RE: New person I met doesn't return my calls.. but wants to be with me? (Full Version)

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MISTRESSWINE -> RE: New person I met doesn't return my calls.. but wants to be with me? (3/9/2007 5:51:26 AM)

Well Done for moving on...it's for the best...



WhiplashSmile -> RE: New person I met doesn't return my calls.. but wants to be with me? (3/9/2007 5:53:41 AM)

You know what?  I'm not in your shoes!

All the advice you've recieve from me and others
may or may be not be right.

You need to get in touch with her, and let her know
how her actions are making you feel.

You and her will need to work this out, Either one
or both of you will have to do something a little
differently in terms of how you act or think.  

This is the only advice I can give you that I know
I'm 100% right about.

Everything I've said up to this point is just my own
personal take on the matter.  I feel and think I'm pretty
Damn close to right.  But I have been wrong before.
Regardless, you will need to talk with her.  If you
can't resolve this matter, and it continues to trouble
you.  Kick her ass to the curb.... for your own sanity!



KatyLied -> RE: New person I met doesn't return my calls.. but wants to be with me? (3/9/2007 6:01:54 AM)

To the OP.  You are far more patient than I.  If someone isn't interested there's not a lot you can do to force them to be interested.  Here's your sign:  an interested person will look forward to your phone calls and call you when you ask (within reason, of course), an interested sub will enjoy opportunities to display her submission (if she wants to submit to you).  I think you've given the girl plenty of chances.  



valeca -> RE: New person I met doesn't return my calls.. but wants to be with me? (3/9/2007 6:02:52 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sambamanslilgirl

personally, i think a couple of dates and months of emailing does not make a relationship.


Maybe I've misunderstood here, but aren't you in an online collar/relationship with bigsambaman?  You talk about online/phone relationships in your journal, and those opinions definitely contradict what you've stated here.  Could you clarify this for me so I can get a better understanding of how you've separated the two ideas? 



sambamanslilgirl -> RE: New person I met doesn't return my calls.. but wants to be with me? (3/9/2007 6:12:50 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: valeca

quote:

ORIGINAL: sambamanslilgirl

personally, i think a couple of dates and months of emailing does not make a relationship.


Maybe I've misunderstood here, but aren't you in an online collar/relationship with bigsambaman?  You talk about online/phone relationships in your journal, and those opinions definitely contradict what you've stated here.  Could you clarify this for me so I can get a better understanding of how you've separated the two ideas? 


we don't email - we chat online and on phone daily. we've been in this Daddy-daughter relationship for the last 7 months now. we've met before and will meet again. no, i wasn't collared online - for you personal information. our relationship works best for us because i'm a mom of 2 UMs and moving to where He lives in not the goal for me. yes i'm allowed to meet and date other men with Daddy's permission.  i have met a couple of collarme men from my area as well as vanillas - no i'm not in a relationship with either of them because a couple of dates doesn't make a relationship.

is that clarified enough to satisfy your question?  i'm surprised anyone reads my journal.



valeca -> RE: New person I met doesn't return my calls.. but wants to be with me? (3/9/2007 6:23:09 AM)

It helps, thank you, but I'm still not seeing the difference.  Please don't take what follows as flippant, I'm just trying to grasp things properly.

A couple of dates and emailing for months--not a relationship.
Phone and instant messaging and a couple of dates--a relationship.

Maybe the difference is the daily part?

And yep, I read journals.  I like to see what people have to say. [:)]

Edited to add:  If it makes you more comfortable to discuss the particulars in private (so as not to be taken as an attack on you), feel free to email me on the other side.



windchymes -> RE: New person I met doesn't return my calls.. but wants to be with me? (3/9/2007 6:32:11 AM)

I think the big difference between the OP and the "sambas'" relationships is that the sambas are in mutual agreement with what they have and they both are happy with it, and the OP's sounds very one-sided. 

There was an old song that said "A love affair for one can never be"



boltaction -> RE: New person I met doesn't return my calls.. but wants to be with me? (3/9/2007 7:31:03 AM)

No, you have the wrong idea.

She was very much into me prior, and it's not just a one sided thing. Well at least it wasn't. She has mentioned many times how bad she is about returning phone calls, but I can't wait on her anymore. I want to be with her, I really do. Either way, I am not willing to sacrifice my pride in order to do so. Maybe if she proved to me how real this was to her... but as it stands certainly not. She can always call me, I'm just not going to initiate anything until she reciprocates AND I tell her why I am mad.



BreatheinToMe -> RE: New person I met doesn't return my calls.. but wants to be with me? (3/9/2007 8:16:26 AM)

Timing is everything. The best advice I got one time was.."Do you think, he/she is relationship material  for you, right now? Just the way he/she is now? No improvements?"
 
My answer at the time was...gulp...no

 
Breathe...



azzmaster -> RE: New person I met doesn't return my calls.. but wants to be with me? (3/9/2007 9:38:28 AM)

well bolt, i think its good ur not gonna keep on callin her,but u know people have a million reasons 4 sayin or doin things. best case scenario is she  likes u much but has some issues about intimacy or issues about prioritizing, but worst case scenario is she lies and says that stuff to everyone cause she likes stringing men along. like someone else said, time will tell... its hell waiting though, i feel 4 u. 



Missokyst -> RE: New person I met doesn't return my calls.. but wants to be with me? (3/9/2007 9:42:29 AM)

I rarely call men, regardless of whether I am seeing them or not.  It is a hold out from the old days when men did the pursuit.  Plus. I really don't like yakking on phones.
Kyst
quote:

ORIGINAL: BRNaughtyAngel

I realize this is how you feel, but wanted to say that I seldom call my Master unless it's important or if He has instructed me to call Him. 



thetammyjo -> RE: New person I met doesn't return my calls.. but wants to be with me? (3/9/2007 9:45:43 AM)

If someone does communicate with you in the way you need or want and you have made it clear how you want to communicate, I would take that as a sign that they really do not want to be with you or that they are trying to manipulate you.

Why would you want to be with a person in either category?



Mysti -> RE: New person I met doesn't return my calls.. but wants to be with me? (3/9/2007 10:05:09 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave

All I have to say on this is actions speak louder then words.


My thoughts exactly



Dnomyar -> RE: New person I met doesn't return my calls.. but wants to be with me? (3/9/2007 10:25:40 AM)

Face it. She dosent think your as hot as you think you are.



domiguy -> RE: New person I met doesn't return my calls.. but wants to be with me? (3/9/2007 11:43:58 PM)

Dude, I think everyone out here can agree I am the voice of reason...You have done what you can...I am proud of you that you will make no further contact with this wicked twat.

Look, even the Domiguy has had an off night or two where the woman, throught no fault of my own, was not feeling the "Domiguy vibe."  Trust me, all of these women who say, "Oh. Give her a chance...Because I don't contact a man."  Are full of cum and shit!!!  The unfortunate part is that they are full of the cum of somebody else...

Anywhoo...If someone is a sub and they dig your shit, and you have left a detailed message on how you look forward to hearing from them, then they are obligated to return your call if they share a similiar feeling for you.  If you don't hear from them...Fuck it!  Move on.   And if there is a God, hopefully they will die from some sort of cancer of the pussy!!!....God Bless you all...Goodnight.

If you are at all interested in attending one of my "sensitivity workshops" please email me a tit or cunt shot.



rubyleu -> RE: New person I met doesn't return my calls.. but wants to be with me? (3/10/2007 5:26:10 AM)

she cant even call you when you asked her to.. even if she is busy, she can take 2 mins to call you and tell you that she cant talk for long, but at least she can obey your order, and show that she thinks about you.
ill admit, ive been like that too in the past.. but not to my xMaster.. i dropped everything to call him when he asked me to. i was so into him. but then again, i was his collared slave. i was addicted to him.
as for her, she doesnt seem serious or just experienced to know that a simple little order like that, is a simple way that she wants to obey you, and submit to you.
you chasing her ass is making you look inferior. and personally, for me, a Dom who chases my ass, is a turn off.. if you keep this behavior with her, if this does get anywhere, its just gonna get worst, unless you change it, and unless she proves to you she is serious.
i have 2 jobs also, 2 kids, 2 pets. single mother. no excuse.. its all bullshit. if a sub wants something, she has to have determination and show it..she might also be disorganized, starts too many projects, and cant finish them. who knows. but i do know if a sub is really interested in a Dom, she would take the time..



eyesopened -> RE: New person I met doesn't return my calls.. but wants to be with me? (3/10/2007 6:26:34 AM)

It sounds like You have not at all kicked her to the curb but are hoping against hope that she will call You.  Are You so smitten because she is gorgeous??  i see so many men who are so enamoured by the physical that they totally ignore character.  she knows she is gorgeous and she has been trained that she can treat any man like dirt and they will continue to reward her behavior by "really wanting to be with her"  Here is Your opportunity to train her toward real submission by really kicking her to the curb and finding someone with integrity.  i am extremely busy, my job often requires long hours and even weekends, yet i have never not returned a phone call or accepted a call even if it was to say "Sir, i am really busy right now and may i call You back when i'm not busy?"






SexyRed -> RE: New person I met doesn't return my calls.. but wants to be with me? (3/10/2007 6:58:11 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: boltaction

No, you have the wrong idea.

She was very much into me prior, and it's not just a one sided thing. Well at least it wasn't. She has mentioned many times how bad she is about returning phone calls, but I can't wait on her anymore. I want to be with her, I really do. Either way, I am not willing to sacrifice my pride in order to do so. Maybe if she proved to me how real this was to her... but as it stands certainly not. She can always call me, I'm just not going to initiate anything until she reciprocates AND I tell her why I am mad.



Like everyone else, I want to give you some strong, heartfelt advice borne out of years of experience.

If someone wants to be with you or is interested in you, they will find the time, even if it is two minutes to contact you and to show you they are interested.

Never make excuses for someone treating you badly. And please, if someone says "I am bad at returning calls" or anything to that effect, they are not owning up to behavior that hurts someone else. If you accept that lame explanation, then you are enabling them to hurt you again and again.

There is a very hard lesson learned in life, that when it comes to relationships, it absolutely takes two people and no matter how much you "think" something is perfect, or you try to excuse away problems, if the other person is not meeting your needs, you need to move on.

Nothing is 50/50 all the time, but absolutely at the beginning, both parties should be showing interest equally.

And this is not even a D/s phenomenon, it is just a human thing.



marieToo -> RE: New person I met doesn't return my calls.. but wants to be with me? (3/10/2007 7:33:43 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: boltaction

The real reason why I can't stand this is because:

1. It puts me in an inferior position to her, having to wait on her.


What puts you in an 'inferior" position is that you feel a need for her and not the other way around.


quote:

2. It does not show respect.


Clue number 1.

quote:

3. It sends me mixed signals.


Clue number 2

quote:

4. I don't feel like her dom by always being the one to initiate contact with her.


As long as you are leaving the door open and to letting her know that door is open, she should be walking through it or at least trying to walk through it, if she has any interest in serving you.  Doesn't sound like her head is in the right place at all.

quote:

But then again I can almost understand because:


You are already beginning to make excuses for her with this statement.

quote:

1. She works all of the time.


Really?  Well, does she ever urinate?  I ask because it would take about as much time to call you back and at least acknowledge that she got your message, as it does to run to the bathroom.

quote:

2. She's told me many times she is horrible about calling people back.


So what kind of submissive would this be?  A person with no consideration for others, not even her potential dominant.  Is this what you want?

quote:

3. Nothing seemed fake about her when we were together.


And nothing is fake about her now.  She is showing you who she is.  Do you believe her?

quote:

I don't know what to do... this is downright vanilla territory.


Yes it is.  But its your own creation.  If you want different reactions you have to figure out how to get them and how to be smart enough to pick one with potential,  percecptive enough to figure her mind out,  and patient enough to go through the process of conditioning her to meet to your expectations.  This takes time.  It doesn't automatically occur after a "date".



catize -> RE: New person I met doesn't return my calls.. but wants to be with me? (3/10/2007 7:39:34 AM)

quote:

 No, you have the wrong idea. 
 
I think you are the one who is misguided.

quote:

She was very much into me prior, and it's not just a one sided thing. Well at least it wasn't.  

 Please take note your own use of the past tense.

quote:

but I can't wait on her anymore. I want to be with her, I really do. 

And yet you are waiting; your words denote a modicum of hope that this is a real relationship. She may indeed be submissive but has declined to submit to you. 
All this manly, domly posturing makes me laugh.  She has proven with her actions that this is not real to her.  You have succumbed to ‘delusions of dominance.’ 



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