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faling in love with slave submissives - 3/23/2007 1:08:36 AM   
mons


Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline 		greeting master. doms and all

i want to know what you think of falling in love with you slave or submissive? is it a problem for you ? do you feel lost and not able to handle her or him?

i think the greatest thing is love and if you find the right person i feel this way i think you can still love a sumissive or a slave just as you can love a vanilla person. i have found when talking to some of the master they do not wish to fall in love or love the person how is with them please tell me what you think and oh this is not a woman's soft side it is just a question for all. and did anyone have a broken heart and is this the reason you have change in your thoughts on love with your person/ i know they love your all

warm and kind wishes to all thank you for your anwers
mons
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: faling in love with slave submissives - 3/23/2007 2:48:16 AM   
Icarius


Posts: 15
Joined: 3/20/2007
Status: offline 		I think that, to truely be the best Master you can be, it requires that you love the submissive or slave. My previous submissive (I say submissive because, even though she fully surrendered herself, I never collared her) and I actually fell out of love, and that is what ended our relationship. I think that the Master/Slave relationship is the ultimate expression of love between two people.

(in reply to mons)
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RE: faling in love with slave submissives - 3/23/2007 3:28:15 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline 		Mutual love is certainly and ideally a relationship goal yet it is no barrier to my other needs to control her or express my sado desires....
 
I actually find it a little amusing that you would differentiate between subs/slaves and vanillas where love is concerned but it seems there are many in the lifestyle (too many?), esp doms, who can't accept a sub/slave is still a living, breathing adult capable of much more than obedience. 
 
From my experience, I tend to look at it from the other end - that a sub/slave is capable of so much more than any vanilla where my needs are concerned....
 
Focus.

(in reply to mons)
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RE: faling in love with slave submissives - 3/23/2007 4:28:34 AM   
curiouslyseeking


Posts: 924
Joined: 1/11/2007
Status: offline 		Great thread starter, mons...I will be watching responses with great interest....
 
I've been on my journey 9 years now and until recently, I wanted to keep love out of it.  I used to have the perception love weakened the control, but I've since realized that it takes a special Master to understand it and to balance it.
 
Here is a paraphrase of one of my favorite quotes:  (snipped for brevity purposes)

"The slavery in which a love slave is kept is an unusually deep slavery. -- she is, you see, a love slave; no woman can be more in a man’s power; and with no woman must He be stronger."


_____________________________

"The ultimate freedom is the freedom to choose to have no choice"


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RE: faling in love with slave submissives - 3/23/2007 6:13:29 AM   
SirDominic


Posts: 711
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline 		It is because I love my slave that I particularly enjoy all the delicious things I do with her, pain and pleasure. I have had the same pleasures with subs where we cared for each other, and they were wonderful experiences too. But not on the same level at all. Adding love to the mix increases the intensity ten fold.

As curiouslyseeking pointed out, the only danger is allowing love to weaken your control. As Master, it is your job to keep in control at all times. Nothing must interfere with that, even love. If fallling in love is going to make you all gushy, pamper her, allow her to bend your rules, you should not allow yourself to fall in love with your slave. You will likely ruin the relationship.

My solution is to allow my love to strengthen my resolve. Because I believe if I really love her, I will do what it takes to maintain the power relationship between us. Which means I don't allow my love to interfere with my control as her Master.

"The slavery in which a love slave is kept is an unusually deep slavery. -- she is, you see, a love slave; no woman can be more in a man’s power; and with no woman must He be stronger."

This is a beautiful quote, and oh so true. Thanks for that CS.

Namaste, Sir Dominic


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You teach best what you have lived.

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RE: faling in love with slave submissives - 3/23/2007 6:18:02 AM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		I don't think love is a requirement, it depends on the type of realtionship wanted. I am certainly one of those that likes to be close as possible. I think it is bunk to say love weakens the dominant. The dynamics are only weakend if allowed to. Being inlove has strengthened our dynamic and relationship. The relationship is as only good as those involved.

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to mons)
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RE: faling in love with slave submissives - 3/23/2007 6:21:04 AM   
gandalf0297


Posts: 148
Joined: 8/6/2006
Status: offline 		It complicates things to say the least..I'll let ya know how it works out ;)


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RE: faling in love with slave submissives - 3/23/2007 6:27:29 AM   
jauntyone


Posts: 543
Joined: 2/27/2007
From: Anchorage Alaska
Status: offline 		Greetings mons
 
Speaking only for myself, I could not reach the depths within this relationship if there was not a strong love for the one that I offered myself to. Without the love, I would still be submissive to him because that is just my personality; but I would not be able to go any further.
 
I wish you well
 
melissa

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RE: faling in love with slave submissives - 3/23/2007 7:04:25 AM   
VelvetIronTouch


Posts: 16
Joined: 9/21/2005
Status: offline 		There are, admittadly, different strokes for different folks.

Some adhear to the complete debasement/dehumanization of their subs/slaves. Others find having a true connection and love to be the way to go.

I am, personally, of the latter creed. I admit that yes,  fun can be had abusing and using a worthless little slut..but that is all it will really every be, fun and possible profit.

There are those who would consider Me weak for finding no true solace, comfort, or contentment in such a 'relationship' but that is who I am, and I have no apologies.

I think to progress into something honestly deep and meaningful, love has to be there. It all depends on each person's wants and situations.

If I'm playing with a married girl with a vanilla husband who has tried but just can't give her what she needs, or having a session with a proud needy slut, love is not going to come into the equation.

If, however, I am collaring a girl, teaching her, protecting her, soothing her  when she fears or cries, spending hours talking to her, content to stroke her soft hair as she kneels by Me, and invisioning years together, love has to be there.

Basically be who you are, never apologize for your feelings (except if you get really drunk and say some things you just damned well shouldn't have), and let your life be your own, regardless of the judgements of others.

(in reply to jauntyone)
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RE: faling in love with slave submissives - 3/23/2007 7:41:57 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL:

i want to know what you think of falling in love with you slave or submissive? is it a problem for you ? do you feel lost and not able to handle her or him?



I am deeply in love with my girls alandra and kyra.  Is it a problem?  it's a problem like have too much money... is that possible?

and no I don't feel lost and not able handle them.  Part of my expression of love IS to exercise my Dominance within our relationship.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to mons)
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RE: faling in love with slave submissives - 3/23/2007 7:49:01 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
http://www.collarchat.com/m_651231/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#651253
What's love got to do with it?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_632033/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#632105
Loving your property

http://www.collarchat.com/m_609494/mpage_2/key_love/tm.htm#609934
Ownership and Love

http://www.collarchat.com/m_545462/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#545482
What does love got to do with it?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_538921/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#538965
The Loving Dom

http://www.collarchat.com/m_499831/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#499881
Don't fall in love with your dom

http://www.collarchat.com/m_477568/mpage_3/key_love/tm.htm#484997
How common is it to fall in love with a submissive or dominant?

http://www.collarchat.com/tm.asp?m=423736&mpage=1&key=love&#423879
Love and Ms

http://www.collarchat.com/m_282567/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#282615
submissive/slave romantic love

http://www.collarchat.com/m_269031/mpage_1/key_love%252Csubmission/tm.htm#269120
Falling in love with Mistress

http://www.collarchat.com/m_248492/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#248492
true love in a relationship

http://www.collarchat.com/m_236486/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#236486
balancing commitment and love

http://www.collarchat.com/m_199915/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#199915
love in bdsm

http://www.collarchat.com/m_166085/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#166085
love and D/s

http://www.collarchat.com/m_65043/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#65043
love and bdsm (the unfettered heart)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_150281/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#150281
Is it normal to fall in love with your dom during training?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_125880/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#125880
not allowed to love him, what do I do?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_119832/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#119832
being owned or being loved

http://www.collarchat.com/m_97124/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#97124
subs/masochists and love

http://www.collarchat.com/m_31285/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#31285
can love get in the way?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_14998/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#14998
love in d/s

http://www.collarchat.com/m_2491/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#2491
is love important in a relationship?


_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to mons)
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RE: faling in love with slave submissives - 3/23/2007 9:20:08 AM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mons

i want to know what you think of falling in love with you slave or submissive? is it a problem for you ? do you feel lost and not able to handle her or him?

Objectively, depends on the goals of the relationship.  For some its desireable, for others it isn't.  I don't see either as being necessary.  Its more a matter of what is best for the couple.

Personally, I'm a hopeless romantic at heart so yes, love is always in the equation.  I have a harder time envisioning myself being with someone that I didn't love or at least feel strong affection for.  For me love isn't a problem, the lack of it probably would be.  It does complicate things, but only because it adds another dimension to the equation that has to be worked out, but also adds something extra when it does work.  Loving someone does not in any way lessen my ability to discipline or reduce my dominance.  I would have questions about someone who could only dominate someone they did not care about, that sounds like a possibly unhealthy psyche at work.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

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RE: faling in love with slave submissives - 3/23/2007 9:26:35 AM   
FukinTroll


Posts: 6277
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: Under a bridge
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mons

greeting master. doms and all

i want to know what you think of falling in love with you slave or submissive? is it a problem for you ? do you feel lost and not able to handle her or him?

i think the greatest thing is love and if you find the right person i feel this way i think you can still love a sumissive or a slave just as you can love a vanilla person. i have found when talking to some of the master they do not wish to fall in love or love the person how is with them please tell me what you think and oh this is not a woman's soft side it is just a question for all. and did anyone have a broken heart and is this the reason you have change in your thoughts on love with your person/ i know they love your all

warm and kind wishes to all thank you for your anwers
mons


Thats my goal!

_____________________________

I'm the guy your girl is thinking about when she is fucking you!

TrollTopia
Greedy Groupie!

The Mods have me on speed Spank!! Gotta luv'em.

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RE: faling in love with slave submissives - 3/23/2007 9:26:55 AM   
WhiplashSmile


Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
Status: offline 		I personally believe it's a good thing for one to love their submissive or slave. There are generally three types of people regarding emotions in BDSM.
  • Loving
  • Indifferent (don't care for love or hate)
  • Hateful (includes self hate and/or hate for others)

Some desire and burn for emotional involvement, be it love or hate. Others don't want to make it that personal.  Just make certain you are paired up with somebody in the same group and you'll be just fine.  The emotional needs and balances will stay in check.



(in reply to mons)
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RE: faling in love with slave submissives - 3/23/2007 9:31:08 AM   
justplainjava


Posts: 173
Joined: 2/22/2007
Status: offline 		no no falling in love bad mojo, it has a bad habit of screwing up any good true D/s realtionship to many get hurt and burn

(in reply to WhiplashSmile)
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RE: faling in love with slave submissives - 3/23/2007 10:51:59 AM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline 		Well, I'm certain if we scan LA's threads, you'll see some variation of this from me in past forms.

Speaking in general, there is the saying that a Dom (more probably, top) will lose the taste for hurting a sub/slave/bottom if they should fall in love, because you 'can't hurt the person you love'.  It's not too dissimilar from saying that once you get married, you stop having sex.

To which I would reply, bullshit.  I understand the sentiment, but I think it is people conveniently forgetting.

I don't waffle back and forth with the vanilla, so I'm quite certain that any relationship that I'm in would have elements of BDSM as its foundation.  Why in the world would two people STOP doing what brought them together in the first place?  It makes no sense.  It seems to me that to strengthen the bond above and beyond love, one must do what it takes to enhance or deepen the play or dynamic or whatever.  You don't destroy what you worked so hard to attain.

I have been in love (as the dominant) in some of my relationships.  I have treated all of my partners with great affection and tenderness (as well as all the rest of the nastiness) regardless of actual 'love'.  I am certain that I have been loved, deeply, by each of them.  (Personally I think it's hard for a submissive 'not' to be in love, but I won't quibble.)

I don't require myself to be in love to do what I do and have a fulfilling relationship, but ideally I would be with someone I wanted to be able to share that depth.  But the depth of the relationship would never be lessened for being 'greater' in that way.

Jeff

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Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

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RE: faling in love with slave submissives - 3/23/2007 11:03:48 AM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx

... because you 'can't hurt the person you love'.
 
An here I thought it was, "We always hurt the ones we love."

quote:

It's not too dissimilar from saying that once you get married, you stop having sex.

Why in the world would two people STOP doing what brought them together in the first place?  It makes no sense.
 
Because it wasn't love in the first place.  There are those who stop having sex when they get married, and often its because they were in love with the chase and the conquest... but not each other.  Its why I said before that someone who cannot dominate someone they love strikes me as being perhaps an unhealthy psyche... because one distinct possibility is that the only person they can dominate or hurt is someone they can be angry with... which is not healthy.  It a relationship built not on healthy connections, but on venting emotional pain... and eventually that's either going to run out or become extremely toxic... and either way the relationship is going to self destruct and it won't be pretty when it does.  Its also why I caution submissives about "doms" who seem perpetually angry. 

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

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RE: faling in love with slave submissives - 3/23/2007 11:13:04 AM   
mythi


Posts: 257
Joined: 2/25/2007
From: Naples, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx

(Personally I think it's hard for a submissive 'not' to be in love, but I won't quibble.)

Jeff


Depends on the psychological makeup/damage of the submissive.  If one is ashamed of what they do or feel, and you're the source for feeding those shameful desires, you won't be loved.  Needed, not loved.  And I think it's possible for some types of sub's to simply not give much thought to it...ie, domestic service types. 

Ah yes, domestic slaves...the one thing I really miss about switching! lol

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“The truth doesn’t change based on our ability to stomach it.”
Flannery O’Connor

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RE: faling in love with slave submissives - 3/23/2007 11:21:51 AM   
curiouslyseeking


Posts: 924
Joined: 1/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx

I am certain that I have been loved, deeply, by each of them.  (Personally I think it's hard for a submissive 'not' to be in love, but I won't quibble.)



Wow, mstrjx...I really have to know why this is your belief...please share..

_____________________________

"The ultimate freedom is the freedom to choose to have no choice"


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RE: faling in love with slave submissives - 3/23/2007 11:26:50 AM   
Bearlee


Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline 		I prefer to be ‘with’ someone than not.  This ‘wanting’ has nothing to do with need; I am perfectly able to take care of my self and am not afraid of the dark, or of being alone.  Life is just so much more fun when sharing it with someone you love.
 
That said…I began my ‘search’ for a Dominant in the same way I looked for any other partner; not very hard.  LOL    I figured I’d put myself out there; meet people, go to munches; etc.  If and when it was to happen…it would. 
 
And it seems to have happened.  I find myself falling deeply in love with the one who found me late last year.  My love for him is what drives my interest in submitting deeper and deeper to him.  My desire for a partner is entwined with my desire to submit; but every bit as picky!  I’d rather just say ‘no’ than play at excuses.  Expressing who I am, to the depth that I can, requires a deep connection; love.
 
Having said all that, I resonated with what Focus had to say…loving his partner does not get in the way of expressing his desires.  Mine would not either.  I imagine I’d find ways to serve my partner whether or not he required it of me.  (not saying how long I’d stay around, mind you… LOL)  I want my partner to be my owner/ leader/ guide/ friend/ lover/ Sadist/ Dominant.  That he is capable of being those things is WHY I love him.
 
To that end, I have to disagree with Dominic; I do not see my Dom’s behavior as his ‘job’; it is just who he IS.  He might occasionally pamper me, tell me the ways I delight him, even let me playfully tease him; but he IS always in control…even if he lets something slide.  We are human, we are adults, we are in relationship.  BDSM is what we enjoy, it is at our very core…but it is not about role-playing.
 
Dominic also made this statement:  “My solution is to allow my love to strengthen my resolve. Because I believe if I really love her, I will do what it takes to maintain the power relationship between us.”  My oh my, I couldn’t agree more!!!  I think relationships take work…conscious work.  A goal, if TPE is what you enjoy, might be to occasionally check just how the two of you are expressing and maintaining that Power Exchange.  Doing so will keep it consistent and hot…and love and devotion growing.  
 
IMHO,
bearlee

(in reply to mons)
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