RE: Why can't people have their cake and eat it too? (Full Version)

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Aine -> RE: Why can't people have their cake and eat it too? (3/10/2007 9:43:00 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

i was recently told that i should not have a profile on this site unless i was willing to play and/or fuck casually because that's what sites like this are for.  i have been told by one member here that i am too old and too ugly to expect a "relationship" and that it's time i got real and discovered that yes, all the good ones ARE taken and to get my head out of the clouds or out of my ass.



I can't even count how many times I've been told that I don't belong here because I'm in a relationship and not a whore or that we're not poly.
 
And those are the people that wonder why they can't find anyone "real".



sexykitty -> RE: Why can't people have their cake and eat it too? (3/15/2007 7:01:56 PM)

I have thought about this a good bit in the last year. I am in a relationship. He is not interested in being at all submissive. I would love to have a submissive man. Not necessarily to have sex with, because it's not necessarily about that. I wish I could have my cake and eat it too. When the other person is in no way similar and fulfills something different and you are both open and aware, I don't see the harm.



ownedgirlie -> RE: Why can't people have their cake and eat it too? (3/15/2007 7:24:07 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aine

I can't even count how many times I've been told that I don't belong here because I'm in a relationship and not a whore or that we're not poly.
 
And those are the people that wonder why they can't find anyone "real".

I was going to respond to an earlier quesiton of "why can't people have both?" by saying in some cases it is not a matter of can or can't; rather of want or don't want. 

My Master is not my boyfriend, nor would I ever want to think of him that way...nor will he ever think of himself that way.   This does not mean we do not have a very strong bond and very deep love for each other; It simply means our relationship is structured differently than that of boyfriend/girlfriend.

And I was reading merely along, happy to see comments such as "to each their own" because it showed and openness to those like me who believe differently than those like you believe.

But your comment here left me confused. Is it a criticism of those who believe differently than you?  Or is it just a criticism of those who criticize you for your different belief system to theirs.  Because I sure ended up belonging to someone "real" and I know I am very much "real" myself.  But I wonder if you could clarify your point.



Dnomyar -> RE: Why can't people have their cake and eat it too? (3/16/2007 6:48:39 AM)

As was said earlier it is all in the Lables. To many people in here are hung up on them. If a piece of your favorite cake was put in front of you and you were hungry you would eat it. Your relationship is what you want to make it. You dont need other people telling you how you should handle it.



MistressDiane -> RE: Why can't people have their cake and eat it too? (3/16/2007 7:04:00 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aine


 
But I'd like to get some ideas from people (without the farkin flame war) as to why they themselves cannot have both.  Without tearing into people who ARE both or want to be both.

Why can't you have your cake and eat it too??

Who's stopping you?



LaTigresse -> RE: Why can't people have their cake and eat it too? (3/16/2007 7:43:24 AM)

Cake? Someone has cake???



ownedgirlie -> RE: Why can't people have their cake and eat it too? (3/16/2007 8:22:39 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Cake? Someone has cake???

LOL!!



Celeste43 -> RE: Why can't people have their cake and eat it too? (3/16/2007 8:59:54 AM)

If what you're looking for is a dominant male who is also in a romantic relationship with you, brings you flowers, watches tv with you, goes out to the movies etc then just screen people for that. Men like that are out there. Just pick someone who likes his partner, has good manners, and is romantic as well as dominant.

Dominant doesn't mean he has to constantly be saying "kneel bitch". It can be subtle. If he says he will pick you up at 7 and you're going to the new seafood place that's polite and dominant. Even better if he asks if you have a conflict with that plan, shows he knows he isn't a mind reader and might forget which night is your knitting circle meet.



WhiplashSmile -> RE: Why can't people have their cake and eat it too? (3/16/2007 11:47:42 AM)

Damn, I insist upon having my cake and eating it too.
Would not have it any other way. Oh yum yum yum.
Now that's the best kind of cake to have.



MistressScarlot -> RE: Why can't people have their cake and eat it too? (3/17/2007 10:10:08 AM)

quote:

But why is a person "confused" if they want to be both lover/boyfriend/girlfriend AND Dom/me?
 
I know this is probably just another case of people projecting their own ideals on others.
 
But I'd like to get some ideas from people (without the farkin flame war) as to why they themselves cannot have both.  Without tearing into people who ARE both or want to be both.


We each have the complete right to determine what we need to make us happy. We are each complex individuals with our own histories, hurts, experiences, lessons. To think there is one way of doing anything is pretty ridiculous.

Just figure out who you are and what you need to be happy. Don't worry so much about how it fits into the framework of what others think. You have the right to choose your own way. ::smile::
Scarlot



skillfull -> RE: Why can't people have their cake and eat it too? (3/17/2007 10:12:56 AM)

i no that i am the one that u wont ok hi my name is jamies i will like u to add me so that we can chat ok i will tell u more about me ok so that we can live togerther ok [email protected]  i will do anything that u will like me to do for u ok so that i will make u feel happy ok all the rest of ur life in this world ok



skillfull -> RE: Why can't people have their cake and eat it too? (3/17/2007 10:14:26 AM)

i no that i am the one that u wont ok hi my name is jamies i will like u to add me so that we can chat ok i will tell u more about me ok so that we can live togerther ok [email protected]  i will do anything that u will like me to do for u ok so that i will make u feel happy ok all the rest of ur life in this world ok



Hime -> RE: Why can't people have their cake and eat it too? (3/17/2007 1:34:44 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aine

I know that different things are for different people.
 
But why is a person "confused" if they want to be both lover/boyfriend/girlfriend AND Dom/me?
 
I know this is probably just another case of people projecting their own ideals on others.
 
But I'd like to get some ideas from people (without the farkin flame war) as to why they themselves cannot have both.  Without tearing into people who ARE both or want to be both.


Yes, I believe that someone can have it all.
I refuse to limit My emotional and physical expression towards a person simply because we've outlined our relationship with clearly defined expectations of D/s roles.

There is a time and place for everything.  While D/s "governs the relationship", I fully intend to take My sub as a Lover, display him as a Boyfriend in public and, "continuously ensure" that we are living up to the expectations of our D/s roles.


~ xoxo






velvetears -> RE: Why can't people have their cake and eat it too? (3/17/2007 3:57:53 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aine

I know that different things are for different people.
 
But why is a person "confused" if they want to be both lover/boyfriend/girlfriend AND Dom/me?
 
I know this is probably just another case of people projecting their own ideals on others.
 
But I'd like to get some ideas from people (without the farkin flame war) as to why they themselves cannot have both.  Without tearing into people who ARE both or want to be both.


i think it all depends on how they see their role as dom or sub - for some it is who they are as opposed to some who view it as just one of many roles they take on in their lives. 

i personally wouldn't understand a relationship with someone where every single aspect centered on being dominated or submitting.  i may be a mother and many would say as a mother your not your child's friend, that doesn't mean i cannot be friendly to my child. It just means i have to put being a mother first in all decisions about my child and not let the "friendliness" cloud my judgement.  Perhaps this is how many structure their D/s relationship - Dom, friend, lover etc - in order of proirity - this i can understand.  But for my dom not to be my friend or lover - what does that actually mean in terms of daily living? 



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