, and told her about His efforts. Shocked that He would break this rule, offended as a fellow scribe who upheld the rule, and embarrassed that the person who broke the rule was my Lord and fiance, i lost my temper. When i loose my temper, i go off to cool down, but He followed me, and asked me what was wrong. i told Him i needed some time to cool off (this was the first time He ever saw my temper), and that we could talk about it after that (was very respectful and calm at this point). He accepted that, but a few minutes later, started talking about it. i walked away, and He called to me, and i swear it was in the same tone as my mother would use when i was younger to make me stop and argue with her when all i wanted to do was withdraw, telling me to Stop. i turned to Him, and yelled at Him to go the hell away and to leave me alone. i know it was very harsh and very wrong, but the way He spoke to me snapped me back into the way i was raised, the way my mother would make me stand there and argue with her until i broke down sobbing and hid in my room the rest of the day and/or night. At that point, i ran off and spent about an hour just sitting and crying or thinking or staring, and eventually talking to a female friend of mine and just venting. He and i talked about it later, and i don't think before that He really understood my background, but after that He definitely saw my problems for what they were, and while i wasn't punished by Him for my outburst, i didn't allow myself to speak up about things that bothered me for the rest of the weekend, so i pretty much punished myself.
Wow...that was really long. But believe me, many people snap at one point. Depending on the circumstances, you may be punished, but sometimes there's a real reason behind it that may be damaging or dangerous...
~jewel
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