Arguments (aka, how to piss us off) (Full Version)

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StacyCat -> Arguments (aka, how to piss us off) (3/10/2007 2:47:25 PM)

Getting into an argument with someone you are approaching as a Mistress is not going to endow her to your cause.

So, the things that pissed me off about my latest encounter.

Not having a profile when he wrote to me.
Accusing me of being in a bad mood when I asked him to stop discussing how my pictures turned him on (after, oh, the 4th time he did it)
Accusing me of being bitchy when I said I wanted to discuss non BDSM things
Making threats about how he could stalk me.
Declining to meet me at the local BDSM munch, because he didnt want to go there alone.
Accusing me of being narrow minded because I didnt want to hear him discuss his conspiracy theory about religion and banking and Sumerians.

Is the art of seduction lost?  Are subs trained to ignore obvious signs of "change the subject" and instead go forward with their own points of view when talking freely?  I know that there is a line between full disclosure and over talking about a subject (and, yes, if that conspiracy theory was so important to him that anyone not subscribing to it is "narrow-minded" then thats not the kind of person that I would be interested in dating.)

What other things can submissives do to piss you off?  In the first or second conversation?



MysticFireTopaz -> RE: Arguments (aka, how to piss us off) (3/10/2007 3:04:46 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: StacyCat
What other things can submissives do to piss you off?  In the first or second conversation?


Well, a local sub managed to tick me off in the initial phone conversation by being quite pushy and not showing any concern for his personal safety or mine.  We exchanged a few e-mail, then I mentioned that I would like to call him around 9:00 that night to get to know him better.  One of the first sentences out of his mouth was, "Where did you say you lived again (the particular suburb in the DFW metroplex)?  And then, "I can hop in my truck and be over there in about 30 minutes."  I was speechless.  I asked him if he seriously thought I would let a total stranger into my house and he said, sure, he would.  I knew he was brand new to the lifestyle, so I gave him some advice about getting to know someone a bit before agreeing to meet, and then only having the first meeting in a public place.  One would think this would be unnecessary with a 43-year old man.  Even though his behavior can partly be chalked up to being new to the lifestyle, I still felt he was very nervy and lacking in common sense.  Needless to say, that was the last conversation we had.

Lady Topaz



SweetDommes -> RE: Arguments (aka, how to piss us off) (3/10/2007 3:10:28 PM)

The lack of profile thing always gets me.

However, the best one recently was a guy who told me (dead serious about it too) that daylight savings adds to the number of hours of sunlight in a day (rather than just shifting when the hours of sunlight are), and that ancient civilizations were doing daylight savings ... even though the concept was thought up by Benjamin Franklin ... I'll admit that most ancient civilizations were pretty much "up with the sun, down with the sun," but that doesn't equal anything close to daylight savings.  And we won't even get to his lack of understanding about how/why seasons happen.



MadameDahlia -> RE: Arguments (aka, how to piss us off) (3/10/2007 3:28:46 PM)

I know that must have been irksome to have such a conversation, but I can't help myself from laughing. Sometimes I just have to say to myself... "Someone must have really loved him/her." Because otherwise Darwin's jaws would have snapped the person up ages ago.



Elorin -> RE: Arguments (aka, how to piss us off) (3/10/2007 3:36:43 PM)

One of my pet peeves in a second exchange is when I have asked questions and none of them are answered. Another pet peeve is when, in a series of  4 or 5 SHORT e-mails, all I hear is "what they want" with NOTHING to motivate me to want them or want to interact with them.

~E



SageFemmexx -> RE: Arguments (aka, how to piss us off) (3/10/2007 3:39:43 PM)

Well, how a sub wants to make a BAD impression on me?
Meet me and be late, then don't offer to buy my lunch.

Then--lecture me on how you're not a slut anymore <wink wink>
and offer to follow me home on the first meeting without regard to my safety, his safety and definitely no thought of discretion.

Growl.
Sage.



mp072004 -> RE: Arguments (aka, how to piss us off) (3/10/2007 3:45:10 PM)

Actually, I like arguments. They're a sight better than the disorganized, irrational communication I frequently see online. People who write to me in response to a personals ad *should* make a subtle, reasoned, specific defense of why I should like them, and why they like me--in other words, an argument for our compatibility.

What you're complaining about is something different--absurd and impolite accusations. The encounter you described is just more of the disorganized, irrational communication that is all too rampant online, with a bonus of hostility. I heartily agree with your indignation; belligerence is never polite.

Monica



DiurnalVampire -> RE: Arguments (aka, how to piss us off) (3/10/2007 4:11:17 PM)

Personally, demanding in the first or second email that I prove myself to be real by calling them pisses me off. 
Asking me specifics of how I train Angel, and then getting snarky when I dont choose to share them with someone... that'll do it too.
Turning every conversation we have back to themselves, and drawing analogies to eerything that comes up just to turn that focus back to them.
Begging to serve me on cam or the phone after a conversation or two of "just being friends".
Telling me how much they love my profile and then making it very obvious they havent actually read it.
Telling me how much more of a man, better a slave, better a person (so on so forth) they are than Angel
Send me a long unsolicited listing or graphic description of their kinks and experiences that theyd love to do again... before they have given me any sort of description of themselves.  I dont like anonymous fantasies in my mailbox, thank you.
Lastly: Using the mailbox as if it were an instant messenger. Bouncing one or twoline emails back and forth rather than just asking for an IM name or something. 

The list goes on and on... I have had some people who write beautifully and I enjoy talking to, and others I wonder what they were thinking and no wonder they are still searching.

DV



mnottertail -> RE: Arguments (aka, how to piss us off) (3/10/2007 4:12:51 PM)

all you girls need to show me your tits and your ass---

Ron



MistressFeathers -> RE: Arguments (aka, how to piss us off) (3/10/2007 4:28:19 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

all you girls need to show me your tits and your ass---

Ron



wtf?



DianeB269 -> RE: Arguments (aka, how to piss us off) (3/10/2007 4:29:41 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

all you girls need to show me your tits and your ass---

Ron



I know for a fact you've seen my ass more then once....



Lashra -> RE: Arguments (aka, how to piss us off) (3/10/2007 7:44:03 PM)

Show us yours first and then we can talk it about boy.

~Lashra



DiurnalVampire -> RE: Arguments (aka, how to piss us off) (3/10/2007 7:47:33 PM)

Ask nicely, Ron, you know better than that.



MissSCD -> RE: Arguments (aka, how to piss us off) (3/10/2007 9:02:21 PM)

I find it annoying for a submale to challenge me as a Domme.  It is quite rude, and not wise.  
I have seen this quite a bit lately and wondering if the rest of you have seen this.
I would never challenge a male dom.  Why do male subs wish to challenge female Dommes on subject matters the Domme has already made their mind up on?
If I were approaching a Dom/me as a sub, I would be very respectful.  

Regards,

SCD



MysticFireTopaz -> RE: Arguments (aka, how to piss us off) (3/11/2007 1:58:49 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: StacyCat
What other things can submissives do to piss you off?  In the first or second conversation?


Another one got quite testy with me because I wanted to talk on the phone before agreeing to meet him in a public place.  He was very defensive and argumentative and insisted we jump immediately from e-mail to an in-person meeting, yet could not give me any credible reason for not wanting me to call him.  He said some rather sarcastic things in e-mail, such as, "What does talking on the phone prove?  That I can speak?"  I told him it was a way for me to get to know someone better before agreeing to an in-person meeting, but he didn't see the validity of that.  Needless to say, my interest in him went out the window and I cut off all communication with him.
I concluded that he was probably married and didn't want me calling his house or cell phone because his wife might find out.
 
Lady Topaz



redsky -> RE: Arguments (aka, how to piss us off) (3/11/2007 2:13:10 AM)

i think the one thing that 'urks' me is no respect. When a Dom expects respect but then seems to show none in return... ok, so im a submissive, but hell that doesnt mean You automatically have the right to treat me like one from the get go. i refuse to call You Sir/Master after the first message, i am not about to get on cam for Anyone after the first message....that kinda thing.



frostyslave -> RE: Arguments (aka, how to piss us off) (3/11/2007 7:06:48 AM)

I think getting into arguments with a potential Mistress is a great way to show that I have some spunk.  Nothing wrong with a little spunk.  She can punish it out of me if she wants.[:)]



FemmeOwner -> RE: Arguments (aka, how to piss us off) (3/11/2007 7:19:17 AM)

Two good signs of an uppity, do-me slave, mouthing off and misbehaving to be punished.

Getting into arguments is NOT a good way to show you have spunk. Giving her thoughtful opinions (when asked) and entering upon reasoned debate (when asked) will show that you have a brain and make her value you more. Otherwise you're just a pain in the ass. If I wanted arguments, I'd get a husband!

quote:

ORIGINAL: frostyslave

I think getting into arguments with a potential Mistress is a great way to show that I have some spunk.  Nothing wrong with a little spunk.  She can punish it out of me if she wants.[:)]



FemmeOwner -> RE: Arguments (aka, how to piss us off) (3/11/2007 7:27:41 AM)

Yep. That's THE major clue, in the lifestyle OR vanilla! or when you're talking along and suddenly click! they hang up without warning, then call you back (or email) 2-3 hours later with some story about they dropped the phone in the pool. Helloooooo???? Do they think we are stupid? The Rest of the Story: the wife walked in the door right at that moment.

I also require an exchange of proof of identity; drivers license with photo and current address, AND he has to send his first before I send mine. I figure I have enough credibility to ask him for his ID first, since I am "out there" in public, so to speak, with my own domain(s) with pics and narrative everywhere, and non-free-server emails, etc.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MysticFireTopaz
I concluded that he was probably married and didn't want me calling his house or cell phone because his wife might find out.

Lady Topaz



DreamyLadySnow -> RE: Arguments (aka, how to piss us off) (3/11/2007 10:03:35 AM)

I"m wondering how it's possible that you ladies have met the same twats that I'm meeting? Then I remember, they're everywhere. That's the problem with computers, you don't need a license to drive one.
In the vanilla world men learn that in order to get what they want from women they need to learn basic social skills, show an interest in her, listen. I don't think many vanilla men would walk up to a strange woman with a list of sexual services he expects her to perform (unless he's paying) so why do kinky men think it's ok to do that?
One would think that after a hundred rejections a man would question what he's doing wrong. Or read the forums.

LS



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