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you ache when He is gone: good or bad? - 3/17/2007 12:02:33 PM

mixielicous

Posts: 1283
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: Boston area, Massachusetts
Status: offline

The ache, hurt, bordem, lonliness that you feel can be looked at two ways:

1] one of pure devotion, you yearn for Him because servitude or He is all you know, completes you, anything along those lines

or

2] one of dependance, a shameful tendancy you cannot master.

or even, one of dependence, but you are still proud of it

personally, i will not deny the fact that i view my dependence as that of an unhealthy need, but how do you view your yearning?

_____________________________

"lets just say he's a few prawns short of a galaxy"

Post #: 1

RE: you ache when He is gone: good or bad? - 3/17/2007 12:08:27 PM

bayboundse

Posts: 288
Joined: 10/29/2005
From: Oak Ridge, TN
Status: offline

When my Master is gone I miss him ALOT! He is part of me in all ways. How can I not miss a very vital part of me, how can I not ache for his presence, touch and warm caress? He fills our house up and makes it whole.

(in reply to mixielicous)

Post #: 2

RE: you ache when He is gone: good or bad? - 3/17/2007 12:09:38 PM

mixielicous

Posts: 1283
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: Boston area, Massachusetts
Status: offline

so you are saying, you embrace the yearn, how could you not? yes?

_____________________________

"lets just say he's a few prawns short of a galaxy"

(in reply to bayboundse)

Post #: 3

RE: you ache when He is gone: good or bad? - 3/17/2007 12:13:20 PM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

If the dependence prevents you from enjoying things you sincerely want to enjoy and things which you identify as necessary to 'be you', then it's a problem.

I might miss him tons when I go visit my nephews, but I'm still having a great time with my nephews and I still certainly GO to visit them, even knowing how much I'll miss him.

(in reply to mixielicous)

Post #: 4

RE: you ache when He is gone: good or bad? - 3/17/2007 12:17:03 PM

bayboundse

Posts: 288
Joined: 10/29/2005
From: Oak Ridge, TN
Status: offline

"so you are saying, you embrace the yearn, how could you not? yes?"

Yes I embrace the yearn. But I still enjoy my life when he is away, its just that he is such a large part of my life and I miss that part while he is away.

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Post #: 5

RE: you ache when He is gone: good or bad? - 3/17/2007 12:54:37 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous

The ache, hurt, bordem, lonliness that you feel can be looked at two ways:

1] one of pure devotion, you yearn for Him because servitude or He is all you know, completes you, anything along those lines

or

2] one of dependance, a shameful tendancy you cannot master.

or even, one of dependence, but you are still proud of it

personally, i will not deny the fact that i view my dependence as that of an unhealthy need, but how do you view your yearning?

You can miss someone without being crippled by it.

When Valyraen and I were parted by distence, I missed him a lot. But I wasn't lonely, save at night in my bed. I filled my days with friends, my cats, my schoolwork and my art. I was productive. I missed having him around and I missed his warm frame at night.

I don't think my lack of pining meant I was less devoted. It simply meant I wasn't going to let loneliness rule my life.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to mixielicous)

Post #: 6

RE: you ache when He is gone: good or bad? - 3/17/2007 1:56:26 PM

Wildfleurs

Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous

The ache, hurt, bordem, lonliness that you feel can be looked at two ways:

1] one of pure devotion, you yearn for Him because servitude or He is all you know, completes you, anything along those lines

or

2] one of dependance, a shameful tendancy you cannot master.

or even, one of dependence, but you are still proud of it

personally, i will not deny the fact that i view my dependence as that of an unhealthy need, but how do you view your yearning?

Do you mean gone for days like for a business trip? If so I tend to be the one that goes away and I look forward to it. I think absence makes the heart grow fonder and I always look forward to seeing him when I go away. Like I said in another thread, finding hobbies, volunteering, re-connecting with old friends is a good way to enrich your life and lessen the needy feelings.

C~

_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

(in reply to mixielicous)

Post #: 7

RE: you ache when He is gone: good or bad? - 3/17/2007 2:31:39 PM

FelinePersuasion

Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline

Absence didn't do my last relationship or my first dominant and my relationship any good. Absence in the last two were the downfall of the relationship.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wildfleurs

I think absence makes the heart grow fonderC~

_____________________________

Most of the time if it looks like BS, smells like BS, you probably should not t taste it to see if, in fact, it is BS.

(in reply to Wildfleurs)

Post #: 8

RE: you ache when He is gone: good or bad? - 3/17/2007 3:07:54 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

Yes, I miss him hugely. I could probably gobble up any amount of time he gave me and still be happy with more. I enjoy his company immensely and am always left wanting more, even after years. It's got to be better than letting out a sigh of relief when he goes.

I am dependant on him but I haven't thought a great deal about whether it's healthy or unhealthy, or to what degree. I'm not sat around waiting for phone calls or trying to fill my time because he's not there, and I'm never bored.

I view my yearning for M as quite natural, really.....though I must be mad to yearn for someoine who's so horrid to me so much of the time.

agirl

(in reply to mixielicous)

Post #: 9

RE: you ache when He is gone: good or bad? - 3/17/2007 4:29:45 PM

MissyRane

Posts: 1032
Joined: 5/11/2005
Status: offline

Not being able to be without a loved one without aching, hurting, feeling bored or lonely would be a sign of being too attached and no I would not embrace the feeling and I probably would also start withdrawing myself from the relationship.
It would be too much, but I don't think it will happen with me because I need my space even though I'm in relationships, at least I haven't experienced it so far but if the time would come then I would withdraw myself, discuss it and try to come up with a solution to the problem - I would consider it to be a problem.

< Message edited by MissyRane -- 3/17/2007 4:31:40 PM >

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 10

RE: you ache when He is gone: good or bad? - 3/17/2007 8:09:42 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

I do not live with him and the moment we part company I miss him. The moment he hangs up the phone I miss him. The moment we end an IM conversation I miss him. It's what I do with that yearning that's important. He loves that I miss him so much and suffer silently while remaining productive. Missing him does not debilitate me, but I always feel it. I can spend a very full and enjoyable day without him, but that undercurrent is always buzzing beneath the surface. I embrace it. I love it. I use it to feel his energy. I am eager for our next contact. But I am never without things to do in the meanwhile, for certain. He keeps my days so full there is rarely a break, which also keeps him constantly on my mind and part of my day.

I am absolutely dependent on him. Like agirl, I haven't given any thought to whether or not it is healthy. I suppose in the world of psychotherapy it is unhealthy to be so dependent on another, but I can attest that my life is a hell of a lot healthier with him in it than it was without.

(in reply to mixielicous)

Post #: 11

RE: you ache when He is gone: good or bad? - 3/18/2007 3:21:07 AM

imtempting

Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline

Ofcourse you will miss him but like EMS (Emarald Slave) said its only bad if it stops you enjoying doing other things.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 12

RE: you ache when He is gone: good or bad? - 3/18/2007 5:40:17 AM

StellaByStarlite

Posts: 790
Joined: 2/10/2007
Status: offline

Hello. =)

In all our time together, I haven't exactly had a chance to truely miss him. I've been on one or two weekend trips with my friends but I don't recall feeling major pangs of yearning.

If we spent, say, a week without each other, god.. that would be odd. It would feel like something is missing from my physical body, like an arm or a leg.

Stella

(in reply to imtempting)

Post #: 13

RE: you ache when He is gone: good or bad? - 3/18/2007 2:33:38 PM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

I miss Master like crazy when i can't be with him. When i went away for 1 week and i was going away for another week i had to see him the 3 days i was home between trips. I was going crazy not being able to see him. Sure i had fun in Las Vegas and Florida. I still could not wait to get home to be in his arms again.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to StellaByStarlite)

Post #: 14

RE: you ache when He is gone: good or bad? - 4/3/2007 11:58:45 AM

IrishEaglesSlave

Posts: 3
Joined: 4/2/2007
Status: offline

When my Master is gone, I feel the same way. This aching need to just see him, if only for a second. I have many things to do to occupy myself but at the same time, I do miss him ALOT when hes not here. I write in my journal, do my chores, have the animals to take care of and get my computer time and just try to entertain myself until he gets back.

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 15

RE: you ache when He is gone: good or bad? - 4/3/2007 12:06:51 PM

drawntothedark

Posts: 572
Joined: 10/19/2006
From: Arkansas
Status: offline

I'm kind of scared to type this in fear of being flammed for not being "real" enough.........but here we go.

I actually look forward to time apart. I have a lot of stuff I have to take care of. A few days without him free's me up to take care of things. It gives me time to be alone or with friends that I have not seen as much due to my new relationship. I do miss him at night, but I'm not sad about it. And even though I miss him I am not ready for myself to be back in his presence yet. A few days apart is not an eternity.

(in reply to IrishEaglesSlave)

Post #: 16

RE: you ache when He is gone: good or bad? - 4/3/2007 12:31:53 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

there's nothing to be flamed about.

Just as poly people can be sincerely happy about their partner being with another and simultaneously feel really sad about it, a person can feel really happy about getting some alone time and really miss them at the same time.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to drawntothedark)

Post #: 17

RE: you ache when He is gone: good or bad? - 4/3/2007 1:22:22 PM

MsKatHouston

Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline

I ache when my sub is gone. I do it because I miss him not because I am dependent on him or he on me. Sometimes when you have a close bond with someone and they are physically unavailable, it means nothing more than you miss them.

No matter how much I miss anyone, though, I also cherish my alone time. I think it is perfectly natural and healthy to want to do things together, with other friends and to have alone time.

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 18

RE: you ache when He is gone: good or bad? - 4/3/2007 2:00:23 PM

BoundDragon

Posts: 265
Joined: 3/20/2007
Status: offline

I feel lost without him I really do... we live 200 miles apart (saving up to move in together) and when I cant be with him he is all I can think about.

It does mean that i make sure the time we do have together is really special... I use my time on my own to prepare for seeing him next.

(in reply to MsKatHouston)

Post #: 19

RE: you ache when He is gone: good or bad? - 4/3/2007 2:48:33 PM

yenlui

Posts: 51
Joined: 3/28/2007
Status: offline

Yes, I ache, but that does not mean I am unable to have "a full life" when He's not here. I have school, friends, things to do and so on. The pain I feel makes me feel my submission stronger, not sure why. Neither do I belive in "unhealty feelings", as I see all feelings as parts of what makes me human. It's how I respond or react to the feelings that is unhealthy.

(in reply to BoundDragon)

Post #: 20

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