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Dominants that want to USE a sub?? - 3/18/2007 7:51:58 PM   
Wanderlusty


Posts: 10
Joined: 12/22/2006
Status: offline 		I have noticed that a lot of male Doms' profiles talk about using their sub or slave. Some say their sub is there for them to use and that the sub's purpose is to pleasure the Dom. The way they write some of these things, gives the impression that the sub can only expect to get pleasure purely from the act of self sacrifice in pleasuring the Dom, and that the sub should not expect to recieve but only to give.

Is this objectification? Do some subs find this terminology appealing? What is in it for the sub?
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RE: Dominants that want to USE a sub?? - 3/18/2007 7:58:32 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

the sub can only expect to get pleasure purely from the act of self sacrifice in pleasuring the Dom, and that the sub should not expect to recieve but only to give.

and this is wrong because????????????????

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RE: Dominants that want to USE a sub?? - 3/18/2007 8:04:35 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

the sub can only expect to get pleasure purely from the act of self sacrifice in pleasuring the Dom, and that the sub should not expect to recieve but only to give.

and this is wrong because????????????????


It is not wrong for those who like that and seek that, but many of us seek someone that will have a more balanced approach to life, and there is nothing wrong with this either.

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Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

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RE: Dominants that want to USE a sub?? - 3/18/2007 8:12:55 PM   
xolarkinxo


Posts: 73
Joined: 9/10/2005
Status: offline 		Most times I am turned on myself when my Master uses me. I will admit there are also times when I am not in the mood but that happens infrequently. We are also affectionate with one another at other times.  There is definately a balance of use and fulfullment of each others needs.  It is not a one-way street.  If I were to be used sexually and everything else ignored, I would not be in the relationship.

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RE: Dominants that want to USE a sub?? - 3/18/2007 8:16:48 PM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline 		It all comes down to the picking..........  You do have the choice of who to be in Awe of...........

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RE: Dominants that want to USE a sub?? - 3/18/2007 8:18:59 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		It can be objectification.  And it can be an intense turn-on for many.  Angel lives for it, he needs to be used in order to feel as if he is worthwhile as a slave. He lives to be used by me, and to make me happy. Now, whether or not that is a constant state of not is a different story.  Yes, I do use him whenever I please (and can get my paws on him) but he never knows when I will do so, or what I will do. And yes, for those into verbal humiliation and degredation among othe things, those terms are VERY appealing. It is humiliating not to be good for anything but to be useful to your Master.

DV

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I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
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VampiresLair

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RE: Dominants that want to USE a sub?? - 3/18/2007 8:20:39 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

It is not wrong for those who like that and seek that, but many of us seek someone that will have a more balanced approach to life, and there is nothing wrong with this either.

I was not implying that either was right or wrong. I was, however,  hoping that she might somehow clarify her question a bit more.



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RE: Dominants that want to USE a sub?? - 3/18/2007 8:21:15 PM   
LaMspeach


Posts: 794
Joined: 12/4/2004
From: Philadelphia area, PA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Wanderlusty
Is this objectification? Do some subs find this terminology appealing? What is in it for the sub?


Yes, i beleive it is objectification. 
Appealing  hmmm no it is scarey as hell in the begining.
If this type of relationship is right for the sub, she gets to be who and what she needs to and the knowledge that she has pleased.

_____________________________

peach ~ LordandMasters devoted alpha slave
"Only when the year has grown cold does one know that the pine and cypress are the last to wither"



(in reply to Wanderlusty)
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RE: Dominants that want to USE a sub?? - 3/18/2007 8:38:41 PM   
slavemaia


Posts: 395
Joined: 8/26/2006
Status: offline 		There's the expression "consentual non-consent". i liked to be used by Chairman - particularly sexually and erotically, but i wouldn't care about serving in other helpful ways if i didn't love Him and adore Him. i think it all boils down to the agreements between the partners. i'm not the kind of person who enjoys giving without experiencing reciprocity in some way. i don't give in order to receive or look for what's coming back. It comes back because  i chose a Master who is naturally giving and caring as well as strict and dominant. i was not interested in anyone who stated or expected the relationship to be all about Him, and wasn't concerned with my fulfillment or happiness. The relationship with Chairman was set up as a mutually beneficial and enjoyable one. It's not all about Him and it's not all about me. It's about U/us.

_____________________________


She reaches up, not for the apple, but for what causes it to be there.
slave to love - - Chairman's maia

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RE: Dominants that want to USE a sub?? - 3/18/2007 8:43:23 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Wanderlusty

I have noticed that a lot of male Doms' profiles talk about using their sub or slave. Some say their sub is there for them to use and that the sub's purpose is to pleasure the Dom. The way they write some of these things, gives the impression that the sub can only expect to get pleasure purely from the act of self sacrifice in pleasuring the Dom, and that the sub should not expect to recieve but only to give.

Is this objectification?

It's a form of it, though it doesn't necessarily need to be objectifying.

quote:

 Do some subs find this terminology appealing? What is in it for the sub?

Being used of course!!

I LOVE being used.  Being in a headspace that requires no thought or processing or worrying or issues other than "Be here/do this" How heavenly!!!!  Being nothing but a pure vessel of use- whether it's for a cock, a stool, or a secretary- pure focused direct service through me....mmmm yeah!


http://www.collarchat.com/m_726534/mpage_1/key_humiliation%252Cessay/tm.htm#727071
Another Female Objectification Question

http://www.collarchat.com/m_354018/mpage_1/key_humiliation/tm.htm#354196
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http://www.collarchat.com/m_412944/mpage_1/key_humiliation/tm.htm#413037
what is good humiliation to you?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_426015/mpage_1/key_humiliation/tm.htm#426025
humiliation vs degradation

http://www.collarchat.com/m_489256/mpage_1/key_humiliation/tm.htm#489324
humiliation and vulnerability

http://www.collarchat.com/m_310209/mpage_1/key_humiliation/tm.htm#310223
Humiliation- verbal and physical

http://www.collarchat.com/m_266448/mpage_1/key_humiliation/tm.htm#266532
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Humiliation and Degradation

Erotic Humiliation

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Erotic Humiliation and Objectification

Why such problems with humiliation?

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Help with humiliation please!

Your thoughts on humiliation please

Questions about humiliation



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(in reply to Wanderlusty)
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RE: Dominants that want to USE a sub?? - 3/18/2007 8:45:07 PM   
RWAble


Posts: 282
Joined: 1/5/2007
Status: offline 		Doms/Dommes all have that trait. It is what makes them. It is our job to mold them.

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Life is a voyage, not a destination.

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RE: Dominants that want to USE a sub?? - 3/18/2007 8:58:42 PM   
Noah


Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RWAble
It is our job to mold them.


And since frequent and protracted periods of dampness encourage mold...

I think I'm on to your tricks!



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Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Dominants that want to USE a sub?? - 3/18/2007 9:02:14 PM   
hisannabelle


Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Wanderlusty

I have noticed that a lot of male Doms' profiles talk about using their sub or slave. Some say their sub is there for them to use and that the sub's purpose is to pleasure the Dom. The way they write some of these things, gives the impression that the sub can only expect to get pleasure purely from the act of self sacrifice in pleasuring the Dom, and that the sub should not expect to recieve but only to give.

Is this objectification? Do some subs find this terminology appealing? What is in it for the sub?


i quite enjoy being used. i mean, my role in the relationship is to submit to him, and a big part of that for me is being useful to him - whether that is sexually, aesthetically, technically...whatever. that doesn't mean that he doesn't meet my other wants as well - but he does so at his own whim, i do not expect it. i think i'd be loathe to get involved with someone who didn't take pleasure from my pleasure, but even so, the main focus of the relationship is still pleasing him, and that's all i really "expect" from him...and yes, that, to me, has the connotation of "use."


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RE: Dominants that want to USE a sub?? - 3/18/2007 10:05:00 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		By giving I receive.  When he wants to please himself with me, he uses me for it.  We don't "play" or "scene."  He uses my body, my mind, my emotions, to please himself.  I love it. In return I have purpose, love, direction, and his power.

I get as much out of this as he does - maybe even more??

(in reply to Wanderlusty)
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RE: Dominants that want to USE a sub?? - 3/18/2007 10:17:42 PM   
starshineowned


Posts: 1551
Joined: 4/19/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline 		Greetings...~smiles~

I look at this way..I've been used by pretty much every other aspect of life..work, kids, parents, friends, inlaws, etc. Pushed around and made to abide by things I don't agree with..laws etc. Been there done that, and find nothing appealing about it as well as ..well been there done that.

Giving myself to Master willingly to do with as he pleases when he pleases doesn't mean I have to be a object (although at times that does happen)..but it takes on a different meaning because I was the one who begged for it.

I just don't find anything degrading or humiliating at all about being at his disposal, and for me it is more of a issue (the term use) there not being allowed any no's or not now's or not in the moods from this slave versus what is actually done by Master to me.

If I just wanted a partner with kink..can find that anywhere...shrugs

Well Wishes
starshine
Happy slave of Master Delvin

< Message edited by starshineowned -- 3/18/2007 10:18:45 PM >

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(in reply to Wanderlusty)
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RE: Dominants that want to USE a sub?? - 3/18/2007 11:14:33 PM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		I enjoy being "used" by Master from time to time. Depends on the mood. Some want their realtionship to be that way all the time. He enjoys doing it as much as I enjoy being used by him.

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Sir Pain's pain slut

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RE: Dominants that want to USE a sub?? - 3/19/2007 4:04:09 AM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Wanderlusty

I have noticed that a lot of male Doms' profiles talk about using their sub or slave. Some say their sub is there for them to use and that the sub's purpose is to pleasure the Dom. The way they write some of these things, gives the impression that the sub can only expect to get pleasure purely from the act of self sacrifice in pleasuring the Dom, and that the sub should not expect to recieve but only to give.

Is this objectification? Do some subs find this terminology appealing? What is in it for the sub?


Whether it is objectification or not, I do not know.  I know I do not feel objectified when he uses me.  I find that mindset highly appealing.  It is incredibly erotic to be used for his pleasure.  I do not consider any of this to be self sacrifice on my part because I get off on it.  I get as much pleasure from it as he does.

I do not look at domination as taking and submission as giving.  We both give and take what we need from the relationship.  Finding what appeals to you and what you enjoy is important.  Being his toy gives me great pleasure and there are times that I wish he would treat me like that more often.

Knight's kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

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RE: Dominants that want to USE a sub?? - 3/19/2007 4:32:17 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Being his toy gives me great pleasure and there are times that I wish he would treat me like that more often.

LOL, I seem to remember Knight once saying that you should be careful what you wish for Kyra

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If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


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RE: Dominants that want to USE a sub?? - 3/19/2007 4:55:54 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

the way they write some of these things, gives the impression that the sub can only expect to get pleasure purely from the act of self sacrifice in pleasuring the Dom, and that the sub should not expect to recieve but only to give.


You will find Doms who think it is all about them and their pleasure and they think they don't have to please the sub or care for her wants/needs.  I guess for some girls this works, it never would for me.  Why be in a relationship that you get nothing out of?  I have expectations in a relationship.  I think everyone should.


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RE: Dominants that want to USE a sub?? - 3/19/2007 5:36:11 AM   
happypervert


Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline 		[fast reply]

This reminds me of the marketing thread, and I think "use a sub" statements are a failure in advertising similar to trolls saying "on your knees, bitch" in the first e-mail. Perhaps that stuff appeals to a few female subs (and maybe a lot more male "do me" subs), but I think ya need to sweet talk someone a little just to show you can be a normal human before getting to more primative desires.

In other words, I just disagree with the timing of expressing those crude sentiments right off the bat; wait a bit and the submissive will be quite happy to go there. After all, being used one way or the other is the point, so someone proudly proclaiming he will use you really isn't offering anything special.

< Message edited by happypervert -- 3/19/2007 5:39:18 AM >

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