Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Parents


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Parents Page: [1] 2 3 4   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Parents - 3/25/2007 8:48:35 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		Ok I still live at home as Im still in college and cant afford my own place right now and liveing at home affords me that ability to finish with school. My parents know what I am into and they know about Master they have even met him a few times. They have never had a problem as long as they felt I was safe and Master and I both strive to give them the peace of mind that I am safe and beeing taken care of when I am with Master and we go places Like paddles and other scene related events. They have never had a problem with letting me go (they are very over protective of me to the point that sometimes it is cripling to my social life, but they have never had a problem with Master and mine relationship) Any way the problem came in about 2 weeks ago when my family had a black tie affair to go to, now my collar is very unassumeing it is modeled after a tiffeny necklace, it is a sterling silver chain fastened by a heart shaped silver lock  that Master has the key to I wear it 24/7  and I have been for the last 6 months about. Any way the week leading up to the party I had a feeling my mom was going to ask me to take it off, that is just how she is, even though no one would know what it was. But she didnt she didnt say a word. Master went away to visit a friend that week and was away the day of the party. 5 minuts befor leaving the house my mom pulls out another necklace and asks me to take my collar off. I explained to her I couldnt that I didnt have a key and that even if I could I wouldnt want to and even if I did want to Id have to ask Master permition. My mom let it be but she was deffinetly un happy about it. I told her that maybe if she had told me earlier I could have gone to Master befor he left and had him remove it but even then I wouldnt have wanted to and maybe still wouldnt have. She let it go for about another week and then she told me she didnt like that I couldnt get the collar off at all, I told her that it was easily broken in an emergeny very very easily actualy the chian isnt all that thick where the collar fastans. Again she let it be untill today when she said "your still wearing that" I again explained I wasnt gunna take it off period. She seemed to have a big problem with me needing permition to take it off lecturing that I should never give up controll ( what is it that she thinks a sub/ slave is?? I tell her sub becuase its an easier word for her to stomach then slave) She doesnt want anyone telling me what to do (though she sure does that enough) Im not sure what to do with her.. I know she doesnt understand nor does she want to. Any advise would be great thanks!!!

Oh and my dad is really suportive of me and what I chose as long as Im safe so he isnt a problem!!

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-


Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Parents - 3/25/2007 8:56:03 PM   
BossyShoeBitch


Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline 		May I ask why it is that your parents needed (or wanted?) to know something so personal about your private life? 
I only have my own experiences to draw from of course, but I don't relish the thought of ever introducing 'Master' to (biological)'Daddy'.  Too icky..

(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Parents - 3/25/2007 8:58:13 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Listen to her, thank her for her concern, ask if she has anything specific she's worried about that she wants to talk to you and/or your SO personally because you really do want her to be ok with this.

If she does, let her ask them.  Likely she won't other than what she's already said and in that case you can just say that you understand and ask her if your life has been happy lately, if you've been stable, if you've been unhealthy- basically ask your mother questions which will show her that you're leading a happy healthy mature life.

That's what most moms want.

IMO you shouldn't try and explain the authority dynamic with her, at least not at this point.  Just say it's how you prefer your relationship, how you guys work together and you're both very happy with it. 

You want your mom to be able to come to you with her concerns openly, without letting her have control of the situation.  As long as she sees you happy and stable, mature and open, she won't feel a need to come in and try and take over.

It took me a few years to train my mother into just accepting who I am and that this was how it would be.  You're still living with yours and that makes it even more gentle of a process.  Be understanding of her perspective as long as she doesn't try and stifle you.  She didn't cause a big ruckus over the event which she really could have as well as other things- so it's really not so bad.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Parents - 3/25/2007 8:58:48 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		Oh well they found out because we used to share a computer and I started really young doing reserch on the subject, my mom checked the logs and founnd the sites and asked me about it. Im not big on lieng so it came out then, Im glad though because she was at least at the time rather accepting of it. And it makes all this a lot easier that she knows, but at times like this a lot harder.


Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to BossyShoeBitch)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Parents - 3/25/2007 9:00:25 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BossyShoeBitch
May I ask why it is that your parents needed (or wanted?) to know something so personal about your private life? 
I only have my own experiences to draw from of course, but I don't relish the thought of ever introducing 'Master' to (biological)'Daddy'.  Too icky..

Really?   Unless I were being used as a work servant, I can't imagine never having my family meet the person I was committed to for the rest of my life. 

I guess if you had a bad relationship with one's family, or there was no emotional connection to one's owner there wouldn't be a reason for it- but most Ms relationships involve emotions and long term commitments which would make never meeting family a fairly weird thing.

IMO meeting the person you're committed to emotionally and physically in a serious relationship isn't that "personal."

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to BossyShoeBitch)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Parents - 3/25/2007 9:02:26 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Mothers get that way about their children.  I am guessing your Mom was assuming that you were going through a phase and that you werent nearly as serious as you are.  She probably chalked your relationship up to a new relationship quirk and didnt believe the part about your needing permission and such.  Vanillas often dont, and parents are never comfortable wth their children giving up control to someone else.  They have put their effort into hoping that you would be an independant person and you are essentialy telling your mom that is not your desire.  Or worse, she thinks it IS your desire and that yourMaster has convinced you otherwise.  Its a sticky situation, but you might want to simply tell her that you have chosen to keep the collar on, and you dont plan on removng it with or without permission for anyone.  It is your decision to wear it. 

Hope that helps
DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to BossyShoeBitch)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Parents - 3/25/2007 9:02:30 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		Thanks LA, I knew I could count on you to give a level headed responce. it is more delecet because I live with her and she supports me financialy, she who has the money has the power, ill tred lightly, though I wish she would stop the sesaw!! make up her mind weather she is ok or not with all of this because most of the time she is but lately sometimes she really isnt!!!


Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Parents - 3/25/2007 9:03:22 PM   
BossyShoeBitch


Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline 		LuckyAlbatross,

As I was posting a few minutes ago, I was actually wondering what your opinion would be on this subject...
That being said, I feel that as a daughter, I would feel like my parents had a much more intimate knowledge of my private life than I would feel comfortable with.
On the other hand, as a Mother, I am not sure how I would handle knowing that my daughter (or son) is involved in this lifestyle..

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Parents - 3/25/2007 9:06:04 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		DV you are right, LOL she doesnt want me giveing controll to anyone but her. Though I never chose to give her controll it just happens I have no choice about it but i have chosen to give Master controll. Im lucky Master is so iunderstanding with haveing to share his controll of me sometimes with her!!!!


Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Parents - 3/25/2007 9:07:35 PM   
BossyShoeBitch


Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline
quote:

Really?   Unless I were being used as a work servant, I can't imagine never having my family meet the person I was committed to for the rest of my life. 

I guess if you had a bad relationship with one's family, or there was no emotional connection to one's owner there wouldn't be a reason for it- but most Ms relationships involve emotions and long term commitments which would make never meeting family a fairly weird thing.

IMO meeting the person you're committed to emotionally and physically in a serious relationship isn't that "personal."


Please don't misunderstand.. I would agree wholeheartedly with my family meeting him.  I didn't mean to suggest keeping the relationship a secret..

Just the intimate details...

< Message edited by BossyShoeBitch -- 3/25/2007 9:08:04 PM >

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Parents - 3/25/2007 9:07:41 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Magik- even most subs and slaves aren't comfortable with it for the first months or years!  An outsider to their baby?  Most parents are terrified of one thing- their children being independent and out of their control.  She's doing great for what she could have done so far.

And obviously, work on being financially independent ASAP.

Bossy- well my mom has never met any of my partners as "my master."  I do think that's up to personal discretion.  But she has met them as "people I'm involved with." 

Some parents are completely out to their kids and vice versa, would that we all could be so truly honest with eachother and have it not be a big deal.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to BossyShoeBitch)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Parents - 3/25/2007 9:09:56 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		The way I figure it Im stuck at home for about another year or 2....Unless I can get a Dorm next sumester, which is an option!!!


Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Parents - 3/25/2007 9:10:37 PM   
hisannabelle


Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline 		my parents were knowledgeable about the general dynamic of my relationship, but i left out all the gory details. my mother was a pretty understanding person, though, and my dad didn't have enough say-so to say any different, so i didn't run into too much trouble over my relationship. honestly, issues like this are one of the biggest reasons that i personally do not advocate entering into an m/s or d/s relationship until one is financially independent. i realize this isn't always realistic for some (and how i miss those days of NOT being financially independent), but like i said, i try to encourage people to move out and learn to support themselves before they give themselves up to someone else. i'm not trying to invalidate your relationship, or anything close to that, but i can see how messy this could get.

maybe there are ways you could compromise - like toning down the outward protocols of your relationship around your parents and having your master over to spend time with them as your partner. also, maybe it would be a small battle worth losing to wear a collar that you can remove if it's causing a huge amount of trouble with your mother. my advice would be to sit down and discuss it with her and find out what her concerns are and what you can do, within reason, to compromise. to be honest, as much as i would like to advise you to tell her that you're grown and you'll do what you want, it's just not realistic when you are living with her, and there'll be plenty of time for that once you move out on your own. i've seen negative situations like that play out with friends, and it is pretty ugly. sometimes it's just better to compromise where you can.


_____________________________

a'ishah (the artist formerly known as annabelle)
i have the kind of beauty that moves...

(in reply to BossyShoeBitch)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Parents - 3/25/2007 9:11:36 PM   
BossyShoeBitch


Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross


Some parents are completely out to their kids and vice versa, would that we all could be so truly honest with eachother and have it not be a big deal.


Well said..

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Parents - 3/25/2007 9:14:03 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		Honestly, I can understand your mother's concern. You are still young, which isn't a bad thing. So am I! But sometimes age really does bring experience and something people our age do really stupid things. I can imagine that if I was a mother I wouldn't want my child wearing any collar that she couldn't remove if needed. Sometimes I worry about people grabing my collars as it is. Since you have reassured that you can break the collar if needed, and it sounds like it would break in the case of someone trying to control you forcefully with it, I don't know what else you can do on that front.

I agree with LA - ask her what her concerns are. Remind her that this is what you want and if aliens scramble his brain and he tries to kill you, you will do all that is needed to, you know, not die.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Parents - 3/25/2007 9:16:34 PM   
LadyAnnabelleLee


Posts: 180
Joined: 2/21/2007
Status: offline 		Here's a really real life, honest to goodness conversation I had with my Dad & Mom when they found out about my sex quirks.

Dad: "You know 'Manda sometimes I've wanted to bury your mom in a box too. Just throw a few shovels full of dirt over her and call it a night." *starts chuckling as Mom looks at him with amused annoyance*

Me: Uh... Okay.

And that was pretty much how it went. My parents had a problem with the guy I was dating because of his age, not so much his quirks. But the quirks were ocassionally used as added ammunition.

_____________________________

It is the loud few that speak for the quiet many. ~Me

And neither the angels in heaven above,
Nor the demons down under the sea,
Can ever dissever my soul from the soul
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee.
~An excerpt from "Annabel Lee" by Edgar A

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Parents - 3/25/2007 9:18:07 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		My best was my mom nagging me continuously until I gave in and wore underwear under my sarong to a play party- where I was fully naked within 10 minutes.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to LadyAnnabelleLee)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Parents - 3/25/2007 9:20:10 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		annabelle that was great thank you.

I know and im not high protocall around them I dont fount my relationship in their face the only thing that I do is have the collar and Im not willing to compramise on that as I have compramised on EVERYTHING els includeing agreeing to a cerfew with my mother on nights I spend at Masters place. I would very much like for Master to spend more time with my family in a venilla capacity but I think that makes Master nervouse, though it may be time to talk to him again on that and see if we cant compromise.


Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to BossyShoeBitch)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Parents - 3/25/2007 10:47:17 PM   
sublizzie


Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave

DV you are right, LOL she doesnt want me giveing controll to anyone but her. Though I never chose to give her controll it just happens I have no choice about it but i have chosen to give Master controll. Im lucky Master is so iunderstanding with haveing to share his controll of me sometimes with her!!!!


Magik's slave


This just reminds me that there are times when I'm glad my UMs are Dominant. Not sure how I would handle it if they were submissive.

(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Parents - 3/25/2007 10:58:22 PM   
FelinePersuasion


Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		My mom used to tell me to tell my then dominant to go to hell when ever she heard me crying after a spat with him, she knew he was my dominant, maybe she didn't quite understand what it ment, but she also did tell me to never let a man control me,or she'd say so does he have to know e verything you do when I said I wasn't supposed to do something. Finally I told her if you value your relationship with your dom you certaintly DO NOT tell him to go to hell when you are displeased, unless you want to find yourself very   much single very quickly. And I don't want to find myself single.
quote:

ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire

Mothers get that way about their children.


_____________________________

Most of the time if it looks like BS, smells like BS, you probably should not t taste it to see if, in fact, it is BS.


(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3 4   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Parents Page: [1] 2 3 4   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094