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phone calls, e mails and smothering - 3/15/2007 3:35:45 PM   
rollinonward05


Posts: 78
Joined: 9/11/2005
Status: offline 		I just read a older thread titled "Master says you are smothering him" .  I used to talk to Master on the internet for hours almost everynight.  Then it began to slow down. I missed this terribly and always had it in my mind that I must of done something wrong to have this kind of communication taken away. E mails became infrequent too, only every other day instead of everyday.  I about freaked out. BUT....
Now after the several years I have been Masters I can more clearly see why this happened. At first it was us getting to know each other and understanding each other and building a trusting relationship. When the talking and e mails slowed down I can now see that it meant that it was time to move on , take a step or many steps.  We didn't need to be in touch daily, I knew Master would write or meet me on the net when it was possible. I just had to learn to be patient( I know that is not easy).
Now I am still not living with Master 24/7. And because of work or life in general sometimes we don't talk or write for days on end. But I know in my heart that He is there for me and that just because we are not talking all the time doesn't mean I am not in his thoughts as he is in mine.  We have always had a set up every week of at least one phone call. He has always told me when to call exactly what time and I have called him.  In a emergency I am allowed to call him whenever. And yes there have been emergencies when I called just because I really needed to just hear his voice, the reassurance of hearing it.  Have other subs or slaves needed this?

  How many others here have gone through the same kind of things as I have written of?  The slowing down of e mails, talks on msn etc?  Did it make you upset?  In time were you appreciative or happy this happened and why.? 

   Just some food for thought everyone. Have a great weekend when you all get to it.
Be well
rollin
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: phone calls, e mails and smothering - 3/15/2007 3:48:44 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		We haven't slowed down on either side in our need for contact. If he's in the garage working on the car, I try to stand there and hang out with him, bring him a drink. If he's playing Jewel Quest, a game he is determined to win, then I sit in the same room doing sudoko. We talk several times a day while he's working, but he initiates the call because I don't want to get him off a ladder. When we have to be away from each other for a couple of days, we're both miserable.

(in reply to rollinonward05)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: phone calls, e mails and smothering - 3/15/2007 4:24:08 PM   
junecleaver


Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline 		No.  I can't really imagine myself in a relationship where not talking for several days was the norm.  It's just not circumstances I think would be beneficial for me.

_____________________________


"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: phone calls, e mails and smothering - 3/15/2007 4:25:14 PM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		That never happend to Master and i and we have been together a year(last month).  He wants me to call him every day, and if he is not home when i call when he gets home he sees my # on his caller ID and calls me back.  So i talk to and see him every day.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: phone calls, e mails and smothering - 3/15/2007 4:37:42 PM   
cagedpassion


Posts: 16
Joined: 2/26/2007
Status: offline 		I am in a new relationship now, but before in another relationship when I didnt hear from my owner on a regular basis, I learned to figure out how to deal with things alone, so I learned to take care of myself, even in the emergencies. Now with my new master, He is working hard to teach me I can use his shoulder to cry on. Sometimes it is hard to talk daily for me, but I know he is there 24/7 for me.

His Caged Passion 

(in reply to littleone35)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: phone calls, e mails and smothering - 3/15/2007 5:04:26 PM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		Daddy and i constantly keep in touch first thing in the morning before He leaves for the office and when He returns at the end of the day. i always look forward to our 3-day weekends  ...nothing but long hours chatting between his tennis lessons and sessions. during the week and if He has time between patients, He'll spend a few minutes to hear about my day.  i could never be in a relationship if there would be long periods of no communication.

< Message edited by sambamanslilgirl -- 3/15/2007 5:05:02 PM >

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to cagedpassion)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: phone calls, e mails and smothering - 3/15/2007 5:19:27 PM   
veronicaboundcd


Posts: 101
Joined: 1/4/2005
Status: offline 		I'm a little confused ...is this strictly an online relationship, or have you actually met and interacted?

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: phone calls, e mails and smothering - 3/15/2007 5:48:31 PM   
FelinePersuasion


Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		Me either
quote:

ORIGINAL: junecleaver

No.  I can't really imagine myself in a relationship where not talking for several days was the norm.  It's just not circumstances I think would be beneficial for me.


_____________________________

Most of the time if it looks like BS, smells like BS, you probably should not t taste it to see if, in fact, it is BS.


(in reply to junecleaver)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: phone calls, e mails and smothering - 3/15/2007 7:16:49 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		Master and i talk to eachother almost every day. On the phone or online if we cant be together in the same place. Often times we will talk on the phone for hours befor bed time. He knows that I need the constant communication and connection I think part of him needs it to. I couldnt be in  relationship where there wasnt that.

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to FelinePersuasion)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: phone calls, e mails and smothering - 3/15/2007 7:38:16 PM   
andreaC


Posts: 195
Joined: 10/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rollinonward05

I just read a older thread titled "Master says you are smothering him" .  I used to talk to Master on the internet for hours almost everynight.  Then it began to slow down. I missed this terribly and always had it in my mind that I must of done something wrong to have this kind of communication taken away. E mails became infrequent too, only every other day instead of everyday.  I about freaked out. BUT....
Now after the several years I have been Masters I can more clearly see why this happened. At first it was us getting to know each other and understanding each other and building a trusting relationship. When the talking and e mails slowed down I can now see that it meant that it was time to move on , take a step or many steps.  We didn't need to be in touch daily, I knew Master would write or meet me on the net when it was possible. I just had to learn to be patient( I know that is not easy).
Now I am still not living with Master 24/7. And because of work or life in general sometimes we don't talk or write for days on end. But I know in my heart that He is there for me and that just because we are not talking all the time doesn't mean I am not in his thoughts as he is in mine.  We have always had a set up every week of at least one phone call. He has always told me when to call exactly what time and I have called him.  In a emergency I am allowed to call him whenever. And yes there have been emergencies when I called just because I really needed to just hear his voice, the reassurance of hearing it.  Have other subs or slaves needed this?

How many others here have gone through the same kind of things as I have written of?  The slowing down of e mails, talks on msn etc?  Did it make you upset?  In time were you appreciative or happy this happened and why.? 

  Just some food for thought everyone. Have a great weekend when you all get to it.
Be well
rollin



I can understand very well since i am currently in a long distance relationship with Master.  At some point in our life, Master got very busy with his business.  At first i was wondering the same thing as you, if i did something wrong, but he explained to me why.  As for emails, well we did communicate thru emails at times, but that was hard.  Also, Master isnt the email type of person, he prefers direct communication so we dont get a misunderstanding because of the language barrier.

Now our relationship has grown, we still talk everyday, almost........but at times its shorter conversation than other days.  Even when days we cant talk much, i know and he keeps telling me, if you need me, i am here for you........i dont doubt that at all and he has proven that in many occasions.

I also understand now that his business is his bread and butter and also at times, my own job will prevent me from talking long with him.  As long that we both understand and accept that we each have a busy schedule........things works perfectly.



_____________________________

andreaC - owned by Master Carrera2
Complete and extremely happy :)
Jeg elsker deg Herre

(in reply to rollinonward05)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: phone calls, e mails and smothering - 3/15/2007 7:48:25 PM   
valeca


Posts: 403
Joined: 1/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43

We haven't slowed down on either side in our need for contact. If he's in the garage working on the car, I try to stand there and hang out with him, bring him a drink. If he's playing Jewel Quest, a game he is determined to win, then I sit in the same room doing sudoko. We talk several times a day while he's working, but he initiates the call because I don't want to get him off a ladder. When we have to be away from each other for a couple of days, we're both miserable.


This is pretty close to how Loraith and I operate.  We enjoy being together even if we're not directly communicating.  We crave being together, and will often move to whatever room the other is in.  I wouldn't want it any other way.  Long periods of not talking would be disturbing to us both.


_____________________________

~valeca, Owned and Operated by Loraith.

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: phone calls, e mails and smothering - 3/16/2007 3:51:57 AM   
Areflectionofyou


Posts: 258
Joined: 4/4/2006
Status: offline 		Well for Master and myself...our relationship wouldn't have lasted being long distance forever. We have been together since last may-june and next friday he is coming to get me to move in . I want to see his face and just be with him, and he wants the same. This is what works for us. Every relationship works differently. Just do what works. Is this a Relationship offline as well?

(in reply to rollinonward05)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: phone calls, e mails and smothering - 3/16/2007 5:15:50 AM   
subsfaith


Posts: 297
Joined: 11/21/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rollinonward05

How many others here have gone through the same kind of things as I have written of?  The slowing down of e mails, talks on msn etc?  Did it make you upset?  In time were you appreciative or happy this happened and why.? 



Hi there rollin,

I can understand perfectly where you are coming from.  My Lord and I had a long distance relationship for over two years before I moved closer to him.  A year down the line we are now living together, but the road travelled has been a very long and arduous one. 

Whilst we were apart I was very insecure if he wasn't in touch.  After the initial 'getting to know each other' period, contact did drop off and that used to drive me mad.  Was he cross with me? Have I don't something wrong? Did he really care about me?  So many questions, and he wasn't there immediately to reassure me.  I could, in his absense, convince myself ANYTHING negative! This is how I arrived at my name, sub's faith.

Over time I realised (of course helped with long conversations with Sir about it) that the only thing wrong with our relationship was my negativity, that my mind, if allowed to wander from the path of faith in him, would make up stuff that wasn't at all true. I have come to understand that Sir does not need me, or anyone for that matter. 

There have been times when I have been on a strict routine of kneeling periodically throughout the day, just so I can be reminded of my position.  Times of reporting to Sir on my movements, my thoughts, and actions have all been presented in email form, on the phone or in person.

Now I am in a position of faithfulness.  I don't mean monogamy, but a deep seated faith that Sir is with me in mind, if not in body.  I have faith that he is there for me, and that it may be at a time of his choosing rather than mine.  I have faith that he knows what is best for me, and when I disagree, I usually go back to my faith and think about why he is my Sir, or I am told to go back there LOL

There are still times, even though we are living together that we cannot see each other for, sometimes, two or three nights every other week (Sir's jobs) .  During these times, Sir is not constantly in touch, sometimes I get a single text in a day, sometimes I get a five minute phone call, sometimes not even that and it is still hard just because I miss him so very much.  If I need him, I can call, however, I try not to disturb him. Generally I am aware that he is plainly busy, concentrating on his work etc.  It doesn't mean that he doesn't care about me, doesn't think about me, or anything else for that materr, he is either busy, or happy on his own.

In conclusion, the journey that we have travelled, including this type of problem, has made us who we are today.  Sir still doesn't need me, but in that, knowing that he wants me gives me such immeasurable security and pride.  We are stable and rock solid, happy and contented, and I think if we hadn't overcome such issues then we would not be where we are now.  Personal development comes in many different formats, some you can recognise instantly, others are more subtle.  I, for one, know that as a couple we are better for treading the harder path at times, and for understanding that the easy route isn't necessarily the best way to go.

Be happy :: smiles ::

(in reply to rollinonward05)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: phone calls, e mails and smothering - 3/16/2007 5:20:05 AM   
mynded


Posts: 137
Joined: 8/20/2006
Status: offline 		My previous Master bordered on smothering me but i had to hear from him several times a wk. He was retired and disabled and I worked so my free time was limited. Oours was a LDR that eventually fizzled out because it never progressed past just that. I cant complain much since He was the One who introduced me to this lifestyle and was a wonderful teacher.

(in reply to rollinonward05)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: phone calls, e mails and smothering - 3/16/2007 5:22:16 AM   
losttreasure


Posts: 875
Joined: 12/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rollinonward05

How many others here have gone through the same kind of things as I have written of?  The slowing down of e mails, talks on msn etc?  Did it make you upset?  In time were you appreciative or happy this happened and why.?


I think it's pretty safe to say that everyone has experienced something similar in one fashion or another... from separating yourself from your parents, leaving behind a former love, or letting go of adult children.  After all, what you are talking about is our own emotions and how we deal with them.

Two people can have similar feelings regarding a relationship, but emotions are not shared... they are uniquely our own.  Their affect on us and how we deal with them is very dependent upon the expectations that we have and the value we place on the relationship.

I value greatly the relationships that I have with my children, but I expected them to grow up, leave home and live their own lives.  My expectations were that they would not be a daily and integral part of my life beyond their reaching adulthood.  When they did leave, I did not suffer "empty-nest" syndrome because the relationship continued to meet my expectations.  My feelings for them have not lessened... but the relationship did change.

I can't say that my expectations for an intimate relationship (and I do consider D/s to be an intimate relationship) would be met with only occasional and sporadic contact.  Of course, not everyone has the same view of an intimate relationship.  Reconciling my expectations to match a partner's with regard to that would most likely entail a certain amount of emotional detachment.  It might work for a time, but it would certainly be settling for less than what I desire and ultimately not emotionally satisfying to me.

I can safely say that the only time that I was appreciative or happy when contact decreased in an intimate relationship, was when I no longer valued the relationship as highly and wished to see it become non-intimate or end altogether.


_____________________________

Just because it isn't "all about me", doesn't make it "all about you".

(in reply to rollinonward05)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: phone calls, e mails and smothering - 3/16/2007 3:16:00 PM   
OnlyHis


Posts: 137
Joined: 2/25/2004
Status: offline 		subsfaith,   My relationship with Master has some of the same dynamics that you describe here.  I was online with him for over a year before making my first visit to be with him. That visit was one of a lot of learning and realizing just where I wanted to be and belonged. Since then there have been other visits which I have continued to grow and learn all He expects of his slave.
There have been several times when we were out of touch for several days or weeks or we had to cut back on talking or e mailing because of other obligations.  At first this tended to make me as upset as I am sure it has with rollin, but I finally got it through my head that just because he may be out of touch does not mean he has forgotten me .  That He will write or come online to talk when he can. I am a lot more comfortable with my place in Masters life now, after more than 5 years. I still have a lot more growing to do but i have him to help guide me along the rough spots and the smooth ones.


(in reply to subsfaith)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: phone calls, e mails and smothering - 3/16/2007 4:57:20 PM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: veronicaboundcd

I'm a little confused ...is this strictly an online relationship, or have you actually met and interacted?


both - however mostly online


_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to veronicaboundcd)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: phone calls, e mails and smothering - 3/16/2007 5:16:09 PM   
GeekyGirl


Posts: 905
Joined: 8/21/2006
Status: offline 		I have experienced the slowing down of contact..and it was always the harbinger of the relationship's demise.

I'm very attention-hungry...going days at a time without attention makes me miserable and I become a very difficult person to deal with. My behavor becomes increasingly negative. I become more and more angry. Eventually, I end the relationship. It's happened SEVERAL times for me.

I need steady attention, even if it's just hanging out in the same room with him (this is one reason LDRs don't usually work well for me.)


_____________________________

"It's nothing that I understand, but when in your arms you have complete power over me. So be gentle if you please, 'cause your hands are in my hair, but my heart is in your teeth and it makes me want to make you near me always."

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: phone calls, e mails and smothering - 3/16/2007 6:52:16 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		It is a very rare thing that we do not talk daily, sometimes multiple times every day. We also private message. In May it will be a year since we started seeing each other, and we have been talking over the internet for over a year, and we talk every day. I would not deal well in a relationship that I was not in daily contact with my Dom unless there were extreme circumstances... and even then we messaged (he was out of town and his cellphone was broken).

I make myself available for daily contact, as does he. We do not have deep conversations everytime we speak, but we at least connect. I have discovered I really need that after having a few relationships that I was not able to connect daily with them for fear of "smothering" them. In my opinion, if I have to worry about smothering someone, they are not the right person for me. I have a life, I expect whomever I am with to have a life too, but in my experience those who think normal every day conversations with me were smothering to them were not "into" me, and i want someone that is "into" me, and feels the need to connect too.

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 3/16/2007 6:53:35 PM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to rollinonward05)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: phone calls, e mails and smothering - 3/16/2007 7:23:39 PM   
BOUNTYHUNTER


Posts: 9259
Joined: 2/5/2004
Status: offline 		Communication is very important with us ,so therefore we try to have a contact either phone or chat once a day.IT depends on how busy we are and when she had been to visit us last.......WE are considering a girl and shes quiet a distance from us for now..I know of Dom/mees that plan their subs every waking moment and demand phone calls at a set times and she had better be on time or the stuff will hit the fan.WE prefer to do it our way and be flexible but what works for one won't for another ..AS always just the views of this ol" master and subject to change...bounty

< Message edited by BOUNTYHUNTER -- 3/16/2007 7:27:29 PM >

_____________________________

US going to hell in a hand basket/

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 20
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