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stella40 -> RE: subs who don't know their place (3/26/2007 12:15:48 PM)
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Q. When is a Dom not a Dom?
A. When they make a post like the OP.
Dominants should remember that they earn the respect only from the subs they have been in contact with - everybody else needs to be convinced. This is, as many people will find, the exact same situation that submissives find themselves in.
Background - I've been connected with BDSM as a submissive for almost all my adult life, my total experience spans 22 years. I've served real time some truly wonderful Dommes, I've been lucky, and I was smart enough to realise that reputation and your attitude counts for a lot when it comes to finding a Dominant.
We have here a transaction, an exchange, for the gift of real and genuine submission is truly a precious gift, but also the time and attention a Dominant grants a submissive is also equally precious.
The reality is if you're not careful with that gift you have, you either end up with the wrong Dominant or submissive or you end up with the Dominant or submissive you deserve and not the one you want or are looking for.
It's hard to explain, but I am an experienced submissive, and I know, because I can feel and sense pretty quickly if I'm dealing with a genuine Dominant or not. There's a sort of signal that comes in communication which I pick up on, and it usually comes to me within 200-500 words whether written or spoken. Until I receive that signal we are purely vanilla, there is no Dominant and no submissive between us, and if you as a Dominant assume without my consent that you have my submission then you have to face the consequences.
I am the submissive, an experienced submissive, and I choose who I submit to, and who I make things possible for. I am a quality submissive, I know who I am, what I'm about, what I can do and what I can't do, and I also have a pretty good idea of who I want to do it for. I practise consensual BDSM.
And before I know that I can submit to you in a way which makes you happy and can do the things you want me to do I need to know who you are and what you're about. I need to know I can do the sort of things you are into and to give you - the Dominant - the satisfaction and fulfilment that you need in being able to dominate me the way you want to dominate me.
And if you as a Dominant are not prepared to wait for me to get that information, to get to know you and to offer you my honest and genuine submission then you are not worthy of my submission and are probably not a genuine Dominant, who would expect me to go through such a process.
If you're so desperate for a submissive who submits without thinking about who or why they're submitting, go ahead, be my guest. But you'll never find a submissive such as me who actually submits and does so with a lot of thought and attention to your needs.
This in reality isn't possible, I'm tied to my Domme, happily so, but this is for the benefit of any Dominant who might be thinking the OP is right.
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