RE: Why can't people have their cake and eat it too?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Why can't people have their cake and eat it too?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Why can't people have their cake and eat it too?

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Why can't people have their cake and eat it too? - 3/10/2007 9:43:00 AM

Aine

Posts: 820
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

i was recently told that i should not have a profile on this site unless i was willing to play and/or fuck casually because that's what sites like this are for. i have been told by one member here that i am too old and too ugly to expect a "relationship" and that it's time i got real and discovered that yes, all the good ones ARE taken and to get my head out of the clouds or out of my ass.

I can't even count how many times I've been told that I don't belong here because I'm in a relationship and not a whore or that we're not poly.

And those are the people that wonder why they can't find anyone "real".

_____________________________

Honey, you obviously missed the "want to be used as a toilet fetish" thread or "where do I get instructions on setting my sub on fire" thread. LOL

Thank you, DelRay for that one.

(in reply to eyesopened)

Profile

Post #: 41

RE: Why can't people have their cake and eat it too? - 3/15/2007 7:01:56 PM

sexykitty

Posts: 3
Joined: 4/26/2005
Status: offline

I have thought about this a good bit in the last year. I am in a relationship. He is not interested in being at all submissive. I would love to have a submissive man. Not necessarily to have sex with, because it's not necessarily about that. I wish I could have my cake and eat it too. When the other person is in no way similar and fulfills something different and you are both open and aware, I don't see the harm.

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Profile

Post #: 42

RE: Why can't people have their cake and eat it too? - 3/15/2007 7:24:07 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aine

I can't even count how many times I've been told that I don't belong here because I'm in a relationship and not a whore or that we're not poly.

And those are the people that wonder why they can't find anyone "real".

I was going to respond to an earlier quesiton of "why can't people have both?" by saying in some cases it is not a matter of can or can't; rather of want or don't want.

My Master is not my boyfriend, nor would I ever want to think of him that way...nor will he ever think of himself that way. This does not mean we do not have a very strong bond and very deep love for each other; It simply means our relationship is structured differently than that of boyfriend/girlfriend.

And I was reading merely along, happy to see comments such as "to each their own" because it showed and openness to those like me who believe differently than those like you believe.

But your comment here left me confused. Is it a criticism of those who believe differently than you? Or is it just a criticism of those who criticize you for your different belief system to theirs. Because I sure ended up belonging to someone "real" and I know I am very much "real" myself. But I wonder if you could clarify your point.

(in reply to Aine)

Profile

Post #: 43

RE: Why can't people have their cake and eat it too? - 3/16/2007 6:48:39 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

As was said earlier it is all in the Lables. To many people in here are hung up on them. If a piece of your favorite cake was put in front of you and you were hungry you would eat it. Your relationship is what you want to make it. You dont need other people telling you how you should handle it.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Profile

Post #: 44

RE: Why can't people have their cake and eat it too? - 3/16/2007 7:04:00 AM

MistressDiane

Posts: 334
Joined: 2/5/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aine

But I'd like to get some ideas from people (without the farkin flame war) as to why they themselves cannot have both. Without tearing into people who ARE both or want to be both.

Why can't you have your cake and eat it too??

Who's stopping you?

_____________________________

Ms. Diane
"..and they who danced were thought insane by those who refused to hear the music." ~Monet

*Suffer BayBeee!!!!!*

"My treasures do not sparkle or glitter, they shine in the sun and neigh in the night."

(in reply to Aine)

Profile

Post #: 45

RE: Why can't people have their cake and eat it too? - 3/16/2007 7:43:24 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

Cake? Someone has cake???

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to MistressDiane)

Profile

Post #: 46

RE: Why can't people have their cake and eat it too? - 3/16/2007 8:22:39 AM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Cake? Someone has cake???

LOL!!

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Profile

Post #: 47

RE: Why can't people have their cake and eat it too? - 3/16/2007 8:59:54 AM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

If what you're looking for is a dominant male who is also in a romantic relationship with you, brings you flowers, watches tv with you, goes out to the movies etc then just screen people for that. Men like that are out there. Just pick someone who likes his partner, has good manners, and is romantic as well as dominant.

Dominant doesn't mean he has to constantly be saying "kneel bitch". It can be subtle. If he says he will pick you up at 7 and you're going to the new seafood place that's polite and dominant. Even better if he asks if you have a conflict with that plan, shows he knows he isn't a mind reader and might forget which night is your knitting circle meet.

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Profile

Post #: 48

RE: Why can't people have their cake and eat it too? - 3/16/2007 11:47:42 AM

WhiplashSmile

Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
Status: offline

Damn, I insist upon having my cake and eating it too.
Would not have it any other way. Oh yum yum yum.
Now that's the best kind of cake to have.

(in reply to Aine)

Profile

Post #: 49

RE: Why can't people have their cake and eat it too? - 3/17/2007 10:10:08 AM

MistressScarlot

Posts: 51
Joined: 12/7/2006
Status: offline

quote:

But why is a person "confused" if they want to be both lover/boyfriend/girlfriend AND Dom/me?

I know this is probably just another case of people projecting their own ideals on others.

But I'd like to get some ideas from people (without the farkin flame war) as to why they themselves cannot have both. Without tearing into people who ARE both or want to be both.

We each have the complete right to determine what we need to make us happy. We are each complex individuals with our own histories, hurts, experiences, lessons. To think there is one way of doing anything is pretty ridiculous.

Just figure out who you are and what you need to be happy. Don't worry so much about how it fits into the framework of what others think. You have the right to choose your own way. ::smile::
Scarlot

(in reply to Aine)

Profile

Post #: 50

RE: Why can't people have their cake and eat it too? - 3/17/2007 10:12:56 AM

skillfull

Posts: 2
Joined: 3/8/2007
Status: offline

i no that i am the one that u wont ok hi my name is jamies i will like u to add me so that we can chat ok i will tell u more about me ok so that we can live togerther ok [email protected] i will do anything that u will like me to do for u ok so that i will make u feel happy ok all the rest of ur life in this world ok

(in reply to WhiplashSmile)

Profile

Post #: 51

RE: Why can't people have their cake and eat it too? - 3/17/2007 10:14:26 AM

skillfull

Posts: 2
Joined: 3/8/2007
Status: offline

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Profile

Post #: 52

RE: Why can't people have their cake and eat it too? - 3/17/2007 1:34:44 PM

Hime

Posts: 149
Joined: 10/31/2006
From: Vegas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aine

I know that different things are for different people.

But why is a person "confused" if they want to be both lover/boyfriend/girlfriend AND Dom/me?

I know this is probably just another case of people projecting their own ideals on others.

But I'd like to get some ideas from people (without the farkin flame war) as to why they themselves cannot have both. Without tearing into people who ARE both or want to be both.

Yes, I believe that someone can have it all.
I refuse to limit My emotional and physical expression towards a person simply because we've outlined our relationship with clearly defined expectations of D/s roles.

There is a time and place for everything. While D/s "governs the relationship", I fully intend to take My sub as a Lover, display him as a Boyfriend in public and, "continuously ensure" that we are living up to the expectations of our D/s roles.

~ xoxo

(in reply to Aine)

Profile

Post #: 53

RE: Why can't people have their cake and eat it too? - 3/17/2007 3:57:53 PM

velvetears

Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aine

I know that different things are for different people.

But why is a person "confused" if they want to be both lover/boyfriend/girlfriend AND Dom/me?

I know this is probably just another case of people projecting their own ideals on others.

But I'd like to get some ideas from people (without the farkin flame war) as to why they themselves cannot have both. Without tearing into people who ARE both or want to be both.

i think it all depends on how they see their role as dom or sub - for some it is who they are as opposed to some who view it as just one of many roles they take on in their lives.

i personally wouldn't understand a relationship with someone where every single aspect centered on being dominated or submitting. i may be a mother and many would say as a mother your not your child's friend, that doesn't mean i cannot be friendly to my child. It just means i have to put being a mother first in all decisions about my child and not let the "friendliness" cloud my judgement. Perhaps this is how many structure their D/s relationship - Dom, friend, lover etc - in order of proirity - this i can understand. But for my dom not to be my friend or lover - what does that actually mean in terms of daily living?

_____________________________

Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to Aine)

Profile

Post #: 54