RE: Happy Experiences vs. Problems vs. "Questions" (Full Version)

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SusanofO -> RE: Happy Experiences vs. Problems vs. "Questions" (3/12/2007 2:24:45 PM)

LaT: That remark I made about sme folks possibly having family members who use hard-core communication tactics was Not aimed at you. At all. It just occurred to me now you could have thought that. It wasn't, it as a general commnet, really. If it hurt you in any way, I do apologize. Heck, I myself have a few family members like that (they give me headaches, LOL).[:D]

- Susan



stockingluvr54 -> RE: Happy Experiences vs. Problems vs. "Questions" (3/12/2007 2:30:13 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelic

The other day, in another thread, someone that i had admired made a response to another's comments... Now, i truly admired this person, up to that moment.  This person said something that i personally thought was bs and yes it took him down just a couple of notches in my mind.   


I just responded to you in another thread? Not stalking....lol

Anyways.... That just happened to me while reading some of the Sof O threads. I normally avoid conflict on these boards but do enjoy some of the drama,etc. As far as someone dropping a peg or two...the exact opposite has happened on these couple of heated threads. There are several who have jumped way up my respect list because they had the balls to post their honest opinions! Those are Ailene,LaTigrese,Happy Pervert,La and a few others...  Jmo...but it sounded like the staight poop to me.....



heartfeltsub -> RE: Happy Experiences vs. Problems vs. "Questions" (3/12/2007 2:31:28 PM)

i did not comment on the thread that prompted this thread and i feel like commenting on this one will be akin to beating my head against the wall, but for some reason i still feel compelled to comment. Prior to posting on this thread, i have gone back and read the thread and the specific post that prompted this one and have found it to be a well-written, and straightforward post that was agreeing with other posters who were saying the same thing. The poster said such horrible things as calling you, Susan "smart and charming" and "well cared for" by the "community" here at CM. She also said things that you didn't like and you have every right to your response to her comments, just like she has the right to make them. As part of this thread, the statement has been made that it is to help newbies who are getting slammed by those who have been posting forever. The poster in question in the original thread has posted a grand total of 2 posts, so she would be part of the group of newbies that this post is supposed to be championing.

i know that the response to my post is probably going to be a response that this thread is not personal, it is not about me. i would venture to guess that there are very few who would actually believe such a statement, because it seems the more that i hear that statement, the more it reminds me of times in the past when i've made that statement and it was ALWAYS about me, i just didn't want it to appear that way. And unfortunately for me, i was the only one fooled by the statement, i was the only one blind to my motivations, everyone else saw them with much more clarity than i did.

Each of us when we are confronted with words spoken about or to us have a choice to make. We can get offended at what it said, or we can ask ourselves is there really truth in what the other person is saying, regardless of how they might have said it. Being of a Christian/spiritual bent, i learned a truth about how to "hear" comments that i didn't like a long time ago in a paraphrase of a Bible verse that gets often quoted. The verse itself is: "You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free. The paraphrase that i have found to be even more true is this: "You shall know the truth, it shall make you mad as hell and then it will set you free." If we just stop at the mad as hell part and don't hear the essence of the truth of the words regardless of how they were delivered, we don't ever get to the last part.

heartfelt



LaTigresse -> RE: Happy Experiences vs. Problems vs. "Questions" (3/12/2007 2:33:13 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

LaT: That remark I made about sme folks possibly having family members who use hard-core communication tactics was Not aimed at you. At all. It just occurred to me now you could have thought that. It wasn't, it as a general commnet, really. If it hurt you in any way, I do apologize. Heck, I myself have a few family members like that (they give me headaches, LOL).[:D]

- Susan


Susan, do not ever ever worry about hurting me. No one on this site has that power because I refuse to give it to them.

If you knew my family you would understand how humorous it would be to consider them as having hard core communication tactics. They are a bunch of communication pussies. They prefer to ignore the problem or talk behind one's back rather than what I would prefer which would be something like this "LeeAnn, what the fuck is your problem and why are you being such a bitch?" THAT I can deal with, discuss, work thru. Fake smiles and pretending the problem does not exist I do not deal with well.

So yeah, I am the bitch of the clan and I prefer it over their method of of pouting and brooding for years.



SusanofO -> RE: Happy Experiences vs. Problems vs. "Questions" (3/12/2007 2:42:47 PM)

I just like dioplomatic folks, period. Reasonable, diplomatic, nice folks. Granted, there are folks that exist in everyone's world that it would be better not to have to deal with. I will try to work around it for a time, and sometimes just give up (if that is possible, but w/family, it's not always). Ocassionally I've had the all-out blow-up (which can work, given extreme circumstances, but I usually avoid it.) I spent a lot of high school out of the house, for that very reason, always making sure I had a job or just plain somewhere else to go.

I never particularly considerd you a hard-core communicator (objective at times, but there is a world of differnce between that and what I refer to in this thread).

I also realize (as I said once before) that I have been going through a rough patch - but I still don't think that negates the general ideas put forth in this thread. It is not personal. It is a general idea, open for discussion and possible solutions. It might have looked like it started out as a whiny thread (w/still good ideas in int, btw), but if anyone thinks that - let's not forget it can still evolve into whatever anyone wants it to be. 

heartfeltsub: Well, once again (Does anybody actually read when I write? Or only selectively? I will say "I am not taking this into a personal arena" Loud and clear: "Not gonna go there." That is where arguing and fighting can happen and I just know nobody here needs more of it in their lives. She has a right to her opinion, I have a right to mine. I am not saying you inteneded that - I am just saying I just can't - it makes me weary. Let's move on.

Does anybody besides me think that  asking more questions of posters sometimes might not be a bad idea? I mean, I am guilty of not asking many myself. I think sometimes I assume I know what could be happening when I just don't have enough information to make a real accurate judgment. Anyway, it's a thought. Everybody has their own personality, and people are gonna do what they want. 

- Susan 



Aileen68 -> RE: Happy Experiences vs. Problems vs. "Questions" (3/12/2007 2:52:20 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub

i did not comment on the thread that prompted this thread and i feel like commenting on this one will be akin to beating my head against the wall, but for some reason i still feel compelled to comment. Prior to posting on this thread, i have gone back and read the thread and the specific post that prompted this one and have found it to be a well-written, and straightforward post that was agreeing with other posters who were saying the same thing. The poster said such horrible things as calling you, Susan "smart and charming" and "well cared for" by the "community" here at CM. She also said things that you didn't like and you have every right to your response to her comments, just like she has the right to make them. As part of this thread, the statement has been made that it is to help newbies who are getting slammed by those who have been posting forever. The poster in question in the original thread has posted a grand total of 2 posts, so she would be part of the group of newbies that this post is supposed to be championing.

i know that the response to my post is probably going to be a response that this thread is not personal, it is not about me. i would venture to guess that there are very few who would actually believe such a statement, because it seems the more that i hear that statement, the more it reminds me of times in the past when i've made that statement and it was ALWAYS about me, i just didn't want it to appear that way. And unfortunately for me, i was the only one fooled by the statement, i was the only one blind to my motivations, everyone else saw them with much more clarity than i did.

Each of us when we are confronted with words spoken about or to us have a choice to make. We can get offended at what it said, or we can ask ourselves is there really truth in what the other person is saying, regardless of how they might have said it. Being of a Christian/spiritual bent, i learned a truth about how to "hear" comments that i didn't like a long time ago in a paraphrase of a Bible verse that gets often quoted. The verse itself is: "You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free. The paraphrase that i have found to be even more true is this: "You shall know the truth, it shall make you mad as hell and then it will set you free." If we just stop at the mad as hell part and don't hear the essence of the truth of the words regardless of how they were delivered, we don't ever get to the last part.

heartfelt



You write very well.  I like this post.



SusanofO -> RE: Happy Experiences vs. Problems vs. "Questions" (3/12/2007 3:26:39 PM)

I'll go one further here: I have no idea what is gonna happen, but I will stick my neck out here anyway.

Aileen: I am sorry if I jumped on you the other day in that other thread. I hope if I have hurt your feelings by anything that was said in that other thread, that we can get past it, and put it behind. I opt for not discussing this in detail, and would prefer mostly to simply forget and move forward. Life is just too damn short.

- Susan 



heartfeltsub -> RE: Happy Experiences vs. Problems vs. "Questions" (3/12/2007 3:28:30 PM)

Thank you Aileen.



SusanofO -> RE: Happy Experiences vs. Problems vs. "Questions" (3/12/2007 3:32:57 PM)

It was, IMO, really well-written, heartfeltsub.
Thanks for posting anyway.

If people will comment on the topic area as far as it being a general concept, and how this kind of thing can be avoided or prevented in the future, I think that is more where I'd rather see this heading, and can be viewed as a constructive goal. I am sure there are folks who think it doesn't matter,etc. And I also very much realize there are w whole lotta different persnalities out there. So anyway, I hope some viewed it as a good topic for possible discusion and it still could evolve further.



heartfeltsub -> RE: Happy Experiences vs. Problems vs. "Questions" (3/12/2007 3:40:13 PM)

Yes Susan, actually i have read every word you have posted, both on this thread and the other. And although i'm not sure what exactly you meant by the statement "I am not saying you inteneded that - I am just saying I just can't - it makes me weary. Let's move on." If you thought i was trying to start an argument or something, but that was not the case. You will choose to "read" or "hear" what you will choose to "read" or "hear" .

heartfelt



swtnsparkling -> RE: Happy Experiences vs. Problems vs. "Questions" (3/12/2007 3:45:32 PM)

This thread is about you no matter how many times you write that it isn't.
You are hurt- you are pissed even still at all the posters on the other thread who did not comfort you. 
On the other thread you did call that poster a bitch for what she said about you being a victim and the drama and she had only read some of your posts to come to that conclusion. I know this because shortly after I posted much that same thing- stating I had been around 3 years and read a whole lot of your stuff and I had seen it also- drama
You go on and on and on and on making some of the most incredibly long posts I've ever seen and you actualy say next to nothing in them- except to try and defend yourself. (LESS IS MORE)
You get all tough with people whose posts you don't like- but you can't handle the heat. Because you then try and explain that you do agree with with this or that- try to make jokes- say you don't mean to hurt or offend anyone  and lasty apoligize.
Like your doing again here.

So a public message board there will be mean- rude- funny - caring - helpful- smart-experienced more- experience less-know it all's - dumb- boreing people etc.  That's what makes it a Public Message board- that is what makes it  interesting to me.





SusanofO -> RE: Happy Experiences vs. Problems vs. "Questions" (3/12/2007 3:46:33 PM)

I just wrote something about that (see above). Personally, I am against the whole idea of re-hashing that, simply because even if it ticked me off, I think it is not a worthy goal to defame a particular poster (no matter what anyone wants to believe). It is not a worthy goal (and I am sure that was not your intent).

But maybe that's where it looked like I was headed. Almost, perhaps, had I not thought it over - glad I stopped myself. In order to comment, I'd have to go back and reconstuct the "she said" and then  "I said" etc. If we need to do that, I'd rather we talk in hypotheticals. "Cuz (a guess) somebody is gonna end up getting their feelings hurt (and hopefully by this time that is apparent that does matter to me, or I would not have started this thread).

swtnsparklg: I can handle "heat". The premise of the thread is that extreme "heat" is not necessary. Disagree? That is okay - if it gets personal, I am dropping out, though. It's just the way I've decided to handle things. How this thread evolves is up to the people who write in - how can this be a new concept, I ask you? I am teasin' ya'll - but it's true.[:)] You are in control. Maybe that is hard for some subs. I am sick of subs getting the short end of the stick, frankly - I protest! I just don't want to go into the personal arena - IMO, not productive. 

- Susan



agirl -> RE: Happy Experiences vs. Problems vs. "Questions" (3/12/2007 4:01:57 PM)

 Hello Susan,

You already did with your apology to Aileen.

Good Lord......Are you to champion the poor subbies as well as the poor newbies?

Regards, agirl



SusanofO -> RE: Happy Experiences vs. Problems vs. "Questions" (3/12/2007 4:07:32 PM)

Well, life is too short. I realized that when my mom died 3 yearsago (and hopefully will attempt to remember it).

Yes! (he) I do think some submissives can tend to blame themsleves for crap that might not even exist, sometimes. Of course this can also happen due to someone's persoanlity. I see Dominants do this, too (but frankly, not as much, but we probably don't wanna "go there" and I might just not know enough Dominants to make a statement. And it is not a remark aimed at a partiuclar Dominant, so let's not go there (please)). In any case, what was it Abraham Lincoln said? Oh yeah: "Free the slaves!" LOL [:D]

If someone can get something out of that that, that is related to this thread in some way, then yay!  I gotta go eat dinner - but I'll be back.

- Susan



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