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RE: intimacy vs use - 4/2/2005 1:04:40 PM

Voltare

Posts: 841
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Santiago, Chile
Status: offline

One of the interesting differences I've experienced living in South America, is the strong influence of the Catholic church. Men seem to lump women into two catagories, the first being family (the serious girlfriend and wives fall in this catagory.) He might call these the 'Madonnas.' The second catagory consists of.... well, pretty much every other woman they might have a relationship. Collectively, he would probably call them 'whores.' Some men simply cannot mix the two groups together in their own mind, and while both have their purposes and uses, never should the two mix in their minds.

Fortunately, in the US this is not quite so common, especially in the BDSM lifestyles arena. Hang in there, and be sure to discuss your emotional and physical needs with your partner as early as feasible in the relationship, and you should have much better luck next time.

Stephan

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"There is always some madness in love, but there is always some reason in madness." - F. Nietzsche

(in reply to whore4u2use)

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RE: intimacy vs use - 4/2/2005 4:22:17 PM

terah

Posts: 69
Joined: 12/17/2004
Status: offline

I don't think the dominant is weak I think he just has issues with intimacy. There are a lot of men who love the chase or being the hero and just fizzle out when you want to move on to the next time. They can either lack confidence in the relations of inexperience which sucks. Frankly ask the next man does he has issues with intimacy, I don't mean sex either. I meaning making as much of a commitment as you are making.

(in reply to whore4u2use)

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RE: intimacy vs use - 4/16/2005 2:15:40 PM

DesertRat

Posts: 2774
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: NM/USA
Status: offline

I'm with Cane and Padriag on the 'tools for intimacy' thing. My slave wants and needs sweet affectionate loving, lustful heated fucking, and just plain usage from me. Even some objectification at time (right, baby?). I'm able and willing to give her all that, and it's just a part of our committed relationship. My feelings for her are intense--that serves as an enhancement, not an impediment to our activities.

(w/hippos) Bob

(in reply to MstrBK)

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RE: intimacy vs use - 4/17/2005 3:10:03 AM

Flare

Posts: 2
Joined: 3/20/2005
Status: offline

So the guy is conflicted. Vanilla's get conflicted, as do we, big deal. The thing that makes guys like desertRat a step above in their looking at it is they focus not on what they are feeling but on what she is needing - good mastery.

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RE: intimacy vs use - 4/17/2005 6:39:16 AM

darkness696

Posts: 4
Joined: 4/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Well i guess i can think of some stories about that but they all involved a guy who got weak cause he fell in love. To which should be replied:
Weak!

lol when you fall in love you are weak? i would call not admitting it weak

(in reply to Flare)

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RE: intimacy vs use - 4/17/2005 6:55:19 AM

BobcatsLilMinx

Posts: 201
Joined: 4/8/2005
From: UK
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quote:

Even some objectification at time (right, baby?).

[blushes deeply and quickly moves to a different thread]

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RE: intimacy vs use - 4/17/2005 6:56:19 AM

DesertRat

Posts: 2774
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: NM/USA
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Being in love neither strengthens or weakens me. Having my love returned and sharing in the bond that comes from that makes me stronger.

Bob

quote:

ORIGINAL: darkness696

quote:

Well i guess i can think of some stories about that but they all involved a guy who got weak cause he fell in love. To which should be replied:
Weak!

lol when you fall in love you are weak? i would call not admitting it weak

(in reply to darkness696)

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Post #: 27

RE: intimacy vs use - 4/17/2005 8:15:02 AM

junecleaver

Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
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Don't you hate it when you find someone that you think is a rational and emotionally stable person and then they completely bail when things get hot and heavy? I know I do.

If you're still in the relationship I'd just give him time to adjust. He sees you in a new way that is still a little blurry to him. Help him define those lines by pointing out your submission and previous way of running the relationship.

(in reply to DesertRat)

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Post #: 28