Is it wrong to be a kind Master?

Is it wrong to be a kind Master? (Full Version)

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pauvis -> Is it wrong to be a kind Master? (3/25/2007 8:06:09 AM)
I was just curious if it was wrong to be a kind Master? I am not the complete humiliating, degregating type of Master. I prefer to control with kindness. Everyone has heard the old phrase you catch more bees with honey. Is this true, or am I just looking at everything the wrong way?

hisannabelle -> RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? (3/25/2007 8:18:04 AM)
if it makes you happy, then it's fine. there are plenty of kind masters. there are plenty of cruel masters. there are plenty who are a mix of both. there are plenty of submissives who prefer different kinds. being kind does not make you any less dominant.

Domin8tingUrDrmz -> RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? (3/25/2007 8:27:24 AM)
Personally, I do not see anything wrong with kindness. I too consider myself to be kind. However, I don't withhold discipline if necessary - but I won't deliver discipline while I am angry. I honestly have little respect for people who are cruel at all times. I find that people who are always mean and nasty usually have unresolved emotional problems. However, some people fantasize about having cruel Dom/mes, so if it works for them, great. It just does not work for me. Also, definitions of cruel and kind vary by individuals. You just need to be honest with yourself about your desires, find what works best for you, and then find the person who likes your methods.

sweetnurseBBW -> RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? (3/25/2007 8:29:38 AM)
You can be both. Try reading "The Loving Dominant" it will help.

Archer -> RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? (3/25/2007 8:30:14 AM)
The question is not is it wrong it is can you personally be effective at it? Some can be kind and effective others cannot, many if not most of us struggle to be effective and kind. (of course my operational definition of kind may not fit your mind.)

ownedgirlie -> RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? (3/25/2007 8:43:31 AM)
Kind is relative. My Master is kind to me by being tough on me, because I need that and respond best to it. Someone observing us may think what a big mean man he is, and not know I am swooning inside. There are lots of ways to be kind. He sent someone over to clean my home the other day while I studied. I thought that was pretty kind!! But if you mean a Master who is low key, gentle, affectionate, loving...yes I am sure there are submissives who are suitable for that. There are all kinds out here; it's a matter of finding a good match for you.

Kinkypupper -> RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? (3/25/2007 8:55:57 AM)
No most "Masters" who are more real then "on-line" are indeed just that

WilliamWizer -> RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? (3/25/2007 9:00:20 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pauvis I was just curious if it was wrong to be a kind Master? I am not the complete humiliating, degregating type of Master. I prefer to control with kindness. Everyone has heard the old phrase you catch more bees with honey. Is this true, or am I just looking at everything the wrong way? no. it's not wrong. as everybody has said there's a lot of diferent slaves. some need a true cruel master others need a kind master, others need a mix of both, ... If you are a kind master you should find a slave that needs a kind master and be happy together.

bearincuffs -> RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? (3/25/2007 9:14:22 AM)
Personally I don't believe there is anything wrong about a Master being kind nor wrong for a Master being less kind. Many masters are, many aren't and many masters fit somewhere between the two. Each have their own method to exert control and there are slaves who will be drawn to this. Time and patience will bring forth a slave who will embody what you are looking for and vice versa. Speaking as an owned slave, what drew me to my Master is his ability to be stirct when necessary yet tempered with some kindness which binds me to Him.

badgirl64 -> RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? (3/25/2007 9:24:38 AM)
Pauvis, I'm going to add my 2 cents to this post. I am one of those kind Masters, Mistress in my case. There is nothing wrong with it. You just have to find a sub/slave that will respond to your brand of Domination. I have had some subs/slaves tell me I'm not cruel enough for them or that I'm not forceful enough for them. Needless to say, those relationships don't last. The boys I have now, show me the greatest respect because I rule them out of love and respect. Keep searching until you find the subs/slaves that are right for you. Respectfully, Mistress Carla

Padriag -> RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? (3/25/2007 10:28:14 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pauvis I was just curious if it was wrong to be a kind Master? I am not the complete humiliating, degregating type of Master. I prefer to control with kindness. Everyone has heard the old phrase you catch more bees with honey. Is this true, or am I just looking at everything the wrong way? If your image of a "master" is the stereotype seen in bad porn and some TV shows of this mean, angry person who is constantly verbally beating the submissive down... that's bullshit, plain and simple. Being a master means being in control, sometimes that means you need to be tough, but there are times when it is not only appropriate to be kind, but more effective. What you can't be is spineless or overly "soft" and by that I mean, you can't let your emotions rule you. Things are not going to end well if you are letting your emotions control you and dictate your actions, whether that takes the form of being too "soft" and weak, or if it takes the form of letting your anger control you... both are bad news. Ownedgirlie gave you a good example worth pondering. A submissive, if they're really serious about that and not just playing around or looking for a free ride, is going to want you to set boundaries and rules, they'll want you to create structure in the relationship, and they'll want you to maintain that by enforcing those rules and boundaries. If they can control you by manipulating your sympathies or kindness, you'll lose both control and the submissive. Being dominant isn't about being mean and cruel, its about being in control. Sometimes that requires that you be tough. Its what Ownedgirlie was trying to get across to you, and its also why I chose my tag line.

defiantbadgirl -> RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? (3/25/2007 11:16:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Padriag quote: ORIGINAL: pauvis I was just curious if it was wrong to be a kind Master? I am not the complete humiliating, degregating type of Master. I prefer to control with kindness. Everyone has heard the old phrase you catch more bees with honey. Is this true, or am I just looking at everything the wrong way? If your image of a "master" is the stereotype seen in bad porn and some TV shows of this mean, angry person who is constantly verbally beating the submissive down... that's bullshit, plain and simple. Being a master means being in control, sometimes that means you need to be tough, but there are times when it is not only appropriate to be kind, but more effective. What you can't be is spineless or overly "soft" and by that I mean, you can't let your emotions rule you. Things are not going to end well if you are letting your emotions control you and dictate your actions, whether that takes the form of being too "soft" and weak, or if it takes the form of letting your anger control you... both are bad news. I agree Ownedgirlie gave you a good example worth pondering. A submissive, if they're really serious about that and not just playing around or looking for a free ride, is going to want you to set boundaries and rules, they'll want you to create structure in the relationship, and they'll want you to maintain that by enforcing those rules and boundaries. *If they can control you by manipulating your sympathies or kindness, you'll lose both control and the submissive.* Depends on how you define manipulation. To some of us, kindness following a harsh punishment shows caring and makes us want to obey more. Being dominant isn't about being mean and cruel, its about being in control. Sometimes that requires that you be tough. Its what Ownedgirlie was trying to get across to you, and its also why I chose my tag line. Domination is definitely about being in control as opposed to loss of control. I think a combination of both tough and caring is ideal, though I'm sure some would disagree. To each their own. It all depends on the couple and what they both seek.

TemptingNviceSub -> RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? (3/25/2007 11:31:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl quote: ORIGINAL: Padriag quote: ORIGINAL: pauvis I was just curious if it was wrong to be a kind Master? I am not the complete humiliating, degregating type of Master. I prefer to control with kindness. Everyone has heard the old phrase you catch more bees with honey. Is this true, or am I just looking at everything the wrong way? If your image of a "master" is the stereotype seen in bad porn and some TV shows of this mean, angry person who is constantly verbally beating the submissive down... that's bullshit, plain and simple. Being a master means being in control, sometimes that means you need to be tough, but there are times when it is not only appropriate to be kind, but more effective. What you can't be is spineless or overly "soft" and by that I mean, you can't let your emotions rule you. Things are not going to end well if you are letting your emotions control you and dictate your actions, whether that takes the form of being too "soft" and weak, or if it takes the form of letting your anger control you... both are bad news. I agree Ownedgirlie gave you a good example worth pondering. A submissive, if they're really serious about that and not just playing around or looking for a free ride, is going to want you to set boundaries and rules, they'll want you to create structure in the relationship, and they'll want you to maintain that by enforcing those rules and boundaries. *If they can control you by manipulating your sympathies or kindness, you'll lose both control and the submissive.* Depends on how you define manipulation. To some of us, kindness following a harsh punishment shows caring and makes us want to obey more. Being dominant isn't about being mean and cruel, its about being in control. Sometimes that requires that you be tough. Its what Ownedgirlie was trying to get across to you, and its also why I chose my tag line. Domination is definitely about being in control as opposed to loss of control. I think a combination of both tough and caring is ideal, though I'm sure some would disagree. To each their own. It all depends on the couple and what they both seek. I agree with Padraig and Defiant...one more word to add however...BALANCE...always a good thing...Tempting

MrDiscipline44 -> RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? (3/25/2007 11:33:27 AM)
What do you think? Cause in the end, thats all that really matters.

Lashra -> RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? (3/25/2007 12:06:28 PM)
You can be any sort of Master that you desire and there is a sub out there for you. It just takes time to find them. I am a "nice" Domme and it took my sub awhile to get used to my using manners like saying "please" and "thank you" he had been taught that a Dominant never said such things to a sub. I disagree with that as I see nothing wrong with using manners and I insist on them in my relationship. Its your relationship, you determine who is that you are and what sort of sub that you seek. Good Luck, ~Lashra

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? (3/25/2007 12:09:50 PM)
http://www.collarchat.com/m_856653/mpage_1/key_gentleman/tm.htm#857014 too nice http://www.collarchat.com/m_848523/mpage_2/key_gentleman/tm.htm#848969 Mr. Nice guy is not Mr. Nice Dom? http://www.collarchat.com/m_825792/mpage_1/key_gentleman/tm.htm#825829 Can a dom be a gentleman? http://www.collarchat.com/m_799563/mpage_1/key_gentleman/tm.htm#799760 what makes a 'real' dom? http://www.collarchat.com/m_775753/mpage_1/key_gentleman/tm.htm#775760 dominants who show emotions, weakness or vulnerability http://www.collarchat.com/m_771270/mpage_1/key_gentleman/tm.htm#771630 Does gentle master mean weak? http://www.collarchat.com/m_668725/mpage_1/key_gentleman/tm.htm#668733 Too polite? http://www.collarchat.com/m_505491/mpage_1/key_gentleman/tm.htm#505668 Seeking consensus: dominant as gentleman? http://www.collarchat.com/m_433779/mpage_1/key_gentleman/tm.htm#433966 Master...in slaves' eyes! http://www.collarchat.com/m_380311/mpage_2/key_gentleman%252Cdom/tm.htm#384513 dom vs gentleman http://www.collarchat.com/m_266268/mpage_1/key_gentleman%252Cdom/tm.htm#266288 the gentleman dom with feelings Is the term gentleman dom an oxymoron? Gentlemen vs nice guy

jauntyone -> RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? (3/25/2007 12:11:38 PM)
Greetings I think Master is one of the kindest men that I have ever met. The kindness and gentleness that shines from his eyes only add to his overall persona [:)] I wish you well melissa

MySweetSubmssive -> RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? (3/25/2007 12:21:19 PM)
Simply, it's never wrong to be who you are. MSS

mstrjx -> RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? (3/25/2007 12:23:45 PM)
I would say, with ease, that I am like most above (or described). I am quite kind, mild-mannered, gentle. Although my demeanor doesn't change much, I can also play quite rough. Some of my interests are on the edgy side. Even so, I would have to say that I'm pretty effective at getting and keeping what I wish. I'm certain the kindness has much to speak of in that regard. Jeff

grlneedstolearn -> RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? (3/25/2007 12:31:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pauvis I was just curious if it was wrong to be a kind Master? I am not the complete humiliating, degregating type of Master. I prefer to control with kindness. Everyone has heard the old phrase you catch more bees with honey. Is this true, or am I just looking at everything the wrong way? My Dom is the exact same way, and i love it and he knows that i learn best with kindness and a little strictness

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