An difference i often see between male and female Doms. (Full Version)

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nella -> An difference i often see between male and female Doms. (4/3/2005 3:25:03 AM)

One diference i often see between male and female Doms is that male once often are more of the relationship types, often a relationship is based on obediance from one and control from the other, but the sub`s hapyness is also werry inportant. Often among Female Dominants there is the dirt under my boot atitude and if the submissive have any desirers he or she better not express them becouse it is all aboute the Dom. This is not always the case of couse, and it happens whit male Doms also, but it seam to be more often the case whit the fmale ones. Often typical feel one get when talking whit Dominats is this:

Male Dom: I am a Man, i like to be in control, you will obey my comands.

Female Dom: I am Dominant, you are not worthy to talk to me.




BeachMystress -> RE: An difference i often see between male and female Doms. (4/3/2005 3:51:52 AM)


I'm surprised to hear you say this nella. I've seen very few Domme on this board who feel that subs are dirt under their boots. I've never met one in real life who felt that way either. I know they exist, because you do hear from them once in a while. For the most part though, I think that type of Domme is more the fictional fantasy Domme.

Personally, my sub is the most important part of my life. He serves me, pleases me, loves me and is my mate. While none of my previous subs have held quite so important a position with me, all of them were cherished and cared about. All of the Domme I'm friends with, be they monogamous or polly, also have close, loving relationships with their subs. Most of them are long term relationships (more than 2 years.) While some of those are non intimate (there isn't any sex) they are still loving relationships.

You're more likely getting the fact that Domme get tired of talking with "subs." We often have subs try to use us for sexual titillation via chat. And even the fact that you are female doesn't make much difference, because we have men claim to be female all the time, so they can talk about lesbian sex. It gets to be disheartening, and you tend to drive strange "subs" away, because they are probably trying to use you like the last 30 tried. This may seem to some like the Domme feel the subs are not worthy.. but it is very hard to separate the worthy from the wankers many times.






nella -> RE: An difference i often see between male and female Doms. (4/3/2005 4:54:42 AM)

i can understand the problem of many saying they are sothing they are not, and many are just after kinky sex. But it is werry common to get rude replies if a sub speaks of any of his or her fantasies from female Dominants. Usualy it is the you are not a real submissive becouse you have some desires yourself reply. It can get werry frustrating, i have not often had that exact rsponse myself, sinse i usualy dont discuss my desires like that and i have a Dominant and are not realy looking for a partner. But i have been called un submissive for defending some of the poor boys that come in here and have their heads bit of.

Another problem among many Dom`s but this problem is far more among the male then among the female is that none seam to have time to get to know the person. i am a i want to know what your favorite food is before i get to know how big your tool are kind of person, and i find that many male dominats just disapears when i say no, i will not have an session whit you before i know you. i hate the submissive sterotype of a slut, it is as if many male dominats belive a female sub should want to have sex whit everyone and everything she meets.

i am sorry i am just rambeling here.



SecretDomme -> RE: An difference i often see between male and female Doms. (4/3/2005 7:32:04 AM)

I think that is a very narrow view of feamle Dommes, nella. Why would I want someone in my life who I don't feel is worthy of talking to me?

Be well,
Julie



KarbonCopy -> RE: An difference i often see between male and female Doms. (4/3/2005 7:33:47 AM)

The main problem I'm hearing is this. (forgive any aparent random idiocy i'm nursing a major hangover)
These Dommes you mention, they are cutting you down and claiming that your not a real submissive for having desires.

Thats just plain bullshit. Dommes and subs alike are people, we have wants, needs, and desires. Now we may not voice our needs, or we trust our Domme to be sensitive towards us and treat us the way that we deserve, but that doesnt mean we dont have the desires.
If your lucky, your Domme will want to talk to you about what kinds of things that you want, things your not getting, or if something bothers you, and will seriously take everything to the side and try and figure out a way that you can get what you want, and what they want. The happier a sub is, generally the happier a Domme is, think about it.

Now as for the case of you getting crapped on for defending some poor boys. Thats just sheer idiocy(new word of the day). How does sticking up for someone make you not a submissive?
I dont know about you, but when I got into this lifestyle I made a choice. To give into my submissive self and just go along for the ride, but let me tell you. I signed up for this trip with MY Domme. If your not my Domme, then you hold no authority over me. If per chance my Mistress told me to be respectful to said people, of course I would without question, but to stand up for some people who are being treated unfairly is hardly any indication that your not a submissive, it just means that you still have a backbone, and that your not going to tollerate abuse.

Nobody should be abusing people unless the desire for it is mutual. This is a very open-minded lifestyle, and if you cant take everyone into consideration and treat people with the respect and dignity that they deserve (unless otherwise stated), then you shouldnt be doing this.

Alot of these so-colled hardcore Dom/Dommes have one thing in common. They all seem like insecure teenagers who think that because they like being a bitch or an asshole, found a community of people they could boss around and only have to add "Sir" or "Lady" to the end of their name, that they can just stomp on everyone around them. These 9 times out of 10 are the ones that will never have a sub outside their lonely Cyber life, and will never understand the true happiness of a loving BDSM relationship, and for that I feel sorry for them.
These people didnt do their research, they just thought it sounded cool to be a Dom, or a Domme. Its like a trend, they'll do this for another year or so, then move on to something else.

I have to stick up for the femdom community though when I say that majority of the time that I run into this problem, its with some ego-inflated male dom that thinks he's King Shit, and that everyone around him should think so too, which of course is crap. In my time exploring the communities, and meeting people, I've recieved nothing but respect and kindness from femdoms (and male doms dont get me wrong).

I hope that sounded alright.



MaitresseEden -> RE: An difference i often see between male and female Doms. (4/3/2005 8:08:01 AM)

quote:

Male Dom: I am a Man, i like to be in control, you will obey my comands.

Female Dom: I am Dominant, you are not worthy to talk to me.


Males with this attitude: We live in a patriachial society and in and maleness is the norm, form it is natural for those in positions of power to continue to seek at maintaining it.

Females with this attitude: Spend way to much time listening to other people fastasy ideal of what it means to be a dominant woman, and have little real life experience. They get there power byoppressing and belittleing others, rather that growing into what is naturally within. There is a huge difference between being domineering and being a dominant woman.

Ms. Eden



nella -> RE: An difference i often see between male and female Doms. (4/3/2005 8:30:31 AM)

Julie i am sorry if i ofended you, i said i often meet this kind of reaction not that alle female Dominanta ale like this.

It just seam to me that there are so often that a Dominant are so buisy being Dominant that they forget to be pepole to. What i mean is that often the reaction i get, and i say often, not always is that if the Dom is male it is give me your body, and if the Dom is female the reaction is crawl. i be happy to do both, but only whit somone i knew and trusted, not somone i have just talked whit a bit on the internett.

i am sorry, i do not have my thinking colected together to express exactly what i mean whit this tread, i am sorry for taking up your time whit rambeling.



AAkasha -> RE: An difference i often see between male and female Doms. (4/3/2005 9:16:19 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: nella

One diference i often see between male and female Doms is that male once often are more of the relationship types, often a relationship is based on obediance from one and control from the other, but the sub`s hapyness is also werry inportant. Often among Female Dominants there is the dirt under my boot atitude and if the submissive have any desirers he or she better not express them becouse it is all aboute the Dom. This is not always the case of couse, and it happens whit male Doms also, but it seam to be more often the case whit the fmale ones. Often typical feel one get when talking whit Dominats is this:

Male Dom: I am a Man, i like to be in control, you will obey my comands.

Female Dom: I am Dominant, you are not worthy to talk to me.




Your view of Female Dom is exactly what male porno, designed to appeal to *men*, portrays. And it is the single biggest roadblock real femdoms face when meeting a submissive partner. How many lead off with the "I am a worthless worm" approach? Too many.

Real femdoms want a man with some self esteem and worthiness. The entire "I am not worthy" is a fantasy perpetuated by *men* not women.


Akasha



KarbonCopy -> RE: An difference i often see between male and female Doms. (4/3/2005 9:31:38 AM)

I think that in all fairness there are a time and place for the non worthy approach. I know for one my Mistress likes to be doted on and made to feel superior, but only when she's feeling in the mood for it.

But those who grovle 24/7 need to get some balls. Unless she likes it.



MsSilvie -> RE: An difference i often see between male and female Doms. (4/3/2005 10:35:17 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BeachMystress


I'm surprised to hear you say this nella. I've seen very few Domme on this board who feel that subs are dirt under their boots. I've never met one in real life who felt that way either. I know they exist, because you do hear from them once in a while. For the most part though, I think that type of Domme is more the fictional fantasy Domme.


Granted, I don't see a lot of this on the board, or in rl. Honestly though, you don't have to hardly open you eyes to find plenty of "ON YOUR KNEES, WORM!" sorts of female dominant profiles. I can tell you why you don't see that on the boards or in rl very often. In a conversation, you have to actually be able to back yourself up with logic and reason. Otherwise, people far smarter and better spoken than you will leave your ego in shreds. I'd also say, in general, the women who do the "I'm a bitch goddess, you all will worship me" thing back down amazingly fast when you show some teeth just online. They sure haven't got the huevos to act like that face to face.

I've seen male profiles that give the same impression. But I would say in my experience, I see it much more commonly with females. Maybe it is that those females buy into a fantasy of what a dominant female should be like. Maybe some of it is that there is such little competition for dominant females that they feel that can act however they want, and still have plenty of subs to choose from.

Edited, because I don't want to type in PINK!!!



UtahGoddess -> RE: An difference i often see between male and female Doms. (4/3/2005 10:51:38 AM)


Bravo Akasha!

I couldn't have said it better!~

Ms Sandi



nella -> RE: An difference i often see between male and female Doms. (4/3/2005 10:55:24 AM)

i do not say tat is is a general wiew of mine of female Dominanta, just that it is somthing i am often met whit. And i do not like it pariculary, when i try to have a polite conversation and some calls me worthless and a worm, i am a submissive, i am not wortless.



MsSilvie -> RE: An difference i often see between male and female Doms. (4/3/2005 11:06:58 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: nella

i do not say tat is is a general wiew of mine of female Dominanta, just that it is somthing i am often met whit. And i do not like it pariculary, when i try to have a polite conversation and some calls me worthless and a worm, i am a submissive, i am not wortless.


A lot of people are rude idiots. It's not your fault, nor is it your responsibility to enlighten them. And you don't have to buy whatever nonsense someone is trying to sell.

Two valuable lessons in dealing with rude idiots on the net or in rl. [:D]



Oumae -> RE: An difference i often see between male and female Doms. (4/3/2005 1:18:01 PM)

Is this something you have found online or real life nella?

Many are online for some fantasy roleplay and if it works for them fine.
Some are into this dynamic real life...and again if it works for them fine....

I have to say my own findings are that the majority of Dommes I have met real-life care about their subs and want them to be happy and fulfilled. An unhappy sub doesn't make for a good sub in my view.

Oumae



BeachMystress -> RE: An difference i often see between male and female Doms. (4/3/2005 3:22:42 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MsSilvie
edited, because I don't want to type in PINK!!!


First off, it isn't pink, it is purple. I'm sorry your monitor isn't capable of showing you true colors. The color I use is #990099. http://www.canstockphoto.com/asearch.php?color=990099 has a big block of it for you to see. The red 99 color group is incapable of producing a pink. The closest it comes is a dark magenta. (990066)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsSilvie

Granted, I don't see a lot of this on the board, or in rl. Honestly though, you don't have to hardly open you eyes to find plenty of "ON YOUR KNEES, WORM!" sorts of female dominant profiles.


I'm not seeking a Domme and do not bother to read their profiles. I have seen a few when they have written to my sub. The worm ones seem to be bored housewives who are just getting into bdsm and have no clue what they are doing. They've mistaken bitch for Domme. Personally, I do not consider that type of person a Domme. They are a bored housewife who hasn't bothered to learn anything. Putting up a profile as a Domme doesn't make someone a Domme. It means they are able to type.



LadyAngelika -> RE: An difference i often see between male and female Doms. (4/3/2005 4:39:35 PM)

quote:

Granted, I don't see a lot of this on the board, or in rl. Honestly though, you don't have to hardly open you eyes to find plenty of "ON YOUR KNEES, WORM!" sorts of female dominant profiles. I can tell you why you don't see that on the boards or in rl very often. In a conversation, you have to actually be able to back yourself up with logic and reason. Otherwise, people far smarter and better spoken than you will leave your ego in shreds. I'd also say, in general, the women who do the "I'm a bitch goddess, you all will worship me" thing back down amazingly fast when you show some teeth just online. They sure haven't got the huevos to act like that face to face.

I've seen male profiles that give the same impression. But I would say in my experience, I see it much more commonly with females. Maybe it is that those females buy into a fantasy of what a dominant female should be like. Maybe some of it is that there is such little competition for dominant females that they feel that can act however they want, and still have plenty of subs to choose from.


Bravo MsSilvie. Well put. This type of attitude is a fantasy attitude. It doesn't go very far and it gets old real quick.

Anyone who feel they have to impose their cominance rather then just let it show naturally and lure the submissive to them, earn their trust, etc is in my opinion not dominant at all, but rather topping from a very insecure place.

- LA



nella -> RE: An difference i often see between male and female Doms. (4/3/2005 4:52:28 PM)

Most of them i have met are online. Me and my finace want to start out in this lifestyle, and we dont have alot of experience and have turned to the internett to learn as we have not been abel to find many that practice BDSM in our erea. So yes most of those pepole i speak of i have met online.



AAkasha -> RE: An difference i often see between male and female Doms. (4/3/2005 6:04:05 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: nella

Most of them i have met are online. Me and my finace want to start out in this lifestyle, and we dont have alot of experience and have turned to the internett to learn as we have not been abel to find many that practice BDSM in our erea. So yes most of those pepole i speak of i have met online.


If the "obey me NOW!" attitude is in the femdom's profile as well as in emails, my gues is that the femdom is either new and trying to "act" appropriately, or is a professional and using a technique that she knows will net a lot of suitors, or is a man pretending to be a woman.

Akasha



durhampainslave -> RE: An difference i often see between male and female Doms. (4/3/2005 6:32:43 PM)

I think due to the commercial Femdom sites that the “you’ll wish you were dead” types are what show up if you do a search for Femdom.

I’ve also noticed it in some profiles. But my impression is that the women are trying to make money doing email domination.

The dominant women I’ve communicated with online have been essentially good humored.

Richard



durhampainslave -> RE: An difference i often see between male and female Doms. (4/3/2005 6:40:00 PM)

When I was looking (I like both genders) it seemed like the men who communicated with me were on the harsher side.

There are web personas and real people. Because of the commercial Femdom sites female domination often becomes a nasty cartoon. Sometimes I suspect the most merciless Dommes are men trying to live what they want by pretending to be a cruel woman.

If you chat or email a dominant that has demented illusions just stop talking. There are plenty of sane, humane Doms and Dommes. Though it can take lots of patience to find them.

When I was looking I encountered enough wannabe power mongers. I stuck it out and also talked to and met people of both sexes who were able to talk to me as a person, often very kind an nurturing even if the ultimate goal was to make me whimper.

Very best of luck.



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