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If you aren't free to say NO- then your consent is meaningless.  No more is this true than in the getting to know you stage.

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ORIGINAL: SirDiscipliner69

I have requested something as simple as a red rose or flower to be worn.

submission is submission

disobedience, noncompliance is not

Ross
©º°¨¨°º©

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ORIGINAL: darkinshadows

It is all about perception.

Some males - and women - do not like smaller breasts.  The larger the better.  To say that a breast looks ugly in a bra if your anything over, say a C cup is ludicrous and insulting to women with larger chest sizes.  Peace and Rapture

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ORIGINAL: darkinshadows

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ORIGINAL: mixielicous

ugh i have tiny tits and cant go for long periods [more than a day] w/o a bra before my nipples are red, sore and miserable.

I agree. Before I had my children, I was an 36A cup and being braless hurt like hell. After children and many years later, my cup sized increased and I am now an 36E, and I find being braless not such a discomfort. When I do wear one, I do so for the look - underwear can be extremely beautiful with lace and silk - but I never do so for 'practical' reasons - I do so because he likes to see me dressed finely and sometimes provoctively. Sometimes, people speak like wearing a bra is a chore.

Even women like myself with larger and heavier breasts do not have to wear ugly 'boulder holders' in this day and age.

Peace and Rapture

so there IS a chance of someday having big boobies, teeeeheeee

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ORIGINAL: catize

Yes, it is the presumption that irritates me. 

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ORIGINAL: catize

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ORIGINAL: sunfleur

on a first meet i dont consider that the Dom has any right to tell me to do anything.

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ORIGINAL: amuzingtoyou

My personal opinion is that asking someone you hardly know to wear no panties and no bra to a first meeting is ridiculous and doesn't show how submissive they are.

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ORIGINAL: catizeHow can one disobey someone who has not yet been given the authority?

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ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

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ORIGINAL: catize

Yes, it is the presumption that irritates me. 

You hit the nail on the head.

In my 15 years, I've watched so many Doms behave rudely and make inappropriate demands simply because they believe they can because they're a Dom and the other person is submissive.

(and here comes the part that will piss someone off)

I refer to these men as "chest thumpers". It's like they need validation of their dominance. In a lot of cases by bullying the submissive. (ie: If you were a REAL submisive you'd.....) When they fail to get that validation, the blame is placed on the submissive. It leads me to believe that something is out of whack in their lives because they wish to exert control where they have no authority.

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ORIGINAL: sunfleur

on a first meet i dont consider that the Dom has any right to tell me to do anything.

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ORIGINAL: marieToo
I didn't either until he had me by a nipple.  

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ORIGINAL: PeggyO

As someone else pointed out, the fact that I am showing up somewhere to meet a total stranger is an act of good faith in and of itself.  Let's face it - I am the one assuming more risk here.  To expect anything more of me is, in my book, not appropriate.

First of all being submissive does not mean putting oneself in harms way. Public meetings such as Borders, coffe shops work well and with a friend if needed.

Contrary to the belief of some dominants, this does not make me incapable of submission or someone who wants to top from the bottom.  On the other hand, I am very clear about my boundaries.  My boundaries have been created based on my experience as ways of keeping myself safe physically and emotionally. 

If you are clear on your intentions rather than midstream switching or switch and bate with top from bottoming going on

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ORIGINAL: SirDiscipliner69

First of all being submissive does not mean putting oneself in harms way. Public meetings such as Borders, coffe shops work well and with a friend if needed.
 
I don't ever meet someone in a non-public place for the first time.  But as I said, I consider the fact that I'm meeting a total stranger, even in a public place, to be an act of good faith.  Even in a public place there is an element of risk that I assume.  Women have been followed into parking lots, had their license plate numbers noted and traced, etc.  A public place is not risk free, even though I do my absolute best to minimize that risk.  If a dominant requires more than me showing up, we're not a match. 

If you are clear on your intentions rather than midstream switching or switch and bate with top from bottoming going on

As we are meeting as equals, it's impossible for me to top from the bottom, because I'm not on the bottom :)  I am always clear from the beginning that I meet as an equal.  If the person hasn't figured that out, it's because they weren't listening, not because I didn't communicate.  There are people out there who only hear what they want to hear, or figure that you don't really mean it.  All you have to do is talk to someone who has boundaries clearly spelled out in their profile, only to be contacted by people who feel that those boundaries apparently don't apply to them to know the accuracy of that.

It appears from the OP's statements that she tried to communicate that she was not ok with the demands the dominant was making, but perhaps she was ineffective at doing so.  Sometimes submissives don't clearly spell out their boundaries because they are afraid that they will be labeled as "not real", so they try to express "no" in a manner that is more gentle than coming right out and using the word "no".  On the other hand, it is also possible that she was effective in her communication and the dominant chose not to accept her at her word, then was annoyed when she did not do what he wanted, even though she had communicated that she would not.  Either scenario is equally plausible.

Take care,

Peggy

(in reply to SirDiscipliner69)