Why is age such a big deal?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Why is age such a big deal?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Why is age such a big deal?

Page: [1] 2 3 4 5 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Why is age such a big deal? - 4/9/2005 12:51:10 PM

LordBennett

Posts: 24
Joined: 5/31/2004
Status: offline

Especially the younger members who are just getting into the lifestyle. Don't they realize that an older partner is more likely to have a lot more experience and could train them better and then release them to find whomever they want. What is really rediculous is when you email someone to say good luck or congratulations and they do not even read it because you are of the wrong sex for them or you are too old for them. They miss out on positive emails that way and why?

Post #: 1

RE: Why is age such a big deal? - 4/9/2005 12:57:31 PM

SweetDommes

Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline

We read all the mail that comes to us - no matter who it is from.

However, for us, age is a big deal because we are looking for something that will last for 30+ years, and that is more likely to happen with someone closer to our own age - it's a compatability thing. I don't have much in common with someone my parents age... so why should we waste their time and ours? We know and understand that someone older will probably have more experience, but we aren't looking for someone with experience, we are looking for someone that we can permanently add to our family, and there are plenty of others out there who feel the same way - that isnt' an excuse for them being rude, but I would guess that the people who just delete without reading are getting so many e-mails from people who obviously don't match what they are looking for that they just do a mass-delete.

(in reply to LordBennett)

Post #: 2

RE: Why is age such a big deal? - 4/9/2005 1:18:23 PM

MadameBette

Posts: 62
Joined: 9/8/2004
From: Long Island, NY
Status: offline

I get lots of messages from younger guys <G> but they are looking for ‘mature’. I’m 58.
I do answer them, but it’s feels creepy to me when they are younger than my own children.
The guys nearer my age that respond, are often newbies.
So age doesn’t equate with experience.

I can understand folks not answering emails. They feel enough was said and don’t want to get into that ping-pong “Thank you”, oh, no, “thank you”…

Bette

(in reply to LordBennett)

Post #: 3

RE: Why is age such a big deal? - 4/9/2005 1:39:26 PM

harmony3709

Posts: 292
Joined: 11/15/2004
Status: offline

The age issue can go both ways. I have seen profiles of male Doms who state they want a very young submissive. As a submissive who is 45, I could make the same comment -- why would they want to limit their choices? The reason I don't give it much thought though is because I receive emails from Doms younger than me and that just won't work for me. I have (near) adult sons and I just ain't gonna go there -- it would never work. On the opposite side, I also can understand not wanting to date someone my parent's age.

I don't understand why someone would equate age with lifestyle experience. I've been contacted by many new Doms who are my age or older, and Doms younger than me who claim to be very experienced.

Take care,
harmony

(in reply to LordBennett)

Post #: 4

RE: Why is age such a big deal? - 4/9/2005 1:51:19 PM

BobcatsLilMinx

Posts: 201
Joined: 4/8/2005
From: UK
Status: offline

I personally don't have any issues with age. I'm 19, and my Master is 53. We get on amazingly well, and are very happy together. I actually find it harder to communicate well with people my own age (up to about 25). They just can't (on the whole - I'm sure some out there could) give me the level of maturity and stability I'm looking for.

Different people are into different things. I love the security of having an older man take care of me. Another girl my age may be more concerned that when she is 70, 80, her Master will still be around, and still with her. Yet another might be more concerned about taking Mr Dom home to meet the parents! Who knows??

It's all down to personal preference at the end of the day... And, to be honest, an older man who has hairy ears and a bit of a pot belly is always going to look like a less attractive option to a young woman than a younger man.

(tip in general to doms - you want a young pretty sub? Take care of yourself. Be something that a young girl would want to leap into bed with)

Just some more blunt honesty from the Minxy creature.. Hopes nobody takes it personally/ takes offence, etc... It's not meant that way.

(in reply to harmony3709)

Post #: 5

RE: Why is age such a big deal? - 4/9/2005 2:08:26 PM

perverseangelic

Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline

Well, I'm not into people older than me (as more than friends) for a variety of reasons.

First, I've found that I simply don't have much in common with someone much older than me. We are at such drastically different life stages that we really don't relate well. It's more important to me to relate on an intellecutal and emotional level than on a sexual one, and often I am unable to do that with someone much older than me. I simply don't know enough and haven't experienced enough.

My second reason is that I have found that often (no, not always) people older than me seem to think that it is their duty to impart their sacred, brilliant wisdom to me. I find that people older than me seem to think that -invariably- they have more experience with "all this" than I do, whether or not that is true. I find that people older than me often will not accept that I have been active in realtime for five years, nor that those five years actually "count" because I was only 17, or 18, or 20 at the time.

Third, I mostly don't -want- someone with a lot more experience nor do I think that more experience necesarially equates to better "training." I like to learn -with- my partner, and regardless of his/her level of experience, I will still need to be trained to do what -that- partner wants. No matter what my partner's level of experience, I'll still have to learn to serve him/her to the best of my ability.

Those are only my reasons, but they're the only ones I understand well enough to explain.

Oh, and as to the responding to mail, sometimes we turn our "jerk filter" on high and simply delete mail from the wrong gender or age rather than deal with it again.

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to BobcatsLilMinx)

Post #: 6

RE: Why is age such a big deal? - 4/9/2005 2:13:53 PM

FelinePersuasion

Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline

I am open to friends of all ages as long as they're polite and respectfull. However in someone I am looking for romance in I wouldn't want someone 60 while I am 22. I look for 22 to 39 in romance. It's that old cliche line you're old enough to be my dad I know but honestly yes my dad is 66. I do not feel someone 66 to my 22 would have the same life goals I do. They have diffrent expectations and goals which usualy do not match mine. I will also be brutally honest here and you can hate me if you will. I would be embarrased to say oh yeah my significant other is 40 or so years older than me and get the WHAT Oh my you gotta be KIDDING responces. Call me shallow call me what ever, you can judge me anyway you're going to. Because I don't think that makes me shallow:)

And older generation gap also tend not to get or understand what's hip and trendy now or like all the technlogy stuff a younge woman would like, I'm not saying all wouldn't but most. nobody shoot me now lol. Also the older you go the more likly a chance they;ve been married an divorced or re married a time or two or have kids from a previous marriage and I just don't want the man I am going to be long term commited to to have that kind of extra's.

(in reply to BobcatsLilMinx)

Post #: 7

RE: Why is age such a big deal? - 4/9/2005 2:15:59 PM

siamsa24

Posts: 2426
Joined: 2/2/2004
Status: offline

quote:

My second reason is that I have found that often (no, not always) people older than me seem to think that it is their duty to impart their sacred, brilliant wisdom to me.

I have found that too, and it just pushes all my buttons. I may be young, but I have more life experience then some people twice my age. They expect me to follow their advice, but if I ever try to give advice it is dismissed.

(in reply to perverseangelic)

Post #: 8

RE: Why is age such a big deal? - 4/9/2005 2:17:38 PM

HypatiaSwan

Posts: 24
Joined: 12/12/2004
Status: offline

I have always preferred someone around my age - within about 5 years (ish) either way. It mainly works out this way for me because people of a common generation simply have more in common. I am in this for the long haul - not just to explore or play. So I must connect with my owner on many levels.

I want to age with my owner. I wouldn't want an owner who was much older because it would be frustrating for me. And as I age, I wouldn't want an owner much younger because I simply wouldn't be able to keep up!

_____________________________

"Once we meet and talk, we are brothers and sisters." - Okinawan Proverb

(in reply to harmony3709)

Post #: 9

RE: Why is age such a big deal? - 4/9/2005 2:48:07 PM

harmony3709

Posts: 292
Joined: 11/15/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FelinePersuasion

And older generation gap also tend not to get or understand what's hip and trendy now or like all the technlogy stuff a younge woman would like, I'm not saying all wouldn't but most. nobody shoot me now lol.

Consider yourself shot by the old lady of 45 who although obviously cannot be technology savvy but yet managed to figure out how to post on this forum and is wearing outdated, out of fashion clothing.

*sarcasm -- tongue in cheek there*

And with the exception of that sentence, I would agree with you..........*smile*

Be well,
harmony

(in reply to FelinePersuasion)

Post #: 10

RE: Why is age such a big deal? - 4/9/2005 2:55:01 PM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Age matters as much or as little as anything else- social status, wealth, religion, location, looks, etc.

Age DOES have meaning, you can't ignore that. What generation we grew up in does affect who we are and how we look at the world. What age we are affects what stage in life we are at, what problems we're more likely to face and what problem solving skills we have.

You can't be upset with someone else because age is a different priority to you from them. I often get IMs from men saying how "sorry they are that our ages are too far apart." Well, if that's how they feel, let them.

Personally, the fact that I fell in love with the boyfriend who is YOUNGER than me was more a shock to me than anyone else. I never thought a male person my age or younger existed who could really connect with me.

But I don't put people down because they feel age IS important in a partner. If you want to start a family, if you want certain things in life, having a close in age partner makes a lot of sense.

I don't like when people "play the age card" and try and make someone feel like their opinoin is invalid just because they've only been alive for a few decades, but I've long given up trying to change them.

(in reply to harmony3709)

Post #: 11

RE: Why is age such a big deal? - 4/9/2005 3:02:51 PM

painworthy

Posts: 24
Joined: 7/15/2004
Status: offline

i think they are turned off by our wrinkly old bums.

Age is only a big deal to those concerned about it. If we restrict who we interact with based on relatively arbitrary criteria, we are only doing ourselves a disservice, and maybe we're too picky to interact with as a consequence. When we narrow our field of vision, we also narrow our outlook.

(in reply to LordBennett)

Post #: 12

RE: Why is age such a big deal? - 4/9/2005 3:04:52 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

(tip in general to doms - you want a young pretty sub? Take care of yourself. Be something that a young girl would want to leap into bed with)

This could go out to everyone. Age is a number. Attitude is everything. My subs tend to be 5-15 years older then me with the exception of my main boy now who is 5 years younger then me - he's an exception to the rule. However, most of my 40+ year old boys are in better physical shape then the young guys I meet in clubs. And they know what they want... to please ME!

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to BobcatsLilMinx)

Post #: 13

RE: Why is age such a big deal? - 4/9/2005 3:04:54 PM

DesertRat

Posts: 2774
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: NM/USA
Status: offline

I am 53 and my girl is 19...she has posted here...and we get along wonderfully. She sometimes seeks my advice and I'm glad to give it, but I'm not constantly "imparting my great wisdom" to her. With us, it's just a very natural thing. In all ways it's like we were meant for each other and there just happens to be this huge age differential. We're not blind to it. We've discussed it extensively. Our discussions before we got seriously involved were particularly deep, in fact. But here we are, and I am very very happy about it!

I want to echo, in a way, her comments about the fitness thing. I work out regularly and have been doing that for a long time. I'm not superbuff, but I am in pretty good shape and take good care of myself. I eat healthy stuff, too. I always figured I could not expect someone as beautiful and foxy as my girl to be interested in hopping into my bed if I was overweight, poorly toned, and unkempt.

Thanks,
Bob

(in reply to HypatiaSwan)

Post #: 14

RE: Why is age such a big deal? - 4/9/2005 4:20:57 PM

darkslife

Posts: 43
Joined: 3/21/2004
Status: offline

I am not really worried about age, so much as maturity.

I am mature for my age, I had to grow up fast, and in all honesty I think this is where my desire to be in control comes from. I need a mature partner.

That said, I like to stick in my own age group 18 - 30 is where Im comfortable. Anything else, and I feel there is too much of a generational gap. Hell some of my younger friends don't know what a smurf is........

(in reply to DesertRat)

Post #: 15

RE: Why is age such a big deal? - 4/9/2005 5:12:10 PM

mstrj69

Posts: 295
Joined: 5/27/2004
Status: offline

Personally, I feel not reading any email is rude. I read all that are sent to me. As for someone wanting to have a life partner who is near their own age, OK. It is better than to think are they only after me for my money or are they waiting for me to die to inherit? I am willing to be friends with any and all. What I hate is when I write and ask to just be friends and they never read the email.
As an interesting aside, I have an uncle whom, after his wife died, married a coworker who is 40 years younger than him. So I guess I can see both sides, except being rude, there is never a reason for that.

(in reply to LordBennett)

Post #: 16

RE: Why is age such a big deal? - 4/9/2005 5:29:07 PM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrj69

Personally, I feel not reading any email is rude. I read all that are sent to me. As for someone wanting to have a life partner who is near their own age, OK. It is better than to think are they only after me for my money or are they waiting for me to die to inherit? I am willing to be friends with any and all. What I hate is when I write and ask to just be friends and they never read the email.
As an interesting aside, I have an uncle whom, after his wife died, married a coworker who is 40 years younger than him. So I guess I can see both sides, except being rude, there is never a reason for that.

There are a lot of people on collarme that are not looking for new "friends" -- they are looking specifically for a partner for a relationship or some other activity.

Some people do not have a ton of free time online or are already communicating a lot with others, and are not looking for an email exchange with someone just to chitchat. I don't like it when subs get offended or mad at me when I tell them I don't think we are a match, and they they ask "Well why can't we just be friends?" -- and I say no. I'm not *looking* for new friends, I'm looking for something specific.

Some people are not looking for online "penpals."

Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to mstrj69)

Post #: 17

RE: Why is age such a big deal? - 4/9/2005 5:39:16 PM

SweetDommes

Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline

But you do read the messages and reply right? You don't just delete them outright? I believe that is what his arguement is.

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 18

RE: Why is age such a big deal? - 4/9/2005 5:43:56 PM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes

But you do read the messages and reply right? You don't just delete them outright? I believe that is what his arguement is.

I try to respond to all of them. In my experience, if I reply once with a "no thanks," and get another email with either a "why can't we just talk," or "why not?" then I reply a second time, the third email from the person will start getting rude. If they are taking the time to push when told once, "No thank you," they are just instigating most of the time. Or, the next email will be, "Can you explain to me why...(etc.)."

If someone does not have a lot of time to read and respond to emails, spending time on those ones just gets monotonous.

Also, if it's the 4th email of 9 unread ones in my inbox, I might not have the time to deal with it. It's just the nature of the beast. And I have no idea how bad it must be for femdoms with very open profiles who are seeking things that are not as extremely specific as what I seek in my profile.

Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to SweetDommes)

Post #: 19

RE: Why is age such a big deal? - 4/9/2005 5:49:00 PM

SweetDommes

Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline

I basically only reply to the first message. If they send a second one, I read it, but if it's just a desparate plea for me to talk to them, or berrating me for not being willing to "take a chance" with them, I just delete it. They got one reply that was polite, that's all I owe them unless they have something to say that sparks my interest.

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 3 4 5 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Why is age such a big deal?

Page: [1] 2 3 4 5 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094