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Collaring - Its not a fad - 3/26/2007 2:32:32 AM

imtempting

Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline

By what I see on these boards and on others is that people seem to jump straight into a collar and then wonder why it did not work.

They seem to wait a month or two and then they collar their sub. In my thoughts this is just stupid. A collar should be considered like an engagement ring. Most people would not propose in a few months so why put a collar on someone.

Does your insecruities and mistrust force you to need to put a collar on. Remembering that the collar will not stop someone having sex or playing with someone else.

Too many people are throwing collars about and basically ruining what the collar is meant to stand for.

Post #: 1

RE: Collaring - Its not a fad - 3/26/2007 3:23:23 AM

tricia

Posts: 231
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

As a whole - i would agree with you. Often i see profiles of submissives exclaiming they have found their 'One' and no longer able to speak to anyone identifying as a dominant. More often then not, these same submissives are uncollared a week later talking about being scorned.

I didn't wait a year. I didn't wait 6 months. Sometimes there is no rhyme or reason to fate. As with anything, there are exceptions to every rule - I happen to be one of them.

(in reply to imtempting)

Post #: 2

RE: Collaring - Its not a fad - 3/26/2007 3:31:40 AM

susie

Posts: 1699
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tricia

As a whole - i would agree with you. Often i see profiles of submissives exclaiming they have found their 'One' and no longer able to speak to anyone identifying as a dominant. More often then not, these same submissives are uncollared a week later talking about being scorned.

I didn't wait a year. I didn't wait 6 months. Sometimes there is no rhyme or reason to fate. As with anything, there are exceptions to every rule - I happen to be one of them.

You are right there is no rhyme or reason. Every relationship is different. I knew that Master was the one on about the 3rd meeting. Within a month we were serious and seeing each other as often as possible. By 3 months we had discussed marriage and by the 5th month I had arranged to move job and house to be with him. Now nearly 3 years down the line we have bought a house and set up a business together. I have never been happier. It is just something you know and yes sometimes it can happen very quickly.

(in reply to tricia)

Post #: 3

RE: Collaring - Its not a fad - 3/26/2007 4:26:48 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

Why bother with collars to begin with. How many wear their collars out in the real world everyday anyway. The ones with trinkets for collars are the exception. If your going to wear a collar why not put a name tag on it. What are you ashamed of.

(in reply to susie)

Post #: 4

RE: Collaring - Its not a fad - 3/26/2007 7:08:00 AM

hisannabelle

Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline

He collared me fairly quickly. we've been together for over a year now. i have an everyday collar that i wear when i can (read: not to work, because i'm not allowed to wear jewelry at all to work), and dnomyar, i'm not afraid of anything. if He chose to put a collar with a tag on it, then that's what i'd wear - that's not what He chooses. then again, the collar doesn't stop me from having sex or playing with someone else - because He also dictates that our relationship be open for that.

how does this ruin what the collar was "meant to stand for," exactly? is it affecting -your- relationship?

_____________________________

a'ishah (the artist formerly known as annabelle)
i have the kind of beauty that moves...

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 5

RE: Collaring - Its not a fad - 3/26/2007 7:15:35 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: imtempting

By what I see on these boards and on others is that people seem to jump straight into a collar and then wonder why it did not work.

They seem to wait a month or two and then they collar their sub. In my thoughts this is just stupid. A collar should be considered like an engagement ring. Most people would not propose in a few months so why put a collar on someone.

Does your insecruities and mistrust force you to need to put a collar on. Remembering that the collar will not stop someone having sex or playing with someone else.

Too many people are throwing collars about and basically ruining what the collar is meant to stand for.

While Valyraen and I are waiting to collar me, as we feel the collar works best as an engagement ring type symbol for us, I have to disagree with your attitude. You aren't the grand poobah of BDSM and if a couple want to collar themselves when they are only "boyfriend/girlfriend", to borrow the vanilla phrase, does it really matter? I also know others who simply feel it means ownership and the collar is placed as soon as they accept each other as dominant/submissive.

Collars, like rings and other various bits of jewelry, mean a lot of different things to a lot of different people. You might as well go into a vanilla forum and bitch about how people are wearing claddaghs when they aren't married or engaged.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to imtempting)

Post #: 6

RE: Collaring - Its not a fad - 3/26/2007 7:19:43 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14442
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

I'll go one step further and say that most female submissives that I've met have no clue what they're looking for. It seems that the only requirements are that he's male, breathing and identifies himself as a Dom.

When I was seeking, I had a list of requirements that represented what I wanted in a partner. If he didn't fit, I didn't meet him. End of story.

In so many cases, I see people that get so caught up in the fact that it's D/s BDSM that they haven't even figured out if they even actually like that person.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to hisannabelle)

Post #: 7

RE: Collaring - Its not a fad - 3/26/2007 7:24:45 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

The good news is that no matter what anyone else does or chooses to feel- it doesn't matter one whit as to how I value my relationship and the symbols we use together.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 8

RE: Collaring - Its not a fad - 3/26/2007 7:25:54 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Why bother with collars to begin with. How many wear their collars out in the real world everyday anyway. The ones with trinkets for collars are the exception. If your going to wear a collar why not put a name tag on it. What are you ashamed of.

i wear my wedding ring around my neck with pride wherever i go in Chicago - to the mall ...restuarants ...to church ...even to my job at the radio station and the concerts i review ...and as a matter of fact wearing it now (though i do have permission to remove it when i sleep).

getting back to the OP's original thought - i agree. i have other profiles who viewed me one week uncollared and the next they're claimed looking for another to join their family. some don't see the sentimental importance of receiving a collar however what can you do? every relationship is totally different from the other.

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 9

RE: Collaring - Its not a fad - 3/26/2007 7:28:12 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Not to mention, it won't do any good to try and talk to them about it.

I've tried the "Uhhh didn't you just say three weeks ago you were totally new and unsure and overwhelmed and now you're totally committed to this long term relationship?"

They go "Yes, he's perfect, we're wonderful, stop being sour grapes."

Really nothing you can do but let them go do what they want.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)

Post #: 10

RE: Collaring - Its not a fad - 3/26/2007 7:43:26 AM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

heres the thing, you might have a point, but when you use generalizations like, "too many" folks are this or that, or "a collar should"...it makes you sound like you have a bad case of oldandcrankyitis.

_____________________________

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This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 11

RE: Collaring - Its not a fad - 3/26/2007 8:11:16 AM

MrDiscipline44

Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub
While Valyraen and I are waiting to collar me, as we feel the collar works best as an engagement ring type symbol for us, I have to disagree with your attitude. You aren't the grand poobah of BDSM and if a couple want to collar themselves when they are only "boyfriend/girlfriend", to borrow the vanilla phrase, does it really matter? I also know others who simply feel it means ownership and the collar is placed as soon as they accept each other as dominant/submissive.

Collars, like rings and other various bits of jewelry, mean a lot of different things to a lot of different people. You might as well go into a vanilla forum and bitch about how people are wearing claddaghs when they aren't married or engaged.

Very well said. My slave wears a collar. It shows I own her and keeps her in that mind set of being owned. It's nothing like an engagment ring to use because that is not the type of relationship we have. If I wanted something to mean that, it wouldn't be her collar.

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 12

RE: Collaring - Its not a fad - 3/26/2007 9:12:16 AM

enslavemenightly

Posts: 46
Joined: 7/17/2006
Status: offline

When it's right - it's right. Only the people concerned know if it is a 'fad' or the real thing. The collar is more important / means more to some than others.

_____________________________

Enslave me and give me freedom.

(in reply to imtempting)

Post #: 13

RE: Collaring - Its not a fad - 3/26/2007 11:11:44 AM

spankmepink11

Posts: 1310
Joined: 9/28/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: imtempting

By what I see on these boards and on others is that people seem to jump straight into a collar and then wonder why it did not work.

Substitute the word "realtionship" for collar....and i'd agree.

They seem to wait a month or two and then they collar their sub. In my thoughts this is just stupid. A collar should be considered like an engagement ring. Most people would not propose in a few months so why put a collar on someone.

You (and a decent majority) feel that a collar is a symbol of that type of committment, nothing wrong with that at all, but, are you really implying that anyone who doesn't feel the same as you do, is stupid or wrong?

Does your insecruities and mistrust force you to need to put a collar on. Remembering that the collar will not stop someone having sex or playing with someone else.

Too many people are throwing collars about and basically ruining what the collar is meant to stand for.

To turn the tables, one could ask , are you so insecure that the value you place on a symbol such as a collar , is diminished if everyone doesn't view it with the same reverence that you do?
I sincerely cannot imagine allowing how others use, definition or opinions, of a collar, to ruin what it would mean or stand for, to my partner and myself.

(in reply to imtempting)

Post #: 14

RE: Collaring - Its not a fad - 3/26/2007 11:17:36 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: spankmepink11

To turn the tables, one could ask , are you so insecure that the value you place on a symbol such as a collar , is diminished if everyone doesn't view it with the same reverence that you do?
I sincerely cannot imagine allowing how others use, definition or opinions, of a collar, to ruin what it would mean or stand for, to my partner and myself.

Very nicely put.

Edited because it sent too early

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to spankmepink11)

Post #: 15

RE: Collaring - Its not a fad - 3/26/2007 11:19:16 AM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

Whatever a collar costs at a pet store is it's worth.

_____________________________

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 16

RE: Collaring - Its not a fad - 3/26/2007 11:26:37 AM

Elegant

Posts: 1024
Joined: 3/15/2005
Status: offline

quote:

You might as well go into a vanilla forum and bitch about how people are wearing claddaghs when they aren't married or engaged.

pssttt.....a Claddagh has more meanings that just for the engaged or married.

_____________________________

Elegant
~Slave To Master Archer

http://www.FantasiesInLeather.com

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 17

RE: Collaring - Its not a fad - 3/26/2007 11:37:21 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Elegant

quote:

You might as well go into a vanilla forum and bitch about how people are wearing claddaghs when they aren't married or engaged.

pssttt.....a Claddagh has more meanings that just for the engaged or married.

I thought that was her point? :)

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Elegant)

Post #: 18

RE: Collaring - Its not a fad - 3/26/2007 11:40:37 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: Elegant

quote:

You might as well go into a vanilla forum and bitch about how people are wearing claddaghs when they aren't married or engaged.

pssttt.....a Claddagh has more meanings that just for the engaged or married.

I thought that was her point? :)

It was. From my understanding they are for engagement, marriage, or close friendship. However, nowadays people seem to only know them as "those Irish wedding bands".

Edited to include the Fun Fact of the Day: Did you know it's bad luck to buy a claddagh for yourself?

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 3/26/2007 11:41:34 AM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 19

RE: Collaring - Its not a fad - 3/26/2007 11:41:17 AM

stella40

Posts: 417
Joined: 1/11/2006
From: London, UK
Status: offline

How can we dictate what a collar is supposed to mean? We only have our own perception of what it means to be collared, and we also have to accept that for others that meaning is going to be different.

People may disagree with me here, but a collar is nothing more than a token, a symbol, just like an engagement ring or a wedding ring, given with the mutual agreement of both parties and it takes on for them its own individual meaning and significance. The relationship between the two (or more) people involved is far more important.

I am in an LDR with my Domme. I wanted to be collared, She doesn't want this, so therefore I am not collared and accept this. The fact that I don't have a collar doesn't take away any of the significance or meaning of O/our relationship or of my total and complete submission to Her.

She doesn't need to look at my neck for a symbol of my submission, She knows She has my submission, and this is the most important aspect of O/our relationship.

However in most cases it is different, but who am I to judge whether someone else should have a collar or not, or when it should be given and by who. If the two people are happy with each other and happy with their relationship then who am I to pass judgement?

Sometimes I feel there's far too many theorists in BDSM, and the words 'should' and 'true' tend to get overused and sometimes even abused. Why do we feel we need to live our lives according to other people's standards?

My Domme is happy with me and my submission, and that alone is important for me as a submissive, not what other people think. I live to please my Domme and make Her happy, not to please the BDSM community as a whole.

_____________________________

I try to take one day at a time, but several days come and attack me at once. (Jennifer Unlimited)

If you can't be a good example then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.

(in reply to imtempting)

Post #: 20

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