RE: "Beating"...just what is it? (Full Version)

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subsnow -> RE: "Beating"...just what is it? (3/15/2007 2:48:51 PM)

Beating to me means impact play (spanking, flogging, whipping, paddling, etc). i would say that for something to be considered a beating, it has to cause a good amount of pain though. A light flirty spanking isn't a beating to me unless i am saying it in jest.




NorthsideBill -> RE: "Beating"...just what is it? (3/15/2007 2:57:37 PM)

To me, beating would be any play where someone gets hit with something, but because of the negative emotions and feelings connected with the word itself to most non BDSM people, I rarely use the term to describe what happens.

Small aside here...I took a submissive friend of mine to the hospital once because she got a kidney stone. She had some marks on her back and predictably, a social worker came in to talk to her but not until after she had been given Versed for the pain. I was asked to leave the room and a minute or so later heard hysterical laughter coming from inside so I went back in. Turns out the social worker had asked my friend if anyone was beating her at home. She laughed for a good 10 minutes and was so embarrassed the next day and blamed the pain meds. I teased her about it for years...



AquaticSub -> RE: "Beating"...just what is it? (3/15/2007 3:55:47 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprop247

how do you personally define the term "beating"? does it differ from spanking/whipping/flogging/paddling etc.? are beatings a part of your D/s or bdsm dynamic, and if so, under what circumstances?

years ago i was on another message board and mentioned being beaten by my Master. whoopty doo right? well, quite a few were disturbed/bothered by the b-word, and made clear as far as they were concerned, beatings=abuse, and this lifestyle is not about abuse, blah blah, yackety smackety. have to say it confused and amused the heck outta me (and my Master lol).

so what do you all feel about "beating"?



I don't view anything Valyraen does as beating. For me, beating is what happens when an asshole with an out of control temper decides to use someone as a punching bag. It's not consentual, it's not ethical and it's not something a loving partner does.

Valyraen flogs me, spanks me, spits on me, calls me a whore, binds me, bites me, hurts me, and more... but he does it all in a glorious way that I could never truely call beating. I may joke that he "beat my ass" but it's never a beating. It might look the same, but it's not. That, to me, is the difference between abuse and BDSM.

Edited to add: Looking over the thread, my view on the word isn't very common. But que sera sera. [:)] 



RPutnamJr -> RE: "Beating"...just what is it? (3/15/2007 3:58:07 PM)

To me beating can be one of two things...

What you give a sub/slave if you're stuck beating your own meat.



hisannabelle -> RE: "Beating"...just what is it? (3/15/2007 4:10:43 PM)

i like the word beating, and often use it to refer to impact play. :)



kyraofMists -> RE: "Beating"...just what is it? (3/15/2007 4:19:20 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirDominic

beating from the Merriam-Webster dictionary:
an act of striking with repeated blows so as to injure or damage; also : the injury or damage thus inflicted.

Now there is some wiggle room for interpretation in there, but that sounds to me that the purpose of a beating is to cause harm.

It boggles my mind that so many people in this lifestyle think they can just make up their own definitions for words. That it is okay to ignore the accepted (and by "accepted" I'm referring to how the word would be defined in a standard dictionary) definition of a word in favor of your own personal interpretation.

The word beating has a meaning. How can we communicate in any sensible way, if we each decide for ourselves what each word means?!?!?!?!?!?

Namaste, Sir Dominic


My personal definiton of beating is aligned with Webster, but I do not draw the conclusion that "the purpose of a beating is to cause harm".  I do not consider a bruise or scratches to be harmful but they are injuries or damage on the body.  My Lord will beat me when he wants and leave bruises, welts, abraded flesh.  All of these are damage to the flesh and blood vessels but I have not been harmed in any way.

As has been determined in other threads, what is harmful is highly subjective to those involved.  Many of the things that happen to me some would consider harmful to them and things others do I would consider harmful to me.  I do not agree with the conclusion that injury and damage equate to harm.

Knight's kyra 



junecleaver -> RE: "Beating"...just what is it? (3/15/2007 4:26:45 PM)

I think of heavy impact play.  For example, a light flogging wouldn't qualify as a 'beating' to me.  I also tend to think of it as something more spur of the moment and less about implements and more about human to human touch. The word used to make me feel a little uncomfortable.  Now it kind of turns me on? 



curiouslyseeking -> RE: "Beating"...just what is it? (3/15/2007 4:33:28 PM)

I love threads that make me think and look deep into my own perceptions and then, the positive of looking at other unique individuals on how they view certain topics.  This is one of those such threads.  Thank you, daddysprop247.
 
Beatings for me has a positive connotation and really never associated it with punishment until today, I can see how it may correlate. 
 
Beatings in my experience has resulted in very heavy impact play, could even say consensual brutal play, and something that happens on rare occasions because the body could not sustain or maintain constant play in this fashion without eventually doing harm, but for me, has the bonding effect of pure trust.  It’s a rare intensity that I do enjoy.  
 
There's something about kneeling quietly beside Him, your body bruised, reddened, stinging, tired.  Your mind silent, for once, for a time, your head bowed, your eyes closed laying against His knee your body quivering as His fingers touch you.  Your submission, unquestioned, your Peace found in your place.  These are the afterglow feelings a beating evokes in me.
 
I also perceive beatings more body to body contact, percussion play mainly instead of using tools or instruments.
 
Beatings are on the far end of the spectrum for me, on the edge, where as whipping, spanking and flogging are on the very mild end, might even be considered foreplay (smile).



mnottertail -> RE: "Beating"...just what is it? (3/15/2007 5:06:05 PM)

I can feel the love, and got this Billy Vera kinda thing going on right now.

Billy and the Beaters



windchymes -> RE: "Beating"...just what is it? (3/15/2007 5:15:04 PM)

I just made some chocolate brownies....wanna lick'em?



ownedgirlie -> RE: "Beating"...just what is it? (3/15/2007 8:02:33 PM)

My Master will always beat me...

...in a game of wit...

...in a game of chance...

...and probably at any game of trivia or intellectual skill. 

But I can't say he "beats" me.  I'm not allowed.  He heard I once told someone he had beaten me and he asked why I said that.   Seems we were working off different definitions.  He said he considered a beating to be the uncontrolled act of corporal punishment without regard to the subject (he talks like such a lawyer sometimes, lol).  I said something like, "But but but..." and that was that.  He understood where I was coming from, but he just didn't like the word so I am not to use it in reference to him.  I can of course say he whipped me, belted me, flogged me, cropped me, smacked me ,or otherwise tortured me.  So I'm good.  [;)]

As for the context of "play," we only "play" when Master feels like playing with his toy.  Typically he uses, abuses, amuses himself, or gets himself off with me.  While he might play with me, I do not play with him.  I am used by him for his enjoyment. I just happen to love his enjoyment.



amayos -> RE: "Beating"...just what is it? (3/15/2007 8:30:38 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprop247

How do you personally define the term "beating"? does it differ from spanking/whipping/flogging/paddling etc.? are beatings a part of your D/s or bdsm dynamic, and if so, under what circumstances?

years ago i was on another message board and mentioned being beaten by my Master. whoopty doo right? well, quite a few were disturbed/bothered by the b-word, and made clear as far as they were concerned, beatings=abuse, and this lifestyle is not about abuse, blah blah, yackety smackety. have to say it confused and amused the heck outta me (and my Master lol).

So what do you all feel about "beating"?



Many have been drawn to the lifestyle by the rhetoric of its shiny public relations campaigning which presents dominance and submission as nothing more than wholesome, loving adult fun with nifty props and hot talk—where anything deviating from this is considered nothing more than an unhealthy aberration. While this shared mindset among many is annoying, such surface consensus is a necessary veneer to present to the public. Without it, the species of relationship we speak of and pursue in a more serious context would be even more hunted than it is now.

Having said that, it's no surprise that some find the idea of "beating" disturbing, even while this is in fact a common repercussion for disobedience in certain households. I would even go as far as saying any number of strokes with the cane, whip or belt is letting an offender off the hook nicely, considering the more imaginative designs of correction laying in wait—the worst of which are often the mental variety.



MsParados -> RE: "Beating"...just what is it? (3/15/2007 9:46:10 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: curiouslyseeking

There's something about kneeling quietly beside Him, your body bruised, reddened, stinging, tired.  Your mind silent, for once, for a time, your head bowed, your eyes closed laying against His knee your body quivering as His fingers touch you.  Your submission, unquestioned, your Peace found in your place.  These are the afterglow feelings a beating evokes in me.
 


This is the sweetest, most romantic thing I have read all day. :)  For us beating usually implies heavy or intense interaction-there could be implaments or not- but there is always a reminder left with you for a few days.



SirDominic -> RE: "Beating"...just what is it? (3/16/2007 8:56:37 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Umm no language police is going to come and give me 5-10 for mispronouncing "pringles" as "pringl-eez" (which I do because it's cute for me to do so).

As long as you understand your audience, as long as you understand how they are likely to interpret what you say, and as long as you don't try and say that your definition is THE definition, you can play and rip language apart as much as your dear little heart desires. IME the more I understand language and definitions the MORE fun I can have ripping it apart.

As well, definitions are not prescriptive, they are descriptive. We don't define a word and then start using it, we use it and then shape a definition around it. Definitions change all the time. Even the OED changes.

So yeah, I'm going to use words however I see fit, and if others misunderstand me, then those are my own consequences for me to deal with and I don't blame them for it.


LA, I find your response perplexing, especially coming from you. Of course this is not about the Language Police, it is about a word having a finite, or at least limited definition. Yes of course the meanings of words change over the years. But for our time right now, words are relatively defined in that most people would understand what the term beating meant.

Except for the BDSM crowd, where no-one can know what the meaning of apparently any word is because it is different for everybody. Again I ask, how can we have an discourse on the merits of beatings if everybody's definition is different? Well, we can't.

So like so many threads on this site, someone asks a question and instead of having a discussion about the question, everyone instead offers their interpretation of the meaning of the question. What a waste.

One person's definition of beating is "A beating is definitely construed as being 'play' on some level. It might mean a little tougher than usual, but it is definitely consensual. Even in punishment."

daddysprop is the other end of the spectrum. For her a beating is punching, kicking with the intention of doing harm.

To my mind, daddysprop is the only person here who has suffered a beating as the word is defined. As she mentioned, she and I disagree widely on the philosophy of the lifestyle, but we both at least are willing to be straight forward about our definitions.

Why do I think this is such a big problem? Because if a slave takes a beating from someone who has defined it like my first example, what will happen when someone else wants to give them a beating, and that second person means the word as it is defined in the dictionary? The poor slave is going to get the sh*t beaten out of them. This is harmful to everyone. The slave will likely be traumatized and the Master will likely have the police at his door.

I have been on many discussion boards on many topics over the years. Debate is based on everyone agreeing, within a limited range, what the words we are using mean. The BDSM crowd is the only one where word definition has a different meaning depending on the whim of each individual.

I would love this thread to be about the merits or lack thereof of beating a slave. Ain't gonna happen, and that is a shame.

Namaste, Sir Dominic



EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: "Beating"...just what is it? (3/16/2007 9:29:59 AM)

I think when it comes to real life interactions, it's rare that an actual definitions issue comes up.  Most people's definitions of things are "close enough" that it doesn't matter that they aren't exactly the same.  When a friction does occur, it's usually settled within a minute of quickie explanations of what THEY mean by the term and people move on.  Even if they don't agree, they don't need to in order to discuss whatever topic it was related to.

Communication isn't about everyone thinking exactly the same thing or having the exact same definition.  It's about transferring and understanding ideas.  The only times people tend to complain about definitions are when
a) they expect their definitions to be universal
b) we're actually having a discussion specifically focused on definitions

This is a discussion forum, which means we're going to get to the nitty gritty a lot more deeply than we would in general conversation or social discussion.  This may give the appearance that definitions are a big deal and that the whole of western civilization is disintegrating because we don't have exactly the same idea on things.

I embrace the diversity.  I don't think I have a difficult time having my perspectives understood to the point that I need for good conversation, and the few times that I do are a good exercise in clarification.

In other words, I really don't think the whole personalization of definitions thing is anything new, or a serious problem to worry about.



SirDominic -> RE: "Beating"...just what is it? (3/16/2007 9:57:28 AM)

quote:

Communication isn't about everyone thinking exactly the same thing or having the exact same definition. It's about transferring and understanding ideas.


Hey EmeraldSlave, you look just like someone else we know on here! They always said we all have an exact double somewhere in the world. What were the chances yours would show up here!

You are right, communication isn't about everyone thinking exactly the same thing. If they did, what would be the point? But to enjoy the transfer of ideas and understand other people's views, the words you use to describe your position have to have (at the very least) a similar meaning!

Obviously, we are not going to come to a meeting of the minds here. We are so far apart that it is impossible. Of course, I define impossible as being in complete agreement, so it's cool.

Namaste, Sir Dominic



Sab -> RE: "Beating"...just what is it? (3/16/2007 12:49:59 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: pdv99

For me, "Beating" suggests any activity that involves repetitive blows. In England (and I understand American is a different language) you might use "beating up" to indicate something abusive. Beating is a generic term doesn't specify the implement (as whipping or paddling do) - or the part of the anatomy (spanking usually being on the "arse" or legs). Any such "percussive" activity may be abusive or not! One could be beaten with a feather boa, but it would be unlikely to be abusive unless you had a phobia or allergy to such.


Quite correct, yet mostly, ignored. Being beaten up is just that - being abused to the extent that you cause physical harm to another to abuse rather than correct a certain behaviour or action.

Being beaten, as many have also said here, is by the use of objects or hands that is meant in a way that is opposite to the above.



GentlehandSTL -> RE: "Beating"...just what is it? (3/16/2007 2:42:59 PM)

Were I to flog you, repetitively, that would be play. The strokes MIGHT be hard, but they would  be measured and some thought and planning would go into where to land each stroke, how to hit you, etc. Somehow your feelings would be taken into account. It would end loooong before getting anywhere close to being dangerous to your health.

Were I to beat you, it would be likely that something larger than a flogger, like maybe a table leg or a chair would be used. The only consideration would be to harm you, quickly and painfully. Bones would likely be broken, likely your arms (defending your head) as well as at least one concussion. It would stop (hopefully) when you stopped moving.

Hopefully you would then be going to the hospital to see a doctor, and not to see the coroner.

I have worked very hard these past years to see to it that this does not happen. Many more people that should have received first hand information on this did not. So much the better for them. 99.9% of the time I walk away from this before it would start. Only those foolish enough to follow me, continuing the ‘fight,’ have had that first hand experience since oh, about 1980. The number is small.

Each and every person that I’ve ‘been with’ has been warned about this, ‘play partners’ specifically. Even to the point that if I’ve had a ‘bad day’ I will cancel a play date or ‘send them away’ (if live in) until ‘it’ passes. I NEVER ‘work out’ anger in any way.

BTW: If you do intend to harm my family best do it while I’m not there, and not let me know it was you. If you do intend to harm me, it would be best for you to hit from behind without any warning. But make sure I go down with the first blow, because if I do not you will not get a second chance. I’m 6’6” and a bit over 400# so it’s going to take a bit to get me down. Plan wisely.

Oh, and its not a great idea to ‘startle’ me awake. If you must do so from across the room. Wives, girlfriends, kids, have all found it’s best to throw a shoe from across the room.

So you know…



grlneedstolearn -> RE: "Beating"...just what is it? (3/16/2007 3:31:26 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprop247

how do you personally define the term "beating"? does it differ from spanking/whipping/flogging/paddling etc.? are beatings a part of your D/s or bdsm dynamic, and if so, under what circumstances?

years ago i was on another message board and mentioned being beaten by my Master. whoopty doo right? well, quite a few were disturbed/bothered by the b-word, and made clear as far as they were concerned, beatings=abuse, and this lifestyle is not about abuse, blah blah, yackety smackety. have to say it confused and amused the heck outta me (and my Master lol).

so what do you all feel about "beating"?



For me a beating entails not being able to sit for a couple weeks at the least and having welts, bruises, etc on the body. But that's just me though



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