RE: Parents (Full Version)

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KatyLied -> RE: Parents (3/26/2007 7:44:00 PM)

Speaking as a parent, with a college-age um.
As long as I am supporting a child in college and they are residing in my home, they have to respect my wishes.  That's part of the parent-child relationship.  If it's too much to handle you may need to consider becoming fully independent.  Or course your parents may withdraw their financial support.  I think it would be easier to abide by their wishes until you move out of their house.  They don't owe you an education, they are helping you.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Parents (3/26/2007 7:45:52 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

Speaking as a parent, with a college-age um.
As long as I am supporting a child in college and they are residing in my home, they have to respect my wishes.  That's part of the parent-child relationship.  If it's too much to handle you may need to consider becoming fully independent.  Or course your parents may withdraw their financial support.  I think it would be easier to abide by their wishes until you move out of their house.  They don't owe you an education, they are helping you.


??? She's not breaking any rules.  The mother has made suggestions and expressed concerns, but has not made any rules regarding her daughters relationship that I can see thus far.

Though I agree, becoming independent ASAP is the right way to go.



MagiksSlave -> RE: Parents (3/26/2007 7:47:18 PM)

LOL LA no Im not that easily riled but that still doesnt mean his comment was at all nessisery.

I just dont like the negativity twords my mom but thats ok because she doesnt know her all she knows is what is in this thread and i can see what she is saying and I understand what she explained but that doesnt make it true.

And I guess that my mom wouldnt know the difference because she isnt knolagable on the lifestyle and my choises but the fact is people in the life are the ones saying it not her.

Magik's slave



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Parents (3/26/2007 7:49:23 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave
And I guess that my mom wouldnt know the difference because she isnt knolagable on the lifestyle and my choises but the fact is people in the life are the ones saying it not her.

Magik's slave

They are saying that as a way to get you to see your mothers perspective and what the big wide world will be judging you on.



MagiksSlave -> RE: Parents (3/26/2007 7:53:04 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

Speaking as a parent, with a college-age um.
As long as I am supporting a child in college and they are residing in my home, they have to respect my wishes.  That's part of the parent-child relationship.  If it's too much to handle you may need to consider becoming fully independent.  Or course your parents may withdraw their financial support.  I think it would be easier to abide by their wishes until you move out of their house.  They don't owe you an education, they are helping you.



They arent paying for my education I am. That is first. secent my mom hasnt made any rules about it she just likes giveing me a hard time sometimes. She would never kick me out she isnt that kind of mother. My mom has an unbelevable love for her children unlike I have ever seen befor (Yes I know parents love their children more then anything so Im not saying anything against you parents I guess Im bais twords my own) However when you have adult children some compramise has to be made. And there is a lot more that factors in to what my parents feel they owe me (yes they feel they owe me support till I graduate I dont nessiseraly feel this way but they do) but those arent things I wish to share here.

Magik's slave



servantforuse -> RE: Parents (3/26/2007 7:56:40 PM)

I didn't read all of these replies but I do think you should have respected you family and gone vanilla for the day. When you get a little older you will realize that nothing is more important than your family..You will have the rest of your life to fulfill your other lifestyle..slave michael



MagiksSlave -> RE: Parents (3/26/2007 8:13:03 PM)

Gone venilla??? I would never do anything to embaress my mother or out myself to the rest of the family.Im very close with my family very very close they are very importent to me my mom is not only my mom but a friend and a confedont my family is more then family they are friends At my poppys funeral I got rid of the braclett I used to wear that was a gift from my X Mistress . My mom asked me to and I did. This is way different however My collar doesnt look like anything but a necklace and like I said if she would have said something earlier then 5 minuts befor walking out the door I could have done something I could have had Master take it off but she didnt she waited till the last minut and I wasnt about to break my collar to get it off aspecially since even she admitted no one would even know what it was!!! So this wasnt about me beeing selfish and refuseing to go venilla  or about lack of respect I totaly repsected my family I even offerd to ask my sister in law to use her handcuff key to take it off (she is a cop and the lock on my collar takes a handcuff key to open) she said no that it was fine not to bother butfor all intense perposes I was venilla. there was simply nothing more I could do.




Magik's slave



Domin8tingUrDrmz -> RE: Parents (3/26/2007 8:25:02 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous

i am picking this up because:

why the collar? there are a MILLION other things, especially when aware of her lifestyle. she is picking out the one most symbolic part of the relationship and trying to remove it. playing concerned over the fact that it cant come off, i see as a cover up.



I have only read this post up to this point - so if I am repeating another comment, I apologize.

Perhaps Mom doesn't know the significance of the collar.  She might think it means something far more heinous than what her daughter sees it as.  I think if Mom were told that the collar is similar to an engagement ring or wedding band, she might understand her daughter's desire to not remove it.  Mom might be thinking it is akin to her daughter no longer having any control over her life and yes, while she is submitting to her Master she is giving up control, but ultimately it is consensual and the daughter could very well end the relationship if she so chose.  I think Mom needs to hear that her daughter is aware that she still has control if she wanted to execute it, but she prefers not to.



BootBlackBlast -> RE: Parents (3/26/2007 9:09:38 PM)

Majik's Slave -- please use spell check. If I were paying for my education and I did, I would like to have the pride in knowing that I at least could spell properly. I mean a few misspelled words here and there are okay but when the direct quote in your signature tag has more than one misspelling it is disconcerting. Also, when the person above you uses the word vanilla, it would be wise to copy the properly spelled word.



junecleaver -> RE: Parents (3/26/2007 9:43:52 PM)

Hm.  Well, when my mother accidentally discovered I was kinky, she cried hysterically and told me I was allowing men to treat me like trash.  So count your blessings. Maybe you should have a spare key stored away somewhere special in case of situations like that? Your mom really doesn't need to know the power dynamics.  I wear a leather cord with a glass vial on it.  Inside of the vial is a piece of rice with my Dominant's name on it.  When my mom asked me why I wore it, I simply told her it reminded me of him.  Show that it has significance, but you don't have to explain exactly why.  I think LA's suggestion of proving you are happy and healthy through your behavior is the best advice.  In my current relationship, I have been so happy that my mother has not questioned or commented on any kink-related thing.  Of course, I moved out too. ;)



MagiksSlave -> RE: Parents (3/26/2007 9:49:05 PM)

I talked to Master and he said he would be more then happy to sit down with my mom and have a conversation with her answering all her questions and helping to rest her fears!


Magik's slave



catsune -> RE: Parents (3/26/2007 10:21:56 PM)

I actually envy you. I too still live at home, but if my parents ever found out what I am into, let alone let them find out that I am no longer a virgin, they would go nuts. My parents are strict christians so they would not accept it at all. It's true that I haven't found anyone yet, but you would have a much easier time than I would.



agirl -> RE: Parents (3/27/2007 3:36:03 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross


Interesting, I don't get much sense of jealousy here- the mother is concerned and worried, but hasn't expressed insecurity or feeling threatened.

And when you live with your mom, she could make her life a lot more of a living hell than nagging over a collar every so often if that's what she really wanted to do.

i am picking this up because:

why the collar? there are a MILLION other things, especially when aware of her lifestyle. she is picking out the one most symbolic part of the relationship and trying to remove it. playing concerned over the fact that it cant come off, i see as a cover up.


Oh mixie, mixie, mixie....Her mom is bummed....What parent would ever want their daughter to get involved in this as a sub or a slave....If they are a nurturing caring parent.....NONE!

We try to teach our children to be confident that they are fully capable of standing alone....We want to see our daughters grow up to be independent and bow down to no one...I can see no benefit in explaining this life to a parent.


Not so. My children see this as an extremely nurturing and caring way of living, and so does my mother. Why would I be against my daughter being involved in a relationship of the type I've chosen; that is so obviously beneficial, with the right person?

They don't view this as rendering me *unable to stand alone* and I wouldn't view it that way, if she chose it, either.

agirl






canupleaseme -> RE: Parents (3/27/2007 5:27:14 AM)

If your collar is not obviously a collar and is just like a necklace then I cant see why it would be a problem.  I havent had chance to read any other replies properly but my first reaction to this was maybe this is just her way of telling you she has concerns about your lifestyle choice?

If she hadnt known that it was a collar and you had said your boyfriend bought it you would she still have reacted this way about it?
Maybe she has been worried about some aspect of all this or maybe thought at the start that it wouldnt run its course and now is a bit panicked.  I doubt for a minute that my mum would understand my lifestyle and i'm pretty sure she would start trying to find out about what it all means and if she ran into most of the sites or books or things about bdsm I think she would shit herself lol
It could be that your mums just worried about you , knows she cant do anything about it, cant really go back on her support after being ok with it thus far and is using this as a way to voice her concerns in an indirect way.  She could even just be jelous lol
If you have sat down and explained as much as you can about it and offered to let her talk to both you and your master and she still cant deal with it then just dont talk about it at all and if she tries to say I cant reason with the unreasonable you wont listen to what im trying to explain so we will just have to agree to disagree.
Your dad obviously kows your ok maybe talk to him a  bit and see ifthere is anything bothering your mum particually.[:)]




Driver1961 -> RE: Parents (3/27/2007 5:35:38 AM)

He dips his lid to all,

Magik, I've read all the posts, and you have asked for others' opinions... It's understandable that you are protective of your mum but understand that in asking for others' opinions, the posters are standing outside your 'forest' and making judgements as you have asked them.  The posters have given their time with their judgements; just as you have asked them- the least you can do is show them respect for this and not 'hissy fit'.  Ok, having done my little soap-box, a question posed to me early in your thread which I don't think has been covered:  (I may be corrected)

Have you considered there may be something occuring in your mum's private life or in your parent's relationship that is motivating behaviour that you consider out of place?

Warm regards to all,   Driver



Celeste43 -> RE: Parents (3/27/2007 5:36:47 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave

and for those that said it was because my mom wants to see me be strong and independent... I dont know what makes you think because Im a slave that that means Im not eather of those things.. My mom raised me well and is very proud of me, I am stong and rather independent... I love Master and chose to be with him however my life doesnt depend on him... Id be sad if I lost him that is true but im not so dependent on him that if i didnt have him Id be lost... We are dependent on eachother isnt that how a relationship is suposed to be??


Magik's slave


I said that and I'm not saying that you aren't independent and capable of taking care of yourself, but that your mother doesn't see it that way.

What she sees is that you don't yet have a college degree, you don't have a job that supports you, you are dependent on your parents financially and on your master emotionally. If ten years from now, when you had been self supporting for a while and making a good living in a career with prospects of promotions then she would draw a different conclusion if you began a deep emotional connection with someone. At that point she would welcome it, although she still wouldn't want to know all the details.

But right now she sees you as very dependent and that scares her just the same way as you announcing you were getting married immediately would. All she sees are mistakes that you are making.



blushingflower -> RE: Parents (3/27/2007 5:49:43 AM)

The relationship between mothers and daughters is always complicated.  I love my mother, and we get along very well, but she still occasionally drives me crazy (and I don't even live at home anymore).
My Daddy gave me a silver chain to wear as my day collar, and I wear it every day.  If someone were to ask about it, I'd tell them that my boyfriend gave it to me, and that I wear it to remind me of him (which is true).  My situation is different because I can take mine off.  But I don't think it would be unreasonable for you to say "this is a symbol of our commitment to each other.  You wouldn't like me to tell you to take off a ring that Dad gave you, would you?  He has the key because I don't want to take it off, wearing it makes me feel closer to him, and the fact that he locked it there and is the only one who can unlock it makes that feeling stronger.  If it needs to come off, it will, I can break it easily.  But I don't want to take it off."



LeatherBentOne -> RE: Parents (3/27/2007 6:51:29 AM)

I guess I have a very different point of view proably because Im 56, but in my day[;)]. . . try not to laff to hard . . . I moved out of my parents house after high school. I got a full time and part time job, paid my own bills and tuition to Rutgers and did my own thing.  I went to classes evenings after a full day of work, and worked 16 hrs over the weekend.  I got my degree in 5 years instead of the standard 4 years, taking 12 credits per semester and summer classes.

Damn, I'm just tired thinking about it.

But you know, there are student loans which dont require you begin to start paying back until 9 months after you graduate.  Also, you can get a job to support yourself, even if the job doesnt pay much by renting a furnished room with utilities included for a minimal amount.

I say . . . look at your options so that you can get out from under your parents roof, and become an independent, mature and responsible adult, sooner than later.  I know it's hard work but some point in your life, it's bound to happen if you wish to succeed in life. 

Im not trying to be cruel here, or offensive, so please try not to take it personally.  I just want to present another alternative that you may wish to consider.  I hope everything works out for you.

Wishing you the best,
LBO



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Parents (3/27/2007 7:24:26 AM)

My mom tried to buy me necklaces and "other collars" to wear as well as a way to try and cajole me "into the light."  I thanked her nicely for them, kept them away and never wore them.



OrionTheWolf -> RE: Parents (3/27/2007 8:28:35 AM)

Greetings Magik's slave,

You have been given alot of great advice here, so I will try not to repeat that. As the Father, and single parent of a 22 year old daughter I can offer some perspective. I wish for my daughter to be able to function on her own and do it well. I also wish for her to find a good, strong Man that she can rely on. She has naturally submissive traits, and I think a Good, strong Man would help her alot. Her current boyfriend, of 6 years (two break ups in that time) has some maturing to do and I wish he was more dominant and take the lead in things. He makes her happy though, and I do offer them both advice. In fact I had to have a rather intimidating talk with him once about being a responsible Man. I wish the best for my daughter, but in the end my daughter has to determine what is best for her.

As to the collar, explain to your Mother that it is symbolic of the relationship that you have, similar to a wedding ring for married couples. That you have as much difficulty in removing it, as many married people have in removing their wedding ring. I think it may go deeper than just the collar, but the more your Mother understands, the better.

Be well,
Orion



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