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RE: Aggressive Vs. Passive - 3/28/2007 2:39:22 PM

hisannabelle

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From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CreoleCook
From a submissive perspective: As one who is submissive in nature, do you find yourself more attracted to Dominant partners who are controlling, and very aggressive in nature, or do you prefer the more passive (aggressive) type which will help you figure out yourself, as well as each other, giving more choices, etc? again, I am not speaking of JUST intimacies, but all aspects of their lives. If you answer "both," please explain...

greetings creolecook,

i do not find passive-aggressiveness to be attractive (physically, emotionally, mentally, what have you), at all. my previous dominant was in many ways passive-aggressive and it made things difficult. generally, aggressiveness is also a turn-off for me. i like dominants who are assertive; quiet when it's called for but quick to say or do things when they need to be done.

in terms of actual amount of control over my activities, it really does not matter to me. He is an assertive person, but many of the things that are ultimately under His control, He leaves to me to handle. He would see taking control of my finances, etc. at this point a rather pointless, boring venture, making more work for Him, when i've managed them well on my own so far. does not mean He does not have ultimate control over everything, but He trusts me to take care of many areas of my life without His added management.

hope you are well.
annabelle.

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RE: Aggressive Vs. Passive - 3/28/2007 4:16:47 PM

subsa

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CreoleCook

Okay ladies, gentlemen, and other forms of life that visit these boards, its time for a hot topic... I'll ask this in two different versions, one for the Tops/Dominant types, and one for the submissive/slave types.... basically the same question, just different word usage.

From a Dominant perspective: As a Dominant, do you prefer your partners to be passive in nature or aggressive? I am not asking just in the sense of intimacy, but in all aspects of their lives... If you answer both, please explain...

--------------------------------------------------------------------

From a submissive perspective: As one who is submissive in nature, do you find yourself more attracted to Dominant partners who are controlling, and very aggressive in nature, or do you prefer the more passive (aggressive) type which will help you figure out yourself, as well as each other, giving more choices, etc? again, I am not speaking of JUST intimacies, but all aspects of their lives. If you answer "both," please explain...

i dislike aggression period. i prefer to be around assertive people not passive people. but there is a big difference to me between aggressive and assertive. i like someone who knows what they want and is assertive in expressing themselves. if you count that as controlling , yes i like people who are in control ( to me an aggressive person is not in control of anything, not even themselves). but an assertive person can do it politely while an aggressive person is usually an asshole about it. i have trouble asserting myself. my Master is very good about helping me to sort out my feelings and He often gives me options to think about in how to conduct myself with respect to others. but He is quite certain of what He wants and expects of me in relation to Him. those expectations might be flexible depending on the situation. for example: most evenings i'm expected to prepare dinner. however if i'm sick He might very well cook it Himself or pick food up for us to eat.

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RE: Aggressive Vs. Passive - 3/28/2007 5:13:32 PM

spanklette

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I have found that, typically, I enjoy dealing with a plethora of personality types, but I will submit to only one. There's that certain something, I'm not sure there's even a word for it, but a certain something that inspires me to follow. My Daddy would fall somewhere in the middle of the spectrum. He's aggressive when required, but I don't think I would ever consider Him passive. Maybe, less engaged, but never passive. His drive for us to better ourselves at everything we do keeps passiveness at bay.

The short answer...it's not the aggression that I follow, it's the Man.

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RE: Aggressive Vs. Passive - 3/28/2007 5:13:35 PM

ExSteelAgain

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Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: hisannabelle
i do not find passive-aggressiveness to be attractive (physically, emotionally, mentally, what have you), at all. my previous dominant was in many ways passive-aggressive and it made things difficult. generally, aggressiveness is also a turn-off for me. i like dominants who are assertive; quiet when it's called for but quick to say or do things when they need to be done.

I knew the passive aggressive thing would make its way here sooner or later. It is kind of like she says she will die if I leave her. My answer would be something like so what, it's not my fault.

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RE: Aggressive Vs. Passive - 3/28/2007 5:43:45 PM

GeekyGirl

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From experience, I'll say that I do better with a very aggressive dominant. I'm pretty aggressive myself and if he isn't more aggressive than I am, I won't respect him. I like being told what to do in no-uncertain terms. If he's too nice or polite about it, I'll lose respect and lose interest. I'll start thinking I'm stronger than him, and the whole dynamic goes to hell in a handbasket. I don't want him to be rude to me, but I want him to be very certain and remind me often "you'll do what I say because I'm your dominant and you have no choice." UNLESS it's a big life decision, in which case, I do appreciate being approached as an equal.

< Message edited by GeekyGirl -- 3/28/2007 5:45:06 PM >

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RE: Aggressive Vs. Passive - 3/28/2007 5:56:27 PM

spanklette

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Aggressive men make me bratty or coy...it's not a trait that I admire in myself, but it happens. It's fine when He's aggressive at a sport or during sex or play, but if He were aggressive ALL of the time I would spend most of my free time being punished...which He never does, because I despise being bratty. Playful is one thing, brattiness is another.

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RE: Aggressive Vs. Passive - 3/28/2007 6:23:14 PM

juliaoceania

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Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CreoleCook

--------------------------------------------------------------------

From a submissive perspective: As one who is submissive in nature, do you find yourself more
to Dominant partners who are controlling, and very aggressive in nature, or do you prefer the more passive (aggressive) type which will help you figure out yourself, as well as each other, giving more choices, etc? again, I am not speaking of JUST intimacies, but all aspects of their lives. If you answer "both," please explain...

I do not feel comfortable with aggressive people, whether they are passively aggressive, or more overt in their aggression. I prefer my Daddy to be assertively dominant.. what do I mean by that? He just is what he is, and I relate to him in a submissive way. He is always dominating me. I think in some ways I am just beginning to see how that works all the time. I do not see dominance as aggression.

I think of aggression as a negative thing, not as something I would want in my relationships

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RE: Aggressive Vs. Passive - 3/28/2007 6:26:59 PM

Celeste43

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Aggression, arrogance and cockiness are total turnoffs to me. That doesn't mean he's passive because he isn't. He has a quiet confidence and a methodical nature that makes me liken him to a steam roller. He knows where he's going and nothing stops him, but he has no reason to blow his own horn the whole time.

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RE: Aggressive Vs. Passive - 3/28/2007 6:32:32 PM

Quivver

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I prefer a Classic stance that's quiet and polished, but you know the agression lies just below the surface. < grin >

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RE: Aggressive Vs. Passive - 3/28/2007 6:49:15 PM

MistressMelissa

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CreoleCook

From a Dominant perspective: As a Dominant, do you prefer your partners to be passive in nature or aggressive? I am not asking just in the sense of intimacy, but in all aspects of their lives... If you answer both, please explain...

I like a little one that understands and embraces who and what they are. That in it self is sexy. They need to be confident enough that in who they are that they can still stand their ground. I don't need some nervous Nelly that drops something every time I look at them. I have a strong personality that intimidates many people. I don't need my little ones to be intimidated just being around me. There's an art to the balance between aggression to get things accomplished and passiveness to maintain their place.

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RE: Aggressive Vs. Passive - 3/28/2007 8:54:34 PM

tempest1961

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Joined: 3/11/2007
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quote:

From a Dominant perspective: As a Dominant, do you prefer your partners to be passive in nature or aggressive? I am not asking just in the sense of intimacy, but in all aspects of their lives... If you answer both, please explain...

Aggresive? Did you mean aggressive as in "initiating attacks" and "Hostile behavior"? Or as in Assertive, bold, and energetic"?

I expect my partner to be assertive with all but me. And even then she should nip me in my hindquarters if I get too out-of-line. We're a pack, and she chooses to be with me, so she is given permission and is expected to question commands at times (rarely:-) ). She is packmate to my PackMaster, she is my second set of eyes, arms, and legs. How can she care for the pack in my absence if she is not assertive, bold, and energetic? But at the same time, if she not passive to me, then how will my commands ever be completed by her?

so short answer, I want her to be both.

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RE: Aggressive Vs. Passive - 3/28/2007 8:57:32 PM

curiouspet55

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Hmm...how do you define aggressive? I prefer both...and I'll attempt to explain myself.

I like my Dom to be a bit aggressive. I want him to take the lead/initiative in things more often than not, I want it rough sometimes, I want him to be obviously in control. I want him to be able to defend me, to take what he wants, to know what he wants, to be confident in himself and his wants.

At the same time, I want this arrogance and knowledge to be subtle. He will be in control, but I won't have to be tied up to feel bound to him, rather, a look or sometimes merely his presence could do the same. I like to take the lead sometimes, so he'd have to have a sense of humar, be amused by me.

Confidence is attractive to me, as is a slight bit of arrogance. Strength is more attractive to me than any other physical feature, but intelligence, gentleness/gentlemanliness, the capacity for love, and humor are equally attractive and necessary traits for any Dom of mine. I like a rough takeover that leaves no question as to who is in control - but I'm just as happy and sub-spacey when I get a look that says he knows I'll obey, he doesn't question it, and I am his.

The balance is precarious, but works out well...hope that made some sense!
-cp55

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RE: Aggressive Vs. Passive - 3/29/2007 12:20:44 AM

Vendaval

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I prefer my submissives to be more passive in nature.
In friendship, my preference is for assertive individuals.
And in general, highly aggressive people require too much
energy to deal with in many social settings, starting arguments,
picking fights and the like.

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