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When things go bad without explaination - 3/17/2007 4:32:52 AM

WhiplashSmile

Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
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Was wondering how many have experienced this or not?
Have you ever met somebody online, where you were hitting off really
well with. Great message exchanges, IMs and even talking over the phone.

Then poof one day you find you are put on block, completely
without any explaination. You are left clueless about what happened.

Left Questioning if you somehow hurt, offended, frighten or upset them?
Left Questioning why with no explaination or even a clue?
Left Questioning what really happened?

From the other side of the coin..
have you ever simply blocked somebody you had been getting to know
without giving them an explaination or clue, if so why?

< Message edited by WhiplashSmile -- 3/17/2007 4:50:27 AM >

Post #: 1

RE: When things go bad without explaination - 3/17/2007 4:52:17 AM

bayboundse

Posts: 288
Joined: 10/29/2005
From: Oak Ridge, TN
Status: offline

We had one sub/slave we had talked to often. She was getting ready to come visit us. BOOM she was gone. No contact no nothing. Then we started to see her online agian but she would not respond to us. About 6 months later she starts chatting to us telling us that she got scared ect... We start talking agian...WHAM BAM she is gone agian. No replies no nothing. From talking to many on this site who are searching this seems to be a common thing with vanishing people or people who block you ect.

(in reply to WhiplashSmile)

Post #: 2

RE: When things go bad without explaination - 3/17/2007 4:53:14 AM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
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Presumably they were also talking to others and decided to only talk with one of the others. Would it have been more polite to say thanks but no thanks, they've formed a connection with someone else? Certainly but when you do that, just like when you respond to a first email with thanks but no thanks you run the risk of then getting hate mail. In addition men in your situation frequently don't take no, they claim they want to be just friends but they seize on every word as a reason to disparage the man she did choose and tell her to dump him and accept you.

Now you probably don't do this, but I'm betting someone she spoke to in the past did do this so she decided to avoid the drama and the hate mail and just end it.

(in reply to WhiplashSmile)

Post #: 3

RE: When things go bad without explaination - 3/17/2007 5:05:18 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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Sadly, yes, I can say it has. I think that is all I will publicly post on the subject.

(in reply to Celeste43)

Post #: 4

RE: When things go bad without explaination - 3/17/2007 5:08:12 AM

Quivver

Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile

From the other side of the coin..
have you ever simply blocked somebody you had been getting to know
without giving them an explaination or clue, if so why?

I can think of one I did that with reciently. The communication had been on and off for a couple years but never face to face. I lacked real interest, but would reply polietly and restate that I wasnt interested in more then a friendship, just as I had done before and before and before..... he ended up taking the topic beyond what any of us would call sane. I stopped him immediatly, mentioned blocking and included that I wished no more contact... he stopped the train of thought and signed off. Then a month or so later, he's back.......... The block button was my friend....

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

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Post #: 5

RE: When things go bad without explaination - 3/17/2007 5:08:31 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

Many many years ago when i was new, i disappeared from a relationship because i just didn't know how to end it without hurt feelings and i just dread confrontations. But that was when i was young. Over the years i've learned that it is much kinder to end a relationship than to just ignore it and hope it goes away.

Have i had potential Doms just disappear? Of course i have, lots of times. i've been stood up for initial meetings, i've been stood up for second dates, i've been stood up for third dates. Disappointing? Yes. i used to blame myself. Now i don't. i concentrait more on being the best person i can be and make sure i am not the one to just disappear without explaination.

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RE: When things go bad without explaination - 3/17/2007 5:16:07 AM

WhiplashSmile

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Joined: 6/8/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43

Presumably they were also talking to others and decided to only talk with one of the others. Would it have been more polite to say thanks but no thanks, they've formed a connection with someone else? Certainly but when you do that, just like when you respond to a first email with thanks but no thanks you run the risk of then getting hate mail. In addition men in your situation frequently don't take no, they claim they want to be just friends but they seize on every word as a reason to disparage the man she did choose and tell her to dump him and accept you.

Now you probably don't do this, but I'm betting someone she spoke to in the past did do this so she decided to avoid the drama and the hate mail and just end it.

This happened so sudden and out of the blue. I did not even see it coming. Is she wants to be with somebody else that's something I would have to accept and deal with on my own. It would have been nice to have an explaination of what was going on, then have her hit the block. That way, I would have clearly known without question.

I feel like I was safely crossing a street and a friggen Mac Truck hit me head on. Not a very pleasent emotional experience.

You may be right, she may decided to avoid the drama. I myself found myself becoming slowly more emotionally attached. I think that is a bit of a given. At least she did this now, so it was a needle prick. If this had gone on longer it would have felt like a rail road spike or more to my heart.

I would have respected it more if she had left me a Dear Dom letter though, before the block. Oh well.....

< Message edited by WhiplashSmile -- 3/17/2007 5:19:39 AM >

(in reply to Celeste43)

Post #: 7

RE: When things go bad without explaination - 3/17/2007 5:32:31 AM

SexyRed

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This happens all the time online, one of the hazards of trying to meet people this way. People lack follow up and behave rudely because it is easy to hide online.

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RE: When things go bad without explaination - 3/17/2007 5:36:25 AM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
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I was going to say exactly what SexyRed said. It happens a LOT online, unfortunately. And I do mean a LOT. That's why I always say hold onto your heart until you know for sure it's for real.

The other possibility, which also happens a lot here is that, there is a good chance "she" was married and just playing around, got in over "her" head and just took the quick and easy way out.

And, I put the pronouns in quotations for the other reason.......it's very possible it was a dude.

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You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

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RE: When things go bad without explaination - 3/17/2007 5:36:26 AM

MsLadySue

Posts: 2254
Joined: 12/18/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile

From the other side of the coin..
have you ever simply blocked somebody you had been getting to know without giving them an explaination or clue, if so why?

I admit to using the block function on occasion without any explanation or warning.

Several times I've been chatting with a potential sub that continues to talk about what I will do with/to him but ignores what it is I expect from him. In another case it happens when the sub constantly brings up sexual service and what he wants to do to me when I have reminded him time and again that there will be no sexual service until I say so, if at all.

After several reminders that this is not all about what I will do for them or about sexually servicing me, I use the block function because I know the topics of conversation won't change nor will their attitude. Since they won't take direction during chat, there is no reason for me to believe it would be any different in real life.

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RE: When things go bad without explaination - 3/17/2007 5:50:20 AM

Aileen68

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Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline

I was chatting with someone last fall and liked him. He was much younger than I usually consider...21and had no experience. That wasn't the issue with me. He was incredibly turned on by breath play and it started to become almost an obsession with him to the point where every other word seemed to be about it. I told him of my reservations about that and how I felt he was a bit too gung ho and overly enthusiastic about something so dangerous. He also seemed to have a temper problem which was never directed towards me, but he did tell me that it was an issue with him and that he was trying to control it. I felt that the combo of the two things with him could be lethal and told him that. I wished him luck and told him to be a safe player and left the conversations.

< Message edited by Aileen68 -- 3/17/2007 5:53:21 AM >

(in reply to WhiplashSmile)

Post #: 11

RE: When things go bad without explaination - 3/17/2007 5:55:16 AM

WhiplashSmile

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Joined: 6/8/2004
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No, she was really a she. Talked with her on the phone even. She told me she was not married and was single not seeing anybody. She asked me if I was single as well. This morning I wrote a rather heart felt message to her, went to send it off and discovered I was on block. She was the first one on here I've met, that I was actually entertaining the thoughts of making a road trip to go see.

< Message edited by WhiplashSmile -- 3/17/2007 6:06:50 AM >

(in reply to windchymes)

Post #: 12

RE: When things go bad without explanation - 3/17/2007 6:04:45 AM

Pheonyxx

Posts: 16
Joined: 8/12/2005
Status: offline

Funny that you ask that, as I too am trying to figure out just what happened. I started talking to someone here before Thanksgiving, we went through the process.. exchanged photos, etc. We had progressed to talking on the phone, and talked almost every night. In January we met, and things looked like they were going great. We still continued the conversations at night, then last week, poof...nothing.. no contact, no call back, nothing. I'm still trying to figure out what the heck was going on. If the interest wasn't there, or had fallen off, he could have told me and I would have respected that completely. Sigh, I just chalk it up to a life lesson learned, and move on from there.. I guess that's the best I can do.

(in reply to MsLadySue)

Post #: 13

RE: When things go bad without explaination - 3/17/2007 6:05:57 AM

velvetears

Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline

Yes this has happened to me. We were emailing and chatting for a while. i was wondering why he never suggested a meeting - even if just for an hour to have lunch as we lived fairly close to each other. Then one day he came out with some "requirements" that i questioned (i felt they were very odd) and told him i would not be able to ever do what he wanted. I did it with respect and in a polite way. He just simply blocked me. That spoke more about him and his character then all the emails he had ever sent me and he actually did me a favor. i lost no sleep over it. Had i been disresepctful or accused him of being strange etc or questioned his "fetish" i could see him becoming angry enough to block me - but i did none of that.

i would never do that to someone. i would at least give them respect enough to say - this isn't going to work out.

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RE: When things go bad without explaination - 3/17/2007 6:06:08 AM

WhiplashSmile

Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68
I told him of my reservations about that and how I felt he was a bit too gung ho and overly enthusiastic about something so dangerous. He also seemed to have a temper problem which was never directed towards me, but he did tell me that it was an issue with him and that he was trying to control it.

Aileen, I've been going through everything in my head that her and I talked about. Trying to figure out for the life of me, if I said something that would concern or scare her. I keep coming up blank. Generally, if somebody expresses a reservation about something I will listen as well. I'm totally into safe and sane. For the life of me I'm at a loss. I wished if she had reservations regarding something she would have pressed me for details or said something.

I can total understand why you had reservations, and red flags about his temper. I can't say I blame you one bit there.

< Message edited by WhiplashSmile -- 3/17/2007 6:10:41 AM >

(in reply to Aileen68)

Post #: 15

RE: When things go bad without explaination - 3/17/2007 6:11:57 AM

rubyleu

Posts: 63
Status: offline

im guilty of doing that also.. why.. because some ppl are so persistent, and i just dont feel like being a bitch and telling them off.. so i stop replying, and they keep writing, and then i eventually block them.

not everyone is capable, or an expert in communication. those are are, think that everyone should be like that.. those who can be straight forward and not care about how the others feel.

but this is online, and one should realize that more than anything, not take anything that personally. im not married or hiding behind my true self, i just stop writing back, and its happened a few times i told them i wasnt interested, but the person on the other end keeps insisting.. and thats what i call pressure. and when i feel pressure, i run the other direction. the way i figured it is that if the person cannot respect my decision, it would be hazardous to pursue a relationship, because it would be a "me me me" one. it would also be one where the person wouldnt even listen to your wishes, and thoughts.

(in reply to WhiplashSmile)

Post #: 16

RE: When things go bad without explaination - 3/17/2007 6:12:15 AM

velvetears

Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile

This happened so sudden and out of the blue. I did not even see it coming. Is she wants to be with somebody else that's something I would have to accept and deal with on my own. It would have been nice to have an explaination of what was going on, then have her hit the block. That way, I would have clearly known without question.

I feel like I was safely crossing a street and a friggen Mac Truck hit me head on. Not a very pleasent emotional experience.

You may be right, she may decided to avoid the drama. I myself found myself becoming slowly more emotionally attached. I think that is a bit of a given. At least she did this now, so it was a needle prick. If this had gone on longer it would have felt like a rail road spike or more to my heart.

I would have respected it more if she had left me a Dear Dom letter though, before the block. Oh well.....

i feel your angst and pain about this but would you really want to make a committment to someone who obviously can be so callous of others feelings? She did you a HUGE favor... consider yourself lucky.

_____________________________

Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

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Post #: 17

RE: When things go bad without explanation - 3/17/2007 6:16:19 AM

WhiplashSmile

Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Pheonyxx
Funny that you ask that, as I too am trying to figure out just what happened.

I feel better, I am not alone on this.

(in reply to Pheonyxx)

Post #: 18

RE: When things go bad without explaination - 3/17/2007 6:46:52 AM

mstrjx

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline

Yes, I had a 'poofer' about 6 months or so ago. We were supposed to meet the following day, then that person 'vanished'.

In this particular case nothing was firmed up; there were still some things in my mind that would needed resolving (or could have been made better). So it wasn't as completely catastrophic as if I had started to become more emotionally involved.

But it was annoying nonetheless.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

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RE: When things go bad without explaination - 3/17/2007 6:58:25 AM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile

No, she was really a she. Talked with her on the phone even. She told me she was not married and was single not seeing anybody. She asked me if I was single as well. This morning I wrote a rather heart felt message to her, went to send it off and discovered I was on block. She was the first one on here I've met, that I was actually entertaining the thoughts of making a road trip to go see.

But the point here is, just because she TOLD you she was not married doesn't mean it's true. People lie online all the time. People live out entire fantasy lives online all the time. It's so easy to do online, because you don't have to make eye contact and you can run away at a flash if you so choose. It's a game some people just enjoy playing, god knows why.

Believe me, I know all too well how much it hurts, because it's happened to me, more than once, as it's happened to probably most people on here. You'll never know "why". It just did.

Here are some other possibilities: She's really 45 years old, married with 6 kids and dreams about running away to fulfill her fantasy life of being someone's slave. She really weighs 350 lbs in real life and is afraid you'll reject her if you find out, so she ended it. It's a guy with a high voice who can impersonate a female voice with deadly accuracy. She is really 14 years old and hightailed it out of there before she got caught. He is really 14 years old and hightailed it out of there before he got caught. She or He got caught and mom or dad shut the account down. She has multiple personalities and a new one took over. She had several possibilities on the line and decided to narrow her focus down to one and she blocked all the rest of you. She met someone in real life. She's an addict and in a blackout phase. She has severe psychological problems and this is how she spends her free time.

Do you see? It really doesn't matter why, the reality is she did it and didn't think of your feelings. Believe me, it hurts a lot less now than it would a year from now, or two. If that is your real picture in the avatar, I don' t think you have a lot to worry about

< Message edited by windchymes -- 3/17/2007 6:59:03 AM >

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to WhiplashSmile)

Post #: 20

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