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RE: New person I met doesn't return my calls.. but want... - 3/10/2007 7:54:29 AM   
subSeekn2BFree


Posts: 2
Joined: 3/6/2007
Status: offline 		Sir, erase her number and all correspondences you had with her and move on.  Time has been telling you she is not into you.  Sincerity has also been an informant.  There is nothing wrong with wanting common courtesties like a person following through on their words.  Word can build a pretty house but if it is not fortified with actions, the cement... the foundation.... The house will quickly crumble.

Don't allow people to take unnecessarily from you.  You know your value and worth.  If they are just too blind to see that is unfortunatel.  You have to keep it moving and move one.

Be prosperous,
subQueenie

(in reply to boltaction)
Profile   Post #: 81
RE: New person I met doesn't return my calls.. but want... - 3/10/2007 8:05:32 AM   
misspage


Posts: 14
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline 		I am chiming in a little late it seems but i'll give my perspective as a submissive.  Communication is the most important thing, if you told her to call and she did not  then that is a state of defiance and in my opinion not acceptable behavior.  Now in her defence things do happen that can keep you from following through on something you were told to do.  However, if this is a pattern trait then you honestly may want to reconsider if you do not feel she is on the up and up with the calling.  The rules have to be clear and firm... i like spankings like the next girl but i don't act out to get them.  I don't know how she is but for me personally if my dominant is indecisive then that leaves me room to act out however i want to and gives him little control over me...that leaves me unhappy and unfulfilled. 

(in reply to boltaction)
Profile   Post #: 82
RE: New person I met doesn't return my calls.. but want... - 3/10/2007 8:30:06 AM   
SimplySubmissive


Posts: 216
Joined: 1/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

It sounds like You have not at all kicked her to the curb but are hoping against hope that she will call You.  Are You so smitten because she is gorgeous??  i see so many men who are so enamoured by the physical that they totally ignore character.  she knows she is gorgeous and she has been trained that she can treat any man like dirt and they will continue to reward her behavior by "really wanting to be with her"  Here is Your opportunity to train her toward real submission by really kicking her to the curb and finding someone with integrity.  i am extremely busy, my job often requires long hours and even weekends, yet i have never not returned a phone call or accepted a call even if it was to say "Sir, i am really busy right now and may i call You back when i'm not busy?"






and this gives her all the power, and maybe she doesn't want all the power, if she is truly submissive, and is trying to see if you are going to act like all the other men and let her do whatever she wants. she then loses interest when you do.


(in reply to eyesopened)
Profile   Post #: 83
RE: New person I met doesn't return my calls.. but want... - 3/10/2007 8:37:41 AM   
defiantbadgirl


Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline 		Some women never call a man first and rarely return his calls. These women believe if they are  hard to get and always leave the man wanting more (ie always ending dates first, never staying on the phone more than a few minutes when he calls), he will stay smitten. This is a vanilla concept based on the idea that men thrive on challenge. I didn't know it worked in the BDSM lifestyle too. Judging by your reaction to her, apparently, it does. Has she given you her home phone number or address? If not, she might be hiding something. I still stand by what I said before. She's either hiding something or she's doing "The Rules" on you.

(in reply to boltaction)
Profile   Post #: 84
RE: New person I met doesn't return my calls.. but want... - 3/10/2007 8:53:50 AM   
riskrewarded


Posts: 23
Joined: 8/26/2005
Status: offline 		The part of the post that concerns me the most is where you say shes bad at calling "people" back.  A sub doesnt see a dominant as "people".  This shows a grave lack of understanding of your role.  If a submissive uses terms like this to refer to you its an opportunity for you to correct them.  The fact that you don't see this makes one wonder if you are capable at this point...to lead.  Also the fact that you dont seem to want to take responsibility for this makes one concerned if you are serious about the endevor for which you claim interest.

You have to come to the realization that her not calling you back isnt what is making you feel you look bad, its that youre waiting by the phone when you obviously shouldnt be.  One gets the feeling that if she read this and decided to give you a call for kicks the whole cycle would begin again.

This does not engender respect.

(in reply to boltaction)
Profile   Post #: 85
RE: New person I met doesn't return my calls.. but want... - 3/10/2007 9:01:00 AM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

A sub doesnt see a dominant as "people".  


In an effort to appear articulate and intelligent, my comment to the above statement is…..HUH???

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to riskrewarded)
Profile   Post #: 86
RE: New person I met doesn't return my calls.. but want... - 3/10/2007 9:58:53 AM   
hisannabelle


Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: riskrewarded

The part of the post that concerns me the most is where you say shes bad at calling "people" back.  A sub doesnt see a dominant as "people".


after one date? i would definitely see a dominant as "people." hell, i could date a dominant ten times and if i haven't been collared by him, he'd still be "people."

(in reply to riskrewarded)
Profile   Post #: 87
RE: New person I met doesn't return my calls.. but want... - 3/10/2007 10:46:59 AM   
afeathr


Posts: 248
Joined: 6/1/2006
From: Southern California
Status: offline 		I see what riskrewarded means, but the impression we have been given is that this was more than just a casual friendship.  Perhaps that is where we are all (including the OP) wrong.  She -- the accused -- *does* see the OP as "people" and therefore sees no particular reason to treat him any different than the other "people" in her life. <shrug>

I agree that there is more to this story than meets the eye -- unless I can hear both sides I will refrain from making any significant comment.

_____________________________

afeathr

-Going where the wind blows me...

(in reply to hisannabelle)
Profile   Post #: 88
RE: New person I met doesn't return my calls.. but want... - 3/10/2007 12:53:11 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		Is everyone here missing the point that, they're not collared, she has never consented to or agreed to be his submissive, they have only met once in real life, and, according to the OP have only shared fantasies and likes, not mutually discussed any rules or boundaries of a D/s relationship? 

I still fail to see where she owes him anything!  She never even promised to call him, she pretty much let him know that she was NOT going to.  He only ordered her to....she never agreed to it. 

I just don't understand why everyone's making her out to be such a monster.

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to afeathr)
Profile   Post #: 89
RE: New person I met doesn't return my calls.. but want... - 3/10/2007 12:56:03 PM   
angelic


Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline 		Cuz she didn't start the thread first?

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci


(in reply to windchymes)
Profile   Post #: 90
RE: New person I met doesn't return my calls.. but want... - 3/10/2007 1:10:05 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplySubmissive

quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

It sounds like You have not at all kicked her to the curb but are hoping against hope that she will call You.  Are You so smitten because she is gorgeous??  i see so many men who are so enamoured by the physical that they totally ignore character.  she knows she is gorgeous and she has been trained that she can treat any man like dirt and they will continue to reward her behavior by "really wanting to be with her"  Here is Your opportunity to train her toward real submission by really kicking her to the curb and finding someone with integrity.  i am extremely busy, my job often requires long hours and even weekends, yet i have never not returned a phone call or accepted a call even if it was to say "Sir, i am really busy right now and may i call You back when i'm not busy?"






and this gives her all the power, and maybe she doesn't want all the power, if she is truly submissive, and is trying to see if you are going to act like all the other men and let her do whatever she wants. she then loses interest when you do.




Ah yes a putting someone through tests to prove themselvs is a real submissive trait!!! (NOT) it isnt really a good domanent trait eather... heck it would hurt any relationship!!

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to SimplySubmissive)
Profile   Post #: 91
RE: New person I met doesn't return my calls.. but want... - 3/10/2007 1:44:06 PM   
valeca


Posts: 403
Joined: 1/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: riskrewarded

A sub doesnt see a dominant as "people".  This shows a grave lack of understanding of your role.  If a submissive uses terms like this to refer to you its an opportunity for you to correct them. 



.....

This does not engender respect.



You can 'correct them' all you want.  Until s/he belongs to you, or s/he has agreed to submit to your wants/preferences, the 'correction' is nothing more than words in the wind. 

Respect is a two way street.








_____________________________

~valeca, Owned and Operated by Loraith.

(in reply to riskrewarded)
Profile   Post #: 92
RE: New person I met doesn't return my calls.. but want... - 3/10/2007 2:09:34 PM   
boltaction


Posts: 53
Joined: 12/1/2005
Status: offline 		Well, I learned a very valuable lesson from this. Don't judge a book by its cover and don't let puppy dog love get in the way of your self respect.

(in reply to valeca)
Profile   Post #: 93
RE: New person I met doesn't return my calls.. but want... - 3/10/2007 2:10:46 PM   
firemuse


Posts: 19
Joined: 2/19/2007
Status: offline 		Another submissive's point of view:

If I am in communication with someone I'm interested in - I am looking forward to contact from him, and I will return any calls promptly.

If I'm not interested...I'll try to communicate that, but sometimes people are persistent.  Then, I will generally just not make myselves available (ie, not return calls)

Few notes, to the OP -

- THREE cancelled dates???????????????????????????

- she "FELL ASLEEP AT A FRIEND'S"???????????????  (very interesting)

- I work 2 FT jobs, and run a non-profit org...I also have pets and friends.  If I'm interested in someone and they call, you bet I can find the time to call back.  Usually by the end of the day.  ANYONE can find 5 minutes, even if it's while driving, eating, before bed, whatever.

- myself - if someone tolerated even half of this from me, I'd not take them seriously as a Dominant, and I'd lose respect for them as a person.

- "I'm bad at calling people back" - ????  Hello???  I agree with whoever said that that's an excuse for rude behavior.  I'm surprised anyone who sees themselves as a Dominant would tolerate it.

It sounds like you're making excuses for her.  I think you know what's going on but don't want to accept it.  I see someone who's either lying, leading you on for the attention, or who doesn't just have the backbone to tell you she's not interested.  Either way, someone who is not nearly as into you as you are her.

Lastly - you aren't her Dom, and can't really make rules like that.  Plus from her past behavior I doubt she'll take them seriously; it doesn't sound like she takes you seriously.  Even if you just preface it with "If you wish for us to get together again, this is what I require from you" that might work, but the daily calling - not cool.  I wouldn't agree to that unless there were some level of commitment there.  To me, it looks like you were being walked over, realized it, and are trying too hard to go the other way....the best way to punish a submissive IMO (and for you to regain face here) is to withdraw attention.  You'd probably have more of an effect if you said "I expected a return call", ask why you didn't get it, then end the call and let her stew for a few days before next contact.

Bottom line - I see waaaay too many signs that she's not into him - not a monster, just not interested.  My thoughts - accept that if she was into you before, it sure don't like like she is now...and you've not handled it suitably...learn, smack yourself a reminder that there are LOADS of other gorgeous and compatable women, let this one go and don't look back.

(and yes including if she does respond favourably to the rules - which I somehow doubt will happen.)

fire

(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 94
RE: New person I met doesn't return my calls.. but want... - 3/10/2007 2:19:51 PM   
boltaction


Posts: 53
Joined: 12/1/2005
Status: offline 		Thank you for your contribution Firemuse.

(in reply to firemuse)
Profile   Post #: 95
RE: New person I met doesn't return my calls.. but want... - 3/10/2007 3:07:36 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

Is everyone here missing the point that, they're not collared, she has never consented to or agreed to be his submissive, they have only met once in real life, and, according to the OP have only shared fantasies and likes, not mutually discussed any rules or boundaries of a D/s relationship? 

I still fail to see where she owes him anything!  She never even promised to call him, she pretty much let him know that she was NOT going to.  He only ordered her to....she never agreed to it. 

I just don't understand why everyone's making her out to be such a monster.

I, for one, have been in agreement with you! 

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to windchymes)
Profile   Post #: 96
RE: New person I met doesn't return my calls.. but want... - 3/10/2007 4:27:54 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		Thanks, and it was bad taste for me to generalize it by saying "everyone". :)

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to catize)
Profile   Post #: 97
RE: New person I met doesn't return my calls.. but want... - 3/10/2007 4:30:06 PM   
boltaction


Posts: 53
Joined: 12/1/2005
Status: offline 		Windchymes, catize:

I hope you don't think I think poorly of her. The fact is, she is just as much entitled to her actions as I am to my own. She's not a monster for not getting back to me, obviously.

(in reply to windchymes)
Profile   Post #: 98
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