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SadoMaso Dom/mes - 3/19/2007 2:25:03 AM   
WhiplashSmile


Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
Status: offline 		Dom/mes that are both sadistic and masochistic.
I'm not talking about somebody who's a switch either, I'm talking about somebody who is a Dom/me.

I have been feeling a little jilted lately, I'm not certain what went wrong or the reasons why fully.  Only thing I've been left with was memories of some exchanges I had with a specific submissive and with other submissives.  I'm looking for other insights to how people view or feel about Dom/mes that are both sadistic and masochistic.

I for one have been questioned, if I were a switch.  My answer is always no!  Have I played with switches before yes.  I have also had a realtionship with another Domme before.  There are times when I share these details with a submissive/slave type, they tend to get freaked out an ask questions.  Many of them worry, if I can really Dom their ass or not, of if I'm going to stop in the middle of a scene and try forcing them into the top role.  My answer is always, HELL NO, don't worry about that. I'm not expecting you to.  They seem to be a little timid about this facet or side of me.  At times, I feel like they don't honestly believe me one damn bit.  It's become a little frustrating at times.  So I am making a post about this.

There are many times, when I will seek out a little Endorphine rush for myself.  I am perfectly capable of handling this myself, think of like masterbation.  I do not require another person to take the top for this one damn bit.  I would never expect a submissive/slave type to take this role. 

Now in terms of dealing with Switches, It appears that some of the switches that lean on starting off Domme side the like to become the bottom after a bit of a fight.  I get along with.  Because it a sort of fun wrestling match. The action is smooth and fluid without it feeling like somebody just called a timeout to change sides.  Personally, I find it distracting when somebody wants to call a time out like this just to change sides.  Again, I enjoy things being fluid.  I simply can't play with any old switch that comes along.

I also like to play with Dommes this way, I do love to end up on top.. at times the bottom, as long as I'm not restrainded.  I don't have a problem with a little mental bondage, or being tied up in rope that I know I can escape.  In short, I require to know that I can break free at any time I want whenever I want.  I enjoy the fluid exchange of energy with a Domme.  I'm not ready to become one of her Bitch Boy Sissy sub/slaves.  Some Dommes can't or won't play with another Dom.  Some Dom/mes don't enjoy pain either.  Some are simply sadictic or insist upon being the top.   I just can't play with any old Domme that comes along. 

I am afraid sharing this other submissives at times becomes more then they can handle.  I in fact believe it was in part a contrubuting factor in one going Poof on me lately.

I get the feeling that too much honesty at times has sabotage things at times.  Then again, I want to be with somebody that can handle the truth.

I'm interested in hearing from others on this subject.  




   

Profile   Post #: 1
RE: SadoMaso Dom/mes - 3/19/2007 2:44:22 AM   
Vendaval


Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile

Dom/mes that are both sadistic and masochistic.
I'm not talking about somebody who's a switch either, I'm talking about somebody who is a Dom/me.
OK

I have been feeling a little jilted lately, I'm not certain what went wrong or the reasons why fully.  Only thing I've been left with was memories of some exchanges I had with a specific submissive and with other submissives.  I'm looking for other insights to how people view or feel about Dom/mes that are both sadistic and masochistic.
I know Dominants who have both qualities.

I for one have been questioned, if I were a switch.  My answer is always no!  Have I played with switches before yes.  I have also had a realtionship with another Domme before.  There are times when I share these details with a submissive/slave type, they tend to get freaked out an ask questions.  Many of them worry, if I can really Dom their ass or not, of if I'm going to stop in the middle of a scene and try forcing them into the top role.  My answer is always, HELL NO, don't worry about that. I'm not expecting you to.  They seem to be a little timid about this facet or side of me.  At times, I feel like they don't honestly believe me one damn bit.  It's become a little frustrating at times.  So I am making a post about this.
Yes, it is frustrating when you are honest with people and they run away!

There are many times, when I will seek out a little Endorphine rush for myself.  I am perfectly capable of handling this myself, think of like masterbation.  I do not require another person to take the top for this one damn bit.  I would never expect a submissive/slave type to take this role. 
Some subs/slaves will top their Masters/Mistresses when asked to do so.


Now in terms of dealing with Switches, It appears that some of the switches that lean on starting off Domme side the like to become the bottom after a bit of a fight.  I get along with.  Because it a sort of fun wrestling match. The action is smooth and fluid without it feeling like somebody just called a timeout to change sides.  Personally, I find it distracting when somebody wants to call a time out like this just to change sides.  Again, I enjoy things being fluid.  I simply can't play with any old switch that comes along.

I also like to play with Dommes this way, I do love to end up on top.. at times the bottom, as long as I'm not restrainded.  I don't have a problem with a little mental bondage, or being tied up in rope that I know I can escape.  In short, I require to know that I can break free at any time I want whenever I want.  I enjoy the fluid exchange of energy with a Domme.  I'm not ready to become one of her Bitch Boy Sissy sub/slaves.  Some Dommes can't or won't play with another Dom.  Some Dom/mes don't enjoy pain either.  Some are simply sadictic or insist upon being the top.   I just can't play with any old Domme that comes along. 

I am afraid sharing this other submissives at times becomes more then they can handle.  I in fact believe it was in part a contrubuting factor in one going Poof on me lately.
It sounds as if you ability to be with subs, switches and Dominas is limiting rather than expanding your choices.
Is that a fair assessment?

I get the feeling that too much honesty at times has sabotage things at times.  Then again, I want to be with somebody that can handle the truth.
Many people will say that the want the truth, very few can accept it.

I'm interested in hearing from others on this subject.  
Introspection and self-analysis is good, up to a point.
Do not beat yourself up or over-think the situation.
My advice is to go out and do some physical exercise,
training, sports, etc. of your choice to get your mind off
of the situation. 
 
Physcial exercise often has the benefit of letting the subconscious
mind work through problems, bringing insights and explanations
that elude rational questioning.
 
Letting go of what you cannot control, in this situation
the reaction of other people to you, is a good first step
to putting your restless nature at peace.
 
Be well,
 
Vendaval






_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE


http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to WhiplashSmile)
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RE: SadoMaso Dom/mes - 3/19/2007 2:46:38 AM   
rmanrr


Posts: 358
Joined: 7/25/2006
Status: offline 		To My mind, simply this. If you are not going to be honest, they you are being false both to yourself, and to the submissive. That will "poof" a sub far more quickly than telling them the truth. Just My two cents.

Jarl Rmanrr

(in reply to WhiplashSmile)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: SadoMaso Dom/mes - 3/19/2007 2:47:52 AM   
PlayfulOne


Posts: 1047
Status: offline 		I am a sado/maso as well.  I think what you find sometimes is that some subs/slaves tie their masochistic and submissive sides together.  This makes it difficult for them to understand how your Dominant and maso sides can be separate.

I undersand your "frustrations".  When I met my girl I alsway knew there was more to her than just a "submissive".  Eventually she asked me how I wold feel about her swtching and I helped train her int hat direction.  Now our relarionship has evolved to where we function often as equals.  There is a part of our relatinsip where she will alwasy be mne, but we also stand toe to toe and go through that fluid flow you were talking about. It's like to cats going at one another with the fur flying.  It fits us.  We openly appreciate and accept each others parts.

Yes you can have "too much truth" for some people but in the end it is better than living with parts of yourself buried.

K

(in reply to WhiplashSmile)
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RE: SadoMaso Dom/mes - 3/19/2007 3:24:11 AM   
leakylee


Posts: 747
Joined: 7/2/2004
Status: offline 		I know personally, it took along time for me to admit that I had a slight tendacy towards being sadistic. Bright red, with hints of purple really caught my imagination, especially when I got to actually seee itttttttt!!!! (hope that wasnt to emphatic)  It was something that I just viewed as being more of a dominant trait. Once I got away from some of my maso inclinations I "got it" that one has nothing to do with the other, to some degree. Also had a opprtunity to help on a  few scenes with a domme when I first got into the lifestyle. That was my first clue. That was also the clue that I could be "topping", and still be giving service. One doesnt take away from the other for me. It didnt bother me. I even got the chance to do a wax scene with Her. For me it was just part of our night. I honestly think that the chance to expound on this part of me would be fairly interesting.

Honesty is always the best policy. In that way, you dont bury apart of you, and you dont have to sweat a "what if" moment.

lee

_____________________________

I am so not right, that I left..

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RE: SadoMaso Dom/mes - 3/19/2007 4:07:01 AM   
canupleaseme


Posts: 775
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline 		This is something ive been thinking a lot about recently.  I am definatly more about giving it than recieving it but i do find myself quite partial to a good spanking.  I dont think this makes me a switch because thats not where my mindset is when im gettin it done.  Its relaxing and I find a great way to deal with stress. 
I know from experience that I cant handle  being tied up or hooded or gagged or restricted in anyway really and I wouldnt want to be.
I think because its very occasionally when I fancy a good impact on my bum session it doesnt cause problems with my boy.  But i do think if it was something i required doing a lot  then it would make him or others think I was trying to switch.
I think we just have to try and look at it as being an act like say straight men who like being fucked in the arse with a strap on, their not gay they just like to recieve that form of pleasure too if that example at all makes sene with what im trying to say lol lol


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Proud mistress

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RE: SadoMaso Dom/mes - 3/19/2007 4:26:58 AM   
dawntreader


Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile



I get the feeling that too much honesty at times has sabotage things at times.  Then again, I want to be with somebody that can handle the truth.

I'm interested in hearing from others on this subject.  



WhiplashSmile,
 
   i really enjoyed reading your post...however i can only address this side of the kneel and your statement above - Yes too much honesty can sabaoge things at any point in the relationship and that is why some people chose not to be honest out of that fear.
   i would so much rather know the truth than a lie or an ommission, so much rather give the truth than back peddle later as truth comes to bite me in the ass... so i think the truth is an excellent weeding out process and i would hope you would embrace it as such - you will attract the best -
  i am dealing with such a thing at this moment...only from the opposite side of the dynamic....

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to WhiplashSmile)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: SadoMaso Dom/mes - 3/19/2007 4:43:26 AM   
hisannabelle


Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline 		He's both sadistic and msochistic, and He's definitely a dominant. this relationship has given me small chances to develop a slight sadistic streak, because i have opportunities to pleasure Him in that way. to me, the exchange of pain has very little to do with who has the authority...i am not topping Him. jmho. i think it's awful that people tend to run from you over this...to me, it's odd that there's such a stigma attached to it. causing Him pain is just another way i serve, to me. His causing me pain is another way He dominates, and another way He receives pleasure, as well.


_____________________________

a'ishah (the artist formerly known as annabelle)
i have the kind of beauty that moves...

(in reply to WhiplashSmile)
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RE: SadoMaso Dom/mes - 3/19/2007 4:48:24 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		Humans tend to fear that which they cannot understand. Some submissives cannot understand how a macho man could allow a woman to top them. If the sub does not view some women as dominant then perhaps they wonder how could a man possibly bring himself to kneel before her? I think it destroys part of the macho fantasy for them. Even though we know that there are women out there just as dominant as the most dominant macho man walking the planet.

In some cases I have heard of submissives who fear they will loose their Dom to  a Domme. Because the Domme can bring in an element of excitement that the sub may feel she cannot replicate. This makes the sub feel her position is threatened. Even though the Dom may just have a Top/bottom relationship with the Domme.

I understand what you are saying in your post because I have bottomed myself a few times and its a very exciting thing. But some people just cannot wrap their head around the fact that it is JUST bottoming, I am in no way submitting or giving up my authority. Hell I am TELLING him how to do it! lol

I think what it boils down to is this. Some people will understand and some will not. When looking for a submissive if they show signs of unacceptance then you just need to keep on looking and realize its their problem and not yours. Your comfortable in your own skin and frankly, that is all that matters.

Good luck,
~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to WhiplashSmile)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: SadoMaso Dom/mes - 3/19/2007 5:14:21 AM   
WhiplashSmile


Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

Humans tend to fear that which they cannot understand. Some submissives cannot understand how a macho man could allow a woman to top them. If the sub does not view some women as dominant then perhaps they wonder how could a man possibly bring himself to kneel before her? I think it destroys part of the macho fantasy for them. Even though we know that there are women out there just as dominant as the most dominant macho man walking the planet.

I can see this logic, because it shatters their own mental stereotype image of what a Dom should be.

quote:


In some cases I have heard of submissives who fear they will loose their Dom to  a Domme. Because the Domme can bring in an element of excitement that the sub may feel she cannot replicate. This makes the sub feel her position is threatened. Even though the Dom may just have a Top/bottom relationship with the Domme.

I can see this being an issue as well.  A submissive may wonder how the hell she could ever compete/compare with a Domme.  Thank you for this little bit of interesting insight. 

quote:


I understand what you are saying in your post because I have bottomed myself a few times and its a very exciting thing. But some people just cannot wrap their head around the fact that it is JUST bottoming, I am in no way submitting or giving up my authority. Hell I am TELLING him how to do it! lol

Exactly.............

quote:


I think what it boils down to is this. Some people will understand and some will not. When looking for a submissive if they show signs of unacceptance then you just need to keep on looking and realize its their problem and not yours. Your comfortable in your own skin and frankly, that is all that matters.

I'll have to keep looking for this mythical creature of sorts.  Then one can accept and deal with the truth.  I find it difficult to click fully for a good relationship with many Dommes, Switches and issues with some Sub/Slave types.  Yes, I am open to exploring things with any body in these three groups.  I have the preference for being with a sub/slave type.  I have however left the door open to exploring things with the right Domme or switch.  I have found some switchs are more open minded towards acceptence.  However, I'm not looking to be tied up, hooded and restrained either.. LOL..  that's why I took the time in my opening post to make clarification about these things.     

Good luck,
~Lashra


(in reply to Lashra)
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RE: SadoMaso Dom/mes - 3/19/2007 5:17:03 AM   
WhiplashSmile


Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
Status: offline
quote:


   i would so much rather know the truth than a lie or an ommission, so much rather give the truth than back peddle later as truth comes to bite me in the ass... so i think the truth is an excellent weeding out process and i would hope you would embrace it as such - you will attract the best -

Damn it, it's doing too good of a job at times.. with so many weeds getting pulled I'm staring down at nothing but empty dirt.  Now all I need to find is some grass seed. 

(in reply to dawntreader)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: SadoMaso Dom/mes - 3/19/2007 5:21:10 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		Sorry, you are a switch. Maybe not in terms of power or control but definitely in top/bottom interactions. You want to do both and that makes you a switch.

One of the problems here is that switch isn't a strictly defined word. It can mean someone like you who enjoys topping and bottoming. But it can also mean someone who can dom or sub.

As far as someone going poof on you because you were honest, be grateful. They've saved you six months of getting more heavily invested in the relationship before you told them the truth at which point they would go poof on you for having lied.

Some subs don't mind performing specific actions when told to, some do. Some dommes don't mind wrestling and sometimes winding up on top and others on the bottom. Other dommes do mind and won't play with you.

But don't lie to people because that creates many more problems than it solves.

(in reply to WhiplashSmile)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: SadoMaso Dom/mes - 3/19/2007 5:48:18 AM   
dawntreader


Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile

quote:


   i would so much rather know the truth than a lie or an ommission, so much rather give the truth than back peddle later as truth comes to bite me in the ass... so i think the truth is an excellent weeding out process and i would hope you would embrace it as such - you will attract the best -

Damn it, it's doing too good of a job at times.. with so many weeds getting pulled I'm staring down at nothing but empty dirt.  Now all I need to find is some grass seed. 



And THAT is your answer!!! But i like to call it the "Law of Attraction" Don't settle - put out to the universe what you desire, prepare for it, and it will happen... i believe this like i believe the sun is shining in my window at this moment - it is true...
Those who write on their profiles all their don'ts ,won'ts and other negative shit - attract just that...don't think of what you don't want - only what you do - positive energy and as a Dom, i am sure you know the power that the mind has if harnessed and focused~
You seem to know who you are to a great extent - so put out to the universe what you want to attract and don't worry about the empty dirt...keep weeding and when she comes to you, she will have plenty of ground to establish good, strong roots~
It will be worth the wait - i am learning this lessons myself...

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to WhiplashSmile)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: SadoMaso Dom/mes - 3/19/2007 5:53:04 AM   
WhiplashSmile


Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43
Sorry, you are a switch. Maybe not in terms of power or control but definitely in top/bottom interactions. You want to do both and that makes you a switch.


What the difference between recieving a back massage and somebody beating on your back?  When they both provide pleasure?  Just because I'm in a bottom does not make me a switch.  Because I really will not simply turn myself over to another desires to excerise sadistic activity as they deem fit.  If I pick up a flogger and I'm hitting myself in the Back what the Hell does that make me?  I actually do give myself pain from time to time.  I don't require another to top me.  It's a little confusing being a Sado/Maso Dom.  We are not really switchs in the strict sense of the word.  For instance If I wanted somebody to whip my back, I would have them do it until I said STOP!  Not let them go until they felt like it ending it.  I would tell them harder or softer.  In short taking the top from the bottom.  To me if I were a switch, I would simply let the other person do whatever the fuck they wanted to do, and if it happened to be too much call out a safe word.   That would be a True switch senario.  I have been up and down this with other people, on posts here.  Have talked about it in depth.  I was wondering and Question myself, if I were a switch or not.  Resulting finally conclusion I'm still a Dom. 

(in reply to Celeste43)
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RE: SadoMaso Dom/mes - 3/19/2007 6:07:05 AM   
SleepyBeast


Posts: 122
Joined: 2/22/2007
Status: offline 		I don't see anything wrong with it.
The sensations you enjoy don't determine if you are Dom, sub or switch, they are just sensations to be experienced and enjoyed.


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The voices in my head won't talk to me anymore, they said I scare them.

(in reply to WhiplashSmile)
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RE: SadoMaso Dom/mes - 3/19/2007 6:17:31 AM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline 		My suggestion is to drop your "dom" label and simply identify as "kinkster".

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


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RE: SadoMaso Dom/mes - 3/19/2007 6:35:29 AM   
onestandingstill


Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		I am fully submissive.
I use to wrestle in school & spar in martial arts.
Though I'm fully submissive deep or percussive massage, squeezing your nipples, wax play, tickling and any other activity you ordained would in my mind be OK as servicing you as long as you maintained the position of authority.
I think you indeed can be on the bottom in your kinky context and stay the Dom who says Stop now and she will, or do this and she will.
In my mind following orders is way different than being in charge.

I think to find your feisty woman who's in full submission to you indeed is hard to find.
But I think it's no harder to find the ideal person for you, any more than the rest of us single people.
I think in all BDSM relationships not only do you have to match up on all the same levels as a vanilla couple, but you have to share similar views of this lifestyle we live in as well.
Stay true to yourself, and remember a woman who moves on should have moved on.
Not telling her up front would only be investing more of your energy in an improper direction.
I'd rather know someone is telling the truth up front and allowing me to choose if that can be acceptable to me or not rather than find out he was uncomfortable about something all along after time waisted believing he was someone else.
Even if who he is is still acceptable the hiding of an issue would lead to feeling deceived.
I think if you accept you first, the odds of finding others who accept you grow.
suzanne

(in reply to WhiplashSmile)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: SadoMaso Dom/mes - 3/19/2007 8:07:52 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile
I get the feeling that too much honesty at times has sabotage things at times.  Then again, I want to be with somebody that can handle the truth.

I'm interested in hearing from others on this subject.  

Well there tends to be what's known as an "S&M switch" and a "Ds switch" a person can be one or the other, or both.

Secondly, honesty might sabotage things, but only with the people who won't work well over time.  I've faked it plenty of times during a random scene with someone when I needed to become their illusion to work with, but never with someone I had intentions of being long term.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to WhiplashSmile)
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RE: SadoMaso Dom/mes - 3/19/2007 8:18:56 AM   
MistressNoName


Posts: 664
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline 		WhiplashSmile,

I love that you posted this. I can totally understand where you are coming from, as I consider myself also to be sadistic and masochistic. And I do not like the term switch at all to identify myself, which is why I avoid it like the plague. I have no problem with those who use the term for themselves. It just doesn't sit with well with me...yet I also do not deny that I like both sides of the whip. And I can also understand submissives kind of fearing that you might switch roles on them in the middle of a scene...I had that happen to me once and it was highly disturbing (I was bottoming at the time), so I can understand someone asking that for clarification. I think, tho, that you should maintain your stance on being honest and straightforward. I don't see any other way to be. Some subs will be able to handle all that you are and others may not. What can you do? That's life. But you have a right to be fully all that you are.

Best,

MNN

(in reply to WhiplashSmile)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: SadoMaso Dom/mes - 3/19/2007 9:23:26 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		If you're not honest about your needs and desires, you'll never meet someone who matches you.

As you've probably heard me say, I feel that what we do does not necessarily define who we are. I am a Master...this is who I am. What I do is BDSM. For me, that means that I am mostly a sadist but sometimes a masochist, especially for spiritual purposes. I have a tendency to seperate SM from sex, but it's not a clear cut line. For sex, I prefer my partner to be the more aggressive one, but I often top from the bottom because I know what I like and what I want.

But, whether I'm using a singletail on someone or getting off by being bitten, I'm still a Master. It's seperate for me. For others, it's not...and many feel that Dom=sadist and vice versa. I don't...and there are others who feel this way. Hang in there.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to WhiplashSmile)
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