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Disinterest? - 3/20/2007 8:57:04 AM

CrazyC

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I just read a post on a completely diffrent forum about limits, and this lady made an interesting point. She believes there is a Diffrence between limits and disinterest.

I can see where this could come into play, i am wondering what others though these diffrences are. It is sort of a "What is your definition for those words" question, so please realize each person is going to have a diffrent outlook and don't flame them for it.

Celeste

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"You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back." Barbara De Angelis

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RE: Disinterest? - 3/20/2007 9:02:11 AM

IrishMist

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CrazyC

I just read a post on a completely diffrent forum about limits, and this lady made an interesting point. She believes there is a Diffrence between limits and disinterest.

I can see where this could come into play, i am wondering what others though these diffrences are. It is sort of a "What is your definition for those words" question, so please realize each person is going to have a diffrent outlook and don't flame them for it.

Celeste

Well of course there's a difference. I admit that I have very few boundaries in place about what I am willing to do; but in no way is that disinterest .

I am sorry, but I am having a bit of trouble understanding exactly what you are asking here.

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If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to CrazyC)

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RE: Disinterest? - 3/20/2007 9:04:07 AM

LaTigresse

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Interesting thought process.

For me, limits are things that have some sort of personal moral "hell no!". Things that I won't do simply because it would feel wrong to me, betray my core belief system.

Disinterest is more the things that either do nothing for me either way, there is no real "wow!" or "hmmmmmmmm, interesting...", just nothing. Or something that personally grosses me out like scat play or roman showers.

The limits are things I want nothing to do with, I don't even want to see it or even know someone that does it.

Disinterest, yeah, I could watch from a scent/splatter proof distance and think to myself "wtf is wrong with these people?!?"

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to CrazyC)

Post #: 3

RE: Disinterest? - 3/20/2007 9:08:55 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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I have no interest in needle play, but it's not a limit for me.

Whether I am interested in something or not has nothing to do with whether I'd be willing to do it.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to LaTigresse)

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RE: Disinterest? - 3/20/2007 9:11:24 AM

WhiplashSmile

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This is the makings for a great thread. Glad you started it.

The first thing that comes to my mind is "Gas Masks", this is not a limit of mine
I have zero interest in. Does not do anything for me to incorperate this into play.
I suppose if I were with somebody into this, I would simply do it. But I have not
been with anybody into "Gas Masks" either. LOL

(in reply to CrazyC)

Post #: 5

RE: Disinterest? - 3/20/2007 9:15:41 AM

MsKatHouston

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From: Houston, TX
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Yes, there's a difference. I consider limits as things that I would not due because of an emotional, moral or health risk boundary I have. When I make a complete list of activities I have things I really enjoy, things I am not crazy about but will do and limits. When using the generic BDSM checklists, the scale addresses these by using a 1 or 0 for things you have no interest in and "NO" for hard limits, things you would not do under any circumstances.

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to WhiplashSmile)

Post #: 6

RE: Disinterest? - 3/20/2007 9:17:15 AM

jauntyone

Posts: 543
Joined: 2/27/2007
From: Anchorage Alaska
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hello crazyc

quite honestly, the only thing I really have active disinterest in would be defining my own limits. In my mind, to do so would limit me in what I may one day be capapble of.

I wish you well

melissa

(in reply to CrazyC)

Post #: 7

RE: Disinterest? - 3/20/2007 9:19:32 AM

Chloelicious

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From: belgium, Brussels, Forest
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Scatology/urolagny are some of my limits ;wich i can pushaway if it really please my master (urolagny better then scatology who is a hard limit)
But when i heard about pony play there is not an ounce of interest in the back of my mind.

So limits are things that you can/would/could go through
Disinterest is what you can describe as nothing.

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If love is blind......I guess I will buy myself a cane (guns and roses

(in reply to WhiplashSmile)

Post #: 8

RE: Disinterest? - 3/20/2007 9:19:45 AM

curiouslyseeking

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CrazyC

I just read a post on a completely diffrent forum about limits, and this lady made an interesting point. She believes there is a Diffrence between limits and disinterest.

I can see where this could come into play, i am wondering what others though these diffrences are. It is sort of a "What is your definition for those words" question, so please realize each person is going to have a diffrent outlook and don't flame them for it.

Celeste

I agree....a great thread starter....a great way to be be introspective about limits.

If I had a voluminous amount of limits...would be a great place to start to analyze if it is only a disinterest...

Perhaps it's disinterest that should be pushed ..instead of so many talking of limits being pushed..(interesting)..

I'm not an expert on limits because my belief is my limits are my One's limits.

(disclaimer: my personal beliefs.. not attempting to bestow on anyone else)

But will be watching this thread with much interest.

_____________________________

"The ultimate freedom is the freedom to choose to have no choice"

(in reply to CrazyC)

Post #: 9

RE: Disinterest? - 3/20/2007 9:20:39 AM

WhiplashSmile

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Gorean lifestyle, this is not something I have an interest in either. It's not a hard limit of mine. I do find the speaking in third person rather taxing to my brain. I generally prefer more normal speech patterns from the person I am with. However, if I met an awesome Gorean sub/slave, one that I clicked well with. I'd be right there exploring this fully and working at becoming the best Gorean Master I could be. But I do not have enough interest in this by itself.

It's really not a hard limit of mine, I just have not had a interest or reason to persue it. Some things that I have no interest in, I am willing to do if I have a reason. If they are an activity that another enjoys. I don't view or look at this as a compromise.

If somebody was into wearing Diapers, this is a limit of mine. If I did this with somebody, it would be a compromise. I'm not willing to compromise on this either. It will not happen, no matter how much I'm into the other person. Hard Limit.

< Message edited by WhiplashSmile -- 3/20/2007 9:22:17 AM >

(in reply to CrazyC)

Post #: 10

RE: Disinterest? - 3/20/2007 9:23:01 AM

MsKatHouston

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From: Houston, TX
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I think being introspective about limits is quite healthy. I was on another forum recently had this same thought over a particular type of play that was being discussed. I think it is equally important to know *why* a limit is a limit as it is to know it exists for you in the first place. It is something I ask about to potentials also. Because I have found people who list disinterests as limits and that, to me, is a bit manipulative.

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to curiouslyseeking)

Post #: 11

RE: Disinterest? - 3/20/2007 9:26:53 AM

blushingflower

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Limits are things that you will not do because they turn you off, or you find them to be immoral or unethical, or they are physically dangerous or emotionally traumatic.
Disinterest is "I have no desire to do it, but if my partner is really interested, I may be willing to try it. If it's your main kink, I'm probably not a match for you."
For example- I'm not interested in watersports. I can intellectually understand how other people find it sexy, but I don't. It doesn't turn me on, and I'm perfectly happy to go my entire life without experiencing it (again). But if I'm with someone who is curious to see if they like it, I'll help them try it at least once. I wouldn't, however, consider myself to be compatible with someone who considers it the be-all and end-all of kink.
My limits though are things that I find either downright disgusting or immoral (like pedophilia) or things that I find send me into a panic (like playing in public- I've never done it, but the thought makes my heart race in a bad way). Some of them I can work on overcoming, some I have no desire to overcome.

(in reply to CrazyC)

Post #: 12

RE: Disinterest? - 3/20/2007 9:30:27 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CrazyC

I just read a post on a completely diffrent forum about limits, and this lady made an interesting point. She believes there is a Diffrence between limits and disinterest.

I can see where this could come into play, i am wondering what others though these diffrences are. It is sort of a "What is your definition for those words" question, so please realize each person is going to have a diffrent outlook and don't flame them for it.

Celeste

This is how I think of things like limits and what I do.

I have hard limits and I have soft limits.

I have things I must have and things I want.

There is a group of activities that do not fall into any of these categories -- they dont' turn me on, they don't turn me off, they are neutral to me.

As the dominant I do not do things that turn me off or things that are on my hard limits list, I also go at the pace I want for my soft limits. I will do things on my neutral list especially as rewards for a good slave when and only when I decide to do so -- bondage is one of these. I could take or leave bondage, in itself it just is neutral to me. I think doing these neutral things is a nice thing for me to do and I think it is part of the relationship lubrication that allows Fox and I to flow very smoothly for over 7 years now.

One of the differences in my household between what I said above and what my slave is expected to do regards the neutral and turn-off categories (I personally believe that everyone has limits and I respect them). As long as something is not a limit, I expect a slave to do things that may be in those two categories when I want and how I want.

This is how things work in my household.

_____________________________

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Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

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(in reply to CrazyC)

Post #: 13

RE: Disinterest? - 3/20/2007 9:32:24 AM

WhiplashSmile

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsKatHouston

I think being introspective about limits is quite healthy. I was on another forum recently had this same thought over a particular type of play that was being discussed. I think it is equally important to know *why* a limit is a limit as it is to know it exists for you in the first place. It is something I ask about to potentials also. Because I have found people who list disinterests as limits and that, to me, is a bit manipulative.

There are certain things, I myself have not figured out if they are really a limit or not. Things I've thought about doing or trying, yet have a set of equal reasons for not doing. A sort of stuck on the fence still trying to figure it out thing. Been hoping to fall off that damn fence one day, and finally make up my mind. Is it a limit or not. It's on another list called "Questionable". Because I have an interest in it, but struggle with some issues about it.

I tend to focus upon limits and my interests the most. The problem I have is with my "Questionable activity list".

(in reply to MsKatHouston)

Post #: 14

RE: Disinterest? - 3/20/2007 9:34:12 AM

starshineowned

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Joined: 4/19/2005
From: Texas
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Greetings..~smiles~

A fairly reasonable alternative word to add to likes/dislikes..soft/hard limits that exist already.

A great Many of the bdsm kinks, fetish's, perversions are of dis-interest to me or just don't care to read about them or get to know persons dealing in them. This is different to me than a actual dislike of something..i.e. scat but also falls into the dis-interest category as well. Being a owned slave I have no limits (As they pertain to this life of M/s) other than what Masters are. Thankfully that is scat and a few more also, and many of his own dis-interests are the same.

Well Wishes
starshine
Happy slave of Master Delvin

_____________________________

"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years." --Abraham Lincoln

(in reply to CrazyC)

Post #: 15

RE: Disinterest? - 3/20/2007 9:35:07 AM

MsKatHouston

Posts: 1909
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From: Houston, TX
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Have you actually done any of your questionable list? Is doing it what will help you decide or exposure to it in a more second hand method?

I think "unknown" is also a valid listing with discussing a bdsm activity. It also can open up great discussions with your partner and allow you to grow and explore, whether you end up doing it or not, end up with it as a limit or not.

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to WhiplashSmile)

Post #: 16

RE: Disinterest? - 3/20/2007 9:37:18 AM

CrazyC

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsKatHouston

Because I have found people who list disinterests as limits and that, to me, is a bit manipulative.

I'm just wondering why is it manipulative. Until today, I would have thought them the same and would never have ment it in a manipulative way.

_____________________________

"You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back." Barbara De Angelis

(in reply to MsKatHouston)

Post #: 17

RE: Disinterest? - 3/20/2007 9:39:39 AM

velvetears

Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsKatHouston

I think being introspective about limits is quite healthy. I was on another forum recently had this same thought over a particular type of play that was being discussed. I think it is equally important to know *why* a limit is a limit as it is to know it exists for you in the first place. It is something I ask about to potentials also. Because I have found people who list disinterests as limits and that, to me, is a bit manipulative.

That's what i have taken into consideration when thinking about what my own limits were. If you list as a limit something you simply don't have an interest in, it's manipulating and basically being dishonest. My limits are things that would go against my morals, are health risks or a risk of being outed (like never allowing naked pics of myself to be taken), or things i know i could not do because the level of repulsion is over the top (as in scat, plust thats a health risk i believe anyway). Thinks i am disinterested in i might not feel like doing or enjoy doing, but i would do them and/or am capable of doing them.

_____________________________

Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to MsKatHouston)

Post #: 18

RE: Disinterest? - 3/20/2007 9:41:00 AM

CrazyC

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Joined: 9/28/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: jauntyone

quite honestly, the only thing I really have active disinterest in would be defining my own limits. In my mind, to do so would limit me in what I may one day be capapble of.

Melissa, I completely understand the effects of limiting myself might cause me to miss out on something that could be alot of fun.

_____________________________

"You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back." Barbara De Angelis

(in reply to jauntyone)

Post #: 19

RE: Disinterest? - 3/20/2007 9:44:11 AM

WhiplashSmile

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsKatHouston

Have you actually done any of your questionable list? Is doing it what will help you decide or exposure to it in a more second hand method?

I think "unknown" is also a valid listing with discussing a bdsm activity. It also can open up great discussions with your partner and allow you to grow and explore, whether you end up doing it or not, end up with it as a limit or not.

I have not done anything on my "Questionable List" yet, because they were hard limits of the one I was with at the time. LOL.... That's a Damn Good question you hit me with. I'm faced with reviewing all these things, since I'm not with anybody right now. If I met somebody, who's into these things, Hell I might give it a try. However If it turns out to be a limit for me, it might backfire being with somebody being into it. Now, I feel like pacing the floor in thought over this. ha ha ha ha...

I have thought seeking out a play partner, just to figure some of this out though.

(in reply to MsKatHouston)

Post #: 20

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