RE: comparing past sub/slaves to a new one

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All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: comparing past sub/slaves to a new one

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RE: comparing past sub/slaves to a new one - 3/13/2007 10:32:38 AM

akisha

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~FR~

Personally I refuse to be anyones "consolation prize" I'm either the one they want or I'm not. We deserve to be first choice, not just "ya well you're what I can get for now till something I like better comes along".

I know I won't settle for just anyone so why would it be ok for someone to just settle for me?
Even a possession should feel like a prized one *S*

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RE: comparing past sub/slaves to a new one - 3/13/2007 10:37:58 AM

SirDominic

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I don't know, LA. Maybe we are saying more or less the same thing. Certainly I would have no issue discussing my "experiences" from past relationships. As you say, they often have had powerful influences for one being the person you are now. What I wouldn't do is compare the people from my past experiences with someone I am currently with.

You said in your first post " Outright letting you know that you don't hold up to an ex is another. Really shows lack of respect for the current relationship and lets you know where you stand. "

That is what I am talking about.

Namaste, Sir Dominic

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RE: comparing past sub/slaves to a new one - 3/13/2007 10:43:54 AM

SirDominic

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Getting back to the OP. You are right, he is likely not the one for you. I can think of no healthy reason for him to tell you he would drop you if someone else came back into his life. I'd trust your instincts on this one.
Namaste, Sir Dominic

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RE: comparing past sub/slaves to a new one - 3/13/2007 10:52:39 AM

sublizzie

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It sounds to me like he's just looking for someone to beat-n-fuck until someone he is more interested in doing the beat-n-fuck comes along. Not something I would knowingly participate in.

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RE: comparing past sub/slaves to a new one - 3/13/2007 11:59:20 AM

CreativeDominant

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My opinion is that he was honest with you about his comparison. Does that make his honesty admirable? Sure, honesty is always admirable. Does it make how he chose to express his honesty admirable? Not unless you admire honesty that should have been kept to himself instead expressed in a crude, hurtful, degarding fashion to you.

As has been noted, we all compare...and those of us with some sense of not wanting to hurt other people for no good reason that I can see...keep those comparisons quiet and in our mind only. However, there is danger in comparison for distance and a certain amount of loneliness can begin to slant things in a past lover's favor when the reality is that there is a reason they are an ex...either they were DONE with you or you were DONE with them. Too many people don't remember that in comparison. They only want to consider all the good...tinged with the pink glow of distance and time...while leaving out the bad and then bring that to bear on the person standing in front of them.

As Tempting said...Never make someone a priority who considers you as an option.

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RE: comparing past sub/slaves to a new one - 3/13/2007 3:11:33 PM

LadyHugs

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Dear patina, Ladies and Gentlemen;

In my mind's eyes I see, a person in a slave/submissive role in the lifestyle/BDSM/community can often compare past Masters/Mistresses with the current and or new one. What is the difference between Masters/Mistresses/Dominants compare the past slaves/submissives and or servants with the new ones. Nothing. We're human and humans always judge other humans.

That said, having several slaves and or submissives in the past; each one was different. There may be some comparisons of the slaves of the past and present. However, that is not a signal in my mind's eyes that I would drop the present slave for one from the past. The reason why slaves of the past are because that phase is over with, for one reason or another. Most of my past slaves have passed on. Some have moved on. Some have grown and become Masters themselves.

Comparisons can be an expressed example of what was pleasing service by another, much like an example, a lesson and or an analogy.
Sometimes a comparison is an expression of frustration, to which communicating is the only means available. Comparisons can be due to many reasons. How a person handles comparisons is important. Either it can be negative and or positive. Only you (in general) can determine how being compared with another affects you (in general.)
As we know, employees are given evaluations on performance of their job--comparing employees are how evaluations take place.

In my mind's eyes I see, each slave comes into my world and teaches me something new and or challenges my knowledge, skills and or physical state. But, the "first" in anything is the person we remember the most and create a measure/standard from which everybody else is judged and or compared against--especially if extremely happy and or pleasing relationship.

Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

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RE: comparing past sub/slaves to a new one - 3/13/2007 5:26:12 PM

patina

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Sir because i have read and respected your post so much i will reply to You. He had said some other things before that statement about his breakup with his last sub and i was thinking good girl Jo Anne. You should of kicked his butt. When he made the statement i almost said to him well bud guess what i 've talked to her, she don't want YOU back and I don't want you either.

I am of the type for all my agression i really don't like to hurt people and so kept my mouth shut. However i pretty much knew i was not going to accept him as my Dom. I have since talked to Jo Anne she is furious with him. Her advice is to write him off says he knows she will never go back to him she likes him as a friend but has a new Dom and is perfectly happy. Her reason for leaving him were family issues he would not accept.

Again Thank You al for your help. Magik I know i should not aways seek others peoples counsel. I just don't have the self assurance you do i wish i did. One Day I Will.

patina

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RE: comparing past sub/slaves to a new one - 3/13/2007 6:37:10 PM

MagiksSlave

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Patina hon I wasnt saying you shouldt come here G-d knows I do it all the time.. I was just saying and I guess I didnt say it well if you saw it as a repremand because it wasnt, was that you can trust your heart.. I have read much of what you have to say on many other subjects and your an intelagend down to eath woman and I saw in your op you already knew what you had to do you didnt need to secent guess yourself!

Magik's slave

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