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Focus - 3/13/2007 12:58:28 PM

aurora31

Posts: 266
Joined: 8/18/2005
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A little background first. I moved to serve my Sir roughly 6 weeks ago. I also have a sister slave who joined the house at the same time as me. Sir also has an alpha slave who has been with him for close to 6 years now.

Now to my problem. I am having a very hard time on keeping my focus on why I came here. What my purpose is as a slave, what it means to be a slave. To me some of these things are to make his life easier, to bring him joy in my submission, to serve him and for him to use me in ways that he finds pleasurable. And in doing these things I find my own joy and sense of pride.

It seems that over the last couple of weeks my focus has been more on wanting him to use me and interact in ways that I want instead of ways that he wishes to. I can't seem to shift that focus and to be satisfied with what I have. I find myself envious of the time he spends with the others and wanting him to interact with me in the same ways he does them.

I was wondering if anyone else has experienced these issues and how they handled them? For the sub/slaves out there have you ever lost your focus for what ever reason and if so how did you find it again? For the Dom/Masters out there has your sub/slave ever lost focus and if so how did you help them to find it again?

aurora

Post #: 1

RE: Focus - 3/13/2007 1:09:42 PM

mstrjx

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
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Certainly this is the gratuitous approach, but I can't help but thinking the other direction I was thinking would be very helpful.

You really need to speak of this to your Master/Sir.

I am presuming that you understood what you were getting into ahead of time. Ultimately, it is his responsibility to make certain that the base needs of his slaves are being taken care of.

It is likely that, at least in your case, he has bitten off more (responsibility) than he could chew.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to aurora31)

Post #: 2

RE: Focus - 3/13/2007 1:32:03 PM

aurora31

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Joined: 8/18/2005
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Sorry but what other direction.

As far as talking to My Sir he is aware of my struggle and has tried to help me as much as he can.

Yes I knew what I was getting into I took my time in making this descion and have been looking for one to serve for close to two yrs when I made the descion to come here.

I do not think Sir has taken on to much responsibility. If that was my issue I would of asked about that. My issue is keeping my focus on my submission and being happy with serving him in the ways he chooses for me to serve him instead of the ways I think I should or want to serve him.

aurora

(in reply to mstrjx)

Post #: 3

RE: Focus - 3/13/2007 1:51:26 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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If he's happy with the way things are, you ARE serving him in the way he chooses you to do it. I know a lot of subs feel weird when their doms let them be pro-active or encourage them to do things or *gasp* do nice things directly for them- but he's the one who makes the choices here.

I think mostly everyone just needs time. It's only been six weeks and that's hardly long enough to really form solid bonds and schedules and firm up how things will be with everyone. You're still just feeling eachother out.

While it's normal to be envious of his time with others, it's not cool to expect him to treat you all the same. You are different people, and you will each have to form a unique relationship with him while simultaneously forming relationships to eachother. Group communication is imperative.

How far away did you move?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to aurora31)

Post #: 4

RE: Focus - 3/13/2007 1:52:38 PM

MasterFireMaam

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From: Charleston, WV
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No matter who you are, you will always have periods where you are self-focused and wanting what you want. I'm certainly feelin' that today. But, there's little that we can do or say to improve your situtation...you need to talk to your Master.

As an aside: I have to say I think it's a bad idea to bring in two new people at once. That means that you don't have your special time to be in your own honeymoon phase. Perhaps this is a contributing factor.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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(in reply to aurora31)

Post #: 5

RE: Focus - 3/13/2007 1:58:35 PM

aurora31

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Joined: 8/18/2005
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Smiles...I don't expect him to treat us all alike. And if he did this I would not be here. I think I have a very bad case of the grass is greener on the otherside and I am struggling to get past this, to be able tokeep my focus on where it belongs and what I have not what others have.

As far as the move I moved about 3 1/2 hours from where I was living when I met Sir and am now 7 hours from home and my family.

aurora

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 6

RE: Focus - 3/13/2007 2:02:30 PM

aurora31

Posts: 266
Joined: 8/18/2005
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Perhaps you are right on the honeymoon thing. But I also played a major role in my sister coming here with me. We are great friends and have a wonderful chemistry all of are own. I had day dreams of serving with her of us training together and of having each other to lean on as we trained. I could not believe my ears when the offer for her to come to was extended so I was so very happy.

aurora

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 7

RE: Focus - 3/13/2007 2:04:33 PM

MadamTee

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Joined: 9/21/2006
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My dear little one,
Of course, I do agree that this should become an in-depth discussion with your Master/Owner, but it would seem that you have presented Him your difficulty and it still persists, therefore, I offer you this advice garnered over My more than 50 years first in service and for the most part, directing the service of others.

-- First, meditation should prove helpful. When your mind begins to wander, as it will, for very few are able to fully focus given the ramifications of a multiple household, fall to your face and repeat, "I am His; it is my joy to be present for His pleasure - when or where He may require." ... do this over and over until your mind returns to the proper focus.

-- Two, for those tinges of 'jealousy' that are present - do not let them ferment but go to the Alpha and inform her of these feelings, asking that perhaps some discipline needs to be exercised to help you in this area.

-- Three. Keep busy doing things for Him. When your mind begins to wander and you are not in a position where you can drop and meditate, one thing that I train subs to do is to wear a series of three rubber bands {if possible placed there by your Master} - the first, represents love for Him; the second, service to and for Him; and the third, your total and complete submission. When the mind begins to wander, and you cannot meditate for whatever reason, begin to move the bands about your wrist thinking of your love that is unconditional; of your service which is His to order; and your submission, total and complete.

Let Me know how it goes ...

Madame Jade

(in reply to aurora31)

Post #: 8

RE: Focus - 3/13/2007 2:07:41 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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OK since you moved a fair distance away, I'll ask are you busy with a job? I'd suggest asking permission to explore the new place you live, find new haunts, new hobbies. You need to make this your "home" now and that extends beyond just the place you all live. By keeping busy AND being active on your own you can feel more a part of this process. Heck, you and the other new girl can do it together to help forge bonds and enjoy company. You shouldn't just move to be with "a person"- you move to create a new phase in your life.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MadamTee)

Post #: 9

RE: Focus - 3/13/2007 2:20:01 PM

aurora31

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Smiles thank you Madame Jade for your advice and insight.

LA...Yes I understand all you are saying and Sir has encouraged these things to. As far as me getting a job that has become almost impossible for me to do due to health reasons. There is a thread here some where on my struggle with that and my service and would anyone want me to serve. But I am not so good at finding old threads or posting the links. Anyway I have a incurable form of cancer and the frequency of my doctors apointments and the distance I have to travel to doctors who have any experiance at all with the tpye of cancer I have makes it almost impossible to hold down a job.

aurora

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 10

RE: Focus - 3/13/2007 2:27:54 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Understood on the difficulties, there's still oodles of town to find, a munch to start attending, a kink group you could volunteer for, or many other opportunities out there.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to aurora31)

Post #: 11

RE: Focus - 3/13/2007 2:56:04 PM

slaveish

Posts: 1086
Joined: 2/19/2007
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It sounds as though your daydreams of the ways in which you will serve were not the same as reality. It usually happens that way. Perhaps you romanticized the whole thing which makes reality far less palatable. I don't think there is anything you are going to be able to do to make life more shiny. You are going to have to accept what is or move along. Six weeks isn't much time so sit yourself down, get your head together, and focus on the positive aspects of your situation. If the negative outweigh the positive ... ~shrug~ ... you know the only solution to that already.

You've been given very sound advice by people with a lot of experience in the lifestyle. It seems that you have a negative answer to each suggestion; and so, my dear, the only thing left for you to do is to look inward. All the answers lie within your own grasp.

_____________________________

You only lose what you cling to. ~~Gautama Sidharta

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~~Mother Teresa

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 12

RE: Focus - 3/13/2007 2:58:43 PM

mixielicous

Posts: 1283
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: Boston area, Massachusetts
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reading this a Q comes to mind [and i hope it wasnt asked already and i just missed it]

is this your first time not serving alone? i am not trying to discourage even though it will sound this way, but if it is, maybe it is possible you over estimated your abiliteis to share serving Him. i know that i am greatly enticed by the thought of sister slaves, but to ever really embark on it would not be a sound decision on my part.

_____________________________

"lets just say he's a few prawns short of a galaxy"

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 13

RE: Focus - 3/13/2007 2:59:55 PM

mixielicous

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Joined: 4/6/2006
From: Boston area, Massachusetts
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quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveish
You are going to have to accept what is or move along. Six weeks isn't much time so sit yourself down, get your head together, and focus on the positive aspects of your situation.

i agree when i moved in with Him it took almost three months to getback to "normal" again

_____________________________

"lets just say he's a few prawns short of a galaxy"

(in reply to slaveish)

Post #: 14

RE: Focus - 3/13/2007 10:40:28 PM

aurora31

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Joined: 8/18/2005
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Smiles thank you again LA. I am still pretty active in the St. Louis scene and have many friends there even though I am now 3 1/2 hours from there. I am very much looking forward to attending Sir's stomping grounds in Springfield again about an 1 1/2 hrs from here. Local there is not much lifestyle wise. I would love to start something here but we are in small town U.S.A. And even if rumors were to get started it could cost Sir or his Alpha their jobs. I am enjoying getting out and exploring the town though.

mixielicous yes this is my first time serving in poly relationship and it is also my first time living 24/7 as a slave. As I stated earlier I took my time in making this commitment and it has yet to become a permanent one. I am about 1/2 way through a three month trial at which time the choice is mine weather or not to stay. But it is not my first time in a poly or open type relationship. I love Sirs alpha and my sister very much and sharing is really not an issue. In fact one of my greatest joy is watching the pleasure on his face as he tortures someone else weather it be a sister or a submissive friend outside of the house. There have been other issues that have caused me to lose focus this is just the latest of many. So again I ask when I lose that focus what types of tips do you all have to help re find it and put your mindset back where it belongs.

MadameTee I want to thank you again. Earlier tonight I caught myself losing focus over something that I feel was rather petty yet I was losing it. But I took your advise on a modified level and just state quietly to myself in my mind why I am here and kept doing it over and over tell I felt better.

(in reply to mixielicous)

Post #: 15

RE: Focus - 3/13/2007 10:52:42 PM

juliaoceania

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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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Here is something I do in my relationship to help me focus... I think about the things that I am grateful for that he exhibits with me. I concentrate on him in the spirit of gratitude... it is a great focusing technique for me.. it takes the focus off of being negative and puts it on him in a way that makes me smile.. and that in turn gets reflected back to him, he is happier with me when I am in that gratitude zone. Just some thoughts

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to aurora31)

Post #: 16

RE: Focus - 3/14/2007 12:00:17 AM

ownedgirlie

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Julia you took the words out of my mouth....er....from my keyboard.

I would suggest focusing on your gratitude. Life before him wasn't quite so good as life with him. He has moved you into his home; he wants your service. I recall a thread awhile back where concern was expressed about health issues affecting someone's desire for a slave. If he is giving you what you were searching for, you have much to be grateful for.

The other thing that got me over my last "focus hurdle" was reflecting on who and what I am. I am a slave - a slave as I define a slave to be. When I am focusing on myself as a priority over him, or disobeying, or not pleasing him in the way he wants, I am not being a slave, as I define a slave to be. And if I am not living as a slave by my own definition, I am not being true to myself. It is those times I am not being true to myself that I am most unhappy. I had to let go of the way I felt (and at times insisted) he should manage me, and give over to his way. Only then could I feel I was being true to my nature, and only then did I learn what inner peace really felt like.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 17

RE: Focus - 3/14/2007 9:26:30 AM

aurora31

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Joined: 8/18/2005
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quote:

The other thing that got me over my last "focus hurdle" was reflecting on who and what I am. I am a slave - a slave as I define a slave to be. When I am focusing on myself as a priority over him, or disobeying, or not pleasing him in the way he wants, I am not being a slave, as I define a slave to be. And if I am not living as a slave by my own definition, I am not being true to myself. It is those times I am not being true to myself that I am most unhappy. I had to let go of the way I felt (and at times insisted) he should manage me, and give over to his way. Only then could I feel I was being true to my nature, and only then did I learn what inner peace really felt like.

Thank you ownedgirlie You put into words what I could not. This says so much about how I feel right now and my loss of focus.

I am more greatful then words can ever express that I found SyrDavid and that he and his alpha syreena wanted me in there home. That they looked past my health issues and saw me as a person and as the slave I long to be. I really had all but given up on finding someone to serve who I felt was worthy of my service and who so strongly exhibts all that I want from my Master. And again this plays a large part in why I have been so upset with myself and why I came here looking for help so that I can get past this issue and continue on my journey.

aurora

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 18

RE: Focus - 3/18/2007 3:32:53 PM

kyraofMists

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Since the relationship is so new, there is probably still a great deal of uncertainty within the relationship. I know that when I was feeling highly uncertain it was even more important for my life with him to be structured and consistent. The building of certainty within our relationship has helped me in so many areas. I have become a lot more patient waiting to interact with him on his time table and not mine. I have become a lot more flexible in handling change and alterations to plans. I have become a lot more emotionally balanced in my day to day life. I have learned to have faith that he will be there tomorrow.

I think looking for ways to build certainty within the relationship will help you maintain the focus that you are desiring.

Knight's kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to aurora31)

Post #: 19

RE: Focus - 3/18/2007 3:44:03 PM

kyraofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: aurora31

Anyway I have a incurable form of cancer and the frequency of my doctors apointments and the distance I have to travel to doctors who have any experiance at all with the tpye of cancer I have makes it almost impossible to hold down a job.

aurora

Another thought that I had, I cannot imagine what it does to a person's mindset to know that they have an incurable disease. In just thinking about it myself, if that was my situation, I would want to suck as much out of life and my relationships as I possibly could.

I think you may be selling yourself a little short and that it is very understandable that you are wanting more. I think you should be proud of where you are at now and the fact that you are wanting to improve yourself in this way just speaks to your character.

Knight's kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to aurora31)

Post #: 20

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