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RE: Work Life & Private Life - 3/9/2007 9:14:38 AM   
szobras


Posts: 435
Joined: 9/18/2006
Status: offline 		I wonder, do Dominants and Masters feel they are submitting to a Master when they go to work?
In my perspective, and position, I do not feel that I am submitting to either by going to work.
At least since I have been granted release from "MasterCard".

< Message edited by szobras -- 3/9/2007 9:15:27 AM >

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Work Life & Private Life - 3/9/2007 9:32:58 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I own a repair business.  I am also in conjunction with another repair business as its second in charge.  I am often called on to go where ever it is necessary to make sure the job gets done.  Between my former dom (the other company) and I, we take charge of 6 others who are excellent private contractors.
In my life I have always been the person that family members come to for help.  People of all ages ask for advice or guidance.  Frankly.. it is wearing.
While I have been a successful sought after top, I am really only content as a sub.  It isn't that being sub lets me just do, without thinking.  It is that as a sub, allowing my natural tendency to get things done, is acknowleged.  And by that I mean, the men I have enjoyed show me they enjoy me.
It is easy to be overlooked when you are a workhorse. 
Kyst

< Message edited by Missokyst -- 3/9/2007 9:38:29 AM >

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Work Life & Private Life - 3/9/2007 10:18:26 AM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline
I practice law more as a hobby than as a business. Cases make my life a bit more interesting and add income to the household, but both women in my life are very glad I do not have a power job with time demands and severe work stress attached.

The smaller career allows me to be an emotional leader in both my Marriage and secondary relationship.

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Work Life & Private Life - 3/9/2007 10:44:12 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		Really, really, didn't want to post to this thread. Hit the reply button three times and started and deleted posts twice. Let's see if this time it takes...

Disclaimer (Needed because, speaking in 'absolutes' for me is sometimes interpreted as requiring absolutes for all.): The following post is a statement of my philosophy, appropriate and currently working for my relationship. And now, fuel for the flames...

quote:

On a previous thread, my post was held up as the poster child for how a working slave can not fully submit in her slavery, as she must serve another Master (her job).  I disagree with that, as my own Master comes first, even before my job, and has pulled me from work at his whim, for his reasons. Further, excelling at work meets one of his requirements of me. But I could not do as well as I do at work without knowing it is my submission to my Master which drives me


Owned, how can your Master NOT have working as one of his requirements? How can you exist and be happy with your life if you doubted this or believed in anything else? The same is true with all of us. My point wasn't a challenge to you, it was pointing out a distinction, with the reasons provided.

With me it was a backward process. I knew my goal and put in place everything needed to get there. Before finding beth, I was turned down by quite a few who would not surrender the career or job aspects of their life. I wasn't offended. I didn't think them foolish. I knew that finding a strong, confident, capable woman; who upon meeting me would give all that up to serve me 24/7 would not be an easy task.

It's not a challenge, but a question. You say that; "my own Master comes first, even before my job". If he ordered you to walk in today and quit without notice, with nothing else changed in your relationship, would you do it? "Nothing else changing", meaning you would have no security, a bad job reference. Do you see this akin to BDSM activity "limit"? Then where is the line for that limit? A manner of dress or makeup? Start or end time of your workday, or requiring an extended lunch break to serve him? Days off? Regardless of where the line is, that's where the Mastery of your Master ends and the service to your other Master begins. Again - Not qualifying the line as a good or bad thing. Many people feel the need for polygamy and it is not necessarily sexual.

The expected answer of course is that your Master uses the results of your labors to his benefit. Serving the job Master serves him by implication. Well, that just makes you both submissive to the ultimate controlling factor of your life. Not good or bad, but pragmatically accurate.

Leading to the answer to this question...
quote:

I wonder, do Dominants and Masters feel they are submitting to a Master when they go to work? 
Of course and I hate it. No, I don't hate my job. Its my business so I have the titular position of "Master" in my workplace, but it doesn't accurately describe reality.

I am a slave to my lender. I serve my clients. At minimum I'm an indentured servant of the government, national, State, and local, who I have a partnership relationship where they get over 50% of any money I earn*(see note). In many respects I am also in service to my employees. At minimum I consider the impact of any decision I make on their life. A person fails and/or loses his job and he/she potentially devastates his/her family. A business fails, and the families of all my employees are devastated, and perhaps those of some of my vendors and creditors. I take that responsibility seriously.

My goal now, and everyone should have and work on goals, is to be in a position to not need to work. I'd still be the government's indentured servant, but at least I'd be able to be with beth physically, as well as just mentally and emotionally, as I'm forced to be now during the workday.

Here is the bottom line. Coming home from that responsibility I wanted complete and 100% control of the one thing that I determined satisfied my desires - my slave. The pragmatist in me knew that 100% may be impossible, but it was a goal to strive toward. To obtain it, I removed everything in my power from the life of my slave that would get in the way. The biggest thing - was work. There is no amount of money she could earn that would mean more or serve me more, than having her at my beck and call. I take great pride and satisfaction to have obtained this goal in my life. It makes sense to me. I know I am very fortunate and dare I say "blessed" that I found a woman who it also made sense.

One of my sources of pride occurs when beth is asked; "what do you do?" in whatever social occasions that imposition of privacy question arises. beth's answer; "I serve him and make make him happy" raises a lot of eyebrows. However, when she answered that way the first time she met my mom, I could tell it was the first time my mom ever "approved" of the woman in my life.

Okay - now the question is... Do I hit the "OK" button and post this?


* Sidebar: Before anyone challenges the tax statement, consider that all sales taxes are paid with money netted from previously taxed sources. Do the math and if you buy anything add a minimum of 10% to your assumed tax base regardless of your ability to use deductions.


< Message edited by Mercnbeth -- 3/9/2007 10:53:05 AM >

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Work Life & Private Life - 3/9/2007 11:38:06 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Merc, there is no reason to flame you because you have, this time, as many times before when the subject came up, stated very clearly that is is YOUR way for YOUR life. You do not demean or critisize anyone else for their point of view or what works for them.

KOM, in reading thru this thread I really latched onto the post that explained a bit more how you felt about your initial post. How does your personal trait determine HOW you do your job, not so much what your job is? That really put into perspective how I always feel about any discussion regarding this subject. Any job I have ever had since my first job at age 14 I have ended up getting into some sort of training or athoritarian position. Even when I didn't particularly want it, it just worked out that way.

Taking charge of a situation, speaking up when others were afraid to, changing a process to be more efficient.........all things I have always done without any thought. Even now, the company owner often asks me before he does something. I have heard him many times say something like "we have to ask LeeAnn first". I am not a bully, I don't demand it. It just ends up flowing that way without effort.

Now you having me deep in thought... maybe I should change jobs and start at the bottom to see what happens

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 3/9/2007 11:56:13 AM >

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Work Life & Private Life - 3/9/2007 12:24:50 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

Disclaimer (Needed because, speaking in 'absolutes' for me is sometimes interpreted as requiring absolutes for all.): The following post is a statement of my philosophy, appropriate and currently working for my relationship. And now, fuel for the flames...


Speaking in absolutes is often interpreted that way. I wouldn't necessariy think a "disclaimer" is required, rather clarity in communication is helpful so as not to be misunderstood. Particularly in a medium such as this, and particularly when holding a particular person as your basis for argument. I see no need for flames when communicating with a group of respected individuals. You will receive no flaming from me, although I may strongly disagree with your words. But that's what discussion/debate includes, right?

quote:

Owned, how can your Master NOT have working as one of his requirements? How can you exist and be happy with your life if you doubted this or believed in anything else? The same is true with all of us. My point wasn't a challenge to you, it was pointing out a distinction, with the reasons provided.

I could not exist peacefully if I doubted my Master's decisions for me. I do not doubt that he wants me to work or WHY he wants me to work. The distinction you pointed out did not seperate you personally from what we all do as a whole. It was very easy to interpret your presentation as I did. Basically, you said "Look folks - this is what I mean by slavery not working if the slave has an employer." How might the one you quoted think after that? While I am secure in the knowledge of just how deep and valued my slavery is to my Master, your posted sparked some questions, which I have asked.

quote:


With me it was a backward process. I knew my goal and put in place everything needed to get there. Before finding beth, I was turned down by quite a few who would not surrender the career or job aspects of their life. I wasn't offended. I didn't think them foolish. I knew that finding a strong, confident, capable woman; who upon meeting me would give all that up to serve me 24/7 would not be an easy task.

Agreed. It is a process of finding what you want. Just as my Master has turned away many a girl who could not fulfill his requirements.

quote:


It's not a challenge, but a question. You say that; "my own Master comes first, even before my job". If he ordered you to walk in today and quit without notice, with nothing else changed in your relationship, would you do it? 


Absolutely! My submission to him is not just when it's convenient to me. If he told me to quit without notice, I trust he had a damn good reason for it.
quote:


"Nothing else changing", meaning you would have no security, a bad job reference.


I actually HAVE quit without notice before. One bad job reference did not make one iota of difference in all the accomplishments I have been able to prove, and the overwhelming GOOD references I have from both employers and the venders I have worked with. And I have the means to support myself without working for awhile if I must.

quote:


Do you see this akin to BDSM activity "limit"? Then where is the line for that limit? A manner of dress or makeup? Start or end time of your workday, or requiring an extended lunch break to serve him? Days off? Regardless of where the line is, that's where the Mastery of your Master ends and the service to your other Master begins. Again - Not qualifying the line as a good or bad thing. Many people feel the need for polygamy and it is not necessarily sexual.


This statement seems to imply you are assuming my relationship to my Master is limited to BDSM only. It is not. It is all consuming. And I have made it very clear that despite the nay-sayers, I do not impose any limits as to what my Master does to me. I have worn what he has told me to wear to work, and I deal charmingly with it. I have left my office to drive an hour & a half to meet him to serve him, and returned to finish up the last hour of the day, exhausted and disoriented. My work is quite outstanding, and I am given lots of leeway at my job as a result. I show up to work every day because my Master requires it. I often DON'T show up to work - or create flexible hours for myself because my Master requires it. I am, at all times, exactly where he wants me to be. This is a concept that is foreign to some; I understand that. But it is one I can always manage to work out. And yet with all this missed time of work, they are working on promoting me at work. So surely it can be done and done well.

quote:


The expected answer of course is that your Master uses the results of your labors to his benefit. Serving the job Master serves him by implication. Well, that just makes you both submissive to the ultimate controlling factor of your life. Not good or bad, but pragmatically accurate.


Accurate according to whom?  Expressing that my Master is submissive to anything, without knowing him, his motives or his intentions, feels insulting to me. If he makes room for something he wants to occur, that is his exact choice for such an event to occur. You are assuming the ultimate controlling factor in my life is my job. I do not know why such an assumption would be made.

quote:


Leading to the answer to this question...
quote:

I wonder, do Dominants and Masters feel they are submitting to a Master when they go to work? 
Of course and I hate it. No, I don't hate my job. Its my business so I have the titular position of "Master" in my workplace, but it doesn't accurately describe reality.


You have a different perspective than my Master. He owns his own firm as well, and he loves what he does. He is there because he chooses to be there, and works where and when he chooses to work. He enjoys representing his clients. He is not a slave to them because he chooses which clients he will represent. He guides them in their decision making, and gets much satisfaction from it. Particularly when he gets to collect their money afterwards!

quote:


I am a slave to my lender. I serve my clients. At minimum I'm an indentured servant of the government, national, State, and local, who I have a partnership relationship where they get over 50% of any money I earn*(see note). In many respects I am also in service to my employees. At minimum I consider the impact of any decision I make on their life. A person fails and/or loses his job and he/she potentially devastates his/her family. A business fails, and the families of all my employees are devastated, and perhaps those of some of my vendors and creditors. I take that responsibility seriously.


Of course you do, as any business owner should. But this is a matter of perspective. You do it because you choose to do it. You likely excel at it because it fulfills you to do so.
quote:

My goal now, and everyone should have and work on goals, is to be in a position to not need to work. I'd still be the government's indentured servant, but at least I'd be able to be with beth physically, as well as just mentally and emotionally, as I'm forced to be now during the workday.


Sounds like a great goal to have.

quote:


Here is the bottom line. Coming home from that responsibility I wanted complete and 100% control of the one thing that I determined satisfied my desires - my slave. The pragmatist in me knew that 100% may be impossible, but it was a goal to strive toward. To obtain it, I removed everything in my power from the life of my slave that would get in the way. The biggest thing - was work. There is no amount of money she could earn that would mean more or serve me more, than having her at my beck and call. I take great pride and satisfaction to have obtained this goal in my life. It makes sense to me. I know I am very fortunate and dare I say "blessed" that I found a woman who it also made sense.


I have made it no secret that I think those slaves who are able to stay home and focus solely on the Master without external pulls are in an enviable position. My slavery is not designed that way. It is not what my Master wants. I remain at his beck and call in a capacity that he enjoys and is quite content with. As I said in the previous thread, it is great that both you and my Master have exactly what you set out for. But I contend he would not hold up beth's words to the world and profess that her kind of slavery would not work.

quote:


One of my sources of pride occurs when beth is asked; "what do you do?" in whatever social occasions that imposition of privacy question arises. beth's answer; "I serve him and make make him happy" raises a lot of eyebrows. However, when she answered that way the first time she met my mom, I could tell it was the first time my mom ever "approved" of the woman in my life.


That is an awesome answer that beth gives. I don't have much regard for raised eyebrows either. Those in my life know my Master comes first. Even when my Dad was dying in the hospital, I served my Master by obeying his command that my time be spent at my Dad's bed side. To this day I am grateful for such an allowance and command. I am grateful that he was selfless enough to sacrafice that period of time without my services, so that I could spend my Dad's last hours curled up with him on his bed.  To note, I also had to do some things that felt pretty horrible at the time, at my Master's instruction.  Things that very much put him ahead of my Dad, even at my Dad's death. My Master will always come first.

quote:


Okay - now the question is... Do I hit the "OK" button and post this?


I am glad you did. I appreciate the time you took to express your thoughts, Merc, and I respect your views. I am glad for the discourse, and hopefully I was able to answer your questions adequately

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Work Life & Private Life - 3/9/2007 12:27:05 PM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: szobras

I wonder, do Dominants and Masters feel they are submitting to a Master when they go to work?



Being in a business with a lot of chiefs and comparatively few Indians, I work directly for an 'owner'.  He's quite the micromanager when he's there.

Most people in our store feel intimidated by him.  If he stays away, things get done by how the managers feel they should be done.  But if the owner's there, he will get involved if he feels like it (much to everyone's dismay).

It took a while, but I've learned to see through enough to know how to 'work' him.  Fairly well anything I want, I can get.  Recently a situation came up where our health insurance costs were going up, and 'Daddy' wasn't going to eat it himself.  We had to.  I decided I needed a raise.

The ladies in the office thought I shouldn't try to get any more than the difference in health costs.  My idea was I wanted a fairly substantial jump.  They thought that would never happen.

I went the third route.  I had a meeting with 'Daddy', and said I wanted more money.  How much?  'What do YOU think would be fair?'  (Let the micromanager think he's getting his way.)

I ended up getting what I (unspoken) wanted PLUS the increase in health costs TOGETHER.

I'm Daddy's boy, and I know how to work Daddy for whatever my little heart desires.  Of course, I can do the same for submissives who cross my path as well.  Everybody rolls over for me.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to szobras)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Work Life & Private Life - 3/9/2007 12:56:31 PM   
gypsygrl


Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline 		I don't really make much distinction between my "private" life and my "professional" life.  I've always done work directly related to personal challenges.  For example, in another life, before I was divorced and still mostly a stay at home wife/mom with a disabled son, I worked part time in a position supporting other parents and providing professionals with "the parent perspective."  When I decided to go back to grad school, my research area is closely related to this experience and I do alot stuff in the history of mothering, the professions and the relationship between professionals and the family.  I tend to few these phenomena in terms of power relationships, and identify with the bottom.  In that sense, there's a lot of consistency between my work life and my personal identification as a submissive.

When it comes to how I do my job, it depends. When I'm teaching in the classroom, I tend to teach from the bottom, especially graduate students who have a lot of field experience.  The point is to empower them, and to get them to see their own authority, so I work really hard not to let mine overshadow theirs.  Early on, I try to create a situation in which power is shared, though I will exert my authority if necessary and to keep things productive.

With undergraduates, I take a more top-down, traditional (dom-style) approach because they seem to expect it and its more effective.  As a group, they lack the sorts of field experience which would make power sharing productive in an educational setting and seem to benefit from the extra-motivation that an authoritative edge provides.  This is something I had to learn through experience.  My first undergraduate class when like hell because I couldn't get the students respect.


< Message edited by gypsygrl -- 3/9/2007 12:59:26 PM >

_____________________________

“To be happy is to be able to become aware of oneself without fright.” ~Walter Benjamin


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RE: Work Life & Private Life - 3/9/2007 1:19:01 PM   
DivaZya


Posts: 103
Joined: 2/15/2005
Status: offline 		Currently, I'm a full time student -
Learning to guide those that come to Me.
~ Art Therapy~


_____________________________

~ D/s isn't based on fantasies- it may be motivated by them, but reality must be dealt with, and sometimes sharply! ~

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Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Work Life & Private Life - 3/9/2007 2:29:26 PM   
Sunshine119


Posts: 611
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline 		OK....In my work life, I am the Executive Director of a Social Service agency.  I have run social service agencies for 20 years.  I have also taught Philosophy and Theology in colleges as an adjunct. 

Now, one might observe the whole field of social service is one of serving one's clients.  I have a saying "Because I'm the boss, I get to do all the jobs no one else will do".  So, it would seem, even if I am the dominant in the workplace, I serve in that position.  I am also on call 24/7 for any emergency that should happen at my agency.  My dominant knows these things, understands them and recognizes that I need to work, both for me and for us, in order to maintain our standard of living.

Would I quit if he told me to?  Yes, I think so, but I'm glad I'm not put in that position today as I love my work and feel like I have much to offer. 

But then, of course, I am trying to actually decide if I'm a switch!

Sunshine


_____________________________


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RE: Work Life & Private Life - 3/9/2007 3:17:32 PM   
DominaSmartass


Posts: 961
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: This month? Maryland
Status: offline 		I am looking forward to reading this entire thread, though I haven't yet. But just to respond to the OP, I think that stereotypically the people that are involved in primarily "S/M" facets of bdsm tend to be sort of opposite of their everyday roles. For example, we all know about the rich executive who sees a mistress to be humiliated and degraded after coming home from a day where he is the boss man. I know many people in the scene who choose roles to apparently compensate for what they are missing or lacking in other realms of their life, but those are not people I'd personally consider doms or subs in any other capacity than that they self-identify.

That said, I think the people who identify on the core level as doms or subs, masters or slaves, can be anything and everything in their vanilla lives and it might have nothing or everything to do with who they "are" at their core. I know that sounds like a very wishy-washy statement. But here's what I mean. If someone is service oriented and gets satisfaction from pleasing others he or she may very well be a sub in his or her private life but that doesn't mean that it's a contradiction to hold a powerful position in his or her professional life. It's not the position that is held but the way that the position is carried out, if you get my drift. Even at the worst jobs, the ones we look down upon, there are people who do them everyday with a smile and enjoy the service they may provide to others and those that grunt through them because they have to. I don't see anything really contradictory about a dom being a waiter, AS LONG AS he is the best waiter there is. If he's the type that's on top of everything, the one who gets the huge tips because he's got his shit together and he doesn't let the other people on his team cut corners (ok, with a mentality like that he'd probably become a manager pretty soon - but we all have to start somewhere...) I also don't see it as "natural" that a sub would be a waiter just because they are service oriented in their private life.

What I do see is a corralation between certain career paths and people who are kinky, not necessarily dom or sub in particular. Ever notice the number of medical professionals, law enforcement, military, and entertainment industry people there are at your local munches and groups?



_____________________________

“These S&M people ... they are bossy! There’s also a creepy connection between leather sex, ‘Star Trek’ and the Renaissance Faire.”

- Comedian Margaret Cho

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Work Life & Private Life - 3/9/2007 3:28:25 PM   
DominaSmartass


Posts: 961
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: This month? Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

i can be a slave and still carry huge responsibilities.


I've never seen these things as being in conflict to begin with. I think both masters and slaves carry large responsibilites within their relationship and I can't say I know any slaves who have the luxury of being confinded to some sort of erotic-fantasy-novel-type existance.

_____________________________

“These S&M people ... they are bossy! There’s also a creepy connection between leather sex, ‘Star Trek’ and the Renaissance Faire.”

- Comedian Margaret Cho

(in reply to slavemaia)
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RE: Work Life & Private Life - 3/9/2007 3:37:21 PM   
DominaSmartass


Posts: 961
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: This month? Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

It's not what we do... so much as how we do it.  Our inner natures can have a huge impact on how we perform the positions.  Also, I think some positions have little to do with these inner natures of Dominance and Submission... but feed other aspects of our selves, I think szobras is a good example of this.


Um, what he said. When am I going to learn to read the whole thread before replying? ;-)

As for myself, since I haven't spoken about my own career...I work in reality tv production. I'm not at a very high level yet though I do manage 2 interns (my first time ever managing anyone) and I am "dominant" in whatever I do. By that I mean that I know no other way to do things than to be the best at it, at least my personal best. I don't really have it in me to slack off. Though that could be said for a lot of subs and slaves too so who knows what any of this really has to do with that.

_____________________________

“These S&M people ... they are bossy! There’s also a creepy connection between leather sex, ‘Star Trek’ and the Renaissance Faire.”

- Comedian Margaret Cho

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Work Life & Private Life - 3/9/2007 3:51:13 PM   
hereyesruponyou


Posts: 770
Joined: 1/22/2007
Status: offline 		In my job I run the day to day workings of an agency that trains disabled teens and adults to work. My job is everything from kissing/kicking ass of state agencies (as needed) to get what my clients need, to unstopping a toilet, or trying to explain why sex at work is not a good thing.... My job responsibilities are directly related to the fact that I am willing to take charge and get things done and take responsibility if something goes wrong. I do generally expect people to do what i ask and do it well. I set expectations high, but realistic. I do feel i am respected by my subordinate staff members because they know i care about them, the job, the clients and how well we do our jobs, etc. I have limited tolerence for staff members who make excuses or don't put forth their best effort. I would never take those people on as subs, unfortunately on the job i sometimes inherit other people's problems. 

As for my clients, I can say that my serious Domme side has definately served me well to let them know i will not stand for them breaking rules and will hold them to whatever punishment is necessary. When i took over discipline for our clients serious incidents dropped from 3-5 a week to about once a month. I know this is because I inspire them to want to please me, rather than making them scared of me. They do not want to disappoint me or themselves. My lectures tend to be more along the lines of "do you really think what you did/said was right?" "would you want someone to do that to you?" "do you want to be a person who is not trustworthy or mean?"  I try to talk them into telling me why they should do better, then in the following days/weeks/months/years, i continue to praise the good.  And yes, i can get anyone, staff or client, to stop a behavior with just a look..... you know the one, the one that makes the subs squirm.....

(in reply to DominaSmartass)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Work Life & Private Life - 3/9/2007 4:21:15 PM   
paulthesub


Posts: 59
Joined: 2/9/2007
From: Calgary
Status: offline 		I've actually turned down promotions to positions where I would have to manage other people. It's just not in my nature at all to be in a dominant position. Or maybe that's just what I keep telling myself because I just don't want the headache or the responsibility.

_____________________________

Don't drink from the mainstream

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Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Work Life & Private Life - 3/9/2007 4:51:04 PM   
mynded


Posts: 137
Joined: 8/20/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DominaSmartass

I am looking forward to reading this entire thread, though I haven't yet. But just to respond to the OP, I think that stereotypically the people that are involved in primarily "S/M" facets of bdsm tend to be sort of opposite of their everyday roles. For example, we all know about the rich executive who sees a mistress to be humiliated and degraded after coming home from a day where he is the boss man. I know many people in the scene who choose roles to apparently compensate for what they are missing or lacking in other realms of their life, but those are not people I'd personally consider doms or subs in any other capacity than that they self-identify.

That said, I think the people who identify on the core level as doms or subs, masters or slaves, can be anything and everything in their vanilla lives and it might have nothing or everything to do with who they "are" at their core. I know that sounds like a very wishy-washy statement. But here's what I mean. If someone is service oriented and gets satisfaction from pleasing others he or she may very well be a sub in his or her private life but that doesn't mean that it's a contradiction to hold a powerful position in his or her professional life. It's not the position that is held but the way that the position is carried out, if you get my drift. Even at the worst jobs, the ones we look down upon, there are people who do them everyday with a smile and enjoy the service they may provide to others and those that grunt through them because they have to. I don't see anything really contradictory about a dom being a waiter, AS LONG AS he is the best waiter there is. If he's the type that's on top of everything, the one who gets the huge tips because he's got his shit together and he doesn't let the other people on his team cut corners (ok, with a mentality like that he'd probably become a manager pretty soon - but we all have to start somewhere...) I also don't see it as "natural" that a sub would be a waiter just because they are service oriented in their private life.

What I do see is a corralation between certain career paths and people who are kinky, not necessarily dom or sub in particular. Ever notice the number of medical professionals, law enforcement, military, and entertainment industry people there are at your local munches and groups?


What I do see is a corralation between certain career paths and people who are kinky, not necessarily dom or sub in particular. Ever notice the number of medical professionals, law enforcement, military, and entertainment industry people there are at your local munches and groups?


I noticed that too. I also noticed there's a wide variety of careers held by CM members. Being here on this site opens up a world of knowledge for me and others who think they cant relate. Thanks to all the posters for allowing me this opportunity.
Now, as for me, I'm in the healthcare profession and have been serving the public most of my life. I'm on my own alot in my most recent jobs so that puts me in a dominant role. I also am accustomed to being a single mom and having the role of mother and father. So for me its sub/switch. Mostly sub b/c I have more exp. in that role in the lifestyle and in real life. 

(in reply to DominaSmartass)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Work Life & Private Life - 3/9/2007 4:54:58 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		With my work life I am a department manager.  It used to be a department of 20 or so but we were recently purchased by a larger public company and through restructuring and lay-offs it is now a department of three.  However, I do oversee a department in another country where the majority of our work was shipped off to.  I don't manage the people, but I manage the work.  We are a loss recovery unit within the company and we saved our clients over $8.5 Million dollars last year.  It is a relatively thankless job because most people don't notice us until something goes wrong with their accounts.

In some ways the job does not suit me very much anymore with all the changes.  Being submissive is really only a small part of why it doesn't fit.  I am an introvert and my position has become more client facing.  The constant meetings and phone calls is a big drain on my energy levels.  I often find myself exhausted after work and all I have done is been in meetings all day long.

In my private life, he has all the authority, including authority over what I do at work.  Recently he has told me that I will not work any overtime for my new boss.  I wouldn't want my private life to be any other way and my employees are aware that he is the boss in our relationship. 

I find it highly uncomfortable to have any authority within my intimate relationships.  It has been interesting forming the dynamic with alandra.  Neither of us want to take the authority in the relationship and she would happily submit to me.  But I know that would make me miserable in the long run.  We are working on finding a comfortable path where we share the load 50/50.

Knight's kyra 

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Work Life & Private Life - 3/9/2007 5:17:19 PM   
denika


Posts: 619
Joined: 8/30/2005
Status: offline 		For the past five years I have worked as a 911 dispatcher for a large rural center (29 fire dept, 5 ambulance services, 6 Constables, Animal control) and before that I worked as an EMT.    My career feeds into my personality in that I love the unpredictible, I am happy in chaos and I can multitask like you wouldn't beleive *s*     To serve and to protect is a motto I take to heart, I feel that I can serve the best by being very good at my job.  I am very dominant in my role, after all I am the one telling the crews where they need to go, I am also the one being the voice of reason on the phone as I try to walk someone through their panic.
I can serve with leadership.   
I keep them organized and  make sure all the equipment/services they are going to need are at the ready, if they are lost I can help them find the location ( HUGE amount of irony there since I get lost in my own back yard! give me a map tho and I can  find pretty much anything, including rural land locations)

It is a high stress job to say the least  but suprsiingly there are very few typical 'A' type personalities in our center. We are in control but there has to be a huge amount of flexibility, creativity with problem solving and the ability to take care of ten things all at once without taking notes and still remember what all your crews are doing.    Alot of sub's are exellent at multitasking *w*
It can be emotionally draining, especially when there is a loss, we can't save everyone and that has been a hard lesson learned, even as an EMT I felt I was waging my own persoanl war against death, I thought it owed me for all those it had robbed me of..... Not the healthiest outlook and a bit defeating, after all we all die.   I am not is  a D/s relationship but Rob knows me well enough to know when it's been a bad day and lets me flow into a more submissive role with him, play helps me vent the emotions, it is a powerful catharsis for me and has helped me grow as a person which makes me a better dispatcher.


denika


< Message edited by denika -- 3/9/2007 5:35:04 PM >

(in reply to mynded)
Profile   Post #: 58
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