RE: New person I met doesn't return my calls.. but wants to be with me?

RE: New person I met doesn't return my calls.. but wants to be with me? (Full Version)

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Wildfleurs -> RE: New person I met doesn't return my calls.. but wants to be with me? (3/8/2007 11:37:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: boltaction The real reason why I can't stand this is because: 1. It puts me in an inferior position to her, having to wait on her. 2. It does not show respect. 3. It sends me mixed signals. 4. I don't feel like her dom by always being the one to initiate contact with her. But then again I can almost understand because: 1. She works all of the time. 2. She's told me many times she is horrible about calling people back. 3. Nothing seemed fake about her when we were together. I don't know what to do... this is downright vanilla territory. Umm you said you wanted to be her dom and boyfriend, thats how you get into vanilla territory. C~

azzmaster -> RE: New person I met doesn't return my calls.. but wants to be with me? (3/8/2007 11:45:39 PM)
no one can say exactly what the deal is.. but its not good. its good if u can move on, but i see u really feelin her so its hard. u know u need to tho. spend ur energy on one who gives u more priority in her life. no one is THAT busy. women can't always stop themselves from flirtin

domiguy -> RE: New person I met doesn't return my calls.. but wants to be with me? (3/8/2007 11:51:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Wildfleurs quote: ORIGINAL: boltaction The real reason why I can't stand this is because: 1. It puts me in an inferior position to her, having to wait on her. 2. It does not show respect. 3. It sends me mixed signals. 4. I don't feel like her dom by always being the one to initiate contact with her. But then again I can almost understand because: 1. She works all of the time. 2. She's told me many times she is horrible about calling people back. 3. Nothing seemed fake about her when we were together. I don't know what to do... this is downright vanilla territory. Umm you said you wanted to be her dom and boyfriend, thats how you get into vanilla territory. C~ Very few of us that are involved in "wiitwd" relationships....have one where the common rules of vanilla life do not some how apply....This is why so many people can't seem to understand why they are not successful...The "I'm a Dom your a sub" dynamic doesn't mean shit without a personal attraction..as well as the physical,mental...So many vanilla aspects of dating still hold true here....It's rediculous to deny it....We act like we are open minded..We are not!....We act like this is something more "special"...It is not!

Driver1961 -> RE: New person I met doesn't return my calls.. but wants to be with me? (3/8/2007 11:56:31 PM)
He dips His lid to all, Hurrah for your last post Boltaction! This appears a very 'early stage' relationship and there's no sense in 'grandstanding' on your being a Dom, the bottom line is the same as Vanilla, 'Dual Respect at the beginning or it will never be'. Being a Dom does not mean that you have to drag a sub to the table- she will drag herself (if need be) out of her respect for you. As a side thought Bolt, you are very fortunate that your openess has enabled excellent support from experienced CollarMe posters. Many are giving you very sound advice in your threads assisting the personal growth you wish. Eyes take a bow to you... Warm regards to all. Driver.

WhiplashSmile -> RE: New person I met doesn't return my calls.. but wants to be with me? (3/9/2007 1:49:13 AM)
You know what. I would kick her ass to the curb with the trash, move onto some body else more worth wild. I don't care how beautiful she is, or how hot in the bedroom. It's not worth it, I think you already know this, but you don't want to admit it to yourself. It tends to conflict with all the warm and fuzzy feelings she's left you with. Seduction can be a deadly two way street, and even the subs will tell you everything you want to hear and then some. So you can sit around and go Yum, Yum, Yum.. and eat it all up when you talk to her. That way your life is on hold from being with somebody else, while she's busy with whatever else going on. One thing is for certain. You are not a priority of any kind on her to do list. Us Doms can't control every fucking thing. The only thing we truely have control over is ourselves. You can't control the unwilling face it. Nobody really has to do shit we say, they do it because they want to. She's not wanting or enjoying the power of your control all the much, cause if she honestly did, she'd be right there for you. You are in a situtaion where a sub is controlling you! Reverse mind fucking games 101. You've been hosed.

bandit25 -> RE: New person I met doesn't return my calls.. but wants to be with me? (3/9/2007 2:10:54 AM)
Kick her to the curb. Done deal

mons -> RE: New person I met doesn't return my calls.. but wants to be with me? (3/9/2007 2:34:49 AM)
greetings it is sad that submisive or anyone who does this is sick i think i had one sub male who i spoke with and oh we had such a great time with one another but when it came time to meet hr never showed up oh he said he lose his wallet and then each time something came up and then he would write and i would aks what happen and what was going on then he never wrote again i wrote him off nf that was it for me then. he wrote not to long ago and had the nerve to ask to write out plan i had set for him what i would do what he could do he was a sick fuck. do not put your heart into this one she is long gone and it does hurt when they do this when you really work up a special meaning with them but for reason i will never know he just disappear so let her go and start over look for anothe i wish you luck and sorry this happen you will be surpise how many time this has happen to many dominant and submisssives good luck mons

BeachMystress -> RE: New person I met doesn't return my calls.. but wants to be with me? (3/9/2007 3:09:16 AM)
I must admit that, like others, the first thought that came to mind when I read the OP was the book was the book mentioned by pissdoll; He's Just Not That Into You. Whatever the reason, the dynamic to this situation is a bad one. Just as some men are users and jerks, some women are also. You're convenient when you fit into her schedule. Other than that, it sounds like she doesn't have much use for you, no matter how well things seem to go when you are together. This is not a question of D/s, but one of basic respect. The way she is treating you means to me that she either doesn't respect men in general or perhaps you in particular. You're a play toy for when she has the need to roleplay her submissive itch. You deserve better. There are tons of wonderful fem subs out there who are looking for the whole package. As for being someone's boyfriend as well as Dom making you vanilla... um.. I'm not sure how someone could make that generalization. My submissive husband was my boyfriend before we married. How does him having been my boyfriend have anything to do with who held the power in the relationship? Too many people lately are seeing D/s as a capsule world that doesn't encompass day to day life. I am here to tell you that your view is a bit narrow if you think that. While you may not personally be able to deal with a fully faceted relationship with the power resting in the Dominant, others of us can and do. I realize not everyone is able to understand that because it isn't natural to them. For them, being human around a submissive is a threat to their ability to control, because their control is tenuous to begin with. Personally, if I had to play act around my submissive rather than being the complete person I am, I'd not bother to keep one. By the way, I personally feel that anyone else telling you how to live, how to deal with a sub or how you should act as a Dominant is trying to Top you themselves. As a Dominant you set the rules in your life for yourself and for your submissive. I've never understood how doing things your own way could make you less of a Dominant or an impostor, as was also suggested. To me, one who would suggest such a thing needs to sit down and think about both tolerance of the way others live the lifestyle and tops disease. If we didn't all have questions at some time or another, these message boards wouldn't exist. I commend you for having the presence of mind to utilize them when you needed some alternate opinions to decide how YOU would deal with this.

windchymes -> RE: New person I met doesn't return my calls.. but wants to be with me? (3/9/2007 4:11:01 AM)
I still would like to hear HER side of this story before I kicked anybody to the curb. As Judge Judy says, there's HIS side and there's HER side, and the truth is always somewhere in the middle.

Valeriana -> RE: New person I met doesn't return my calls.. but wants to be with me? (3/9/2007 4:30:22 AM)
You are feeling inferior, disrepected, and confused by her. You are justifying her actions by excusing them. With only this glimspe into your view, it would seem at the very least that you should back off from that relationship and observe to see if her tune changes. Control yourself and do not seek her out. Move forward with an open mind and heart that will allow another to enter. You may be surprised at what develops.

daddysliloneds -> RE: New person I met doesn't return my calls.. but wants to be with me? (3/9/2007 4:46:13 AM)
quote: it's aggravating and makes me look bad to have to call her every time. She is also very, very busy and works two jobs. okay, i just got to know, how does it make you look bad, and to whom does it make you look bad, if you are the one who always calls her? i'm just like her. it's rare to never that i call a man first; i always wait for him to call me; why? well, first of all, he's single and has a life outside of me, and i don't want to be intruding on his time; secondly, he's the guy and the leader in my opionion; i don't want to lead, i want to follow. sooo, personally, i think your being a little bit overtly sensitive about the whole thing. oh, and if she doesn't answer your calls right away when you do call, or texts you back instead of call you back, well maybe that's because she's single too and is possibly on a date with someone else when you call, which she may not be comfortable with telling you to avoid hurting your feelings, or maybe she's busy or tired like she told you. sometimes it's better to not try to read between the lines!

WhiplashSmile -> RE: New person I met doesn't return my calls.. but wants to be with me? (3/9/2007 4:49:29 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: windchymes I still would like to hear HER side of this story before I kicked anybody to the curb. As Judge Judy says, there's HIS side and there's HER side, and the truth is always somewhere in the middle. Normally I would agree with you on this, but she has other priorities. In the OP's second post, he states quote: 1. She works all of the time. 2. She's told me many times she is horrible about calling people back. 3. Nothing seemed fake about her when we were together. This means she does not have the time to devote to the relationship. She is more concerned about other matters, and she treats others with the same respect as she's shown the OP. She's basically the type to call somebody when it suits herself. #2 on the list shows her own words and #3 is the mood when into it. I beleive if you step back and think things through on 1,2,3 this should be more then enough proof. The OPs desires and needs are not clearly getting met, I personally doubt it would ever change since she is Horriable about calling people back, it appears that other people have complained to her about this before based on #2 I think Judge Judy would even have to look at items 1,2,3... and be able to come to a logical conclusion. Read his whole second post. It's broken down into two bullet point lists.... It's clear that his needs and her actions is a damn poor combination.

WhiplashSmile -> RE: New person I met doesn't return my calls.. but wants to be with me? (3/9/2007 4:58:58 AM)
Then again, this is my own personal take on the matter, and how I honesty see it based on the information provided to me. I know if I repeatedly called somebody and they did not return my calls, that I would take this to mean they are not into being with me. It's damn right rude and selfish on her part, or perhap even thoughtless, that is my whole point. To why I feel she should get the boot to the curb. If he means anything to her, she would grow up and return the calls and show some respect. She would realize that her not returning phone calls is damaging to the so called relationship they have. If she's this lazy to return the calls chances are she's too lazy to work on the relationship. So what's the point. If she really values the relationship she would return his calls. I think her lack of action speaks for itself.

daddysliloneds -> RE: New person I met doesn't return my calls.. but wants to be with me? (3/9/2007 5:07:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: boltaction Ground rules time. 1. YOU WILL PROMPTLY RETURN ANY PHONE CALL, EMAIL OR TEXT WITHIN 24 HOURS. 2. I expect you to contact me once a day, by the time you get home or on your way home. (The time will be decided by our schedule at a later date) 3. We will see each other when our schedules do not conflict, at least once a week unless it is an emergency. 4. I will punish you whenever I deem it necessary, and for any reason I see fit. 5. You will refer to me as sir unless I tell you otherwise. If you feel these requirements are not acceptable then I think we won't be a good match, and should not see each other anymore. "I never answer the phone" is no excuse. I am a dom, NOT a doormat. You want someone to control and discipline you, well here I am. No more bullshit. We play by the rules or not at all. This is your final warning, I will not be calling you again. ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! if i read that, you'd be the one kicked to the curb; sounds like a little boy throwing a temper tantrum more than like a man, let alone a dominant man! dude, she doesn't belong to you, so your rules don't apply to her!

Valeriana -> RE: New person I met doesn't return my calls.. but wants to be with me? (3/9/2007 5:13:45 AM)
Again, move on. She will either have the desire to seek you out or she won't. If she does, then she is perhaps ready to put forth some effort. If she does not, then what have you lost? And how do I get this ice cream cone off my post?

catize -> RE: New person I met doesn't return my calls.. but wants to be with me? (3/9/2007 5:17:17 AM)
quote: I would kick her ass to the curb with the trash, It looks to me like she has walked herself to the curb and hopped the first ride outta there.

windchymes -> RE: New person I met doesn't return my calls.. but wants to be with me? (3/9/2007 5:24:28 AM)
Oh, I read all the posts, and I also read his profile. In it, he states that he is 23 years old, works full-time and goes to college full-time. He doesn't say, but I think it's a reasonable assumption that she's approximately the same age and might go to college full-time, too, which would explain working two jobs, if she is paying her own way. The girl was exhausted enough that she fell asleep at a friend's house while helping cook dinner. I don't know what that's all about, but the key points there were "fell asleep" and "friend's house". Apparently she's as busy as she claims to be. He states that, since he works and attends college he apologizes in advance if doesn't "get back to you right away". But yet he is chastizing her for the very same thing. He also states further on down in his profile that he would prefer a girl who "has a few ideas of her own." He states in the OP that they have had ONE date, where she apparently drove , and upon exiting the car, he ordered her to "call him". After the first date? It sounds to me as though she has ideas of her own, and because they aren't what HE wants, she's a manipulative monster? I don't think so. He stated that they've had 6 months of emailing and one date. Why does this suddenly make him "Her Dom" and obligate her in any way to him? If he is clearly so smitten, why is he sitting back and crying because she won't make all the moves? If she is so gorgeous, she probably has lots of other suitors and if he wants to be at the front of the pack, he ought to be making the moves to make himself someone she sees as desirable, rather than someone who just gives commands and expects to be followed by someone he's been out on a date with ONCE. She hasn't agreed to be his girlfriend, his submissive or anything. She has shared her submissive and kinky fantasies with him and dated him once, where they were "extremely close"....what does that mean? Talked all night? Heavy making out? Had sex? One date does not obligate her to do anything. He has made her his submissive/girlfriend in his own mind and suddenly she's the bad one for living her life. How many times have we given out the advice to people to take things slow and not jump into relationships? Though immature, this girl sounds reasonably sane in that department to me. Granted, if she is truly not interested, then she should say so and not string him along. But maybe she does like him and would like to go out with him some more before she makes even a vanilla committment to him, let alone calls him Master. But maybe it's just not the right time in her life, which might be unfortunate for him.....who also works and goes to college.... but, she might be worth waiting for. Or, she might just not be ready. Frankly, at 23, I think he should be dating around, too.

WhiplashSmile -> RE: New person I met doesn't return my calls.. but wants to be with me? (3/9/2007 5:25:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: daddysliloneds ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! if i read that, you'd be the one kicked to the curb; sounds like a little boy throwing a temper tantrum more than like a man, let alone a dominant man! dude, she doesn't belong to you, so your rules don't apply to her! While the list may appear a little absurb to you. The concept is throwing down a choice of action for her. Instead of keeping somebody in land of limbo guess what is going on. Real simple Logic... Do you value this relationship and wish to continue seeing me (yes/no). If answer = "yes" then Address her rude behavior in not returning phone calls. If she throw up cheap excuse for behavor, that she does this in general. Then let her know that is no excuse for her to continue this behavior is she really meant YES above. In short either she will agree or disagree to the cheap excuse she is using. If she agrees it's a cheap excuse she should be willing to agree to calling you back If Change in behavior does not happen conclusion is that she does not value the relationship, enough to change her behavior and lame ass excuses. else Goodbye end if

sambamanslilgirl -> RE: New person I met doesn't return my calls.. but wants to be with me? (3/9/2007 5:27:41 AM)
personally, i think a couple of dates and months of emailing does not make a relationship. you as a Dom need to learn patience - i've seen your profile (after viewing mine) you state you're a fulltimne student and work fulltime apologizing ahead of time if you don't get back to anyone right away. and now you're upset because she (the submissive) hasn't called you back. planning to kick her to the curb because she leads a busy life with 2 jobs and whatever else. that's a double standard, my friend. you would have to apply your rules to yourself too. quote: ORIGINAL: boltaction Ground rules time. 1. YOU WILL PROMPTLY RETURN ANY PHONE CALL, EMAIL OR TEXT WITHIN 24 HOURS. 2. I expect you to contact me once a day, by the time you get home or on your way home. (The time will be decided by our schedule at a later date) 3. We will see each other when our schedules do not conflict, at least once a week unless it is an emergency. 4. I will punish you whenever I deem it necessary, and for any reason I see fit. 5. You will refer to me as sir unless I tell you otherwise. If you feel these requirements are not acceptable then I think we won't be a good match, and should not see each other anymore. "I never answer the phone" is no excuse. I am a dom, NOT a doormat. You want someone to control and discipline you, well here I am. No more bullshit. We play by the rules or not at all. This is your final warning, I will not be calling you again.

MISTRESSWINE -> RE: New person I met doesn't return my calls.. but wants to be with me? (3/9/2007 5:35:15 AM)
Having gone through the responses you got on here, I am sure you will be well fine. I have been through similar and it hurts but like everything else in life, life goes on. So I wish you lots of luck in your last attempt (like I said, been there done that, and all the rest), but keep an open mind and find love, joy, and peace within you first.. every day, brings us closer to our ultimate destiny....

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