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RE: The hurdles of transprency!! - 3/20/2007 6:03:29 AM

jaunty1

Posts: 102
Joined: 3/20/2007
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Early on in my relationship with melissa, I found that the best way for her to open up to me, was to let her find those doors by herself. Even after 4 years together, I still don't push for more than I know she is capable of giving at any given time.

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(in reply to leakylee)

Post #: 41

RE: The hurdles of transprency!! - 3/20/2007 6:13:26 AM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
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From: NYS
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx

Why do YOU want to make it more difficult? Be courageous like you are (don't you think subs and slaves are courageous simply for being what they are?) and put your risks away. If you don't think you can trust your partner enough then you have no business being there.

Jeff

This is the only part of your quote I disagree with. Trust isn't something all neatly tied up in a box that I hand to him, it's much more like an onion with multiple layers that must be peeled off slowly. Because if it's too fast then it hurts too much.

Trust isn't something he can rip out of me, it is something that takes a great deal of time. You meet someone for coffee, you trust him not to actually kidnap you into his van as you approach the door to the coffee shop.

You trust him to pick you up and take you to the movies and not instead drive to some dark alley and rape and murder you.

You give a little bit of trust at a time and that includes the ongoing relationship after you're collared. If you knew absolutely everything beforehand you would have to have been together for 20 years.

He shows me every day how trustworthy he is simply by being the kind of man he is, one who doesn't make promises he can't fulfill. And by slowly taking on more responsibility for me as I am ready to relinguish it. But as I said, I can't hand over total control and give 110% of my trust all at once.

As far as not being there if you can't trust, women get beaten and murdered every day by men they trusted enough to marry. People make mistakes, they don't get to know their partner enough. And sometimes partners change, sometimes they have weak spots that aren't revealed until pressure is put on them.

(in reply to mstrjx)

Post #: 42

RE: The hurdles of transprency!! - 3/20/2007 7:37:06 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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Well I have to admit, a lot of subs and doms get into the idea of transparency because it's yet another cool term they can use to try and say they are "more intense" than other relationships, and as a way for the dom to justify not communicating with the sub.

I realized recently that the transparency term is a lot like mentoring for me in the scene- it's a great theory, but almost always not really necessary and almost always twisted and used inappropriately.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Celeste43)

Post #: 43

RE: The hurdles of transprency!! - 3/20/2007 7:51:42 AM

sublizzie

Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
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Transparency comes slowly. Sometimes it comes more slowly than others because of pre-conditioning. If I am asked a question where it is important that I dig a little for the answer, I can't do it instantaneously. I have had my intimate emotions disconnected for so long that I have to find the ends to re-connect them then wait for the flow to start so I can feel the emotion before I can say how I feel or what that really deep emotional thought is. I try to get into the right head space to do this when I'm with people I want to be transparent with, but it takes a little bit to actually get there.

(in reply to leakylee)

Post #: 44

RE: The hurdles of transprency!! - 3/20/2007 7:53:31 AM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43

quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx

Why do YOU want to make it more difficult? Be courageous like you are (don't you think subs and slaves are courageous simply for being what they are?) and put your risks away. If you don't think you can trust your partner enough then you have no business being there.

Jeff

This is the only part of your quote I disagree with. Trust isn't something all neatly tied up in a box that I hand to him, it's much more like an onion with multiple layers that must be peeled off slowly. Because if it's too fast then it hurts too much.

Trust isn't something he can rip out of me, it is something that takes a great deal of time. You meet someone for coffee, you trust him not to actually kidnap you into his van as you approach the door to the coffee shop.

You trust him to pick you up and take you to the movies and not instead drive to some dark alley and rape and murder you.

You give a little bit of trust at a time and that includes the ongoing relationship after you're collared. If you knew absolutely everything beforehand you would have to have been together for 20 years.

He shows me every day how trustworthy he is simply by being the kind of man he is, one who doesn't make promises he can't fulfill. And by slowly taking on more responsibility for me as I am ready to relinguish it. But as I said, I can't hand over total control and give 110% of my trust all at once.

As far as not being there if you can't trust, women get beaten and murdered every day by men they trusted enough to marry. People make mistakes, they don't get to know their partner enough. And sometimes partners change, sometimes they have weak spots that aren't revealed until pressure is put on them.

On the other hand, people have had deeply trusted friends for years who...for whatever reason...turn around and spill the secrets shared to others who can do damage with those secrets while another friend...of a much shorter term and not so close yet...remains by your side despite the revelations which are turning everyone else away.

Yes, mistakes are often made when choosing a partner. Mistakes are often made when choosing friends or in dealing with issues of human behavior, including trust. We're all human. I am not advocating immediate trust that allows someone you have been seeing for a month to have access to all your thoughts, including those dark and secret ones that hurt and/or restrict and/or frighten. But neither am I advocating a long and drawn-out process where it takes years to build up that kind of trust. I am 52...I don't want to wait until I'm 65 to be fully trusted. Hell, if I was to start with a submissive right now, I don't want to have to wait until I am 60.

We've spoken on these threads before about yielding your will to another in submission and the trust that it takes to finally take that step. Even then, it has been noted that the submission starts at a certain level for many and then builds to a deeper level. It seems a bit paradoxical that a person can state that their submission, and the trust that goes with it, is given freely when they can withhold alllllllllll that other information because of a lack of trust...doesn't it?

(in reply to Celeste43)

Post #: 45

RE: The hurdles of transprency!! - 3/20/2007 8:33:19 AM

mythi

Posts: 257
Joined: 2/25/2007
From: Naples, FL
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I'm extremely cautious about my personal safety overall...but when it comes to forming new relationships I approach them with the attitude that:

1. You probably can't hurt me more than I've been been hurt before.
2. Even if you do, I survived that and I'll survive you.

Now there's a cheery little thought, huh? lol

_____________________________

“The truth doesn’t change based on our ability to stomach it.”
Flannery O’Connor

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Post #: 46

RE: The hurdles of transprency!! - 3/20/2007 8:40:29 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

Why do YOU want to make it more difficult? Be courageous like you are (don't you think subs and slaves are courageous simply for being what they are?) and put your risks away. If you don't think you can trust your partner enough then you have no business being there.

I would ask who determines what "trusting enough" means? If someone feels comfortable within their dynamic the way that it operates, then who are you to say they are not trusting enough? That makes no sense to me. You pointed out that new relationships require time to build trust, but this line that I quoted negates that thought entirely. If people are happy with their dynamic, that is all that is important.

quote:

To reiterate, this is far different for me than for most. If a question of trust comes up with me, I'm already insulted.

Please take this the way I intend it, because we are all different, but this line of your post made me take a step back. Are you saying that if a submissive has trouble trusting you this is offensive to you? I am glad my Daddy does not get insulted when I have trust issues. I am a human being, I have issues, I have baggage, he knows this and he is patient with me at times because of this.... Oh God that makes me trust him all the more. If I thought he was going to get offended because of my issues, or because I dared question something he said or did that caused feelings of insecurity in me, there would be no dynamic. I could not function in those parameters. I could never voice what was inside of me in such a relationship, and it would cause a lack of transparency at every level. I worry enough about being disappointing, who needs the extra worry of insulting one's Dom?

I think that you believe that physical proximity makes for more D/s "headpspace" 24-7 from what I quoted too. As if those of us that work, live, have other obligations cannot come up to this almighty "headspace". It is always there regardless of where I am, in fact at times I feel more submissive for obeying when I am hundreds of miles away because he is not standing there making sure I comply. This requires the heartfelt desire to comply. The headspace is always there. Everytime we interact it is always there. I guess some people do need minding all the time, and that is fine if it fulfills them, but not all of us do.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to mstrjx)

Post #: 47

RE: The hurdles of transprency!! - 3/20/2007 9:08:14 AM

mstrjx

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Joined: 11/27/2005
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So you can see why I state upfront that the issues are a little more black and white for me.

The nature of my relationships have not come about like so many that I read here. There isn't any of LA's famous 'get to know each other for six months before you decide to embark on a relationship'. Half the people I know now I won't know in six months, much less be in a relationship with one.

The types of people I have known in my past have jumped in with both feet. I don't always encourage it, but I don't discourage it either. I'm the one taking my time now, but when 'it' (whatever that turns out to be) happens I wouldn't be surprised by a certain amount of immediacy then, either.

Yes, somehow I have found myself in a position where trust is never an issue. I cannot demonstrate that easily here, and you don't know me in person to understand. I color myself as rather anti-social, but there's something karmic or whatever that opens doors for me wherever I go. It's nearly comical.

The point that Celeste disagreed with I have to defend this way. We go through life and collect our bumps and bruises. We, as is said, start to collect baggage. It gets to the point where after several missteps when you walk into a room all you can see IS the baggage. Why is it so hard to treat every new person as if it's the first time all over again? Again, I make this sound so easy, and you (collectively) will argue that it's not. I just don't see it being fair to your current partner, or the next guy.

I'm not the enemy. Just another guy trying to help.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to jaunty1)

Post #: 48

RE: The hurdles of transprency!! - 3/20/2007 9:13:02 AM

sublizzie

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Actually it would be nice to run into someone who can "get" me without me going through the work of reconnecting disconnected lines. It's not that I don't want to be known, it's just a lot of work for me to get the point where I can be open about who I am. I don't always know myself because of those disconnects.

(in reply to mstrjx)

Post #: 49

RE: The hurdles of transprency!! - 3/20/2007 9:26:23 AM

SirDominic

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This is actually about the hurdles of NON-transparency, isn't it? The inability to open up parts of your psyche you are uncomfortable with.

For me, it IS a very important part of my relationship with my slave. She has had some tough times, and built many walls for her protection and self preservation. She no longer wants those walls, wants to tear them down, and is also terrified of doing so.

The first step is acknowledgement - okay this is what exists. The second, and probably most critical, step is being completely nonjudgemental. I understand her issues, am comfortable with them, and willing to lead her through them.

The third step is honesty. Complete and total. One of my rules is that my slave must always be totally honest with me. If she has a choice of telling me something she thinks I don't want to hear, or that I may think less of her for, she is learning to understand that I insist on knowing that information. I would never be uncomfortable hearing the truth from her. I would punish her only if she kept it from me and I found out. Hand in hand with honesty is the trust she has in me to be honest with her, and to really believe that her demons do not frighten me. That I will never think less of her for being who she is, warts and all.

My dear slave has it particularly difficult because I know her better than she knows herself. I know when she is being truthful and when she is hiding the truth. There have been so many times in our relationship where she has said "x" and I have responded what you really mean is "y" isn't it. Haven't been wrong very often.

How do I do this. Is it my super psychic abilities. Since I don't even believe in that, guess that isn't it. Let me give you an analogy. Who is the better math tutor, the math genius, or the person who had to struggle through math themselves? It's the latter, of course.

Notice my signature? I know my slave's demons because in earlier years I was there myself. I went through what she is going through. I know how I learned to grow beyond them, and that puts me in the perfect position to help her learn to grow out of hers. I am not taking away her hurdles, she is doing that herself. I am just showing her the way. Any other method would be false and ultimately ineffectual.

Namaste, Sir Dominic

_____________________________

You teach best what you have lived.

(in reply to leakylee)

Post #: 50

RE: The hurdles of transprency!! - 3/20/2007 9:35:28 AM

juliaoceania

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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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Trust is not about other people, it is always about ourselves. There is no person on God's Green Earth that could inspire instant trust from me... I had one of those in my life, and I married him, and he turned out to be a borderline sociopath, it is hard to determine seeing he was on crack cocaine soon after we married.

Trust is about me, not my partner. The people I trust least are the ones that tell me they can be trusted... just my personal lumps along the way that have demonstrated this to me time and again.

What inspires trust from me is someone that demonstrates trust in me... it is a synergy that causes it. The first time I went to my Daddy's place he left about so much information I could have collected it and stolen his identity if that was my design. He left me alone with his computer, his credit card bills, even a copy of his SS card that he had faxed for business purposes was laying out with phone numbers jotted on it. He trusted me. Either he is really lucky or a good judge of character, because I would never do anything of that nature to anyone. The point is that this demonstration of trust engendered a deep feeling of it in me that set the tone for our relationship. He does not care if I organize his papers, or I go through his things to organize them and put them away (I have an organization fetish). He does not hide things from me... this is transparency.

People have to give what they expect to get from others. I find most are incapable of doing that... either way when I have found myself distrustful, that is 99% me, 1% his actions.... and that is a self preservation mechanism. I think it is very easy for you to state that we should all take each person as they come, yes I think that we should in theory, but women who have been through abusive marriages, been abandoned, been left with UMs (like me), are once bitten twice shy... fairly normal if you ask me.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to mstrjx)

Post #: 51

RE: The hurdles of transprency!! - 3/20/2007 11:45:11 AM

charismagirrl

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julia, as usual you make some very insightful points. Thank you for talking about the trust that is put in you by your Daddy, i can apply this to my relationship with my Daddy as well but i tend to overlook that stuff...so this was a valuable little pearl for me.

i have so many trust issues due to my bumps and lumps on the road and though i try to leave my baggage behind, it always ends up creeping up into my present...It's similar to say, smelling something or hearing something...you smell garlic and tomatos and you think you're going to get spaghetti sauce...your hear a sizzling platter and smell grilled meat and you may assume fajitas....Why? Because past experiences tell you that those things came after those smells or sounds....So if you smell something bad or something trips that trigger in your head that recalls a past bad experience it's really hard to not assume that you will get something bad.

Maybe it has zero to do with the other person but it is self preservation. i used to give all of my trust wrapped up in a bow on a silver platter and then i found out after two marriages, (one for 4 yrs and the other for 10) that you can put your trust in someone and then at the end there is the twist (very 6th Sense)....Here is someone you trusted implicitly and then you see the other side of the coin...and relize what an ass you've been for years.

So now it's so much harder for me to just give my trust...like Celeste said, it comes in layers....i am attempting to rid myself of some of the old baggage (cause it's getting heavy) and i'm reading a book called "The Power of Now"...hopefully it will help rid me of some of the baggage of my past and my fear of future "what ifs"

_____________________________

For today i won't say but...
For today i wont say just...
For today i will simply obey....
For today i will trust that You are right...
For always i will be your imperfect slave

http://www.mycollarspace.com

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 52

RE: The hurdles of transprency!! - 3/20/2007 11:46:43 AM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

Trust is not about other people, it is always about ourselves. There is no person on God's Green Earth that could inspire instant trust from me... I had one of those in my life, and I married him, and he turned out to be a borderline sociopath, it is hard to determine seeing he was on crack cocaine soon after we married.

Trust is about me, not my partner. The people I trust least are the ones that tell me they can be trusted... just my personal lumps along the way that have demonstrated this to me time and again.

What inspires trust from me is someone that demonstrates trust in me... it is a synergy that causes it. The first time I went to my Daddy's place he left about so much information I could have collected it and stolen his identity if that was my design. He left me alone with his computer, his credit card bills, even a copy of his SS card that he had faxed for business purposes was laying out with phone numbers jotted on it. He trusted me. Either he is really lucky or a good judge of character, because I would never do anything of that nature to anyone. The point is that this demonstration of trust engendered a deep feeling of it in me that set the tone for our relationship. He does not care if I organize his papers, or I go through his things to organize them and put them away (I have an organization fetish). He does not hide things from me... this is transparency.

People have to give what they expect to get from others. I find most are incapable of doing that... either way when I have found myself distrustful, that is 99% me, 1% his actions.... and that is a self preservation mechanism. I think it is very easy for you to state that we should all take each person as they come, yes I think that we should in theory, but women who have been through abusive marriages, been abandoned, been left with UMs (like me), are once bitten twice shy... fairly normal if you ask me.

You make some good points julia...and having been through my own hell with an ex, I get the idea of "once bitten-twice shy". At a certain point though, you can use the issue of "trust" to make another person continually prove themselves to you, stated or not, because they are paying for what someone else did. It may well be for self-preservation and I can respect anyone's right to care for themselves but I know that at a certain point that I would begin to ask "At what point do I get to quit paying for what others have done?"

There is much in the following article... http://www.stpt.usf.edu/hhl/papers/Real-Men.htm ...to disagree with but two points do seem well-stated:

"Relationships falter for any number of reasons. For instance, intimate relationships can be neither established nor maintained unless the partners know and trust one another. Unless they know each other, they cannot promote each other's needs. Unless they trust each other, their fear of being hurt will circumscribe communication. Moreover, their interests -- although they need not be identical -- must be sufficiently overlapping so neither continuous conflict nor absolute acquiescence is inevitable." Isn't open and honest communication one of the things we strive for in D/s?

"Even when two people know, love and trust one another and have reasonably similar interests, external conditions can undermine intimacy. Job pressures, family illness or difficulties with children make regular and sustained conversations between partners difficult. Without intimate communication to nourish them, they will grow apart. (And without trust, how difficult is intimate communication?) Small troubles evolve into big problems. Big problems become insurmountable hurdles. Relationships are dashed on the rocks of miscommunication and misunderstanding."
(((The bold-ing of the remarks above is my doing as well as the statement in parentheses and outside the quotes)))

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 53

RE: The hurdles of transprency!! - 3/20/2007 12:24:20 PM

dawntreader

Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx

We go through life and collect our bumps and bruises. We, as is said, start to collect baggage. It gets to the point where after several missteps when you walk into a room all you can see IS the baggage. Why is it so hard to treat every new person as if it's the first time all over again? Again, I make this sound so easy, and you (collectively) will argue that it's not. I just don't see it being fair to your current partner, or the next guy.

I'm not the enemy. Just another guy trying to help.

Jeff

This is really a good thing to strive for - kind of the same principle as thinking of each day as a new start. Sure we have to learn from the past, but when we wear the past like clothing, we never feel the fresh air on our skin~

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to mstrjx)

Post #: 54

RE: The hurdles of transprency!! - 3/20/2007 12:32:56 PM

Devilslilsister

Posts: 1262
Joined: 8/3/2006
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quote:

Trust is not about other people, it is always about ourselves.

i totally disagree. i could give many examples of others, who arent trustable and it has nothing to do with me. They just are purely, not trustable.

I also dont believe that trust is given (or inspired) but earned. You want my trust? Show you are trustable. Always keeping in mind, shit happens. People do screw up and if it isnt some major moral sin - it doesnt reflect on their character.

_____________________________

My ability to cope with BS is at an all time low - me

i may look like i'm doing nothing, but i'm very busy at a cellular level

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 55

RE: The hurdles of transprency!! - 3/20/2007 1:22:45 PM

amiciaN

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Joined: 1/20/2007
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Transparency is something I have been focusing on lately. Nchaka^ made me realize I was "keeping things" from Him without be aware of it. There have been many great posts on this thread but this particular part stood out for me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirDominic

This is actually about the hurdles of NON-transparency, isn't it? The inability to open up parts of your psyche you are uncomfortable with. <snip>

The first step is acknowledgement - okay this is what exists. The second, and probably most critical, step is being completely nonjudgemental. I understand her issues, am comfortable with them, and willing to lead her through them.

The third step is honesty. Complete and total. One of my rules is that my slave must always be totally honest with me.
<snip>

Namaste, Sir Dominic

<editing and bolding mine>
This is very true in my relationship too. In fact, being completely honest with my Master is the first and most important rule He has given me. However, I was seeing honesty as not lying, telling Him the major things in my day, etc. I was not being 'dishonest' when I was not telling Him things I deemed trivial, however, I was not being transparent. *I* was deciding what was trivial. In my relationship, being transparent means I keep Him informed about all things in my life, including what I have talked about with friends and family, errands I need to run, and so on. This allows Him to have a clearer picture of what my 'mindset' is, what is bothering me, what other demands on my time exist, and more. He decides what is important and what to discard as trivia. Though I have not achieved true transparency, there is considerable improvement and much less fewer misunderstandings. As difficult as this level of honesty is to practice, the benefits are more than worth it.

For me, the bolded part in the quote from Sir Dominic's post was also the most critical step. I could never hope achieve this level of honesty if it were not for the unconditional and nonjudgmental acceptance of who I am by my Master. There are no words to describe what that means or what it has done at the very core of my being. It is what makes my signature line true.

_____________________________

NChaka's amicia

I have never been lifted so high as when I kneel at His feet.

(in reply to SirDominic)

Post #: 56

RE: The hurdles of transprency!! - 3/20/2007 4:05:27 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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It really is a process. One thing can trigger a response in you and you may have a reaction and you do not even know where it came from. Sometimes things happen and you do not realize how scarred you are. It is not like you are consciously setting out to be distrustful... sometime snaps and you DO react.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to charismagirrl)

Post #: 57

RE: The hurdles of transprency!! - 3/20/2007 4:14:56 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Devilslilsister

quote:

Trust is not about other people, it is always about ourselves.

i totally disagree. i could give many examples of others, who arent trustable and it has nothing to do with me. They just are purely, not trustable.

I also dont believe that trust is given (or inspired) but earned. You want my trust? Show you are trustable. Always keeping in mind, shit happens. People do screw up and if it isnt some major moral sin - it doesnt reflect on their character.

I think you misunderstand me and that statement. Some people cannot be trusted, the ability to survive someone hurting me is all about me, not them. So, someone cannot be trusted, they fuck up, they lie, they are callous... my ability to overcome this is all about me... 1% them. My ability to trust again is not about them, it is about me. Now someone can demonstrate they can be trusted, but still trust is not forthcoming, why? Because the person who is extending the trust has to believe that the person they are trusting will not harm them, and believe that they will be ok, that the world will not come to an end if someone lets them down. People should not risk what they cannot afford... and if you cannot afford to trust someone, don't do it! Some people are better risks than others. Trusting is all about the person taking that leap of faith.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Devilslilsister)

Post #: 58

RE: The hurdles of transprency!! - 3/20/2007 4:43:35 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

At a certain point though, you can use the issue of "trust" to make another person continually prove themselves to you, stated or not, because they are paying for what someone else did. It may well be for self-preservation and I can respect anyone's right to care for themselves but I know that at a certain point that I would begin to ask "At what point do I get to quit paying for what others have done?"

In our relationship we both have baggage. We have outright acknowledged this openly. We have smashed into each other's baggage. How long do we continue to do this? As long as we feel it is worth it I guess. I think the major thing for him is that I am willing to look at my baggage and I am able to stand back and think about why I do the things I do. As long as I am willing to do that, and have some introspection, he has been patient with me.

Nothing is inherently bad about having baggage, it is what it is. In some ways having someone show me patience with mine has indeed given me the sense of being worthwhile, being cared for, and wanting to trust him more... it has helped us grow together in my opinion. He does not run away from me, and I do not run from him, just because there is a little baggage in our trunks.

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Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

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Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Post #: 59

RE: The hurdles of transprency!! - 3/20/2007 9:16:26 PM

Sinergy

Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

You make some good points julia...and having been through my own hell with an ex, I get the idea of "once bitten-twice shy".

I have been through hell with an ex.

There is a freedom in the idea that I have built myself an extremely successful career as a computer engineer. It got offshored coincident with the psycho bitch-ex from hell and that career went toes up.

I am in the process of building myself another extremely successful career as a longshoreman.

That one doesnt pan out, I have people flying me places to do the self-defense expert gig.

I go through life with the idea that if this gig doesnt pan out, I will find another one. I believe in my ability
to solve the problem presented.

I have a deeply ingrained idea that the only real solution is to live longer than the current problem and succeed.

I am in this fight until it is over, and it ain't over until I say it is.

Sinergy

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(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Post #: 60

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