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RE: What if... - 3/25/2007 5:44:02 AM   
StellaByStarlite


Posts: 790
Joined: 2/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gypsygrl

...I just want to be bad?

Sometimes I get that feeling.  Never in my entire life have I really acted on it, but the feeling is persistant enough that I can imagine acting on it. 

And I do really get tired of being "good" all the time and most the time it doesn't really seem to get me anywhere.  (I'm in a bit of a funk lately because of a lot of things but mostly because I'm feeling like I'm stuck with a lot of responsibilities and I'd really like to say fuck that, and just be plain irresponsible.)

Those of you in relationships, do you ever get into this kind of mood and just want to disobey for the sake of disobeying, just to be bad, (and not for the punishment)?

I'm not in that kind of situation now and I don't have any orders to willfully disobey, but I'm kind of wondering if other submissives get this way and what kind of outlets they have for it.  Is it something you address in the negotiating phase of the relationship?  Or, is it a feeling that just has to be repressed?  Or is this a feeling that submissives don't have?



Disobey JUST for the sake of disobeying? Nah, not really. My little spurts of rebelliousness almost always stem from just plain not wanting to get off my ass and get motivated. Laziness.

It just sounds to me liked you're bored. I can relate to that one hundred percent, I get bored pretty easily. Or maybe a general restlessness.. spring fever? Whenever I feel the urge to blow off my duties and frolic, I'll let my owner know. A good day's worth of carefree frolication does wonders for my motivation later.

(in reply to gypsygrl)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: What if... - 3/25/2007 6:40:48 AM   
Littlesavage


Posts: 7
Joined: 8/5/2006
Status: offline 		I know that feeling well, I call it my evil pixie mood.  I'm upfront about it, it's something I work at but as yet i still have those times.  Part of it comes from my childhood I think, the punishment for bad behaviour was extreme and I learnt very quickly to be a good girl. As an adult I give my submission freely and happily most of the time but every now and then the urge to be bad for the hell of it rears its head.

_____________________________

Now I'm going to spread the new.
That if it feels this good gettin' used
Keep on using me 'til you've used me up.


(in reply to StellaByStarlite)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: What if... - 3/25/2007 7:10:00 AM   
WillowRain


Posts: 191
Joined: 6/18/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Wildfleurs

quote:

ORIGINAL: gypsygrl


quote:


I'm not in that kind of situation now and I don't have any orders to willfully disobey, but I'm kind of wondering if other submissives get this way and what kind of outlets they have for it.  Is it something you address in the negotiating phase of the relationship?  Or, is it a feeling that just has to be repressed?  Or is this a feeling that submissives don't have?



For me, I only get the impulse to be bad when things are pretty fubar. Sometimes I will feel petulant and have the desire to be an pain in the tuckus so that issues can be dug into and released, but it's not a good way to go. I don't opt for it, but on a really bad BAD day, I will consider it, even have little fantasies about really being a butt head. I don't actually like negative attention, but it is attention.

I would ease back on thinking of emotions as good or bad, as "a feeling that submissives don't have?"  I mean, whatever someone is, the full spectrum of emotions in human experiance should be allowed. Sometimes submissive folksies are too hard and critical on themselves.

So... so you have a long day and consider filling your Master's shoes with peanutbutter. :P

Everyone has days like that, or their own versions of it.
It's probably best not to actually go and get the gigantic jar of Jiffy. The humanity of considering it, thinking about it, seems pretty normal to me..

Master Jack's,
Willow R.





(in reply to Wildfleurs)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: What if... - 3/25/2007 7:26:03 AM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gypsygrl
Those of you in relationships, do you ever get into this kind of mood and just want to disobey for the sake of disobeying, just to be bad, (and not for the punishment)?

I'm not in that kind of situation now and I don't have any orders to willfully disobey, but I'm kind of wondering if other submissives get this way and what kind of outlets they have for it.  Is it something you address in the negotiating phase of the relationship?  Or, is it a feeling that just has to be repressed?  Or is this a feeling that submissives don't have?



I have not wanted to disobey just for the sake of disobeying.  However, there have been times that I have been given an instruction and I just don't want to do it.  For the most part, I think he is completely aware when this happens.  He knows the things that I dislike doing and he will have me do them just to challenge me at times.  Other times he just wants them done and he doesn't give a crap if I like it or not.

In those times, I do not want to disobey but obedience is a challenge.

You mentioned wanting to be irresponsible and when I get like that I will ask not to do something this time, ask for permission to take some time for myself and unwind.  Most of the time it is granted and other times it is not.  I don't see this as being bad or disobedient though.  Often I find that just speaking the words and letting him know, "hey, I am feeling really pushed right now" lets off enough of the pressure to refocus my brain in a positive direction.

Play or sex is my outlet for letting go of the control over my behaviors that he demands.  It is a time where I can just reacting freely with no negative consequences.  Not having the outlet for months at a time makes things rather challenging for me and I have to find other ways to find my balance.  I have started using intense exercise classes to help maintain the balance.  I have found lately that a spinning class once or twice a week provides the same benefits mentally and emotionally as a play session.  After the class, I connect with him and share my pain so he can get his sadistic pleasure from it.

Having these thoughts and desires is not a bad thing; I think what you do with them is what is important.

Knight's kyra 

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to gypsygrl)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: What if... - 3/25/2007 9:09:59 AM   
gypsygrl


Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline 		I woke up with this poem in my head.  Its one of my favorites.

http://www.eliteskills.com/analysis_poetry/Portrait_Of_The_Artist_As_A_Prematurely_Old_Man_by_Ogden_Nash_analysis.php

I especially like the last lines:

The moral is that it is probably better not to sin at all, but if some kind of
   sin you must be pursuing,
Well, remember to do it by doing rather than by not doing.
The idea of "must be pursuing" a sin catches this feeling I'm getting at. 

Thanks everyone for your comments, though.  Some of them really ressonated especially those of you who admitted to not being good all the time or even wanting to be.  I guess I'm reacting to the idea of having to be pleasing all the time that I often see associated with submission.  That really doesn't strike me as something I can ever accomplish.

I do have lots of responsibilities, but they aren't the kind I can just shed without hurting people I love.  I have to be up when my um's get up so lazing around reading the newspaper in bed isn't an option and it doesn't even sound that attractive.  Its hardly "bad" to read the newspaper. I want to rip up the newspaper and throw it out the car window.  Littering's bad! :)

Putting peanut butter in one's Master's shoes, well thats the sort of thing I'm talking about.  That idea made me laugh. 

I know there's a lot of constructive things to be done (excercise, writing and healthy stuff like that) but all those things are ways of being good.  I don't want to be good.  I want to be bad.  :)  I do knit alot and go to the laundrymat when things get really funky, but, well, those are such functional solutions the sort of things everyone would approve of.  Sometimes, I say to hell with it and let my kids drink coffee.  Most the time, I make them eat their brocolli and other good stuff, but every once in a while, its like, yes! drink coffee!  stunt your growth and be hyper!  when they ask me.  Now, thats bad momming. 

quote:

Sometimes just imagining being bad brings a smile to my face. It is enough to contemplate it, I do not actually need to do it.


Its the smile I'm thinking about.  There's nothing happy about being responsible and paying your bills on time and obeying whoever is requiring obedience.  Although, there is something subversive about even identifying as a heterosexual submissive for a female pursuing an academic carreer.  Its like wanting to be one of Mary Daly's fembots or declaring that I dont want to be appreciated for my mind.  I just want to be a sex object.  And stupid.

quote:

I'm hesitant to say this without further information, but there might be a miscommunication or lack of communication on exactly what responsibilities are being pushed, the level of being able to handle those responsibilities and burn out. 
 

Right, I didn't give alot of info in the op.  If I'm burning out, its because of my regular day to day life.  If anything, various acts of submission provides an outlet for my rebelliousness.  But I can see your point about integrating it into a D/s dynamic via permission.  That was part of what I was asking in the op.  But, I haven't seen much discussion of general rebelliousness on the part of submissives (not the kind thats directed at a dominant).  They all seem so good.  So I also wanted to know if I was alone here.

Celeste, as I stated in my op Im not talking about a relationship issue with a particular dominant.  Its not his fault I have kids and bills and trash to take out to the dumpster and phone calls to make.  If anything, as I've noted above, acts of submission helps me to vent some of the frustration.  If I'm feeling taken for granted, its by other people in my life.  (And, yes, when I feel that way and start getting resentful, I do make a point of saying something if its other adults who are taking me for granted.)

ShiftedJewel, I think you're absolutely right.  Sometimes the best thing is to say "fuck it" and go fishing.  Or fucking.  Depending on what provides the best vent.

Ok, I'm out of steam.  Again, thanks for the replys. :)

_____________________________

“To be happy is to be able to become aware of oneself without fright.” ~Walter Benjamin


(in reply to gypsygrl)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: What if... - 3/25/2007 10:27:20 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

Its the smile I'm thinking about.  There's nothing happy about being responsible and paying your bills on time and obeying whoever is requiring obedience.  Although, there is something subversive about even identifying as a heterosexual submissive for a female pursuing an academic carreer.  Its like wanting to be one of Mary Daly's fembots or declaring that I dont want to be appreciated for my mind.  I just want to be a sex object.  And stupid.


It is delicious to be submissive, isn't it? I had this feeling when I first discovered my submissiveness, because I am academically inclined. I have to say, he sees my brain as his property too, so that takes some of the forbidden out of it for me... I am not just a body to use, he wants to use my brain too

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to gypsygrl)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: What if... - 3/25/2007 12:07:25 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		Spring is in the air and life is re-newing itself,and sometimes when it comes about we feel a need for something to change with the oncoming of a new season.Restlessness pervades us,we want to feel some kind of renewal..We want to feel that we are going forward rather than stagnate..and sometimes we just want to be us.not who we are to others but who we are to ourselves..we want to simply be for a moment selfish,and think only of ourselves, our wants, our needs..and I mean in the context of our responsibilities, such as parent,daughter/son,employee,etc..and for one who identifies with being submissive along with maybe parental roles or whatever, it makes us feel that those "selfish..me..me..me things are "bad"..So if you want to be "bad" then be "bad"..sometimes, we simply need to re-new ourselves,..like spring .....Tempting

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: What if... - 3/25/2007 12:57:02 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		Sorry, didn't catch that it was just general stress getting to you. The best solution for that I know is to have a hard spanking to the point I'm in tears. Unfortunately the times I most need this are the times I can't have it due to no privacy, not wanting the younger ones to know I've been crying.

However the solution is the same, talk it out with someone you love. Just make it clear ahead of time all you're doing is venting, not looking for a solution. And be thankful for the kind ear afterwards.

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: What if... - 3/25/2007 8:09:06 PM   
Devilslilsister


Posts: 1262
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gypsygrl

Those of you in relationships, do you ever get into this kind of mood and just want to disobey for the sake of disobeying, just to be bad, (and not for the punishment)?

I'm not in that kind of situation now and I don't have any orders to willfully disobey, but I'm kind of wondering if other submissives get this way and what kind of outlets they have for it.  Is it something you address in the negotiating phase of the relationship?  Or, is it a feeling that just has to be repressed?  Or is this a feeling that submissives don't have?



Yup, i get it ALOT.  i think its the rebellion i've harbored in me all these years.  Especially if i'm pissed off - then i really want to disobey.  Dont ask why.. i still dont get it.  In the begining of my relationship, when i would get like that - i'd do something massively bad.  Like - instead of go to bed, go out drinking with a strange guy and all his friends at his apartment.  I seemed to have calmed down alot... because now when i'm pissed - instead of go out and create chaos.... i end up either not going to bed or cussing.   Dunno how i got from disappearing and partying down to measly cussing and staying up late.  ::sigh::

When i am with him, its alot easier.  i just tell him.  I'll say "i dont want to do xyz"  and even "i want to be bad"  I tell him and he helps me work through it.  By either standing solid for me to buck against, by being there to give me boundaries while i deal with my feelings and sometimes by simply telling me to go to bed.  (sleep seems to be the cure all for me).  Its frustrating as hell, because i dont want to be reigned in.  But the frustration and need passes and everything is back to the norm. 

Sometimes, if its not "too" bad - he offers to accompany me.  Like the other night i wanted to go to the beach.  Which i'm not allowed to by myself and i'm definetly not allowed to at the time of night it was.  But i told him and he gave me the option to go with him. 

Sometimes he just plain allows it. He'll give me leniency when he thinks i need it (and depending on what it is).  Like staying up past bed time.  For me, its almost at times like letting loose... and if he thinks i need it (or even earned it) he'll allow it when i ask.  Aye and it starts out like "i dont want to go to bed". 

I think, that sometimes - its just nice to be able to do the things you're not supposed to do.   Depending on what it is, what he thinks - he'll either grant it, join in, or let me deal with the feelings.


_____________________________

My ability to cope with BS is at an all time low - me

i may look like i'm doing nothing, but i'm very busy at a cellular level

(in reply to gypsygrl)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: What if... - 3/25/2007 9:18:42 PM   
andyskayla


Posts: 19
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline 		Great thread--thanks for starting it!
I have 3 places where I go there--the first is not that I want to be bad, but that sometimes being good involves me disappearing a little bit.  I'm not as fully present when I'm only trying to please, so we've actually done a week with no rules and it was really, really good because I started to disappear a little less.  (This wasn't the same--it was after a lot of talk and he decided when and all that jazz.)
2nd: I love the feeling of being overwhelmed, so I'm allowed to struggle in a few places.  Again, OK, negotiated and discussed.

The 3rd is honestly bad, and it tends to be when we are working out limits.  I don't want to rely on him more than I think is healthy and when he starts to make demands that pull my life out of whack or when our life starts to get really out of balance I tend to use humor and a little disobedience to try and get things back in whack.  (We discuss many things in great depth and he is terrific at being willing to do the Oprah thing an awful lot of the time.  But I also think that when something is out of whack for me and it isn't emotional, it is much more helpful to use a little humor.)  I sometimes get a little punished, but not seriously. 

(in reply to Devilslilsister)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: What if... - 3/25/2007 9:45:53 PM   
twistedkytten


Posts: 240
Joined: 9/8/2006
Status: offline 		I agree with many of the solutions provided I have found, for myself, the desire to be "bad" as it were come from several places, one being curiosity, is He still paying attention? what would happen if I ..? of course if I explain this desire to Master, W/we discuss if I am prepared for the reaction that is certain to follow. and having been on that end of the paddle.. I must say absolutely not! *smiles* Master also offers alternatives to ease this desire which works well.

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: What if... - 3/25/2007 10:21:59 PM   
Sabella


Posts: 265
Joined: 7/26/2005
Status: offline 		I'm bad quite often, and I enjoy it thoroughly. It comes directly from lack of management. If I'm left to my own devices too long without control I *WILL* show out. Do I or he consider it "bad"? no, but it's like a pipe with too much pressure, it must be release. Either release it thru controlled manners or it will vent itself.

_____________________________

“The giant Grof was hit in one eye by a stone,
and that eye turned inward so that it looked into his mind and he died of what he saw there.”
From The Forgotten Beasts of Eld, by Patricia A. McKillip

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: What if... - 4/18/2007 5:46:43 AM   
whipingherfeet


Posts: 202
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline 		a slave should obey 24 7 if she bad  should have her soles of her feet beat

(in reply to gypsygrl)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: What if... - 4/18/2007 6:57:09 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		i never said i was a "good" girl 24/7 for Daddy.  oh, there were times when i was "bad" just because i wanted to be bad doing the opposite of what Daddy told me - like the time i was a public pain slut at an infamous bar in Chicago or "played" on cam with another Dom.  i know Daddy doesn't like it when i'm a disobedient daughter however i don't like myself when i'm bad either because i get the enormous wave of guilt after being bad.  Daddy sees the disobedient behavior as my way killing my curiosity to another "been there done that" lesson learned after my lecture and punishment ...believe me, Daddy's lectures are nothing to laugh at either.

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to whipingherfeet)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: What if... - 4/18/2007 8:07:32 AM   
whipingherfeet


Posts: 202
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sambamanslilgirl

i never said i was a "good" girl 24/7 for Daddy.  oh, there were times when i was "bad" just because i wanted to be bad doing the opposite of what Daddy told me - like the time i was a public pain slut at an infamous bar in Chicago or "played" on cam with another Dom.  i know Daddy doesn't like it when i'm a disobedient daughter however i don't like myself when i'm bad either because i get the enormous wave of guilt after being bad.  Daddy sees the disobedient behavior as my way killing my curiosity to another "been there done that" lesson learned after my lecture and punishment ...believe me, Daddy's lectures are nothing to laugh at either.
sorry i read it wrong

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)
Profile   Post #: 35
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