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RE: black eye? - 3/18/2007 5:41:52 AM   
Aileen68


Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline 		I've had a black eye two times in my life.  One raised suspicious looks and one didn't.  My first was from the birth of my daughter.  I pushed incorrectly and wound up really fucking up my face.  It looked like I had been punched full force in my face about five or six times.  I was bruised, swollen and had a black eye...really attractive.  One of those Hallmark moments for the pictures.  Needless to say...I learned how to push correctly with my second daughter.  Didn't want a repeat of that glorious look.  The second time was when a bunch of large, heavy artbooks fell off the top of the bookcase right onto my face.  Result was a very black eye for about a week.  I found that if I was out anywhere with the man that he got really nasty looks from strangers, yet not a single person asked.  The non asking probably had a lot to do with my attitude since I tend to be a smiling, happy type of person...not typical of someone in an abusive relatonship.

< Message edited by Aileen68 -- 3/18/2007 5:44:25 AM >

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RE: black eye? - 3/18/2007 5:51:51 AM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		Back when I had a very large puppy, I bent down to greet him at the same time he lunged upward, and we collided.  I had a great shiner...but I got taken in to an office at work and told to 'fess up, now', since they knew my now ex and I were having problems (none of which included physical abuse, but folks don't want to believe that when you have a shiner).  Not fess up to BDSM, just that my spouse hit me....which he didn't.

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RE: black eye? - 3/18/2007 8:09:53 AM   
velvetears


Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68

I've had a black eye two times in my life.  One raised suspicious looks and one didn't.  My first was from the birth of my daughter.  I pushed incorrectly and wound up really fucking up my face.  It looked like I had been punched full force in my face about five or six times.  I was bruised, swollen and had a black eye...really attractive.  One of those Hallmark moments for the pictures.  Needless to say...I learned how to push correctly with my second daughter.  Didn't want a repeat of that glorious look.  The second time was when a bunch of large, heavy artbooks fell off the top of the bookcase right onto my face.  Result was a very black eye for about a week.  I found that if I was out anywhere with the man that he got really nasty looks from strangers, yet not a single person asked.  The non asking probably had a lot to do with my attitude since I tend to be a smiling, happy type of person...not typical of someone in an abusive relatonship.


How can you push incorrectly - this is interesting to me if you don't mind sharing. i had a 10 and a half punder and i pushed so hard i thought i was going to bust a blood vessel, but my face was ok afterwards... i mean they don't teach "how to push" in those lame lamaze classes... maybe they should? 

(sorry to go off topic)

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RE: black eye? - 3/18/2007 8:29:37 AM   
jodima


Posts: 2
Status: offline 		You have to be careful with any bruises that might show.  In my state, the laws are such that if any sign of physical abuse can be seen by an officer, the man will automatically be prosecuted, and the woman's consent or aid in the prosecution is not needed.

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RE: black eye? - 3/18/2007 8:43:53 AM   
BRNaughtyAngel


Posts: 1821
Status: offline 		My only two black eyes were also from my dog.  She and I tried to occupy the same space with our heads.  One time she caused a cut across the bridge of my nose and a black eye, and the next time she busted my forehead and gave me a black eye.  That time I had blood running down my face.  Both times I cried like a baby because it HURT! 

Both times I had guys I worked with question me, but didn't seem suspicious, I suppose because they knew I was always down on the floor playing with my dog(s).

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RE: black eye? - 3/18/2007 8:48:57 AM   
velvetears


Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: jodima

You have to be careful with any bruises that might show.  In my state, the laws are such that if any sign of physical abuse can be seen by an officer, the man will automatically be prosecuted, and the woman's consent or aid in the prosecution is not needed.


That's absurd - what state do you live in - so i DON'T move there.  i know someone who is so vindictive that she would beat herself up and call the police just to get her partner in trouble.  Do you mean in the context of a domestic violence call police respond to?  Even then a bruise doesn't necessarily  mean the man beat the woman. 

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RE: black eye? - 3/18/2007 8:52:51 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		If you're deliberately going for it, then you have to know that most strangers will assume the worst and all your friends and family will ask you point blank what happened. You had better have a good answer.

But saying you ran into a door is commonly assumed to be a woman protecting her abuser. So don't be surprised if people do assume that since usually it is what has happened.

For me, I have implanted lenses in both eyes so there is no way I would ever risk facial damage. Plus I don't live in a deserted castle somewhere with no one to see me for a week or two until the bruises completely fade. And I'm not into lying to protect him or just lying in general. Nor am I into forcing my kink on others nonconsensually. So since I don't lie and I don't want to force others to hear the lurid details of my sex life, I don't do things that would force me to break my moral code.

There is no way to do this consensually and still go out places without getting asked what happened. In that case either you stop priding yourself on how honest you are and lie, making you a liar plain and simple or you tell a 75 year old woman who's worried about you things she doesn't want to know. In my moral code neither of these are acceptable solutions. So I forego short term pleasures in order to know I am still a moral person.

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RE: black eye? - 3/18/2007 9:08:51 AM   
Aileen68


Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetears

How can you push incorrectly - this is interesting to me if you don't mind sharing. i had a 10 and a half punder and i pushed so hard i thought i was going to bust a blood vessel, but my face was ok afterwards... i mean they don't teach "how to push" in those lame lamaze classes... maybe they should? 

(sorry to go off topic)


It's very easy to push incorrectly.  I held my breath and pushed just as hard in my face as I did down below.  The eye that was black also had broken blood vessels.  The whites of that eye were completely red.  I had broken blood vessesl throughout the skin on my face.

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RE: black eye? - 3/18/2007 9:22:39 AM   
afeathr


Posts: 248
Joined: 6/1/2006
From: Southern California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: junecleaver

I recently acquired a black eye by the unsexiest of means....I was accidentally hit in the face at work.  My best friend who happens to be vanilla saw me today.  She knows a little bit about my relationship with my Dominant.  Her first reaction was a look of, 'WTF DID HE DO THAT TO YOU?'  She has seen bite marks that were a lot worse, asked about experiences I've been through that were much more painful, and I consider her to be kink-friendly, but that was a complete and total redflag in her eyes. I was thinking about it and I haven't read a thread about black eyes on the CM forums.  I did a search and didn't find anything. How do you feel about black eyes in context of BDSM?  If you saw someone attend a munch with a black eye, would you automatically assume ABUSE ABUSE ABUSE?  Is it sexy?  Horrifying?  Does it really matter? I look forward to your views.


I think that many people, in the back of their minds, automatically assume abuse when they see a woman with a black eye.  Facial bruising has such a stigma in the U.S. because of all the abuse issues surrounding it.  The fact is: most people cherish their face and the idea of bruising it smacks of serious disrespect and demoralization (of which many "lifestylers" are totally in to).  That being said, your story underlined my reasons for not talking about my kinks with my friends or family.  It's much easier to seriously explain how little "bumps and bruises" happen when they don't know the potential situations behind them.  I find I will even make something up, rather than explain how it really happened... because I don't talk about my lifestyle with anyone, they believe me and I don't have to deal with the issues that you described in your story.

Bruising can be very sexy (though I find facial bruising is a serious hard limit for me because of my job), because it's a short reminder of the scene that brought it on, and for some acts as a trophy, of sorts.  For example, when Sir bruises my tits during play, he loves to see me show that off to him for days afterward -- it's sort of a bonding thing for us, I guess.  In that context, it's sexy -- mostly cause the bruising is really not that bad, and it wasn't done in malice.  However, I have cringed at some of the pics I have seen where the girl is absolutely black and blue from playing.  She is proud to show the bruises and probably loved the situation at the time.  I don't judge her behavior, but I do find myself cringing because of the force that must have gone into causing such a sight.  Even though I realize that situation was built up to, and her pain tolerance was at a very high point, I have had waaaaayy to much experience in other areas of my life, to really get any joy/excitement out of seeing that.

However, my motto has always, and will always be: "to each their own."

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afeathr

-Going where the wind blows me...

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RE: black eye? - 3/18/2007 10:02:30 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sinergy

I taught martial arts for years.

I enjoyed fighting 3 on 1 where I was the middle guy.

I would wander in to work frequently looking like Edward Norton in Fight Club.

You can tell people what happened, and a certain percentage are not going to believe you and assume the worst.

I would say you should learn to accept it.

Just me, etc.

Sinergy


When I was in high school I got a black eye from sparring. I had to explain it to everyone. Finally I just started telling people that if they didn't believe me, then they could come watch me spar.  

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RE: black eye? - 3/18/2007 11:09:36 AM   
SweetSarijane


Posts: 3788
Joined: 10/7/2005
From: KC area Missouri
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

If you look at my picture on my profile there is a very obvious scar running up and down on my forehead between my eyes, I would like to tell elegant stories about it, but as it happened I was on my KNEES scrubbing the kitchen floor and opened the cupboard looking for something, and don't have any convienient or cogent way of saying this ----------------since it was open and I held the handle firmly in my grasp, the upshot was that the gods of the mundane directed, nay---commanded that I run my head into the corner---------
no other explanation, but that is what that is.
William Holden



Mundane activity leaving scars <grin>. I've got one of those myself on my hand from doing dishes and nope, not from a knife. I was washing a drinking glass and it shattered around three of my fingers cutting a deep gash into my index finger at the base. Had to go to the ER for stitches. I mostly use a dishwasher now lol.

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RE: black eye? - 3/18/2007 11:12:59 AM   
SweetSarijane


Posts: 3788
Joined: 10/7/2005
From: KC area Missouri
Status: offline 		I got a hell of a shiner several years ago from tripping over a UM's toy and hitting a doorknob with my eye on the way down and a few years after that, the ex had a nightmare and woke me up by punching me on the bridge of my nose. Both eyes were black from that one and he was my devoted slave for over a month trying to make up for it lol and that was way before I got into bdsm.

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Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers KCSass

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RE: black eye? - 3/18/2007 3:48:58 PM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sinergy

You know, I would rather live in a society where people see somebody bruised and go "dude(ette), you are bruised, are you ok?"  Than one which immediately assumes it is not a problem.

Just me, could be wrong, etc.

Sinergy


I'm with you on that, but there is a HUGE difference between "hey, what happened?  You ok?" type questions and "Are you being abused?" type questions.

Minor examples (non-black eyes, but still):

1 - Holly used to work in a research lab at the university - the lab tables were at a bad height for her and 2 or 3 of the other lab workers, and they would hit their arms on them.  She was often asked if she were being abused, no one ever took her word for it that it was from bumping into the tables at work - even though there was absolutely no other sign or symptom of abuse on her.  She was also often asked if she had bumped into something, or if she had fallen - both of those questions are perfectly acceptable to me (and most people, I'd think), but to automatically assume abuse is more than a bit presumptive - no matter the type of relationship someone is in.

2 - We have a cat, her feet - for awhile - were about the size of my finger pads.  She had (and still has, when she's allowed in the bedroom) a bad habit of standing on my while I was asleep until small, finger-sized bruises would show up.  Head to toe, literally - she didn't care where she was standing as long as she was standing on me.  It just so happened that a few days in a row, she stood on my right arm - at least once on the inside and a few times on the outside.  The groups of bruising looked like a thumbprint on the inside of my arm, and 3 fingers on the outside - only one finger short of someone grabbing my arm and squeezing.  At work, someone asked "hey, what are those from?" ... and I made the joke "well, you know, Holly and I sometimes get into some real knock-down, drag-outs." ... which was admittedly incredibly stupid.  If I hadn't said that, no one would have thought anything of it, but after that, I had to bring in a picture of my cat's feet in my hand for them to believe me that's where the bruises came from. 

The reactions to my bruises were, without fail (even being finger sized and shaped) acceptable to me - until my bad attempt at humor.  The reactions to Holly's random, rather shapeless bruises were mixed - as many made the presumption that it was abuse as assumed that there was a perfectly innocent explination.  I'm all for stopping abuse (and have called the police on neighbors before), but to automatically assume that anyone with a bruise - on the face or not - is being abuse ... well, that's just freaking stupid.

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RE: black eye? - 3/18/2007 4:08:49 PM   
grlneedstolearn


Posts: 728
Joined: 1/29/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: junecleaver

I recently acquired a black eye by the unsexiest of means....I was accidentally hit in the face at work.  My best friend who happens to be vanilla saw me today.  She knows a little bit about my relationship with my Dominant.  Her first reaction was a look of, 'WTF DID HE DO THAT TO YOU?'  She has seen bite marks that were a lot worse, asked about experiences I've been through that were much more painful, and I consider her to be kink-friendly, but that was a complete and total redflag in her eyes. I was thinking about it and I haven't read a thread about black eyes on the CM forums.  I did a search and didn't find anything. How do you feel about black eyes in context of BDSM?  If you saw someone attend a munch with a black eye, would you automatically assume ABUSE ABUSE ABUSE?  Is it sexy?  Horrifying?  Does it really matter? I look forward to your views.


i  work in an enviroment where bruises are common, and luckily for me my Dom doesn't bruise me in anyway. My best friend knows about my work and about my Dom so she thinks that work was rough that night since she also knows a little bit about my Dom.

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RE: black eye? - 3/18/2007 4:32:48 PM   
Elorin


Posts: 970
Joined: 8/22/2004
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: junecleaver
I was thinking about it and I haven't read a thread about black eyes on the CM forums.  I did a search and didn't find anything.
How do you feel about black eyes in context of BDSM?  If you saw someone attend a munch with a black eye, would you automatically assume ABUSE ABUSE ABUSE?  Is it sexy?  Horrifying?  Does it really matter?

Black eyes in the context of BDSM are an eventuality, I think, that sometimes happens when you play with percussion instruments. Those who seek them are on the edgier "woof" side of things. That's the side I stand on.

Someone at a munch with a black eye? I'd ask them how they got it. And then I would believe whatever answer they gave. I do know that many look askance, and feel that getting a black eye from your Top is abuse, or too much, or what have you. I don't. Most of the people I know show their chagrin for having gotten a black eye accidentally.

The only thing I disagree with is getting a black eye from being hit in anger - which I consider abuse. However, if the two people have spoken and negotiated and consented and are happy with being hit in anger and they are happy with the result of a black eye, it is their right and privilege and their relationship. I might express my concern that things not get out of hand, and say "If things go too far please know you can call me without judgement if you need to talk." But if they are happy, they are happy, and I accept it.

Personally...the thought of him giving me a black eye on purpose is VERY VERY sexy, a thought that I find extremely hot. It is not something he would probably agree to do, as he doesn't want me to have to face strange questions at work. I appreciate his concern but still enjoy my fantasies. Black eyes YUM! It's something I'd love to do with a heavy bottom, also.

I will say, I have had my own humiliating black eye acquisition. Sir and I were fighting and I threatened to walk home. He was physically restraining me (a 30 minute drive, and I was going to WALK? not likely!) so I started fighting. He was attempting to keep me from going out the door without hurting me, while I was trying to get out of his grasp. I reared back and smacked my face onto the corner of the wall (from living room into hallway) and gave myself a pretty good blow (3 different points of contact on eyebrow and cheekbone) and suddenly we weren't struggling. He went and got frozen peas and held them on my eye (I HATE! peas). I ended up with a black eye. Almost NO one believed that I did it to myself, rather than Sir doing it to me. However, it is an amusing comment on our friends, that while they all thought he did it to me, none of them were appalled at the prospect.

~E

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RE: black eye? - 3/18/2007 5:19:34 PM   
defiantbadgirl


Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline 		I got a black eye from my unmentionable. He was sleeping beside me and backhanded me in the face. It didn't even wake him up lol.

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RE: black eye? - 3/18/2007 6:09:04 PM   
cbaby


Posts: 103
Joined: 6/23/2005
Status: offline 		you know........if you don't feel like making something up....you can always smile and say a really good night..........people are going to think what they want no matter what you say

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RE: black eye? - 3/18/2007 7:31:31 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: grlneedstolearn

quote:

ORIGINAL: junecleaver

I recently acquired a black eye by the unsexiest of means....I was accidentally hit in the face at work.  My best friend who happens to be vanilla saw me today.  She knows a little bit about my relationship with my Dominant.  Her first reaction was a look of, 'WTF DID HE DO THAT TO YOU?'  She has seen bite marks that were a lot worse, asked about experiences I've been through that were much more painful, and I consider her to be kink-friendly, but that was a complete and total redflag in her eyes. I was thinking about it and I haven't read a thread about black eyes on the CM forums.  I did a search and didn't find anything. How do you feel about black eyes in context of BDSM?  If you saw someone attend a munch with a black eye, would you automatically assume ABUSE ABUSE ABUSE?  Is it sexy?  Horrifying?  Does it really matter? I look forward to your views.


i  work in an enviroment where bruises are common, and luckily for me my Dom doesn't bruise me in anyway. My best friend knows about my work and about my Dom so she thinks that work was rough that night since she also knows a little bit about my Dom.


I can bruise or not bruise, but strumpet seems to enjoy having to sit on a pizza colored keister at dinner.

Sinergy

_____________________________

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David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

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