Perfect Relationship

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BD123 -> Perfect Relationship (3/11/2007 8:26:56 PM)
This is a question proposed tthat may be of interest to both Dominate and submissive. Describe what a D/s or M/s perfect relationship consists of for you. For example....... what would a typical week and a typical weekend be like for you?

ownedgirlie -> RE: Perfect Relationship (3/11/2007 8:29:28 PM)
I know this isn't what you are specifically asking for, but it's not so much what we do; rather what we are that makes things so "perfect" (although I contend that perfection is strived for but never reached). He allows me to be exactly what I need to be. And all I want to do is spend my life making him happy.

corsetgirl -> RE: Perfect Relationship (3/11/2007 8:31:33 PM)
Well, I have yet to find the perfect D's relationship. I suppose it would be compatibility, connection, communication and honesty that is shared with the dom/domme and sub/slave. I have had days of what I thought were a perfect dom/sub relationship and I keep those memories but I stand alone, so it is what I call a "do-over" year for me.

sub4hire -> RE: Perfect Relationship (3/12/2007 6:00:37 AM)
My dom and I are married. We don't have the perfect relationship. We have our ups and downs just like anyone else. If you strive for perfection you won't ever find anyone.

KatyLied -> RE: Perfect Relationship (3/12/2007 6:03:26 AM)
That's what I'm thinking, there is no perfect relationship. Anyone who says theirs is perfect is lying or deluded. For me a great relationship would be one where we are compatible on the important things, such as kink, finances, values. I don't want perfect compatiblility though, because some differences are good and I need to be challenged.

BeachMystress -> RE: Perfect Relationship (3/12/2007 6:14:04 AM)
My subhubby and I have the perfect relationship. That doesn't mean that everything is sunshine and roses; it means we are happy, all of our needs are met and feel we can not live without each other. When talking about perfect, you need to include reality. So for me, the perfect relationship is one where: Mine is the final word. (Like tonight when hubby and I were having a bit of a debate. I was tired of it and told him to stop. He wished to continue it. My answer was stop now or you are in trouble. He stopped.) I prefer to sleep in the same bed with him than apart from him, even when I am displeased with him. We make each other smile and laugh. We can trust each other with things most people would lie to each other about. At times, even as the Dominant, I can put his needs above mine and not have him feel that our "balance of power" is being threatened. I am allowed to be human. I can cry, have bad days, be grumpy/bitchy or anything else I'm in the mood to be and he doesn't feel that "I'm not being Domme."

IrishMist -> RE: Perfect Relationship (3/12/2007 6:20:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BD123 This is a question proposed tthat may be of interest to both Dominate and submissive. Describe what a D/s or M/s perfect relationship consists of for you. For example....... what would a typical week and a typical weekend be like for you? Since reality often gets in the way of perfection, my week would be one where reality could not intrude ( in other words, an impossibility )

BeachMystress -> RE: Perfect Relationship (3/12/2007 6:21:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KatyLied Anyone who says theirs is perfect is lying or deluded. I do not agree with you. Some people enjoy drama; some people enjoy a good argument; some people need a strife free life; some people aren't happy without tons of money; some people could care less about money. If you look from the outside and feel that their relationship is not perfect because they argue (or for whatever reason,) you are foisting your values on them. Because it isn't "perfect" in your eyes doesn't mean it isn't perfect to them.

StellaByStarlite -> RE: Perfect Relationship (3/12/2007 6:38:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BeachMystress My subhubby and I have the perfect relationship. That doesn't mean that everything is sunshine and roses; it means we are happy, all of our needs are met and feel we can not live without each other. When talking about perfect, you need to include reality. So for me, the perfect relationship is one where: Mine is the final word. (Like tonight when hubby and I were having a bit of a debate. I was tired of it and told him to stop. He wished to continue it. My answer was stop now or you are in trouble. He stopped.) I prefer to sleep in the same bed with him than apart from him, even when I am displeased with him. We make each other smile and laugh. We can trust each other with things most people would lie to each other about. At times, even as the Dominant, I can put his needs above mine and not have him feel that our "balance of power" is being threatened. I am allowed to be human. I can cry, have bad days, be grumpy/bitchy or anything else I'm in the mood to be and he doesn't feel that "I'm not being Domme." Hello, BeachMystress =) That has to be one of the sweetest things I've ever seen posted on CollarMe. =) love it! Yes, perfection is one of those irksome subjective terms with no precise definition ( I hate those!). Personally, perfection equals boredom in my little universe. Even if the Mister DID somehow fit into my ideal of "perfection", he would no longer be himself, and subsequently boring. =) The quirks, twists, turns and sheer wierdness of life is what makes it worth living. I'm not even sure if I could even define perfection for myself, really. It changes from day to day. Always in the grey area, Stella

sambamanslilgirl -> RE: Perfect Relationship (3/12/2007 7:03:49 AM)
what's perfect to Daddy and i may not be perfect for others. that being said our relationship is more like a marriage based on communication, compatiblity as vanillas, committment and our connection as soulmates mixed with a little D/s that is loving, caring and nuturing. though ours is a long distance relationship, this works "perfectly" for us because we have other interests and tastes that are beyond the D/s life.

Mercnbeth -> RE: Perfect Relationship (3/12/2007 7:12:42 AM)
"Perfect" is personal. It's my unpopular position that unless you strive to achieve "perfect" you doom yourself to a goal that amounts to rationalized settling. So if I'm going to attempt something my attempt will be at "perfect". Work, play, doing a crossword puzzle in pen, all are attempted with perfection as the goal. Failure to achieve perfect isn't a bad consequence because the attempt gets you further, or produces a better quality than an attempt at mediocrity. I mean does anyone start any task with a goal of mediocrity and then sit back, taking a deep breath, and say; "wow - That was really average"? I don't fear failure. I keep myself 'sane' by the rational, pragmatic thought that "perfect" is nearly impossible to achieve. Five years ago I would have left "nearly" out of that sentence. I consider my relationship which evolved into my married life "perfect". One illustration of that "perfection" is that we both feel this way and express it to the other daily, if not hourly. Sappy, sickening, sentiments abound in our house between us. The personal aspect of that perspective is obvious. Imagine yourself as a submissive surrendering to a life void of a career and daily interface in the workplace, condemned to live out your day contemplating how best to make Master happy. As a Dominant, contemplate the thought of working your ass off while your submissive lives enjoying the fruit of your labors. "Perfect"? I know for some I've just described Hell! We first had to meet. Then we had to trust. We bared ourselves naked to our soul. We set personal goals defining "perfect" and discovered our combined goals were matched. Our definition of "perfect" matched. After that, the rest as they say was history; but it was also relatively easy compared to the process of personal discovery, and the search. There are imperfect influences in our lives, but we try to keep them at a minimum and use our confidence in each other as a foundation to not let those imperfections effect us. I find my confidence in beth and our relationship an amazingly powerful asset to draw upon when life's imperfections come around. Living your life as a fraud, afraid to know yourself down deep, is contraindicated to perfection or seeking "perfect". Its not impossible.

MistressJennylov -> RE: Perfect Relationship (3/12/2007 7:21:32 AM)
A perfect relationship is one when there is complete Trust, Loyalty and The slave knows his place , however the Mistress will always take time to listen to her slaves/subs.

SirDominic -> RE: Perfect Relationship (3/12/2007 7:41:42 AM)
To much time is spent agonizing over the "perfect relationship". It is a goal, always just out of reach, and striving, striving, striving for that goal is not healthy, in my opinion. My relationship with my slave is The Best It Can Be right now. That doesn't mean there isn't room for improvement and change. The relationship can always get better as it grows. The point is, pick any one point in our relationship. At that point it was as good as it gets for that moment in time. That is the kind of quality relationship I am so fortunate to have. It's never "perfect" and it never has to be. As long as it continues to be the best it can be, the relationship is working. Throw away the concept of perfection; live life so that every day has meaning, and that your loved ones know through your actions they are loved. That is living life to the fullest; it is the best way to live. No perfection required. Or needed. Namaste, Sir Dominic

LaTigresse -> RE: Perfect Relationship (3/12/2007 8:05:07 AM)
I honestly do not believe in perfect nor do I desire it.

Vendaval -> RE: Perfect Relationship (3/12/2007 12:04:34 PM)
Human beings and human relationships are inherently flawed and imperfect. I like the imperfections, they make life more interesting.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Perfect Relationship (3/12/2007 12:06:52 PM)
How are we defining perfect? If perfect is that both people feel utterly and amazingly blessed to have the opportunity to share their lives with eachother, including the fights they work through, the tears they cry, and the mistakes they make...then yeah that's exactly what I've got. If perfect is some utopia of never having any friction, never making a mistake, never having a problem- the no.

CreativeDominant -> RE: Perfect Relationship (3/12/2007 12:13:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BD123 This is a question proposed tthat may be of interest to both Dominate and submissive. Describe what a D/s or M/s perfect relationship consists of for you. For example....... what would a typical week and a typical weekend be like for you? Perfection is unreality. I always strive to reach as high as I can even while knowing I can never achieve perfection. But the recompense is in trying and in the knowledge I am further along than if I had "settled" for mediocrity. Not being happy unless you have the perfect mate means a lifetime of being alone. Striving to make yourself more attractive to a larger pool and being able to look at what someone else offers you with joy over what pleases you and optimism about what needs to be changed and acceptance of the few parts that can't be rather than the cloud of "yeah, but they're not perfect" makes a person that much more available to living life with others rather than an embittered single.

littlesarbonn -> RE: Perfect Relationship (3/12/2007 12:14:14 PM)
Every relationship I'm in is the "perfect" relationship, mainly because it has ME in it. Okay, I'll cut back on the medication....

LadyPact -> RE: Perfect Relationship (3/12/2007 7:22:18 PM)
To begin, let Me say that BeachMistress' reply on this subject was probably one of the best things I have seen to date. Many tend to forget that We FemDomme's are also human. There are times that We do hurt, cry, grieve.... I know one thing. My sub also must understand that I am no less human than he, and these things are experienced in the real world. On the thread itself, I think it would take Me more time to write, and more time than the reader would be tolerant of, for Me to sit and define My ideal "perfection". I think each person's idea of perfection is different. It's very much why everyone is not exactly a match for everyone else. I also think perfection can be anything from a moment of bliss to any amount of time after that. Sometimes, that's what perfection is..... Just the experience right at the moment. It might not be something planned, or even something particularly spectacular. A simple thing such as stroking My last pet's hair, it's softness and the sensation of it through My fingertips.... That can be perfection. Perfection is an interpretation of each soul. Who am I to try to define it?

Sinergy -> RE: Perfect Relationship (3/12/2007 7:34:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BeachMystress quote: ORIGINAL: KatyLied Anyone who says theirs is perfect is lying or deluded. I do not agree with you. Some people enjoy drama; some people enjoy a good argument; some people need a strife free life; some people aren't happy without tons of money; some people could care less about money. If you look from the outside and feel that their relationship is not perfect because they argue (or for whatever reason,) you are foisting your values on them. Because it isn't "perfect" in your eyes doesn't mean it isn't perfect to them. I have to agree with this, although I may have a different reason for seeing this. My ex-wife grew up in a household with a single mother who was verbal, obnoxious, and endlessly trashed her ex-husband. So I am living with her, and I realize after a while that the person I am with prefers a relationship where she can be verbally obnoxious and spend all her time trashing me. So I come to realize watching my father that he spends all his time trying to get my mother to stop saying ridiculously obnoxious things and having emotional meltdowns. I dont want this weird codependancy in my life. So I move out. I hook up with somebody and we are together for 6 years. My situation never really recovers. I start to realize from what she has said that her childhood was with two parents whose work/life situation never really got off the ground. When I ended up becoming successful again, she disappeared. I realize that she is more interested in having the chaos and uncertainty of financial turmoil than she is in having a relationship with a provider and nice guy. So I take months off to consider why I keep ending up in these sorts of relationships. Who knows. I might have figured it out. Or I might just have figured out last weeks issues and being set up with next weeks issues to figure out. I dont personally believe in perfection, because from a Zen perspective, when a person climbs a mountain and stands successfully at the peak, there are always other mountains behind the one I just climbed. I want to be more tomorrow than I am today. That is just me, and I could be wrong. Sinergy

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