RE: I'm a big fat wanker and can't get laid!

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RE: I'm a big fat wanker and can't get laid! - 3/14/2007 5:58:48 PM

Sinergy

Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

My GrandDomi always said, "Go ugly early."

Need me to email you some beer goggles?

Sinergy

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"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 61

RE: I'm a big fat wanker and can't get laid! - 3/14/2007 6:24:51 PM

SirKenin

Posts: 2994
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
Status: offline

The first thing you do is that no matter how fat you are you are now officially a Teddy Bear or BBW if you are a woman. Now that that is officially established you no longer have to face reality. This is a positive first step.

Second, people have to realize that you are a needy cunt. So, to do that you must somehow incorporate "in need", "wants Master/Mistress", "to serve" or something else in your nick to make it painfully obvious that you just can not make it another day unless you are sucking someone's toes.

If you have followed the steps so far, you are part way there to getting your dinky stinky. Let us move on then.

Next, you have to wait a maximum of two days after joining and writing catchy one liners such as "you are a fat pig" or "I want to suck your tits" or "please let me serve you now". This is a very good way to bring them running, but if that should fail;

Go into the forums and start telling everyone how you want to fuck them in the ass, what kind of asshole you like, how big your dick is and all the women you have not fucked in the past year. Make certain to emphasize the point that you will do ANYTHING for a Master/Mistress, that you have little to no experience, but damnit you want to fuck their ass.

Now, this step is absolutely critical. You need to write some posts being really hard on yourself. Make sure to share with everyone every fucking emotional and family problem you have ever head since Jesus was a carpenter. Men and women just LOVE to hear about your baggage. Tell them all about your depression. The fact that you have ADD. Fuck, even tell them that your cat only has three legs.

By this time they should be flooding your inbox with desire, lining up to be your next suitor.

Of course, should that fail you can always come back again and tell everyone how much this site sucks and we will be sure to feel sorry for you and shower you with accolades. Who knows. Maybe we will even feel sympathy with you that you are 150 pounds overweight and you stroke your cock to elephants fucking so much you have worn the skin off.

lol

< Message edited by SirKenin -- 3/14/2007 6:25:35 PM >

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(in reply to FukinTroll)

Post #: 62

RE: I'm a big fat wanker and can't get laid! - 3/14/2007 6:34:30 PM

HydroMaster

Posts: 4786
Joined: 9/24/2005
Status: offline

Profound Kenin, quite profound. We'll add your wise words to the black book of domdom so they are preserved for posterity.

"And lo SirKenin doth said...."

< Message edited by HydroMaster -- 3/14/2007 6:35:48 PM >

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I walk the lonely road,
the only one that I have ever known.

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Post #: 63

RE: I'm a big fat wanker and can't get laid! - 3/14/2007 6:36:38 PM

SilverShadows

Posts: 558
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline

Yes I think he did an excellent job of summing up many of the required skills.

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The Countess

Το αίμα είναι η ζωή
Cruor est Vita
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Vér van a Élet

Come Kiss the Guillotine
Come Taste the Gasoline

(in reply to HydroMaster)

Post #: 64

RE: I'm a big fat wanker and can't get laid! - 3/14/2007 6:39:23 PM

HydroMaster

Posts: 4786
Joined: 9/24/2005
Status: offline

Yes, with the help of his advice and the favor of the troll's, er I mean hopeful dom's chosen diety it's a sure bet.

_____________________________

I walk the lonely road,
the only one that I have ever known.

(in reply to SilverShadows)

Post #: 65

RE: I'm a big fat wanker and can't get laid! - 3/14/2007 7:15:18 PM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

is that why you're asking potential subbies to send tributes if they want to be trained by you?

*giggles*

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(in reply to HydroMaster)

Post #: 66

RE: I'm a big fat wanker and can't get laid! - 3/14/2007 7:51:04 PM

HydroMaster

Posts: 4786
Joined: 9/24/2005
Status: offline

lol Oh yes, my tribute of money, fine foods, and horney virgins. All tributes must be hand delivered to me so that I may ask the gods favor in your quest to get laid.

_____________________________

I walk the lonely road,
the only one that I have ever known.

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)

Post #: 67

RE: I'm a big fat wanker and can't get laid! - 3/14/2007 8:55:51 PM

SilverShadows

Posts: 558
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline

Since we want to gain the favor of the Gods we will need to burn the tribute. Especially the virgins.

_____________________________

The Countess

Το αίμα είναι η ζωή
Cruor est Vita
Sînge is art.hot. Viaţă
Vér van a Élet

Come Kiss the Guillotine
Come Taste the Gasoline

(in reply to HydroMaster)

Post #: 68

RE: I'm a big fat wanker and can't get laid! - 3/14/2007 10:40:15 PM

lilsubl

Posts: 4595
Joined: 2/6/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SilverShadows

Since we want to gain the favor of the Gods we will need to burn the tribute. Especially the virgins.

there you go, offing the virgins again....

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Linea, collarded pet of the evil Sir Max & his lovely & equally evil wife

it's no fun unless you're scared

if you can't be brave, be determined & you'll get to the same place

wannabe member of the subbi mafia

(in reply to SilverShadows)

Post #: 69

RE: I'm a big fat wanker and can't get laid! - 3/15/2007 12:00:01 AM

justmi

Posts: 24
Joined: 8/27/2006
Status: offline

423 yrs ????OMG take that thing out of the urn and dust it off.

(in reply to FukinTroll)

Post #: 70

RE: I'm a big fat wanker and can't get laid! - 3/15/2007 12:16:08 AM

wandersalone

Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx

Let's see.......3 days.

Well, for me, it's March (probably for most of the rest of you as well, except I'm not too sure about the Southern Hemisphere, what say you CMer's from 'down under'?)

A-ny-way......

I'm still trying to figure out whether 2007 will be a 'pass' or not.

Jeff

I am replying because you asked for some Aussie or Kiwi input however I have to admit that I didn't quite understand your post Jeff. Maybe it's because you didn't throw in a 'mate' or gday' or two.

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(in reply to mstrjx)

Post #: 71

RE: I'm a big fat wanker and can't get laid! - 3/15/2007 1:30:48 AM

Vendaval

Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline

Nothing like waking up to someone "coyote ugly" and
trying to find your own clothes after a night at a club.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sinergy

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

My GrandDomi always said, "Go ugly early."

Need me to email you some beer goggles?

Sinergy

_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE

http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to Sinergy)

Post #: 72

RE: I'm a big fat wanker and can't get laid! - 3/15/2007 3:05:42 AM

wandersalone

Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline

and then having your friends remind you of it for years to come...'but he had a nice personality, honest!'

_____________________________

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. Martin Luther King
Godmother of the subbie mafia
My all time favourite threads
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=2002501
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=790885

(in reply to Vendaval)

Post #: 73

RE: I'm a big fat wanker and can't get laid! - 3/15/2007 7:34:57 AM

SilverShadows

Posts: 558
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline

It just means if you own a virgin you should hang on to it. They are rarer and more valuable by the minute.

_____________________________

The Countess

Το αίμα είναι η ζωή
Cruor est Vita
Sînge is art.hot. Viaţă
Vér van a Élet

Come Kiss the Guillotine
Come Taste the Gasoline

(in reply to lilsubl)

Post #: 74

RE: I'm a big fat wanker and can't get laid! - 3/15/2007 8:00:33 AM

FukinTroll

Posts: 6277
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: Under a bridge
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: wandersalone

and then having your friends remind you of it for years to come...'but he had a nice personality, honest!'

*picks up skeleton*

Pssst... this fell out of your closet.

_____________________________

I'm the guy your girl is thinking about when she is fucking you!

TrollTopia
Greedy Groupie!

The Mods have me on speed Spank!! Gotta luv'em.

(in reply to wandersalone)

Post #: 75

RE: I'm a big fat wanker and can't get laid! - 3/15/2007 8:08:58 AM

SilverShadows

Posts: 558
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline

Just think FukinTroll you are getting more valuable. The longer the ladies stay away the more your worth.

_____________________________

The Countess

Το αίμα είναι η ζωή
Cruor est Vita
Sînge is art.hot. Viaţă
Vér van a Élet

Come Kiss the Guillotine
Come Taste the Gasoline

(in reply to FukinTroll)

Post #: 76

RE: I'm a big fat wanker and can't get laid! - 3/15/2007 8:12:34 AM

FukinTroll

Posts: 6277
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: Under a bridge
Status: offline

Kinda like antiques eh?

_____________________________

I'm the guy your girl is thinking about when she is fucking you!

TrollTopia
Greedy Groupie!

The Mods have me on speed Spank!! Gotta luv'em.

(in reply to SilverShadows)

Post #: 77

RE: I'm a big fat wanker and can't get laid! - 3/15/2007 8:35:25 AM

SilverShadows

Posts: 558
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline

I suppose. One person's old junk is another person's antique.

_____________________________

The Countess

Το αίμα είναι η ζωή
Cruor est Vita
Sînge is art.hot. Viaţă
Vér van a Élet

Come Kiss the Guillotine
Come Taste the Gasoline

(in reply to FukinTroll)

Post #: 78

RE: I'm a big fat wanker and can't get laid! - 3/15/2007 8:47:30 AM

FukinTroll

Posts: 6277
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: Under a bridge
Status: offline

BRB, going to collect rocks to sell on e-bay.

_____________________________

I'm the guy your girl is thinking about when she is fucking you!

TrollTopia
Greedy Groupie!

The Mods have me on speed Spank!! Gotta luv'em.

(in reply to SilverShadows)

Post #: 79

RE: I'm a big fat wanker and can't get laid! - 3/15/2007 9:05:28 AM

SilverShadows

Posts: 558
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline

Soon you can add to your advertised traits to draw the ladies that you are FINANCIALLY SECURE. Yes you will be able to say you are FINACAILLY SECURE. Remember you must say it several times so use blood sucking women with not miss that you are FINACIALLY SECURE. This is important since unless you dangle money in front of us we wouldn't touch your greasy wanker with a ten foot pole let along part of our body.

Besides if they don’t sell you can just eat them.

_____________________________

The Countess

Το αίμα είναι η ζωή
Cruor est Vita
Sînge is art.hot. Viaţă
Vér van a Élet

Come Kiss the Guillotine
Come Taste the Gasoline

(in reply to FukinTroll)

Post #: 80

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