Doormats

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MagiksSlave -> Doormats (3/26/2007 10:57:12 AM)
OK Here is my theory. I hear a lot about doormat sub/slaves but the way that I see it is that there is a big difference between a doormat and someone who is submissive. Ok here is how I see it. A sub/slave is a person who wishes to give up controll to the one that owns them and to those that their owner wishes them to. A doormat is a form of emotional disfunction or disturbance, a doormat is someone who allows others to take advantage of them allowing people to use them even when it isnt emotionaly healthy or good for them to give what ever it is they are giveing. The main difference as I see it is one can be a sub/slave and be very emotionaly healthy, one cant be a doormat and be emotionaly healthy for beeing a doormat is a symptom of emotional instability. Now these are just my thoughts and opinions and I would like to hear what others think on the subject. Magik's slave

missturbation -> RE: Doormats (3/26/2007 11:03:39 AM)
I know of subs who choose to be 'doormats' basically meaning they have no choices or even thoughts of their own. They bow down to every whim etc of their master. Now whilst i see this as unhealthy and cannot understand how anyone would live that way it is their 'choice' to live that way. These subs i know when not with their master have plenty of opinions and things to say for themselves whilst in my company, it is just for their master and in his company they are doormat like. I think we need to remember that there are unhealthy reasons for doing anything we do and also healthy ones. Chooising to be a doormat does not neccessarily equate with being unhealthy.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Doormats (3/26/2007 11:09:25 AM)
Reposted: I have found that the ones who have to SAY "I'm not a doormat" are almost always the ones most afraid that they really are, and almost always the ones who let themselves be taken advantage of in a way that does not fulfill them. A doormat can be healthy, I know I was a happy fulfilled willing doormat in my previous relationship. It's the ones who are afraid of the choices that shout so loudly against them. The ones who understand there is nothing to fear because THEY value their consent and take responsibility for their choices...being a doormat, or a master, or anything at all, is just one beautiful choice from another. http://www.collarchat.com/m_759342/mpage_4/key_doormat/tm.htm#761465 Doormats- can we eliminate them? http://www.collarchat.com/m_719413/mpage_1/key_doormat/tm.htm#719427 How do you draw the line between submissive and doormat? http://www.collarchat.com/m_202748/mpage_1/key_doormat/tm.htm#202751 Doormat sub/slaves..what are their identifiers

MagiksSlave -> RE: Doormats (3/26/2007 11:09:52 AM)
See to me I wouldnt consider her a doormat. She only gives up all that controll to her Master to me that is just beeing a slave and I am very much the same way. A doormat at least how I see it is that way to everyone without regard to their own health. a Slave only gives that up to the one they chose the one that will take care of them See I can be that way with Master because I know he will take care of me there for I am safe and so is my wellbeeing. Magik's slave

DrF -> RE: Doormats (3/26/2007 11:11:58 AM)
I'm submissive for the most part.. and proud of it. I outgrew the doormat phase of my submission and now only give to those who are truly worthy of it. It always amuses me to see so called "dommes" try and control me online or in real time without giving me the respect that would make me want to submit to them. Quid pro quo so to speak. A "doormat" slave in my opinion can't serve his or her Master or Mistress properly because they can't focus on the large picture of their submission. They abdicate their duty to serve properly by trying to hand all of the decision making to their owner..and part of a slave/subs duties is to relieve their Mistress or Master from as tedium and work much as practical. DrF

jauntyone -> RE: Doormats (3/26/2007 11:12:48 AM)
Greetings a nice post; but I would pose this question. What about the ones who are submissive to all that they meet and not because their owner tells them to be?. Does that then make them doormats? Just curious I wish you well melissa

missturbation -> RE: Doormats (3/26/2007 11:14:50 AM)
See to me I wouldnt consider her a doormat. She only gives up all that controll to her Master to me that is just beeing a slave and I am very much the same way. Sorry i'm with you now. Still if they are naturally or by choice a doormat in all walks of life it still doesnt equate to unhealthy every time.

MagiksSlave -> RE: Doormats (3/26/2007 11:18:48 AM)
I dont really agree with you there Missturbation.. beeing a doormat is letting people walk all over you thus the term "doormat" to me and in my experiance this is unhealthy. Magik's slave

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Doormats (3/26/2007 11:20:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave I dont really agree with you there Missturbation.. beeing a doormat is letting people walk all over you thus the term "doormat" to me and in my experiance this is unhealthy. Magik's slave And in my experience it can be healthy or unhealthy but is not necessarily so either way.

missturbation -> RE: Doormats (3/26/2007 11:21:11 AM)
Some people are hard wired not to stick up for themselves and are naturally doormats, to you it may be unhealthy to act naturally, to them it is just natural behaviour which does them no harm.

MagiksSlave -> RE: Doormats (3/26/2007 11:23:35 AM)
beeing taken advantage of doesnt do harm??? Ok well we can agree to disagree here [:)] Magik's slave

daddysprop247 -> RE: Doormats (3/26/2007 11:30:39 AM)
the idea of healthy or unhealthy is very subjective, obviously. also, the terms doormat and submissive are not mutually exclusive, one can be both. with that said, i can't count the number of times i've been given the label "doormat" by others, always in an attempt to insult or offend me. the thing i've always wondered is, what is so wrong with being a "doormat", if that is just your nature, how you express yourself and function in the world?? what is wrong with embracing it and accepting yourself for who you are, rather than listening to those who tell you it's bad and unhealthy and try to be something and someone you are not? and what is wrong with a Dominant desiring a submissive who may be more "doormat"-like? there is a path out there for us all, and that is a good thing imo.

AquaticSub -> RE: Doormats (3/26/2007 11:34:00 AM)
Eh, to me you are only a doormat if you let everyone walk all over you. I was a doormat in high school - I would drive my friends around while they made out in the backseat. It's ok once or twice but it got to be a routine and I was very uncomfortable and felt pretty damn used. Not to mention bored and low on gas - they never helped with it. I don't think someone is a doormat because they submit to their owner. I think they are doormat when they submit to every man or every woman on the planet regardless of who they are. Now if this makes them happy - whatever. I think the odds of that being unhealthy for them are pretty high but it's probably none of my business.

AquaticSub -> RE: Doormats (3/26/2007 11:36:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: daddysprop247 the idea of healthy or unhealthy is very subjective, obviously. also, the terms doormat and submissive are not mutually exclusive, one can be both. with that said, i can't count the number of times i've been given the label "doormat" by others, always in an attempt to insult or offend me. the thing i've always wondered is, what is so wrong with being a "doormat", if that is just your nature, how you express yourself and function in the world?? what is wrong with embracing it and accepting yourself for who you are, rather than listening to those who tell you it's bad and unhealthy and try to be something and someone you are not? and what is wrong with a Dominant desiring a submissive who may be more "doormat"-like? there is a path out there for us all, and that is a good thing imo. I just want to state that this is my opinion - but I would say that most people worry about someone being a doormat because it's mentally unhealthy for most people. Just like having sexual relations with a minor of certain age is mentally unhealthy for most minors, regardless of if both parties are both more then willing. I don't think there is anything wrong with a dominant wanting a doormat sub. However, there is a problem with a dominant expecting every submissive to be a doormat to him, regardless of if he owns her or not.

missturbation -> RE: Doormats (3/26/2007 11:38:41 AM)
To take advantage of someone is wrong and yes can be unhealthy but it does not follow that people who are natural doormats are always taken advantage of or neccesarily suffer any harm from being taken advantage of. Some people like even choose to be taken advantage of. What is healthy or unhealthy for one may not be for another.

tricia -> RE: Doormats (3/26/2007 11:41:27 AM)
I’m your typical wall flower. I’m quiet. I’m shy. Easy going. At times, submissive to the world. I don’t turn heads. I don’t draw attention. People would describe me as a ‘nice girl.’ Nothing more. Nothing less. I’m comfortable with me. I don’t need to make an impact on the world. A doormat? Perhaps by some standards. The difference between myself and what I would consider an unhealthy person is I have the intelligence to realize when I’ve been used or walked all over or taken advantage of.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Doormats (3/26/2007 11:42:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave beeing taken advantage of doesnt do harm??? I enjoy being taken advantage of in certain contexts :)

MagiksSlave -> RE: Doormats (3/26/2007 11:47:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AquaticSub Eh, to me you are only a doormat if you let everyone walk all over you. I was a doormat in high school - I would drive my friends around while they made out in the backseat. It's ok once or twice but it got to be a routine and I was very uncomfortable and felt pretty damn used. Not to mention bored and low on gas - they never helped with it. I don't think someone is a doormat because they submit to their owner. I think they are doormat when they submit to every man or every woman on the planet regardless of who they are. Now if this makes them happy - whatever. I think the odds of that being unhealthy for them are pretty high but it's probably none of my business. Zactly what I was trying to say.. to me Doormat is someone who submits and lets the ENTIRE WORLD use them and walk all over them. Magik's slave

daddysprop247 -> RE: Doormats (3/26/2007 11:48:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AquaticSub I don't think there is anything wrong with a dominant wanting a doormat sub. However, there is a problem with a dominant expecting every submissive to be a doormat to him, regardless of if he owns her or not. i would agree with this, tho the same could be said of anyone who sets universal expectations on others. as for the idea that being a doormat is unhealthy, this is true for many. however i would add that even in the cases where this is true, if this is one's nature, who they are at the core, what on earth is wrong with them accepting this and possibly learning how to manage it so that less damage is done? the right Dominant will know how to properly take care of a "doormat" submissive, seeing that she is protected and guided, without eradicating her true nature.

missturbation -> RE: Doormats (3/26/2007 11:49:56 AM)
Zactly what I was trying to say.. to me Doormat is someone who submits and lets the ENTIRE WORLD use them and walk all over them There are people who 'choose' to live this way and are very 'healthy' individuals. Being a doormat does not equate with being unhealthy 100% of the time.

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