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LadyHugs -> RE: Are bullying and Dominating the same? (3/15/2007 10:23:58 AM)
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Dear MsCfromMelbourne, Ladies and Gentlemen;
In my mind's eyes I see, the 'jest' of the entire thread is the personality and behavior traits of those who would by external viewing and judgment would be bullying and or bullies. Those who are just plain mean, cruel, treat people like roadkill, disrespectful and pushing themselves on others. All negative traits and at times to a fanatic level of behavior.
Absent of consent, respect and boundaries of which most of those who practice M/s, D/s and or BDSM; some individuals are drawn to a fatal flaw in understanding what is basic human behavior and attitude that is crude, rude, insensitive, over-bearing, oppressive and bullying others without thinking of how it affects/effects others is the same as a carefully crafted, consensual behavior where it is mutually understood and the 'spirit of intent' is positive, in 'role' per se, in the 'style' per se of your personal relationships.
What is different between a bully and a Dominant, is that the Dominant contains their style and role as a bullying and humiliator of another in check and rarely spills outside their individual relationship. It would be no different in role playing an Inquisition frame of mind however, you stop when dealing with others outside that boundary, such as having tea at my home; you would be pleasant, polite and gentle company in my opinion, as well as to my lads in service.
Those who are bullies do not check their attitude and behavior at the door, when dealing with other people. They continue to be nasty and cruel to others, such as waitresses, service givers, the public and within their own family. There is nothing 'loving' about it. They must control everything and anybody with fear, terror, threats, insults and a whole menu of behaviors to which in time somebody will give them an attitude adjustment and behavior modification. Most times in vanilla situations its a Judge and jail is where they get an adjustment and modification. In D/s, M/s and or BDSM, peers are the 'judges.'
In my mind's eyes I see, those new to the lifestyle assume what they see by those who participate in a consensual 'bully/humiliation' role play, scenes and or style -- feel this is a trait or personality of "all" dominants. It is not the case. Only exposure to the scene, will their first impressions be tweeked as to see that it really is all about consensuality, care and understanding the intent and goals behind those who participate in humiliation. It reminds me of a movie, to which I forget the title of but, it was very old and in black and white; where there was a steeple chase race horse that somebody hopped onto and attempting to steel the horse. The horse was trained on commands that were totally opposite, thus sabotaged anybody attempting to control the horse who was unauthorized. So, the horse was approaching a huge hedge and told the horse "GO!" The horse suddenly dug the hooves into the ground and threw the rider into the hedge, where they were impaled on a branch. So, this particular horse's command for stop was go. This is what might help explain humiliation and bully styles; as so many are drummed that being cruel and humiliating is not wanted in 'the scene.'
Just some thoughts.
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs
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