RE: Why is politeness and respect such a big deal in BDSM?

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RE: Why is politeness and respect such a big deal in BDSM? - 4/13/2005 1:08:32 PM

Shymissa

Posts: 76
Joined: 12/8/2004
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Well, as far as finding your soulmate in the BDSM community lets look at the search criteria..weight, age, location, interest....really none of these things make me tick...none of these things even endear me to a person..sure if someone is an adonis I am going to reply to their email but I refuse to be so dellusional as to believe that it is going to be love and respect.
So, now this is the thing you are all saying humiliation, pain all of these things can go with respect...so does the abusive husband respect his wife? He may fucking love her but he doesn't respect her. If she stays she is consenting as much as any slave or subbie....same fucking ball park kids.
Im not saying there is anything wrong with haing a kinky relationship I am just saying admit that you love the other person because they get you off and you just tollerate the rest.

(in reply to girl4uDD)

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RE: Why is politeness and respect such a big deal in BDSM? - 4/13/2005 1:27:26 PM

siamsa24

Posts: 2426
Joined: 2/2/2004
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Wow, I really disagree with you Shymissa.
I have found my most recent partner on this site and we love each other very much. Are you saying that the love that we have is false? It's like a very big hobby that we have in common, it just brings us closer. Maybe in a sex-based relationship it is not possible, but not everyone is out to find a sex-based relationship.
Can I respect him while calling him a little slut? Yes, and he can do the same with me (we are both switches, just to clear up in inevitable confusion). There is a deeper relationship there that is not based on sex.

And having been in an abusive relationship I disagree with your assumptions about such a relaitonship. It can be difficult, if not impossible, to leave an abusive relationship. I, for one, feared for my very life and refuse to take the blame for that relationship and I refuse to say that I consented to it.

(in reply to Shymissa)

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RE: Why is politeness and respect such a big deal in BDSM? - 4/13/2005 1:38:53 PM

perverseangelic

Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Shymissa

Well, as far as finding your soulmate in the BDSM community lets look at the search criteria..weight, age, location, interest....really none of these things make me tick...none of these things even endear me to a person..sure if someone is an adonis I am going to reply to their email but I refuse to be so dellusional as to believe that it is going to be love and respect.

I agree, actually. The search critera are -not- conducive to a brilliant, soul-depth relationship. They happen none the less. Some people read profiles more than they look at the criteria. Some simply select gender and then read about people.

This site is no different than -any- match site and the chance of finding a deep relationship are no better or worse.

quote:

So, now this is the thing you are all saying humiliation, pain all of these things can go with respect...

Yes. We are.

quote:

so does the abusive husband respect his wife? He may fucking love her but he doesn't respect her. If she stays she is consenting as much as any slave or subbie....same fucking ball park kids.

Staying is not consent. Period. leaving an abusive relationship is much more complicated than simply walking away. This is like saying that if you consent, origainlly, to have sex, you can't withdraw that consent.

Too, I believe that one must give -informed- consent. That is, know what one is getting into. I doubt that a woman/man in an abuisve relationship has agreed to be in an abusive relationship, which is what would have to occur for me to say it's consentual.

We, however, agree to be in the kinds of realtionships we are in.

quote:

Im not saying there is anything wrong with haing a kinky relationship I am just saying admit that you love the other person because they get you off and you just tollerate the rest.

But that's not it! I'm not with my partner just because he gets me off. I'm with him because he completes me, loves me, and owns me. Because we are soulmates, to be sappy, and fufill one another.

Yup, he respects me. And I respect him. I also serve and belong to him.

If you want just kinky sex, that's totally cool and there is -nothing- wrong with that. However, don't tell all of us that's all we're here for. It simply isn't true.

(anyway, I haven't had an orgasm in a week. Doesn't that negate your point :) *teasing*)

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RE: Why is politeness and respect such a big deal in BDSM? - 4/13/2005 4:36:01 PM

LordODiscipline

Posts: 995
Joined: 6/28/2004
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I do not 'forgoe' my own - I simply reply as required (personal subjective determinant based upon experiential inference and insight into the scene, the immediacy of the situation, and [I am being honest] by my personal state of mind at that moment). I do not loose decorum that would upset the gathering (if that is the situation), but ensure that any displeasure at the individual is conveyed completely.

Being put off by another's lack of gentility is not necessarily a harbinger of a requisite nuclear upheaval as you might assume.

So - I do hold myself to the same standard as you demonstrate through:

quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

Now, there are extreme times and places to be direct, to be blunt and possibly to be rude, but these are extreme times and most often can be avoided by using other methods first.

So - Color me apropo

~J

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

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RE: Why is politeness and respect such a big deal in BDSM? - 4/13/2005 4:40:32 PM

LordODiscipline

Posts: 995
Joined: 6/28/2004
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Vote me as another who does not, would not, and could not meet the tight and distasteful stereotypical mould you would assume upon me.
~J

(in reply to happypervert)

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RE: Why is politeness and respect such a big deal in BDSM? - 4/13/2005 4:48:38 PM

LordODiscipline

Posts: 995
Joined: 6/28/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Shymissa
I can't help but tell lifestyle douchebags that if dommy is spitting in your face or...

Ahhhhh - "douchebag" is one of my favorite swear words... thank you for exemplifying it for us.

~J

(in reply to Shymissa)

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RE: Why is politeness and respect such a big deal in BDSM? - 4/13/2005 5:58:33 PM

Sinergy

Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline

Hello,

Im polite. I call people Sir or Ma'am (or Miss if she is under 109) almost all the time.

I say thank you and please. Im respectful of other people.

The most dangerous man it has been my honor to train under was one of the most unassuming and polite people I have ever met.

I personally derive tremendous humor out of watching CHUDDWAH (Clueless Heterosexual Unenlightened, Dominant Douchebag Wannabe A$$Holes) strutting around the room like a recently booted from the nest male chicken demanding that anybody with a red name tag
address them as Lord/Lady God/dess Sir/Madam.

I personally think anybody who demands other people respect them probably doesnt deserve to be respected, but thats just me, and I could be wrong.

Why is it important in a BDSM sense? I would imagine it was originally imparted into the lifestyle to act as a sort of weather guage for people to determine who was safe to allow
to be tied up and who wasnt.

I personally think it is important everywhere, but that is just me and I could be wrong.

Sinergy

p.s. The toes you step on today may be connected to the a$$ you end up having to kiss tomorrow.

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"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
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"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle

(in reply to LordODiscipline)

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RE: Why is politeness and respect such a big deal in BDSM? - 4/13/2005 8:18:21 PM

siamsa24

Posts: 2426
Joined: 2/2/2004
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quote:

The most dangerous man it has been my honor to train under was one of the most unassuming and polite people I have ever met.

This is so true, I am currently studying under a man who does not demand respect, yet he always gets it, from everyone.

(in reply to Sinergy)

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RE: Why is politeness and respect such a big deal in BDSM? - 4/13/2005 10:32:36 PM

Tormentius

Posts: 71
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Shymissa

So, now this is the thing you are all saying humiliation, pain all of these things can go with respect...so does the abusive husband respect his wife? He may fucking love her but he doesn't respect her. If she stays she is consenting as much as any slave or subbie....same fucking ball park kids.

No, it's not the same ballpark. One is an abused relationship where a person is degraded, victimized, oftimes seriously harmed, and forced to stay out of fear. The other is where two (or more) people mutually and consentually enjoy the dynamic of power exchange within defined limits and where the sub(s) can call an end to it with a single word or gesture. The two are worlds apart.

< Message edited by Tormentius -- 4/13/2005 10:33:35 PM >

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RE: Why is politeness and respect such a big deal in BDSM? - 4/14/2005 6:22:45 AM

siamsa24

Posts: 2426
Joined: 2/2/2004
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That was beautifully said Tormentius. I tried to say something like that, but it didn't come out nearly as nicely. Thank you

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RE: Why is politeness and respect such a big deal in BDSM? - 4/14/2005 2:14:12 PM

Tormentius

Posts: 71
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quote:

ORIGINAL: siamsa24

That was beautifully said Tormentius. I tried to say something like that, but it didn't come out nearly as nicely. Thank you

Thanks.

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RE: Why is politeness and respect such a big deal in BDSM? - 4/24/2005 12:04:37 PM

Emmmrld

Posts: 57
Joined: 4/21/2005
From: Las Vegas, Nevada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KarbonCopy

I'm not submisive to the whole community, I'm still a person that doesnt take to being disprespected, neither from my Mistress or any other arrogant prick.
Of course, I trust my Mistress not to disrespect me, she can humiliate me and degrade me all she wants, but she will not disrespect me.

I dont understand this attitude that all of us subs should bow down to every top out there. It doesnt work that way, If Mistress says to treat a top with the same respect that I treat her with, then so be it, but without those instructions, your just another person.

This is SOOO TRUE. I believe in serving ONE not the world. I'm confident, strong and outgoing - not a doormat. If I serve someone who expects/wants me to call others by Sir or Ma'am then I do so. But when I am not serving someone rarely do I ever call them that.

One thing I think these dominants who demand this type of 'respect' is that they forget that with out someone consenting to be submissive to them - they are just like everyone else.

Some how there has been this thought that disrespect is coupled with humiliation. I tend to steer clear of those dominants. I have had several dominants in my time tell me that they have GREAT respect for submissives because they could not do what we do and it takes a lot of strength in their eyes to submit.

I say to these dominants who do not get it - put down the fiction novel, back away from the PC and go to a local munch and turn fantasy into reality. It is different but a heck of a lot more fun!

~Em

(in reply to KarbonCopy)

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