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filling time when your Dom is unavailable - 3/17/2007 9:11:25 AM   
subsa


Posts: 196
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		the thread about time with your Master made me very conscious of a situation i'm experiencing right now.  I live with my Master.  but He goes through periods of time when His energy must be focused on work more than the normal 40-50 hours.  during those time periods i really struggle.  i understand why He can't focus more on us but i crave His time and attention.  what seems to be happening is that if i find ways to distract myself so that i don't distract Him we seem to lose our deep connection.  so my question is  what do you do that distracts you from His absence while still keeping your focused on Him? 

since my experience is male Master/ female sub/slave i frame the question in those terms but the question is equally valid for sub/slaves in same sex dynamics or female Mistress/male sub/slaves.   
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RE: filling time when your Dom is unavailable - 3/17/2007 9:20:06 AM   
Wildfleurs


Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subsa

the thread about time with your Master made me very conscious of a situation i'm experiencing right now.  I live with my Master.  but He goes through periods of time when His energy must be focused on work more than the normal 40-50 hours.  during those time periods i really struggle.  i understand why He can't focus more on us but i crave His time and attention.  what seems to be happening is that if i find ways to distract myself so that i don't distract Him we seem to lose our deep connection.  so my question is  what do you do that distracts you from His absence while still keeping your focused on Him? 

since my experience is male Master/ female sub/slave i frame the question in those terms but the question is equally valid for sub/slaves in same sex dynamics or female Mistress/male sub/slaves.   


I do more stuff.  I volunteer more, re-connect and spend more time with friends, I've taken art classes during his busy at work periods.  Basically I try to see it as a chance to do some things for me that I may have not normally had the opportunity to do.

C~


_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

(in reply to subsa)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: filling time when your Dom is unavailable - 3/17/2007 9:34:53 AM   
subsa


Posts: 196
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		but that seems to be the exact problem.  we've not been in the lifestyle that long.  in the past those are the things i did to keep myself occupied.  and during those times we somewhat drifted apart.  fortunately, we've always grow back together again.  but now He really feels that distance and doesn't like it.  i can see the difference in my attitude towards Him too. those outside things can keep me from being there for Him )either physcally or emotionally) when He does have time for me.   i'm trying to find things that i can fill my time with that still keep me connected to Him.
but thanks for the suggestions just the same. perhaps its something we're both going to have to live with until our lives return to a more normal schedule. 

(in reply to Wildfleurs)
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RE: filling time when your Dom is unavailable - 3/17/2007 10:11:09 AM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline 		Write.  Journal.

Putting feelings on paper is a quick and easy and effective way of keeping yourself in 'place' when that cannot come from the external source.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to subsa)
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RE: filling time when your Dom is unavailable - 3/17/2007 10:16:29 AM   
subsa


Posts: 196
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		what do you write about?  what you're doing?  how much you miss Him? 

(in reply to mstrjx)
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RE: filling time when your Dom is unavailable - 3/17/2007 10:17:46 AM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Have a fun weekend at a friends :)

You could also pamper yourself, though that might have the not good side effect of wanting to show it off to him and he's too tired to care.

Cooking!!!  If you can't enjoy one indulgence, then enjoy another.  There's time to burn it off later :)

Movies, reading...and I think sometimes there's just nothing TO be done, it just sucks and you can sulk for awhile over it.

Oh and plan a trip to celebrate the end of it!

(in reply to mstrjx)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: filling time when your Dom is unavailable - 3/17/2007 10:27:01 AM   
andyskayla


Posts: 19
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline 		I do the things I love; I need to be self-sufficient when he's in a work or poker kick.  (We live together too, but like you there are times.)  For me if I get my bearings back and don't focus so much on him, he gets more interested in me again.  But I believe in playing games (even though I know nearly everyone else doesn't, so I have a different POV)--I think that there is sort of a natural equilibrium of space we both need and if he pulls back and I go and get a life, he comes back towards me.  If I try and get closer to him at that point, he just keeps pulling back.  Neither of us wants saran wrap.  And if he wants me to focus more on him, he needs to have more time to have me focus on him. He can't have it all.  He can have me clingy and focused on him and demanding more time, or more independent and not as focused/nagging.  I can't do focused on him, not enough time and not clingy.

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
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RE: filling time when your Dom is unavailable - 3/17/2007 10:46:35 AM   
OnlyHis


Posts: 137
Joined: 2/25/2004
Status: offline 		I write a journal daily.  I tell what my day was like. If i got irritated or angry with someone ? How I handled that. Write about how he makes you feel ?  What is in your heart.  Write about the feelings that go through you when you feel you are losing the connection. Write about the things you would like to do with him- your fantasies.  Be they sexual or of a serving nature.
When done writing go ahead and reread it but don't change a thing.  What you write the first time comes off a lot more honestly than proof reading and making little changes. What you write may even hurt him some but it is what you are feeling at the time and he should understand that.
Hope this helps

(in reply to subsa)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: filling time when your Dom is unavailable - 3/17/2007 10:46:41 AM   
goodlittlegirl28


Posts: 2108
Joined: 1/8/2007
Status: offline 		do something related to his interets or skill set. incorporate the connection into one of your own skill sets. mstrjx is right, journaling is an excellent form of connection. what to write about? self-reflection. challenge your ideals, dig deeper to see why you think or react the way you do about something. if nothing else, check out the thread questions and see what topics appeal to you or ruffle your feathers, then go to town on your own response. he will probably appreciate the insight. but if you're not a writing sort of person, learn to knit.

_____________________________

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face... You must do the thing you think you cannot do.
-Eleanor Roosevelt

Love people, not things. Use things, not people.

(in reply to andyskayla)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: filling time when your Dom is unavailable - 3/17/2007 10:50:15 AM   
subsa


Posts: 196
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		well we are going to a party tonight, with some good friends.
the cooking thing is fun... i love to cook.  but a big part of the enjoyment is cooking for someone; but as you say, the someone needs care about what they're eating. 
we're also planning a trip to jazzfest which will be fun. 

i've been thinking that maybe it's like an addiction to a drug.  that in a sense it's withdrawl.   all of those things sound fun but there's just something missing. 

kayla:  but what if our agreement includes Him having it all.  our agreement says He has the right to my full attention whenever He wants regardless of the amount of time He's been able to spend with me. then its up to me to be able to stay connected.  its not like He wouldn't prefer to be with me.  He's only pulling away because its required.  the rest of the year we are almost always well connected.  as i said in the other thread, this is when i need discipline. the kind from within...

(in reply to andyskayla)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: filling time when your Dom is unavailable - 3/17/2007 10:51:56 AM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline 		so my question is  what do you do that distracts you from His absence while still keeping your focused on Him? 
My situation is a little different i guess as i am involved in a poly relationship where my Sir lives with his primary partner and i live alone. I spend loads of time with him / them but i have to admit i love the alone time i get too. I guess i'm just wired to like being solitary at times.
When i do come home and spend time alone i usually have that much to do that i dont  need a distraction because they are already there waiting for me. You know things like washing, cleaning, ironing, taking care of bills, paperwork etc.
When i do miss him / them to the point it upsets me i ring them. If they are unavailable for any reason i send them mail or journal my feelings, it usually helps.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to subsa)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: filling time when your Dom is unavailable - 3/17/2007 11:23:44 AM   
blushingflower


Posts: 144
Joined: 10/11/2006
Status: offline 		You can do things for him.  My Daddy works insane hours, and I get lonely and bored without him.  But I try to think of things that will make him happy.
If you don't already, you can use the time that he's away to go to the gym or do other things to take care of yourself (which is taking good care of His property).   Cook for him, do laundry and other chores around the house, do the shopping.  Even if you do these things already, refocus that you're doing them for him, to make his life easier and more pleasant.  I had a snow day last week, and Daddy had to work, so I took the opportunity to do some chores that would normally wait for the weekend, so that when he came home the dishes were clean, the laundry was done and the sheets had been changed.

(in reply to subsa)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: filling time when your Dom is unavailable - 3/17/2007 11:33:17 AM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subsa

the thread about time with your Master made me very conscious of a situation i'm experiencing right now.  I live with my Master.  but He goes through periods of time when His energy must be focused on work more than the normal 40-50 hours.  during those time periods i really struggle.  i understand why He can't focus more on us but i crave His time and attention.  what seems to be happening is that if i find ways to distract myself so that i don't distract Him we seem to lose our deep connection.  so my question is  what do you do that distracts you from His absence while still keeping your focused on Him? 

since my experience is male Master/ female sub/slave i frame the question in those terms but the question is equally valid for sub/slaves in same sex dynamics or female Mistress/male sub/slaves.   


Well, nothing "distracts" me from thinking of Him and doing my best to serve Him in all ways.  But....i have many other things filling the hours when W/we are apart such as a full-time job, time with friends and family, reading, hobbies, etc.  Master is adamant that i partake of/enjoy/participate in all these other activities so that my mind stays active, so that i feel fulfilled in all areas of my life, and so that i am a well-rounded, intelligent slave whom He can thoroughly enjoy in all aspects including the intellectual realm....slave luci

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to subsa)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: filling time when your Dom is unavailable - 3/17/2007 11:38:40 AM   
mixielicous


Posts: 1283
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: Boston area, Massachusetts
Status: offline 		theres ALWAYS something to be cleaned, or reorgaized. read, journal, art for Him. forums [this is one of 2 i frequent] PT work if allowed. finding His favorite recipes, time to pamper yourself

_____________________________


"lets just say he's a few prawns short of a galaxy"


(in reply to slaveluci)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: filling time when your Dom is unavailable - 3/17/2007 11:54:35 AM   
subsa


Posts: 196
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		i have things that keep me busy.  i work a full time job, i do the laundry, cooking and cleaning.  i have adult ums that i spend time with every week.  i have hobbies.  i do yoga twice a week and i volunteer at a community garden. hell, i spend waaay to much time reading here.  my point is that when He's busy if i take more yoga classes or go to the community garden then if he has an hour or two i'm not here.  and even if i am i'm thinking about what to plant where or how my practice is going.  i'm not very attentive, i get focused on those other things in my life.  what i need are things to do that make me stay focused on Him that don't involve Him.  the journalling is a good idea.  i've not been the type to ever do it but it's worth a try.  i'll also try (as blushing flower suggested) to refocus on why i do the things i do,  not just doing them. 

thanks all for the advise...i've go to go get ready for the party  ;).   i think i'll be very focused on Him then.

(in reply to mixielicous)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: filling time when your Dom is unavailable - 3/17/2007 12:40:48 PM   
FelinePersuasion


Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		I would suggest doing something for him, indirectly or directly. Like take some belly dancing classes, then, when you've learned enough put on a show for him. Take a cooking class, to learn all those delicious meals he might like but you have no clue how to make. Put yourself in the mindset that these things you do to fill your time, is for your master and you both, because he's pelased you're using your time wisely, and you're occupied.

_____________________________

Most of the time if it looks like BS, smells like BS, you probably should not t taste it to see if, in fact, it is BS.


(in reply to subsa)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: filling time when your Dom is unavailable - 3/17/2007 1:55:21 PM   
FelinePersuasion


Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		by the way, their not "um" status on here if your children are adults. and you say my adult children.
quote:

ORIGINAL: subsa

.  i have adult ums that i spend time with every week. 


_____________________________

Most of the time if it looks like BS, smells like BS, you probably should not t taste it to see if, in fact, it is BS.


(in reply to subsa)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: filling time when your Dom is unavailable - 3/17/2007 1:59:07 PM   
Wildfleurs


Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subsa

but that seems to be the exact problem.  we've not been in the lifestyle that long.  in the past those are the things i did to keep myself occupied.  and during those times we somewhat drifted apart.  fortunately, we've always grow back together again.  but now He really feels that distance and doesn't like it.  i can see the difference in my attitude towards Him too. those outside things can keep me from being there for Him )either physcally or emotionally) when He does have time for me.   i'm trying to find things that i can fill my time with that still keep me connected to Him.
but thanks for the suggestions just the same. perhaps its something we're both going to have to live with until our lives return to a more normal schedule. 


Then why can't you learn to stay connected to him while doing those things?  I know it can be difficult to balance, but the other option is continuing to feel like you are feeling/craving.

C~


_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

(in reply to subsa)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: filling time when your Dom is unavailable - 3/17/2007 7:29:11 PM   
hisannabelle


Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subsa

the thread about time with your Master made me very conscious of a situation i'm experiencing right now.  I live with my Master.  but He goes through periods of time when His energy must be focused on work more than the normal 40-50 hours.  during those time periods i really struggle.  i understand why He can't focus more on us but i crave His time and attention.  what seems to be happening is that if i find ways to distract myself so that i don't distract Him we seem to lose our deep connection.  so my question is  what do you do that distracts you from His absence while still keeping your focused on Him? 

since my experience is male Master/ female sub/slave i frame the question in those terms but the question is equally valid for sub/slaves in same sex dynamics or female Mistress/male sub/slaves.   


i have a very busy lifestyle as well - i work full time and go to school full time, and i also have many hobbies. i would recommend finding things outside of your relationship that fulfill you - if it's knitting, painting, taking some classes, whatever. it's unfair to him AND to yourself for your life to revolve around him to the point that you don't feel you have things to do when he has to work, etc., in my opinion. i think, even when we don't mean to, we can put our dominants in a very difficult position in these situations. if you're worried about feeling connected, maybe focus your attention on learning a skill he'd like you to have - bootblacking, cooking, whatever. that way your time is still filled by something that you're doing for him.

(in reply to subsa)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: filling time when your Dom is unavailable - 3/19/2007 3:13:45 PM   
subboi3382


Posts: 379
Joined: 8/4/2005
Status: offline 		My Master leaves me a bunch of tasks usually. After they are done I mostly hang out, do somehting like play video games or soemthing like that or hang out by the pool but I alwyas long for him while he is gone.

(in reply to hisannabelle)
Profile   Post #: 20
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