RE: Dom to-do-list

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RE: Dom to-do-list - 3/14/2007 9:18:02 AM

Dnomyar

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Joined: 6/27/2005
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MMmmmm I did contradict myself. I see a new post comming up

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RE: Dom to-do-list - 3/14/2007 9:54:24 AM

lateralist1

Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
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Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm just wish I could get the ideas out of my head lol.
However in my experience it's hard enough building the relationship to start with.
I agree with the other posters that the relationship should come first.
However getting to know someone who is not really interested in me as a person but is only interested in what I am going to do to them is a little tricky.
So if you have the beginnings of a good relationship and if you actually want to dominate your submissive which isn't at all evident to me, then work on the relationship and at the same time try and find out what it is about D/s or BDSM that works for you. Your sub seems clear about the fact that she likes being dominated. But do you enjoy dominating her? If you don't really then I suggest you rethink the relationship. If it's just that you like the idea of having sex with a number of women then I suggest you go back to the vanilla world. There is no shame in trying this lifestyle on and finding that it really isn't for you. And don't forget that if your submissive is new to this as well then she may find out that she doesn't really like being dominated either. It could all be in both your heads.

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RE: Dom to-do-list - 3/14/2007 3:58:25 PM

Sinergy

Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sublizzie

If you are a new Dom then you're probably both learning a lot. The best person to learn from is your partner. Get to know her mind inside and out to the point where you know what she's thinking every minute of the day. Don't do anything kinky with her until you know her that well. THAT's when the kinky stuff will be the most fun cuz you'll know how to play with her mind without even touching her.

What I find curious about this whole thread is the OP did not bother to express what he/she/it likes, and wants information about how to give her/him/it what they want.

For me, I first became involved in the lifestyle in 2000, I took the approach that my place in the Lifestyle was to be a life support system for a flogger because my submissive would have repeated orgasms and subspace and the like. The two subs I ended up with using that approach were both smart-assed masochists who would clearly state that they wanted to be punished and then butt-raped for making me angry. Accordingly, they spent a disproportionate amount of time trying to make me angry. I told them that what I wanted was a lack of fighting and argument and sturm and drang. They were unable to provide a space like this, so I invited them to leave.

Whether or not you like my response, OP, I would like to point out that what I learned from being in this lifestyle is that it really is all about me and what I want. The one I am currently with enjoys the fact that I want to live a certain way, I have a certain set of kinks, and I enjoy making her life a joy to live because I thrive on the positive emotional changes I bring about in my partner. She and I fit together because what I want turns out to be what she wants. It is a synergy of needs being met.

I would suggest you figure out what you want, before coming here and asking faceless strangers what she wants. Want to know what she wants, she is the best person to ask. We are in a better position to help you figure out what you want.

Just me, etc.

Sinergy

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RE: Dom to-do-list - 3/14/2007 4:16:31 PM

BlackWomanSubNJ

Posts: 54
Joined: 2/11/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: WiseCracknSadist

She likes to be Domianted and loves the bedroom fun. So I figured if I could come up with some fun stuff for her to do or us to do together I could build her esteem a little. If I'm investing in us maybe I can keep her from thinking I want to replace her.

In either case I don't appreciate you mixing my business from thread to thread. Even though I posted it on a forum doesn't mean I need you airing it out from thread to thread. It's my business.

Sounds like you got busted being less than truthful. You can't expect that no one would notice. I think the posters here are too bright for that. Maybe you should think about how you really feel.

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RE: Dom to-do-list - 3/14/2007 4:19:48 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
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I didnt SLAM him, Dynomar. I simply said I was not going to give him constructive information if he is simply using me. Please, come down off your igh horse long enough to see who and what you are responding to. Had I been someone giving him shit, then sure, no problem. But I was not.

DV

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VampiresLair

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RE: Dom to-do-list - 3/14/2007 9:12:16 PM

Mustardseed

Posts: 291
Joined: 5/27/2006
From: Seattle, WA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: WiseCracknSadist

Hey everyone I'm a new Dom and I was just wondering what wonderful things that you might have to suggest that I do with my girl. I'm just curious what others like to do and then from there I can build my own bag of tricks. Also links to sites or posts that describe or explain different things to do would be appreciated.

There's a book called something like 98 Questions Every Woman Should Ask a Man. I've found that such books and games of questions can usually be used back and forth between couples to get an idea of what both people like. I'd strongly suggest starting there: games of questions as pillow talk (sometimes involving burying one's face into said pillow in embarassment) to get an idea of where to start.

You could assign homework with regards to fantasy confession. There are several topics regarding favorite kinky fiction -- perhaps building your library and reading to each other could be educational?

Knowing the body you'll be playing with is very, very important. Partner sex, massage, watching the other person masturbate to orgasm, and the less sexy but still quite important collection of medical history could be quite crucial.

Also, knowledge of phobias, past traumas and other information to figure out what to stay away from would be a good plan.

If you have a local BDSM community, I'd strongly suggest attending classes and workshops. What are her reactions to the various things she sees demonstrated? What does she volunteer to participate in? What makes her freeze? What does she take extra-careful notes on?

And for her sake, if you don't already have your 1st aid and CPR certifications, please work on getting them now?

There are very basic books, like Screw the Roses, Send me the Thorns; Learning the Ropes, Jay Wiseman's SM 101 and The Topping Book by Easton and Lizst. In the last few years, I've seen pocket guides for certain things, like having a good first aid kit in one's toybox.

Good luck with things between you and your lady!

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Post #: 46